CHAPTER 9

Alec PoV

I blinked once. I blinked twice. He was still there. Magnus. Magnus freaking Bane was there smiling at me like I was a designer clothing sale…it wasn't a dream, that whole rescue had been real…or maybe I was more fucked up than I thought. I winced at my own thoughts. I was fucked up alright…literally... I shivered suddenly feeling hollow, dirty and gross. I jerked my hand away from his, he was so amazing, fun and beautiful, I couldn't be near him when I was this wrecked up. He couldn't know…I didn't know if I could stand seeing the pity he was most likely to give me once he found out.

"Where's my family?" I spoke in a low voice keeping my eyes on the ceiling feeling my throat dry but I couldn't bring myself to ask him for water because I didn't know if I could move enough to drink it, my whole body ached, I was tired and just wanted to drift back to sleep, and on top of that my fucking ass pained like a bitch…yeah I didn't want Magnus to know about that either. For the moment I needed to be left alone, I had no idea how much longer I could keep a straight face.

"Home" his expression was calm but I could sense hurt inside his voice but he kept talking before I could overanalyze his tone "Your mom had to take care of Max, and Isabelle and Jace aren't old enough to stay" he sighed and I saw him look to the window out of the corner of my eye; I took this moment to really see him, he was pale, he had barely any make up on, his eyes were tired and bloodshot…could I be the reason of him being like this? I refused to believe that, even if the little –almost completely gone- optimistic voice inside my head screamed otherwise "How are you?" he darted his yellow-green eyes to mine making me swallow at the strength of his gaze, it was like he could see right through me…it was like he knew.

"Fine" I moved my hand to rest above my stomach feeling the slight burn of the cuts under the bandages growing stronger every passing minute, I was glad I had a good pain endurance or I would be even worse right now. His eyes followed my movement and even if just a couple of minutes ago I had moved away from him, he let his hand slowly make his way to rest next to mine letting his thumb lightly caress my body. His movements were slow and too gentle making shivers run through my entire body. I had to fight the urge to take his hand between mine and mop like a kid. I could not let him see me weak. I wouldn't be that scared kid again even if my whole soul screamed in agony for him.

"I know Alexander" I froze hearing his voice; it was calm, controlled, sharp and just plain wrong. I was too cold and too raged to belong to him. I had never heard that tone coming out of his mouth, I could only recognized it because it had been the same voice my father had used against me the day I decided to come out.

"Know what?" I asked with a childish hope that he didn't meant what I thought.

"I want to kill them…God how could anyone…?" he ignored me keeping his eyes on our hands, his face slowly contorting in pure hatred.

"Forget it" I whispered accepting that somehow he knew and I couldn't do anything to deny it "I'm o-okay" my voice decided to break at that last word. Magnus let out a dry chuckle.

"Like hell you are darling" he passed his hand through his face "We're alone, you don't have to be strong for me Alec" he moved looking inside my eyes. I had to hold my breath at the despair they now showed. I couldn't hold his stare and I lowered my eyes sensing a large blush make an appearance "You can trust me" this triggered an anger I didn't know I had against him. He had said that same thing six years ago just days before he decided I wasn't worth it.

"Really?" his hand that had continued caressing my stomach stopped abruptly, probably not expecting my harsh tone "Because I'm not sure I can"

"Before this you were willing to give me a chance" he spoke in a stern voice avoiding my eyes.

"I was willing to hear you out, not to jump into your arms and be like nothing had happened" wow what a liar. Apparently being raped meant becoming bitter. Awesome.

"You speak in past tense" he let his hand slide down back to the bed and I felt colder not having his touch…so much for keeping the dependence to the lowest.

"Wouldn't you suppose to call a doctor now that I'm awake?" I was having a lot of trouble keeping my strong charade; maybe the doc could dope me enough to take away my pain and make me sleep.

"Sure" he sighed standing up and walking to the door. As soon as he was out I let out a quivering sigh. Now, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out again. Maybe in there I could get this cold feeling out of my system. To keep the memories in the dark part of my mind, to try acting like none of this had ever happened…I couldn't break. Not in front of my mother, nor Izzy or Jace…and certainly NOT in front of Magnus. I took a deep breath willing to stay awake. I didn't want to fall asleep and go back. I was sure enough that this was real, but the nightmares were probably going to last a while, hitting me harder, merciless…

The door opened revealing a young doctor, about a head smaller than Magnus, with brown hair and a gentle smile…he knew, I could see it in the way he looked at me, like I was child made of porcelain. I hated him already.

"Hello Alec, how are you feeling?"

"Dizzy. Aching" I said truthful, everything wanted to spin, good thing I was laying on a bed at the moment.

"Well that's to be expected, you lost quite a lot of blood with those wounds" he pointed at my stomach and thighs. I kept my gaze stubbornly low only seeing the large shadow of the singer pacing in front of the bed "We found some drugs inside your system, that's why we hadn't given you any painkillers, but no worries they should out by now and if you're in pain that's why I'm here" he took a small syringe from his front pocket and walking to my right where was the serum and added the drugs. A small part of me wanted to tell him to stop, thinking of that helplessness and vulnerability I had felt when they had drugged me…no, no Alec, don't think of that…I shut my eyes starting to tremble as the memories fought their way back inside my head.

