CHAPTER 12

Jace PoV

I glared at the redhead –cute- midget that was in front of me. Who would have thought that so much stubbornness could fit inside that small body? Not me.

"You need to go talk to him" she started making me roll my eyes annoyed, maybe she was cute and all but she was also a huge pain in the ass.

"He doesn't want anybody near him…much less me" I walked to lean my hips on the table leaving her standing in the middle of my living room.

"That´s exactly why you must talk to him, he´s your brother and best friend, you owe him an apology" I frowned taken back by her words.

"How do you know that I haven't apologized?" I narrowed my eyes at her and she smiled warmly.

"Because I know you" she walked to stand in front of me taking my hands between hers "Jace I know you and the fact that you haven't talked to Alec it´s not because he told you to stay away, but because you´re scared"

"I´m not scared of anything" I snorted while she gave me an eyeroll.

"Yes you are, you´re scared of losing your brother because you fucked up" I raised an eyebrow stunned about hearing her swear, she never did it. She sighed before taking a step forward, I opened my legs a little wider letting her stand between them. She did it before hugging me "I know you miss him but Jace he needs you too, your brother was raped and harmed" I flinched at her words hating that they were meant for my best friend "Don't you think it´s time to forget your pride and think about him?"

"He has Magnus" I said lamely hating that she could see so easily through me.

"He has issues with Magnus. We both know that Alec won´t let him near so easily…" I grimaced keeping my gaze away.

"Izzy…"

"Do you really think he would talk about his experience with his baby sister?" she raised her hand to play with my hair. I closed my eyes savoring her caress knowing that I would never find a person like her. It was still a little burry how we ended up like this but I could not complain. I sighed moving my hands to rest them on her waist and pulling her closer to me.

"And would I say to him?" I asked putting my forehead against hers.

"Sorry might be a good start" she said looking at me with her beautiful eyes.

"Fine, but first, we need to plan what we´ll do about the media" I closed my eyes knowing that things would start to get bad, at least I knew that Alec´s address was unknown to the reporters and that they wouldn't bother him for a while.

"I think that you should let him decide…him and Magnus, you just have to stand by him and let him know that even with all of this he still has his brother, his best friend" she tugged my hand towards the door "No losing time, go now" I smiled before pulling her to me taking her face between my hands "Thank you" I kissed her slowly prior walking out knowing that she was right. Six years ago Alec had felt so alone that the only escape he found was a stranger on a park instead of his own family. I could not let that happen again.

Alec PoV

When I was little, my father said that being a Lightwood meant to be tough, confident and fearless, he told me that we had a long family history to prove how ruthless and secure my ancestors had been…I had never fit inside that description.

I was shy and selfless. I lacked so much confidence that I surprised myself for having lived through all this shit somehow in one piece and I was, by no means, strong. Right now all I could do was to stay there, hugging my knees sitting on my couch, trying to keep myself together. The most amazing person in the world had told me that he loved me and I had cowered down and crawled back to my hole hoping for all of this to go away.

Maybe if I could have more than one hour sleep without nightmares; if I could stomach real food; if my cuts didn't sting this much or of my ass didn't hurt so freaking much every time I dared to sit in a not so soft surface…maybe if I had the guts I thought I had some time ago, I might had talked to him, tell him that even if I wasn't sure that I loved him, I held real and strong feelings for Magnus.

Now I could not do such a thing.

I rested my head on the back of the couch not looking at anything in particular, just trying hard not to cry. That would have been pathetic, the tip of the iceberg…I couldn't let myself cry, even when I was alone; that would be too much to handle, too much to come back from.

Magnus hadn't stopped trying to contact me, nor Isabelle or the band…I had considered to let my phone die but for some reason seeing their unanswered texts or their missed calls made me feel less lonely…again pathetic. All because I could not gather the balls to pull myself together and try sorting things with the singer.

"Stop" I hissed passing an angry hand through my face stopping the threatening tears. Everything managed to overwhelm me at this point and thinking that my life would probably be exposed to the world to judge was making things even worse "Do you think he'll come?" I asked Meow who looked at me from the other end of the couch, he said he wanted to come today and I had all sorts of emotions for seeing him again, a part of me was scared because all of the sudden he was there, his real and amazing self saying that he loved me.

How could I think that it was truth when he had pushed me away so heartlessly six years ago?

How could I not believe him when he had been there from the beginning putting himself in line for me?

