I don't think I've ever felt as obligated to protect someone as I do right now.

Sure, I'd protect my village, and everyone in it, even if it meant losing my life. But that's mostly because it's my duty as a shinobi.

That doesn't mean I'd do it happily, though. And it doesn't mean that I agree with carelessly throwing away lives, when you yourself know you have absolutely no chance of winning. I don't agree with hurling yourself into a self-induced checkmate. That's not dutiful. That's not loyal.

That's just stupid.

And it doesn't even make sense.

But that sort of duty is completely different from what I feel right now.

Because I absolutely have to do this. I'm not following some sort of ridiculous "shinobi code." Deep down, subconsciously, this is what I need to do. And I don't even find it troublesome. I almost enjoy it.

I have to protect Asuma's child.

It's my duty to protect her.

Kurenai says that I stress too much. She says that I don't have to worry about it.

But the thing is, I do have to worry about it. I could care less what Kurenai thinks. (I'd like it if you would refrain from telling her I told you that, though, because last time I got her mad, she put me in a genjutsu that involved Gai going on and on and on about THE FLAMES OF YOUTH and YOUTHFUL EXERCISES, and he just wouldn't stop. And whenever I tried to get him to stop, he'd just start talking louder. Gah. The woman knows how to push my buttons, I swear. I blame it on the fact that she knew Asuma so well.)

And if anything were to happen to Asuma's daughter, I will have failed him, both as a student, and as a friend.

His daughter – her name is Keiko – is without a doubt the most wonderful little girl I've ever met. Sure, she's only a few months old, but I can already tell that she won't grow up to be all whiny and annoying like most kids. Plus, she almost never cries. I, personally, think that's amazing, but mostly because crying babies bug me.

But even if Keiko did cry a lot, I don't think it'd bother me.

I have a special connection with her. It's something that I don't think I've ever had with anyone else.

The other day, for example, I picked her up and swung her around in my arms for a bit.

And then she barfed on me.

But I didn't mind.

The thing is, if it were any other child, I would've gotten pissed. But not with Keiko.

And I think that's because of that special bond thing I was talking about.

Not to mention, I can't help but see so much of Asuma in her. I mean, again, she's only a few months old, but I swear that she has Asuma's smile.

She also has her mother's eyes—scarlet and beautiful.

I could see her growing up to be a powerful kunoichi some day. Maybe she'd be good at genjutsu, like her mom. Or maybe she'd be more like Asuma.

I don't know.

But I do know that the thought of her being a kunoichi scares me. The thought of letting her go scares me. And the thought of her getting hurt scares me more than anything. I have a lot of time before I have to worry about her getting injured in battle, though. And who knows—maybe she'll decide not to be a kunoichi.

I'd be fine with that.

In fact, I'd probably prefer it. Then I wouldn't have to worry about her getting hurt. I'm already concerned that something's going to happen to her now…when she's three months old and her worst enemy is mashed peas.

Even now, I watch out for her whenever I can. I mean, I've made a habit of keeping watch outside of Kurenai's apartment, sort of guarding the place. I stay in the shadows. And I won't let anything get to Keiko or Kurenai.

It's sort of become like cloud gazing. Watching of the two of them, I mean. Not cloud gazing in the sense that I'm lying back and doing nothing, but cloud gazing in the sense that it gives me peace of mind. It makes me calm, knowing that they're okay, and knowing that if they were ever in danger, I'd be there to help them.

It gives me a sense of security, I guess. Which is odd, because I'm the one doing the guarding.

Kurenai should be able to sense me. But I don't know if she does. She's never said anything about it. Maybe she just doesn't care. Or maybe she likes the extra protection.

Then again, she's perfectly capable of fending for herself.

I don't know.

I don't know a lot of things, actually.

And not knowing sucks.

But one thing that I do know, more than anything else, is that I will always be there to guard Keiko. I have to.

I don't know why. But I do it anyway.

Is that reckless? Does that make me stupid? Is doing something without knowing why you're doing it any different than sacrificing yourself when you have no chance of winning?

I don't know.

I really don't.

I guess that's just another thing for me to think about.

But I don't find this one troublesome.

And that concludes another one of Shikamaru's thinking sessions that accomplishes nothing yet somehow accomplishes a whole lot of things...

I completely made up Asuma and Kurenai's child's name for this, in case you were wondering. And I made her a girl because I'm pretty sure Kishimoto said at some point that he was planning on make their child a girl.

And oh yeah, none of the characters belong to me, yada yada. The writing is mine, though.

Thanks again for reading. I hope you liked it, and I'd love to know what you think.

-Cole