CHAPTER 13

Alec PoV

This was not working.

The minute I stepped inside his loft I knew that it was a bad idea. I was still dealing with my feelings, still deciding what to do about him but there I was, thanks to Jace' giant nudge hoping for us to write something together. I mean, how could we do that when the music we both loved was so different, his music was all pop –some good, some trash like I had already told him- and mine was rock with something classic in it…fitting those two would be hard and the result could be something weird…a lot like us. Opposites attract, they say, maybe it was truth; I knew that Magnus' never ending energy, colorful clothes and crazy demeanor had been something that had drawn me to him in the first place…maybe it was the same for him.

I stared at the blank paper on my hand taking a pen and beginning to write everything that came to mind. It was odd how easily the words came to me when he was involved, it was like he triggered something inside of me letting me be myself and do the things I wanted to do without much fear of what was to come.

I bit my lip looking at the sheet I had in front of me, it was like I had puked my feelings in that single sheet, but I didn't know if I was ready to share them with him just yet. I raised my eyes to look at Magnus; he was playing his guitar, some simple notes probably to make the room less awkward, his face had a soft expression, like he was expecting this to go this way, like always he seemed to be one step ahead of me. I let my eyes roam through him, he was colorful again, wearing some royal blue jeans, a purple tee that quoted 'Sexy and I know it', some black boots and his hair in a combination of navy and silver…he was the Magnus I knew at the park, the Magnus that rocked hundreds of stages…the Magnus that had abandoned me.

"First you smile, and now you're grimacing…what's on your mind Alec?" he asked looking at me stopping his playing.

"Why did you do it?" I blurted feeling my cheeks grow red as I looked down.

"For every childish, egocentric reason you can think of" he explained in a neutral voice "You were nothing, just a boy at the park…someone that would slow me down and that I didn't need, to make myself famous" I fisted my hands hearing his words "Or that was what I tried to tell myself every day…You were so different from everyone I had met, you were innocent and made me someone I hadn't been in such a long time…but you were too scared, it was clear that you would be stuck in the closet for a while" he chuckled dryly making me raise my sight "The moment you told me that you were out all I wanted to do was to run with you, hug you, kiss you and tell you that I was so fucking proud of you…but I just sat there with an idiot's arm around me…I'm sorry Alexander" he locked his gaze with mine "You have no idea how sorry I am, how foolish I think I am for letting someone like you go" he sighed and began to play again.

I pressed my lips together looking at the floor thinking about what he had said. He was being truthful and I appreciated that…everybody made mistakes and…who was I kidding? I wanted to give him another chance, I wanted to forgive him and run to his embrace because I knew he would make things a lot more bearable. I looked around only hearing his soft music…until I heard a note that I liked.

"I like that one, keep it up" I said and he smiled doing it again.

"Nothing comes to mind?" he asked looking at the sheet in my hands "We both know that if you write what you feel it will come naturally…" I grimaced, hoping for strength to sing in front of him again.

"What kind of song do you have in mind? After all is your album…I don't think my lyrics fit in it"

"Maybe not, but who said it would be in my album? Maybe it can be in Nephilim's new album" he grimaced seeing my reluctance to go on "Fine, I have a guest, I'll let her go out of my room and show her the way out because I know she would probably be hearing us right now" I froze at this…a guest in his room…no, he couldn't have…

"Relax, he's like my brother" said a feminine voice behind me, I turned feeling my cheeks burn seeing Camille standing there. I knew her from several of Isabelle's magazines and I knew she was Magnus' best friend "Bye, bye" she waved at me walking to the entrance motioning Magnus to follow her, he did it leaving his guitar behind.

I let out a breath prior reaching for his guitar feeling the familiarity of it, I looked at it like I would see an old friend, seeing the scarring edges, the polished front and testing the strings…I knew it just like his owner. I began playing a little thinking about everything that had passed that day, everything that I felt and everything that I had told Jace…How I was afraid of people disappointing me, of having my hopes crushed every fucking time, of how much I hated my bad luck because it kept coming back every time…I closed my eyes finally voicing my lyrics.

I'm dying to catch my breath
Oh why don't I ever learn?
I've lost all my trust,
though I've surely tried to turn it around

I sang in undertone feeling my throat a little raspy but I was happy with that verse so I continued humming low creating the melody. I felt Magnus around but I kept my eyes closed knowing that I would lose my courage the minute I saw him but I also needed him to know that he was important to me because even if I had taken a big step for him six years ago, these past weeks I had never told him how much he mattered to me, how much I knew I needed him…how much I feared giving him that second chance.

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
You've opened the door now, don't let it close

I opened my eyes looking at him, he had a small recorder in his hand, the one he used for moments like this. I didn't mind him doing that because I knew I wouldn't be able to sing that song again today, the emotional hurricane inside my soul was taking a tool of me.

I'm here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I'm only one step away
from turning it around

I saw him walk to take another guitar and began to play with me only bringing the rhythm up a nudge moving to see the lyrics and singing with me making my heart flutter.

