I keep your picture by my bed for when I'm feeling sad

And I don't know why I would be.

The way your smile looks so real

I feel like I could start to understand your grace.

And I don't understand why you're

Not here with me.

And I don't even wanna know where else you'd be.

-Jason Reeves, Photographs and Memories

Edward POV

I couldn't bear to look out the window. So I just sat in my room. I didn't even eat. I didn't really care to at the moment.

I sat at on my bed with an old album sprawled across it.

It was full of pictures of me and Bella.

One was a picture when we were around 10 years old. My parents threw a picnic. It was May. Perfect spring day.

One was of me and Bella on the opposites of a tree. I had a squirt gun in my head and she thought I was looking for her and she was hiding in a good enough spot. Little did she know I was right on the other side of the tree. I remember what happened after the picture was snapped. We both didn't know at the time that someone was taking a picture. Anyways, I snuck up on her and squirted the gun right on her back. I can even still hear her girly squeal in my head. The thought of it made me smile.

That smile quickly turned down a little when I saw the next picture. It was of me and Bella sitting on the picnic bench. Bella had her tongue stuck out of me and I was laughing. Esme was setting the food, looking happy as ever, on the table. If I would have known that Esme would be gone within a year or so after that picture, I would have paid more attention to her, given her more appreciation for all of the things she did. She had her hand on top of mine in a motherly smile, while the other one was setting down the food.

What I would do just to have that simple little gesture now.

The next picture was a really close picture of me and Bella smiling wide. We looked so happy within each others arms, hugging tight. The light in Bella's face is one that I most definitely missed. I never see her that way anymore. Sometimes when I see her now I forgot that she was ever that happy and full of life before everything got fucked up.

What killed me is that I knew then that we never thought it would get worse than that. We never cherished those moments where everything was in its place. It made me want to travel back in time and shake little Edward saying: "Tell Esme how great of a mother she is. Tell Bella how much she means to you. Tell them how much you love them before its too late."

Unfortunately, things don't work that way.

I slammed the album shut. I couldn't take it anymore. My eyes were watery and I wiped away any tears that threatened to fall.

I made my way down the stairs when I heard Carlisle talking on the phone to someone.

"Yeah…oh…well, please bring her over here…yes…okay…no problem…thanks to you too for your trust…okay, goodbye."

"Who was that?" I asked, sensing the worry in Carlisle's face.

"It was Charlie, son. Sit."

I sat on the couch and my pulse raced. What happened to Bella? No! I can't make assumptions. It could have nothing to do with her.

"Bella passed out. He's bringing her over so I can look at her."

I let out an agitated sigh. "Is she okay? Why's it taking him so long!" I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't help it. After all, there was so much more than to Bella just having another injury. Not after what I saw in biology.

Soon, Bella was being carried in the house by Charlie. She looked so frail in his arms, so weak. It killed me to see her that ways. Her knuckle was all bloody and she was clutching something. It looked like she couldn't let it go. I realized that it was my letter.

Fuck. Was I the cause of this?

xoxo, B.