"Such eyes, such body…I need to test the merchandise, don't I?"

"Alec…?" I heard Magnus' distant voice. I bit my lip, this couldn't be happening, not now.

I tried to move away, but my body wouldn't cooperate…no, no, please…

"Hey, hey" I felt his hand taking mine as the other caressed my jaw "Deep breaths, everything's over, come on" he spoke in a soft voice, so soft that almost felt like another caress. I took a shaky breath willing the memories to go back to that little corner in my mind. I knew that one day I would have to face all of this, but now I couldn't do it "Show me those baby blues please" his thumb stroked my cheek tenderly. I was surprised, it was like he had expected me pushing him away as soon as I woke up and decided that he wouldn't give in…I wouldn't want to admit that my heart skipped a beat at this.

"I'm okay" I said a little out of breath without opening my eyes fearing the still unshed tears they held.

"You will be" he said a little too distant, almost like he was speaking to himself rather than me.

"You will start to feel a little drowsy, perhaps it would be better if you take a nap" said the doctor "Visiting hours will start in about three hours, Magnus you can warn the family that Alexander might me a little…"

"Doped?" I asked already feeling lightheaded; it was like laying on water, calm and painless.

"Something like that and very…happy" I nodded, yeah I felt good now…all worries and tragic memories drifting away from my thoughts "I'll be going now, rest Alexander, the police will be here at noon" after this I just heard the low sound of the door closing.

"Magnus?" I grasped his hand.

"Yes darling?" I smiled at the pet name, felt good to be called like that again.

"Don't go, not even when my family gets here" his long fingers played with my hair, and that felt really good.

"I won't"

"I'm sorry" I opened my eyes seeing his confused expression "For not going to the park… I was on my way"

"I know" he chuckled "For a moment I did think you had stood me up, but a part of me just couldn't believe it" he closed his eyes and I noted that he took a while to open them again, he looked really tired "Then all of this happened…God Alec" he let his head fall into my shoulder "Do you really want me here?"

"I want you hugging me but I don't think you will" his head shot up revealing his wide eyes.

"I think painkillers make you blunter than usual" I shrugged not really caring, I felt really good and I wanted to sleep.

"You look tired" he raised his shoulders making a small disregarding gesture "Sleep with me"

"I don't think that's a good idea" his eyes were starting to glow amused "How do you feel? Seeing many colors?"

"It's dark and you have no make up so no. Not many colors"

Magnus PoV

I chuckled; he was the most adorable person I could ever see…even if he was doped.

"Are you aware that you only feel this good thanks to the drugs?" I sighed hating to put some sense into him. He nodded before starting to wiggle his body "What do you think you're doing?"

"Making room for you, what does it look that I'm doing?" I raised my eyebrow noticing that he had in fact made enough room for me "Come on"

"A-Alec…" I had no idea what to do, I didn't know if he was drugged enough for this or that he was willing to give me a chance or…I had no fucking idea and those baby blues seeing me with the best puppy dog stare I had ever witnessed was melting my resolve.

"I promise not to freak out when we wake up" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah I won't count on that…can't you just sleep holding my hand?"

"Yes but that way you won't sleep at all" he looked at me with a duh expression…sure the simplest thing in the world.

"Alec don't do this…you know that I want to but…fuck you've just been r-raped…you shouldn't want a stranger near you" I croaked feeling my throat closing at my own words, his eyes focused enough to let me know that it was more him than the drugs this time.

"We both know that you're no stranger and…" he bit his lip looking down and I had to smile at the bright blush that covered his porcelain skin.

"And?"

"And I want a human pillow" his eyes lost focus and his smile widened. It would freaked me out if he didn't look so cute "Please? Magnus, please" I opened and closed my mouth knowing that I probably looked like a fish at this point…then I lost it. I let out a breath before standing and going to the bed beside him. He waited for me to settle on my side before sliding his hand to my waist and hugging my body letting his face on the crook of my neck. I felt shivers run down my body as his nose touched my skin…that was not the brightest idea I had ever had but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I missed you…I wish I hadn't been such an idiot six years ago" I said lifting my hand to let my fingers roam through his hair.

"Don't speak of that…let's just sleep" came his muffled voice.

I waited until his breathing became normal. I was not going away but couldn't bring myself to relax completely. I was honestly too scared of his reaction. Not many minutes ago he had been mad at me, and then he was fine and…God, I had no idea what would he do…it wasn't like we ever had a true relationship, we hardly knew a thing about each other, but I knew myself well enough to know that I felt something really strong for him. I just hoped that he'll let me stick around to figure his feelings for me.

I smiled caressing his hair seeing his face completely relaxed. He looked older than he was, like he had all the agony of the world on his shoulders…or maybe just the agony of being the elder brother or having his heart broken by a jerk.

"I know you're everything but okay" I whispered at his ear after leaving a feathery kiss on his temple "But I will fix you, I promise you this…you will sing again and you will be that confident man I met at the bar…things will be fine"

Super short update! I needed to write something, I think this is NOT my best chapter but what-the-hell I don't care LOL

What do you guy's think? I'm officially over my writer's block, so now I have doped Alec and the gang in a hospital room…that should be fun, right?

Love it? Hate it? Review?

Take care!