Another chapter to go! Okay so updates won't be as fast because now I'm starting school and another story, just be patient please xD
Enjoy!
P.D. Song used: Not Afraid by Earshot
CHAPTER 3
Alec PoV
I bit my lip as I read what I had just written…it was a sick joke to know that every time I thought of Magnus I could write an entire song in less than thirty minutes…this was it, the perfect song we needed to the deluxe album. I sounded my throat before taking the sheet and put it inside my notebook and walked to the studio…just an hour before my deadline, classic. When I reached the building –happily not too far from home- I smiled when I saw the guys anxiously waiting my arrival and Jace oddly using a scarf.
"Got into a new fashion trend?" I asked him getting a glare in return as I waved the others.
"Cold" he mumbled in a raspy voice before making a low growl…he despised being sick, for me sometimes it felt nice…I was crazy I knew that, but for a healthy person it was a nice every other season experience.
"And how are you going to get the song ready in two days? I told you those late night…"
"I don't want to hear…" and his voice was gone making everybody in the room laugh.
"Oh, the great Jace at last silenced…it's like that Penelope movie and the whiny mother" spoke Simon and I rolled my eyes…too much pop culture for my linking.
"One of you will have to sing it so we can get the melody done" started Luke, their agent "And Jace, you better keep that voice to yourself so you'll get better sooner, for now focus on the guitar" Jace nodded.
"Who will sing it?" I took out the sheet looking at the guys…they exchanged a look before I started to see four smiles slowly making their way to their faces.
"You" they said in unsound.
"I can't sing"
"Y-yeah you can…" Jace glared at me before taking a notebook and writing down in big letters "I've heard you, you're just stage fright"
"I can't" he rolled his eyes before grinning, joining his hands in a praying way and giving me the fucking puppy eyes he mastered the moment he learned he would have an older brother…and just like every time Izzy did them, I knew I was lost.
"Fine" I groaned walking to sit in one of the couches "What am I supposed to do?" Jace walked to sit with me taking the lyrics to read them, when he was done he shot me a very cryptic look before sighing and writing something in his notebook.
"I feel like a retard doing this. Oh well, read it and try to do what feels right…it's easy for me, it shouldn't be impossible for you" said this he got up and walked to his guitar. I sighed, I knew how to do this, I had done it thousands of times with Magnus but then again I didn't want to think of him, it had been three weeks sense I last saw him and I still couldn't get him out of my mind, the memory of that kiss hunted me even in my dreams, making me wake up with a wet set of pajama pants like a hormonal teen…it wasn't fair. I closed my eyes hearing the drums, Kyle started with something soft and then he just got into it getting a little crazier before he stopped, then I heard Simon softly playing the bass…I looked at the lyrics, that first verse could be somehow spoken. I bit my lip, the next one was the chorus, that could give energy to the song because yeah I wanted it to have energy, I wanted to be a slap in your face kind of song…I wanted Magnus to hear it and feel that it was meant for him…now all I had to do was get the balls to sing with the guys…easy as pie…if only singing was as simple as sarcasm.
"At least read it out loud" spoke Kyle "That way we could help you" I grimaced and took a deep breath before I started reading letting Simon´s melody as the base to the song.
Don't leave me alone
I'm feeling so numb
I need you to be here, I need you to call
and everything's wrong
a beautiful shame
everything's ugly, hazy, and gray
doesn't it hurt?
Trick and control you
deceive and destroy you
doesn't it hurt?
Forget and move on
I'm here and I'm strong
I've got you to blame when it's finally done.
I'm not afraid
of these feelings here inside
I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...
I'll let go of all this hate.
Does it make you feel inside what you've never felt before?
Does it promise you a life, but that left you all alone?
Doesn't it hurt?
Trick and control you
deceive and destroy you
doesn't it hurt?
Forget and move on
I'm here and I'm strong
I've got you to blame when it's finally done
I'm not afraid
of these feelings here inside
I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...
I'll let go of all this hate.
I'm not afraid
of these feelings here inside
I'm sure someday I'll let go of all this hate for you...
I'll let go of all this hate.