Another part of me could hardly contain my excitement because it felt like ages sense I last saw him, and the faint memory of that kiss he had shared at his apartment kept me sane enough to think that maybe there was still some hope for me, that if I still craved for him I could get over the terrifying thought of someone touching me again.

I was so fucking confused.

I sighed when I heard someone knocking on my door, I bit my lip thinking that it could be a lucky paparazzi that had finally found my address…then again it could be one of my siblings, and even like this I had to accept that I had to talk this through, that maybe I had to let someone else in to put some order in my life "Coming!" I said walking to see through the peek hole finding the unmistakable sight of Jace's hair. I swallowed prior opening the door.

"Hey" he said when we came face to face before pushing me inside and closing the door behind him "I think no paparazzi followed me but I would love to stay sure that they can't find you"

"Okay" I spoke looking at him, I was still a little mad at him, so he had to talk first.

"Still mad at me?" he raised an eyebrow not losing his usual smug expression "Looks like your cool down time didn't pay off…"

"Why are you here?" I found myself asking sensing his eyes looking at me critically, like seeing how far down I was. He knew me well enough for that.

"I'm here to apologize" he sighed finally letting go of his usual mask "Clary had to kick my ass and tell me how much of an idiot I was being…I'm sorry that it had taken that for me to realize that I should be here with you, whether you want it or now…I'm sorry for not listening to you, for being my usual stupid self and hurting you for that…I'm sorry Alec" he searched my eyes, I was too stunned about his speech to try not to look surprised "I fucked up, and I was afraid of losing you, you are my brother and best friend…I disappointed you once six years ago…"

"What?" I frowned "You didn't do anything six years ago"

"Stop pretending Alec" he looked at me in a tired way "The years before that you were always away from me, we hardly even talked…you didn't even trust me to tell me that you were gay and I'm sorry for that" he looked so out of place, so insecure and weird that I had no option but to let out a small chuckle…this was just too much.

"I think I'm living inside a joke right now" I laughed humorlessly "First Magnus, then you…I'm starting to think that fate has a dry sense of humor" I walked to sit back at the couch not paying mind to Jace.

"What did Magnus do?" I felt him sit beside me.

"He told me that he loved me…"

"That's not news" he snorted "I saw that the moment he played that song for you…What's going on with you Alec?"

"I-I don't know…I honestly don't have the slightest idea" I covered my face with my hands.

"Okay then, speak…I don't care if you haven't forgiven me or wont talk to me again, but speak to me dude, it will help you"

"You know what…fine!" I stood up abruptly and began pacing knowing that he was right, I had to let all of this go, to say everything "I fucking hate this!" I yelled "I hate that I couldn't have my freaking date with Magnus because of you! I hate that I'm miserable and aching right now because you couldn't hear me…I hate that even if I'm mad at you I have already forgiven you! I hate Magnus for confusing me! If he loves me, then why the fuck did he left all those years ago? I have no idea what to think of him!" I swallowed trying to regain my breath passing a hand through my hair "I hate my parents so much because they couldn't love me for who I am! I hate my mother for thinking that she could show up after all those years and think that I could even see her! I hate that I fucking want to see her! To hug my mother! And I hate myself for being this weak! I hate myself for loving Magnus even if I know he will disappoint me! I hate you because you were the reason I was so miserable in high school!" he frowned taken back by my words "I had a crush on you Jace…I hated myself every minute of the day because that was wrong and disgusting! I hated school because it was hell! And the only moment when I was free and happy was with him, until he decided to take that away. I hate those sons of bitches that did this to me; they were planning on selling me Jace, like I was a freaking object! I felt that I was done for…" I looked at the floor not being able to hold my tears away any longer "Why? FUCKING WHY all of this keeps happening to me? And now, what? Am I supposed to smile and let things get better? I can't do it Jace…I can't hope that things will be good because every time I do that, something happens and lets me even more fucked up than before" I sniffed pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes feeling my body shake in rage until another body collide with mine making me freeze. Jace was hugging me, hard and even painful, but I didn't care. I hugged him back thinking that it was a rare occurrence but for once, in a perfect timing. We stood like that for God knows how long. I knew I craved for somebody else's hug and warmth, but my brother was the next best thing.

"Life does get better" he said making me frown because he was the least hopeful person I had ever known "I'm not the one to talk but sometimes when you find someone that makes you want to hope, you have to take a risk…I can't help you with this Alec, no more than hearing you out and try to give you advice…the only ones capable of doing anything are you and Magnus"

"Are you sure you're Jace and not Isabelle inside that body?" I laughed breathlessly moving one step away seeing him roll his eyes.