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down, what's left of me
Make my heart a better place

I sang in an unspoken plea because I knew that after today there was no running back, I was there sharing everything I had, all the fear and insecurities, hoping to forget how broken I really was standing by him.

I tried many times but nothing was real
Make it fade away, don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
Save me from my fear
Don't tear me down

I swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall stopping my playing for a second hearing Magnus stop too "Alec?" he asked in a soft voice and just like that I knew that if I let myself break he would drop everything and run to me, not even taking a second thought. That same realization made me almost lose it but I was determined to at least finish the song first.

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe
Don't tear it down, what's left of me
Make my heart a better place
Make my heart a better place

Magnus PoV

I watched him finish the song, a song that had my heart the moment he opened his mouth because I knew it came from deep inside of him. I had felt his every fear, his every emotion…his love to me -even if he seemed reluctant to accept it- and I had taken it all, cherishing it because to me, it was far more valuable than anything I could have gotten over the years. I saw him put down the guitar with shaking hands as I stood up and walked to stand beside him offering my hand. He took it without hesitation and I pulled him embracing him with my arms offering him the support he needed.

"I love you" I whispered and I felt him tremble right before he began crying tugging my clothes with his fingers pulling me to him in a painful hug. I didn't care, I hugged him just as strong fighting my own tears as I heard his sorrowful sobs. At first they were soft, like he was trying to hold himself back, but then he must've given up because his cries grew almost like he was releasing all his pain and hatred in those tears…I had a feeling he hadn't let himself shed a single tear ever sense we got him back "Thank you" I said getting emotional from that simple thought.

"F-for what?" came his muffled voice through my clothes.

"For trusting me like this when I don't deserve it" I kissed his head "Please understand that I love you more than I could even think of loving someone…"

"You can't love me…we hardly know each other" he interrupted me getting a hold of himself but still not letting go of me…and I loved every second of that.

"On the contraire my love" I nuzzled his neck but the moment my face touched him he backed away.

"Sorry…just…" he spoke avoiding my gaze "…no" I sighed thinking that I had been foolish to think that he would let me close to him, he wasn't doped anymore, his defenses were up and high in that matter.

"Want to talk about it?" he shook his head not surprising me.

"Not yet" he whispered "But…t-there's one thing I would like to t-try" I frowned not getting what he wanted to do until he reached to grab my neck and pulling me towards him. He stopped when our faces were an inch apart, our breaths ghosting on our lips. It was like he wanted to gather the strength to complete the kiss. My heart was beating so fast I was amazed that I hadn't have a stroke, unable to hold myself I let my lower lip to caress his own sensing his breath hitch right before he closed the distance finally kissing me.

Our lips danced together liked they were meant to find each other, fitting just in the right places, putting the right amount of pressure and the perfect movement. I felt his hands move to tangle with my hair putting a little more force into the kiss, making it a lot like the one we had shared all those weeks ago. I ventured my hands back at his waist pulling him to me eager to feel his hard body against my own and moaning when his fingers slid through my locks. Pushing my luck I let my tongue begin to touch his lower lip, in a less than characteristic shy gesture, he trembled stopping his movements before kissing me softly one more time and then completely ending it.

"I'm sorry" I heard his strangled voice as he hugged me hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

"Don't worry" I hummed thinking that it was even worse than when we were younger. I kissed his cheek before pulling apart from him "So…what?"

"What, what?" he frowned confused.

"What's happening between us…what will happen to the media? I'm freakishly sorry for saying this but we need to talk about it" I said taking his hand and walking to my room and putting him in front of my window for him to see the paparazzi downstairs eagerly waiting for either of us to make a declaration.

"I don't think I can deal with them" he stepped back shaking his head.

"You can, Alec I hate it when you think that you're not strong because you are one of the strongest people I've known" I turned him to look at him in the eye "Most of the kids their parents throw out at a young age turn into hobos, druggies or even choose suicide…you stood up and made a living. When all this shit happened, you didn't cry and begged for attention when most of the people do it, you put up a strong face for the sake of your family and took the sorry on your own…you don't have to do that anymore because you have me…I wont let you go, not again" he didn't say a thing, he just kept looking down "So?"

"I guess we could try it"

"Try what?"

"…us"

"What do you mean us?" I crooked an eyebrow seeing the edges of his lips curve up, he knew I was teasing him, he was red as a tomato but he kept going.

"Us…as in a relationship"

"There are lots of relation…"

"Magnus!" he yelled in an amused voice "Will you shut up?" I did it and he smiled "Wow, never got you to do that in the past"

"Yeah well, you were a lot more shy Clark Kent…now you are a fucking sexy Superman, it's hard not to take notice of you" he widen his smile making me heart flutter.

"Maybe less superman and more…Magnus' boyfriend?" his eyes found mine even if his skin was completely red.

"Definitely"

Super short! I know! But I wanted to get this one out!

I hope you all had an awesome Christmas and I wish you all a great new year!

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Take care!