When I was done the guys were looking at me, again like I was an alien, why did everybody look at me like that lately? There was nothing wrong with me, right?
"Looks like somebody broke Alec's heart" commented Simon, I bit my lip my eyes trying to look anywhere that wasn't my brother's golden ones, that until he made and angry sound, got up grabbed my by the arm and pulled me to another room.
"Are you sure you just met Magnus?" oh look, my shoes are interesting! "Alec please man, trust me…tell me something" I frowned hearing his hurtful tone even in his faint voice, I raised my eyes, he had his arms crossed and was looking at me "You didn't trust me when you found out you were gay, and now wherever has you like this you're not telling me either" he sounded his throat "Aren't I supposed to be your best friend?"
"You are" I spoke lamely.
"Then talk to me!"
"Shh, you'll get worse if you keep talking" I wouldn't want to have his lost voice in my conscience; he nodded then raised his eyebrow inviting me to talk "Can we do this in another time?" I asked hopeful, he shook his head making me sigh and lay my back against the wall before sliding to sit in the floor, he followed me not moving his eyes…I was sure I was blushing, not because of his look, specifically, any person that gave me that much attention was rewarded with a huge blush, that I hated with all my being "No"
"No what?"
"At the bar…that wasn't when I met Magnus for the first time"
Magnus PoV
Three weeks sense I last saw Alec, and three weeks sense I was myself.
Years had passed sense I felt this lost, this numb. I knew I was falling into that emptiness again, I felt it in the edges of my mind, pulling me down little by little every day. Years ago I was saved by a nerdy kid…now I was drowning in my own woe thanks to that same boy. Some could ask why did I feel like this, I was a popular singer, I had it all…being that in truth I had nothing…even my cat had escaped.
I was laying on my bed curled in a ball trying to sleep away my life, maybe if I could sleep and never wake up I´ll dream of something better…what could be better than pop stardom? Simple, it would be better if my mother hadn't died giving birth to me, or that my father hadn't hated me for that same reason…being all even worst when he found out I was a fag, a queer that loved it in his ass…that loved fashion and singing, certainly not the badass football player he and my mother hoped for. This no one knew, no one but a boy I met in a park, but that didn't make things better, because being myself I broke that boy´s heart when he needed me the most, only because I thought I deserved better, because I thought that being rich and famous would give me everything I had ever wanted…sometimes I think that it would had been nice of me if I would only make a clean cut, talk to him alone, maybe like that he wouldn't hate me that much…but no, I loved drama and I had to make him understand of how low he was, of how out of my league he stood…I didn't have mercy and now I regretted that simple decision with all my heart. As the years passed by fame began to lose its shine leaving me with fake people, fake smiles and fake songs…until that pair of impossible blue eyes appeared again. He had pretty much told me that he hated my music, clarifying that he used to like it, which meant that I had to get my ass to work and write real music again, to stop my big ass producer and get a hold of things again…even if I didn't see Alec again.
I had been moping around for the last fifteen days, leaving my eyes swollen, my hair a mess, my clothes wrinkly and gross…I hadn't even shaved…I was a disaster and it was preoccupying that I couldn't bring myself to care.
"This has to stop!" yelled a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. Ragnor Fell, my brother from another mother was there and ready to take me away from my beloved misery "Oh, my God! Mag what´s wrong with you!" he stood in front of my face, I didn't bother to look up, I just took my blanket and covered myself with it.
"Let me be" I mumbled.
"All of this for a guy? Mag, none of your boys had ever made you feel like this, it was just one night…"
"No"
"More nights?"
"He´s the boy from the park" I heard him stop moving, he knew about Alec, about three years ago I had gotten myself drunk enough to tell him how stupid I was to let him slip away from me…or in better words, for pushing him away.
"Camille said you kissed" I felt his hand rubbing my shoulder.
"I´m confused…he was drunk and acting…not like himself, I didn't recognize him, we chatted a little at the bar and when we came here he kissed me…damn where did he learn to kiss like that?" I passed my hand through my face "Then I felt his chain…the one I gave to him around his neck…it was like something broke inside him, he looked at me almost in fear then he took off…and I can´t find him" I heard him sigh.
