I really have no idea why this took me so long to get up, lets just call it a very bad case of writers block shall we? Thank you for everyone who has been reviewing, you guys keep me going! If someone thinks that this is a story that they would like to betta then please let me know, god knows I could use the help right now!

I own a lovely Teddie bear called Fred...but sadly I do not own Twilight :(

Chapter Five

Nightmares

Two long, boring and uneventful weeks passed and I still felt like I was at square one, my need for human blood was as strong as it had ever been and much to my despair it showed no sign of leaving. I had known that my body was going to be frozen like this but it seemed like my life was as well. Everyday was the same for me and yet I had to sit there and watch all of the yellow eyes live theirs.

I didn't mind being by myself, in fact I liked it, it was something I was used to. It reminded me how things used to be. But I wasn't used to seeing the way they lived and acted around one another…it was like they were a family. I had been told what the humans thought they were but why did they still act like that when there was no one around to watch them?

Were they so used to acting that it just happened or was the love I was seeing between them real?

The two people I couldn't understand the most were Alice and Edward, there was something about them that made me feel uneasy. They were just too different. There were times when Alice would remind more of a human then a vampire. The way she spoke and moved seemed all wrong. Every few hours she would shrift her weight or brush her hair away from her face. It was all so human and unnecessary. It was like there were people watching her.

Just like Edward she felt love for their pet, Bella.

His love Bella.

The more I thought about it the more I could not understand it. To me humans had never been anything other the food, they died so that I could live. Just from the way they talked about her it seemed like they would die so that she could live.

The yellow eyes had everything in the wrong order, I was sure of it. Something about this just seemed wrong. Riley had lied about many thing but I didn't think this was one of them. He had been right in saying that we were more powerful, more important than humans. I could snap one in half before they could even blink.

And here I was, made to drink nothing but animals blood in hope that the dark-cloaks decided to allow me to live…and then what? I would simply live in the world on my own with nothing but the memories of -

"when I take you to her and hold you as she tears off your legs and then slowly, slowly burns off your fingers, ears, lips, tongue, and every other superfluous appendage one by one"

- him. Diego. My mate who had been killed by the same person who had taken my human life away from me.

What kind of second life was that?

I looked at the trees around me and tried to relax, something I hadn't done since I was human. Back when I thought that vampires had been nothing but bed time stories. But being a vampire was different to how I had thought it would be, there was power here but I didn't want it. What was the point in having all this power if you could never use it? We were designed to kill and hunt humans and here I was, drinking animal blood and degrading myself for the chance of not being killed. Was it worth it? Would death really be better then this?

Would Diego do this if it meant he could live?

I remembered the look of pity had had given me when I had first met him and I knew the answer. He had seen and understood what we had been doing and I believe he hated himself for it. For being a monster and having to kill in order to live. He would of picked this life rather then the one he had to live.

Killing was murder no matter how you looked at it.

I just wished that it was enough to stop my hunger, because everyday was worst then the last. I would drink in till I was full and yet still my throat would burn as though someone had filled it was hot coal. Maybe I would always burn like this.

The sound of footsteps came from my right but I didn't bother to turn, there was no heart beat and I knew who it would be. I growled in annoyance but said nothing. I could not go any where without him being a few steps behind me. Watching to see if I would slip up.

"Your never going to leave me alone are you?" I finally asked when a few minutes passed without him saying anything.

I looked round to see Jasper leaning against a tree, his arms crossed and a small smile on his face. We were not friends but he had become nicer over time. He was no longer violent towards me but he didn't trust me either. I thought about my hunger and knew I could not blame him.

"With time" he simply answered.

I quickly nodded and looked back to the trees, just thinking to myself as I could no longer do in the house. I hated Edward listening to my every thought. It made my grief worse somehow.

"We can hunt it you want?"

I frowned.

"Is there any point?" I asked "Will it make my hunger go away? Make the burning stop?"

He said nothing and I laughed lightly.

"I didn't think so. I feel like I'm mad some times, doing the same thing over and over again and thinking that some thing will change. When in reality it will take me years to even be in the same room as a human not want to kill them. To drink them"

I looked at him again but focused my attention on a tree to his right, all those scars on his arms reminded me of too much. Of how much I had lost and how much I could still lose.

"You'll get better. With time"

"With time? Well I guess that's all I have now isn't it? Time. Then again maybe I don't. For all I know my death could be making it's way to me as we speak. Even if I do live then what? I would have no where to go. There is no where in this world that holds meaning for me"

"My family would never turn you away Bree, if you are allowed to live then you know you would be welcomed here"

I laughed at the very idea of being like them, they had been kind and fought for my life when no one had done so before. I had taken away so many lives that I had lost count...and I wasn't even sorry. They were food. There was no way I could spend the rest of my time on earth like them.

"And then what?" I asked "I stay here with you and the others…and your pet and live happily ever after? I really don't see that happening. I could kill her you know, all it would take is one second. All she would be able to do is blink and by then I could of ripped her-"

Jasper moved suddenly and my head snapped back to him, I crouched down and snarled but it was already too late. His hand was round my neck and I heard the sound the tree behind me snap as my head hit it.

"Do you wish to die?" He hissed as I tried to get him off me, I may of been stronger then him but he knew more. I was locked into place as he held onto me, his eyes turning darker. Looking right at him made me realise just how much danger I was in, the scars told me everything I needed to know. Killing new borns like me was nothing knew to him. "I could do it if that is what you wish, if death is really what you want"

"It is"

My answer surprised both of us and his expression changed as I stopped moving, allowing him to hurt me. My instincts told me to protect myself but I ignored it. I didn't know what happened when a vampire died and at that moment I didn't much care. Maybe Diego would be there. Maybe there would be nothing. I though about the first time Diego's lips had touched my own and I realised that I didn't much care. I willing to take the risk.

For him.

Slowly Jasper let go of me and moved back, just looking at me.

"I don't understand you" he finally said. "Your newborn, you should worry about nothing other then self preservation. It is your way"

The way he spoke made me want to laugh, how could he speak to me like he knew me? Like he had lived my short life. He knew nothing of what I had seen, of what it had been like. Trying night after night to hide myself, to feed without starting fights with the others over blood. To stay hidden from others who were just like me.

"You know nothing" I hissed.

"I know more then you think I do" he calmly replied "Would you like to hear it?"

"No, I don't think so. I have better things to be doing with my time, rather then speak to you"

I tried to push down my anger as I walked away from him, I knew that he would never let me leave if he knew how I was feeling. I almost thought I had made it when I heard him.

"Where are you going?"

"To hunt"

"You know you need someone with you when you-"

"Then send Emmett after me. He can play babysitter why you think of more reason as to why your family killing me would be a good idea"

And with that I ran. I ran from them, the yellows eyes who thought they knew so much, who cared more then I wanted them to. There was nothing wrong with me, I was normal. I was a vampire. They were the ones who were wrong, drinking animal blood like they were animals themselves.

I wanted to drink. To feed.

I wanted blood, fresh and warm.

My throat burned as I thought of how good it would feel to finally feel full. I just wanted the burning to stop.

"when I take you to her and hold you as she tears off your legs and then slowly, slowly burns off your fingers, ears, lips, tongue, and every other superfluous appendage one by one"

His voice filled my mind once again and I wanted to scream. I could not sleep, I should not have these night mares when awake. I was a vampire, I was someones nightmare.

"I'll be right behind you"

I guess I should of known that I would never see him again when he said that. There were times when I believed he had known that he might never seen me again when he said that. Other times I don't. No new born vampire would ever willingly walk to their death. Jasper had been right, we would do anything to save ourselves.

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Haraldzidla