Chapter 12

where solitude seems crowded

"Hello beautiful." Valerian cooed to the big cat that came to greet her at the door, purring and pushing her large head against her.

"Wait a bit and I will give you a good scratching once I have changed." She told Kayn and tried to get past the lynx to put her books and things away. When this was done she sighed at last and let her human form slip away. Spreading her wings and stretching her spine, letting out a meowing sound that Kayn always found amusing.

"Come here girl, lets sit at the window." She told it and curled to her favorite spot at the window still, now made comfortable by a blanket and a couple of old and weary pillows. The lynx didn't have to be told twice and it hurriedly climbed next to her. Relaxing against her legs while the skillful little fay fingers found all her favorite scratching spots.

"You know what?" Val said over the loud purring her friend was now making.

"I think Kia isn't half that bad... for a human at least." She told the cat, who opened one of her ice blue eyes to look at her evaluatively.

"She smells different too. Not like the others but wilder somehow. Like her magic is more primitive than the others for some reason." Valerian continued, wondering what this little discovery might mean.

They stayed like that for the rest of the evening. Waiting for the castle to quiet down and fall asleep for the night, before they carefully made their way through the silent corridors and out into the night.

-XXX-

"Kayn don't go so close to the woods, the trees make me nervous." Val's voice trembled a bit and she shifted her weight from foot to foot. Anxious to get away from the edge of the Forbidden Forest that loomed dangerously close for her liking.

"Let's go to the lake, I like to look at the stars there. They are different than the ones we have at home." she said and after few steps in the wet grass she was airborne again, hovering close to the ground towards the lake beside the castle. The big white beast followed after her, carefully choosing where to place her paws in the wet ground. Looking up every now an then to make sure that Val didn't get too far away, probably hoping that she too could fly and avoid getting her feet muddy and cold.

The lake surface was smooth and black, mirroring the night sky above and the castle towering over it. Water was freezing cold when Val dipped her toes hovering just above the surface. Cold was good. Cold woke her up like nothing else had. The only problem was, that cold was also wet, and wet was not good. Wet was unpleasant memories and pain.

She flew back to the shore and sat down under one of the old threes there. The branches were bare against the sky like black lace made out of crooked spider legs. Kayn took the opportunity to explore around a bit, always making sure not to wander too far from her mistress and charge.

-XXX-

Remus was staring at the curtains of his bed, thinking about all the nights over the past years, when he had been lying like that; quietly listening to the muffled and sleepy sounds his friends were making in their dreams. Wondering how many other students who came before him, had stared at the same fabric that he was now staring. He was tired. He had been tired for some time now, and felt like soon he would forget how it felt not to be tired. His days went by in a haze and studying was practically impossible when he was unable to focus even to the simplest things. He needed to find an answer, and one answer would be simply to sleep – if it weren't for the dreams. He was afraid what he might see the next time he closed his eyes.

First, the dreams were not so bad. Weird maybe, but it took some time for him to figure out that they weren't just ordinary dreams. There were places he had never been and places that were so strange and so foreign he just knew his mind couldn't come up with anything like that. Then the nightmares began. Dark woods were full of black figures closing in. There was lot of shouting and sinister laughter, a lot of fear and pain that were not his own even when he could clearly feel them like they were. He could hear footsteps, and other noises, smell dust and death and things he couldn't name. There were also other things, things he couldn't really even begin to understand and somehow he knew he didn't even want to.

It was better to stay awake than see those things again, he thought. Maybe that way, when the full moon came he would be exhausted enough to simply sleep trough the full ordeal. The idea made him let out a bitter chuckle that sounded strange even to his own ears. His eyelids felt heavy and he knew he would have to do something else if he wanted to stay awake. A particularly strong gust of wind howled behind the window and gave him an idea. What would be a better place to keep him grounded than the cold and wet castle grounds where the wind would blow away traces of sleep that tried to pull him under?

He crept carefully out of his bed and began to search through the messy room for James' cloak and their map in order to get out of the castle without getting caught. After a while of digging around he finally found them and slipped out of the common room. Outside the weather was just as uncomfortable that he had hoped. The wind was howling and tugging at his clothes and the cape hungrily. Air was cold and wet and suddenly he was a lot more awake and alert. In the dark, the familiar shapes of greenhouses and trees were just black shadows against the sky and he was so gloriously alone in the middle of all this restless blackness. The forest would be too dangerous for him to explore in his current state so he opted to just wander aimlessly around, trying not to think anything at all. '

He spotted two white figures by the lake a lot sooner than they were even able to notice him even without his cloak. His first thought was that few of the ghosts from the castle had decided to take a stroll on the grounds too, but when he got a bit closer the figures started to look too solid for a ghost. He couldn't think pf anything from the forest that would look like that either. Besides, things from the Forbidden Forest weren't allowed here anyway, so he gave in to his curiosity, pulled the cloak tighter around himself and sneaked closer.

-XXX-

" Did you hear something." Val suddenly asked, sniffing the air suspiciously. There was a faint trace of something only vaguely familiar in the air, but that could have been anything. Kayn came to sit beside her, pressing against her side and letting out a low growl. Her nose was sniffing the air too, ears and eyes searching the night around them for something that might be a threat of some kind. Small delicate fingers found their place amongst her white fur, as much to calm as to seek comfort.

"It might be just my imagination." she added shakily after a while when nothing had happened.

"you know how jumpy I have been, after..." she swallowed the rest of her sentence and looked around with wide eyes, seeking comfort from the warm presence next to her.

"Maybe we should go back inside.." she finally admitted and proceeded to stand up from the dry patch of grass she had managed to find under particularly big tree. Val had just started to walk towards the castle when she noticed something. That definitely was not my imagination. She thought and squinted her eyes trying to see better.. There it was again, a flash of a fabric of some kind and maybe a shoe too in the grass small distance away from them. She didn't even have the time to think what to make of it when a very disheveled looking Remus appeared before her seemingly out of thin air.

For a long moment, they just stood there, staring at each other.