Author's note: If you've read bloodlines this will make soooooooo much more sense. I am building off all of that. Everything is the same except that Rose was never in any of it. Adrian really left to get away from his grief about Rose. And he does like Sydney, just like in the series. And people are still out to get Jill. Okay, you're caught up!

three months later...

D POV

I awoke to Lissa's screaming. She was in her room on the other side of the palace, but that didn't matter. Ever since she restored me to my former dhampire self about three months ago, I've had a strong emotional connection with her. But even our bond couldn't tell me of the Queen's ailment. I flew out of bed and grabbed what clothes I could find before sprinting to her location at a speed that even shocked me. When I came to her door it was already open. A small crowd of familiar guardians surrounded Lissa and tried to calm her down as she wept and struggled.

"They're here! All around I see them! All the time!" She was yelling and didn't seem completely coherent. I stood in the corner and tried to better assess the situation when Christian Ozera stormed in.

"Lissa! What is it? What's wrong?" He crossed to her bedside and took her face in his hands.

The contact seemed to be exactly what was needed because at his touch the Queen escaped her panicked trance.

"Christian? What... what happened?"

"You dont remember?" He questioned.

"I dont remember anything..."

I next day I was left without answers, again. It seemed to be the running trend lately. Which would normally be fine. I am a guardian, a soldier. I don't need reason, I need orders. But I don't especially like being kept out of the loop when the issue involves those I care about. Last night has happened before. It used to be once every other week but now it's every other night. Lissa's being affected by her spirit affinity and even someone bound to her in death can't change that. So basically I am useless. I can't do what Rose-. Stop it. Don't think about her. You've gone two days without thinking about her, don't give up your progress now. You need to be strong, for Lissa. She would want you to.

But the fight was over, I'm thinking about her even in telling myself not to think about her. Great.

There's only one place I can clear my head when this happens. And I'm already walking in the direction of the chapel before I've even thought of the idea. Its quiet today so there's a lot of selection in seating. But that doesn't matter, I always sit in the back, away from any innocent clergyman who want to share the message. I'm not here for a heartfelt chat. Actually, I don't even know why I come here. I guess it just makes me feel better, believing there might be more after this life. Praying she's found it. Stop. You're doing it again.

"Screw it." I whisper as I stand up and leave to escape my own self denial that I wasn't here to feel closer to her. She hated this place in life and I was fooling myself to believe I could find any solace somewhere in those stone walls.

She's gone. She is not coming back. I am never going to hold her again. I am never going to see her smile again. I am never going to have one more stolen moment with her. I am never going to find any happiness now that she's gone.

I didn't realize I had fallen to the ground until a hand rested on my shoulder.

"Guardian Belikov?"

I looked up and saw Sonya Karp. She looked down at me with worry in her eyes. Sonya and I had had something in common, we were both once strigori. And we both were saved. Though our similarities didn't exactly push us together. I'd hardly spoken a word to her since I came back from Russia. I guess neither of us liked to talk about those darker days.

Sonya rested on her knees beside me.

"You miss her."

I bowed my head a little lower.

"I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am."

I found some strength to rise to my feet, she did the same.

"Guardian Belikov, may I buy you a cup of coffee?"

Sonya told me about the strigori discoveries made in Palm Springs with Sydney Sage. She pretty much updated me on everything.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I asked impatiently.

"We are pieces of a puzzle, Dimitri. I am telling you this because I want your help."

"You want me to go down to Palm Springs? For some sort of experiment?"

"Yes."

I pondered the thought for a moment. I wasn't really needed here in court. Lissa didn't need me. I could go, if I really wanted to. But I couldn't. What if Lissa got worse and I could somehow help.

"I sorry but-"

"If you're turning me down because of a real reason, go ahead. But I think the only reason you would stay here is to be with Rose. But she isn't here anymore. If you stay here that realization will eat away at you every single day. I knew Rose. And I know she would want you to move on. If you come with me so many questions will be answered. Perhaps you may want some answers yourself. We have been through the same ordeal by spirit. I know I'm not completely without inquiries."

She was right. About everything. And it hurt my heart to know it.

"Okay. I'll do it."