"At least you saw him again…"
"Tell me this dear friend, if someone gave you a taste of…chocolate, and then tell you that you couldn't eat it again in your life, would you be happy that you got to taste it or angry because life was cruel enough to give you a piece of heaven and then tell you that there would be no more!" I said getting out of my covers to look at him, he grimaced clearly seeing my point "I know I could hire the best investigator in the world to find him, but what would it matter if he wouldn't see me…he knows where I live, I´m not hard to find, every person that works for me knows that the name Lightwood will always be welcomed to me…I won´t see him again, not because he´s lost, but because I know he doesn't want that"
"What did you guys talk about?"
"My music…it was me asking and him deciding if his answer would be real or vague…he hates my music" I pulled up my knees hugging them "He liked the old ones though"
"Maybe you can tell him how you feel…"
"What good would that do? I hurt him" I pointed at myself "I´m the bastard that broke his heart, how could he let me talk to him?"
"But you could tell him anyways…I´m sure that even if he doesn't like them he hears your songs…if any part of the guy from the park is still in there, he will hear you…sing to him, write everything you feel right now and make it a song, I´m sure he´ll know it´s for him" I bit my lip thinking about his words…he was right, maybe by talking he wouldn't hear me, but with music I could pour my heart out and leave it to him to decide. I knew he was still pissed and in all this time I hadn't done anything to show him how much I cared, perhaps it was time to start that.
Alec PoV
"When was it?" he asked softly.
"Six years ago" his brows raised surprised "Jace, could we go and talk somewhere else, this storage room it´s giving me claustrophobia…let´s go to my place and I´ll tell you everything I promise" I scratched my head.
"I guess we can" he sighed getting up and offering his hand to pull me up. We walked out and went to the studio where the rest of the band was chatting calmly "Guy´s we need to go to Alec´s house, he´ll help me get the melody done, tomorrow we´ll finish up this thing"
"Yeah, more free time" smiled Simon before walking to me and putting his hand on my shoulder "It´ll get better"
"I hope so" I pattered his back and waved at Kyle before leaving the place behind Jace, the minute we walked outside two HUGE guys approached us.
"Evening gentleman" said Jace, his voice sharp and poisonous "Alec wait here for me, I need to talk to these two"
"I´m not leaving you" I frowned stepping closer to him.
"Let him be pretty boy" one of the man said to me "Stay here or things will get uglier" ok, that wasn't scary at all. My eyes moved to Jace but he was already walking away with one of the dudes, I anxiously waited for him ready to jump and help him at any time, luckily they just exchanged some angry words before my brother hurried beside me and pulled me in the other direction.
"Speak now" he shook his head, his eyes turning into the cold gold I knew very well from every time he closed himself to the exterior, I knew I wouldn't get anything from him at this moment. The rest of the walk was silent, each one of us in his own thoughts.
I was mad at Magnus for not letting me be myself, for not letting me move on, for having the ghost of the dancing rainbow hunting my every breath and feeling. I wanted to believe in the sadness I had seen inside his eyes at the bar, at the shine of hope that I saw in those yellow-green orbs when he found out it was me…but the hate I still had for him was too much to let go. The lyrics of that song was enough to keep me sane at the moment, it was the simple truth of how I felt and I knew that as soon as Jace read it he would know that it was exactly how I felt. We reached my apartment, got inside and sat in the living room…I started playing with my fingers, I habit I had sense I could remember for moments like this when I felt someone watching me like Jace was.
"What happened six years ago?" I was sure he remembered how things had gone downhill for me in that year, Jace was not stupid, I was sure that he knew that all of what had happened in my life when I was seventeen was thanks to that singer.
"I was in love with you when we were younger" he paled at this but kept his steady expression "Until I met a guy in a park" I closed my eyes letting the memories overtake me for the first time sense that day at the school´s prom…it was going to be a long chat.
OMG he´s gonna tell Jace the truth! Hahaha I get excited over my own stories…I guess that´s good, right? Haha
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Take care!
P.D. Short chapter I know, but next one will make up for it! I promise!