People change, but memories never fade away.
-Anonymous
Edward POV
The whole night I couldn't stop thinking of Bella. To see her so hurt made me wanted so badly just to rid all of my current negative feelings towards her and take her into my arms. But she is impossible. Because she won't talk to anyone, and I know that.
I constantly see the hurt look on Emmett's face when she just passes him without even acknowledging him when he waves to her. I get pretty pissed when she does that. Leave Emmett out of our problems, its not fair to him. He didn't do anything but she continues to push him out of her life just like she has done with everyone else that cares about her.
I made a mental to go see Charlie sometime when she wasn't home. I don't see him very often. I know that a year or so ago that his friend Harry Clearwater died and that Bella's relationship with him had faltered greatly. I often seen him storm out of the house angrily. He's probably mad that Bella won't speak to him either. They probably argue all the time, I'd imagine. It would be pretty damn hard living with someone that's always on autopilot.
That is what I seen him doing the day that I saw Bella crying in her truck. I felt bad for Charlie, as once again, he climbed into his police vehicle and drove away. I'd thought about going over to see Bella and make sure she was okay, but things were so fucked up that nothing ever was that simple. I wished it was, though. As mad as I am at her, I still care about her so much.
I stared out my window looking at her dark room. I wish that I could see her. I wish we could go back to laying by our windows just staring at each other. I used to love that. I loved staring at her, even before I hit puberty, and before we shared that simple, chaste first kiss. I always thought she was just so nice to look at. Before I even realized that I wanted her to be my first girlfriend.
I'd never had a girlfriend before, even know. I've always kind of been waiting for her. I know, its pathetic and its stupid. There is no girl that I want to get serious with. I just fool around all of the time. I can get away with that shit; I'm not going to lie, I know girls find me very attractive.
That reminded me of freshman year when I had been feeling up Jessica Stanley in my room. I was so fucking gone and horny at the moment that I didn't even realize that my blinds were up and that Bella could possibly see me. Not that she really would even hang around her window anymore. But with my fucking bad luck she would choose that day of all days to stare at the window. She couldn't have done that all of those times that I'd waited around my window hoping maybe she would decide to come to her window. I know she hadn't been staring at me particularly. I didn't find it creepy or anything. Because it was Bella, and I know that she was just innocently looking out her window. I knew how much she liked to do that. But the look in her eyes said it all. For once in the whole time I'd known her, I thought that she could possibly like me in a romantic way. I always thought that my feelings for her were one-sided. But I immediately pushed those thoughts to the back of my head because I knew it was just her looking so hurt that I'd let another girl in my room. She was used to being the only one allowed in there. I didn't really like any other girl enough to bring them up there. That is, before I started fucking them senseless in my bed. Anyways, her look was one that I'd seen before, like the first time she'd seen me being friendly with Tyler Crowley. So I knew that it was just her being surprise. I'd pushed Jessica off of me and told her that I wasn't in the mood, because I fucking wasn't after seeing Bella like that. Jessica insisted that I was lying, because I two seconds prior I'd been telling her how much I wanted to be inside of her. Yeah well, Jessica, when you see the girl you've always been in love with see you touching a skank like you, it tends to be buzz kill.
I stopped waiting at my window for nothing like an idiot and made my way into bed. I buried my head into my pillow. Why do I let this girl get to me?
Bella's in my biology class. Even fucking worse, Mr. Douchebag Banner sat her next to me.
She didn't even associate my presence. Well, until I started tapping my pencil against my desk in boredom. I barely could make out her cold glaring, but I did. I stopped at once, trying not to cause her to hate me even more.
She just looked so miserable. I tried to ease the tension and said hi like an idiot. And what did she do? Put her head down. Of fucking course.
Then, as if things couldn't get any fucking worse, Newton came over. I fucking hate that guy. He's such a scumbag. Ever since me and Bella stopped being friends, he'd took the opportunity to hit on Bella. I hoped she was smart enough to realize he just wanted one thing. Especially from the way he looked at her; I hated it.
Well, she was clearly annoyed with Mike, and he made a douchebaggery attempt to point out how "tired" Bella looked. I knew what he was thinking: what the fuck is up with those bags? You don't look so bangable as you usually do.
Probably how I'd be if I didn't know Bella so well. If I didn't care about her so much. He treats her like I treat all of the other girls that aren't Bella: like an object just waiting to be fucked.
Somehow it ended up with her storming out of the classroom. I smirked when she purposely bumped Newton on the way.
"Leave Bella alone," I demanded.
"Fuck off, Cullen. Just because you don't have her anymore doesn't mean I can't."
I wanted to bash his head in right there but I really wanted to make sure that Bella was okay.
I went out in the hallway and called after her. Of course, she didn't look back. Not surprising at all. I wondered at that moment if she even knew that I existed anymore. It was like she didn't even remember me, remember all that we'd been through.
It was like she'd become a whole new person. And I didn't like that new person. It wasn't the Bella I knew, the Bella I loved.
xoxo, B.