"She couldn't portray this much awesomeness" he winked "I'm serious"

"He told me he wants to do a song with me" I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"You should do it, it's been a while sense we heard you sing" he shrugged smiling a little.

"I didn't say anything about singing" I widened my eyes at this "Do you think he meant that? I can't sing"

"Yes you can, in the band you should be the one singing and not me, I should be only prizing people with my guitar skills, and what did you say to him?" I scratched the back of my head.

"I freaked out on him, he told me that he loved me and I hung up on him"

"Harsh" he chuckled "Okay then, text him, ask him where is he and go with him to write some songs"

"Wouldn't be better if I ask him to come here?" my hand regained its spot inside my pocket.

"No, because I'm pretty sure he has paparazzi on his tail, and if he comes here he will lead them straight to your home, and we don't want that" Good point "Besides, you've been locked in here for a lot of time, you need to go out"

"I guess you're right" I sighed pressing my lips together feeing my growing beard itch and my hair even more messed up "How long are you staying?"

"I can take you with Magnus, so text him" he looked around spotting my phone on the couch and handing it to me "Now" I rolled my eyes before opening it and beginning to type.

Where are you?

I bit my lip not sure about the text, maybe it sounded too demanding…or maybe he was mad at me for hanging up or…

"Stop thinking…I swear to God that that brain of yours its bad for your health" mumbled Jace looking at his phone, probably texting Clary about his mission "And what are you going to do about Izzy? You guy's haven't talked in a while and that's beginning to worry me"

"Magnus and Meow were the only ones I talked this past week…Izzy can see right through me and I can't risk that…maybe tomorrow I'll call her, I don't know" I grimaced before seeing my phone turn on telling me that I had a new text.

My place…y?

I felt a little tug inside my heart because it almost felt that he was wary about me, maybe I hurt him more than I thought by hanging up on him.

I'm paying you a visit…r u still up for a song together?

Magnus PoV

I blinked not being able to get around the idea of him offering to come over. That was just too good, too damn awesome. I shook my head trying to get a hold of my excitement before replying him.

Of course, I'll b waiting.

I let my phone on the table prior covering my mouth with my hand covering the stupid grin that covered my face. I was going to see him again, God I had missed him so much, I was still amazed about having been six years without him without going insane.

"What are you smiling about?" inquired Camille looking at me with a huge frown on her face some minutes after I sent the text, I hadn't even heard her go out of the shower, who knew how long I had been there lost in thought.

"He texted me" I whispered looking at her "He will write a song with me"

"Well that's great and all but Mag, don't get your hopes up just yet, I can't stand to watch you in pain" she walked to sit next to me taking my hand "Is he really worth it? Even all the drama around the media"

"Camille" I pressed her hand lightly "He is everything, he was the one that pushed me to follow my dreams and I stepped all over him to get them only to realize that without him I am nothing, that all the fame, money and everything doesn't matter if he's not with me" my grin grew bigger "And I think I just found the perfect new song for the album"

"Oh God" she shook her head "You are hopelessly in love, aren't you?"

"And damn happy for that" I shrugged when the doorbell rang and I sprinted to the door opening it without a second thought only to see him there, finally in front of me after what it felt like an eternity "Alexander" I sounded my throat moving to the side letting him in. I bit my lip not resisting taking a critical look at him, he looked paler and thinner, his face was clean shaved but somehow I knew that he had just done that to meet me. I could still see some bruises over his face and I was sure he had a bigger collection under his baggy sweater…it was surreal seeing the strong man from the club ducking his head and narrowing his shoulders just like the kid from the park, the two parts of Alec were colliding with each other in this moment of sorrow and I had a feeling that the only way for Alec to get on with his life was to make peace with both parts and become who he was meant to be.

"Hi" he said finally looking at me "I-I'm sorry for…" I raised my hand stopping him before walking to get my guitar silently thanking Camille for disappearing into my room giving us some privacy. I sat on the couch signaling him to do the same, once he did it I placed my guitar in my lap and looked back at him losing myself inside his cerulean eyes.

"Shall we?" I asked.

Hi! First, thank you thank you thank you for all of your reviews, faves and alerts! You guy's rock! xD

Well school is finally done and this came out, I really hope you like it! Please tell me what you think! I promise you another chapter this week xD yay for free time!

Love it? Hate it? Review?

Take care people!