A/N: Hay Guys Welcome back! npeg and I just wanted to say thank you so much for the reviews and to all those of you who have story alerted/favourited this fic, and also of course to every one of our readers. We had no idea it would be this popular, and we are just having so much fun writing this!
Disclaimer: We own nothing
"Good God, TONY?"
The shocked silence that followed was abruptly shattered by Steve screeching "What in the hell is going on?"
The scene before him, if not so unbelievably horrifying, could have been quite comical to an outside party. Steve immediately assumed a defensive stance, his gaze locked on the two bizarrely entangled men on the floor. Tony's mouth opened and closed like a fish and his head turned from the demigod on top of him to Steve, back and forth. It appeared that for the first time, words had failed him.
The silence was broken by a hiss issued from Loki's lips. His face contorted into an expression of extreme annoyance as he studied the soldier who had so rudely interrupted them.
"I will return," he ground out, his eyes flickering to Tony, the promise glowing in the embers of desire still visible in his eyes. Before Steve could even cry out "Oh no you don't..!" the demigod had vanished in a flash of green.
Tony looked completely bewildered as he staggered to his feet, grateful that Steve's surprise arrival had at least killed his raging hard-on. He didn't want this encounter to be anymore awkward than it already was.
"So…" he began, straightening out his shirt and completely avoiding Steve's eyes, "What's the probability that you'll forget ever seeing that?"
"Negligible if not entirely non-existent," Steve replied, taking a cautious step forward, as if expecting either Loki's sudden return or Tony trying to bolt. "Tony, what was that? How did he even get here? He's supposed to be locked up in Asgard!"
"I honestly have no idea," Tony shrugged, wincing as a frisson of pain danced down his spine, ah yes, he was wondering what injuries he had sustained after his little bout of fisticuffs. He looked towards his childhood hero, the barest shade of embarrassment colouring his cheeks and entering his voice, "We… er, didn't exactly have an enlightening conversation."
"Yeah do I even want to ask what the hell that was about?" Steve gestured vaguely at the spot where the two had been lying not a minute before. His eyes bore into Tony's and the billionaire found himself shrinking back a little, desperate to avoid the inevitable interrogation he was sure was coming.
"I didn't even think you…you know…with men…" Steve's discomfort at asking such a question practically screamed around the room and his cheeks flushed deep red. At least Tony was able to take some comfort in the fact that this was going to be utterly horrible for both of them.
"I don't!" Tony rushed, "I'm not… oh my God we are not having this conversation!" he threw his hands up and turned away, ignoring the jolt of pain the movement caused. He moved to sort out the mess left from his fight with Loki. "I would quite like to have my sexual identity crisis alone first, if you wouldn't mind? (If that is even what is happening here) And Jesus Christ don't you know how to knock? J.A.R.V.I.S what the hell have you been doing all this time? Why didn't you warn me?"
A strange noise reverberated around the workshop, as if the AI was clearing its throat.
"You put me on mute, sir, after I continued to criticize your calculations for the schematics you were working on."
Tony huffed in frustration, "What's the point in being an artificial intelligence if you're not artificially intelligent enough to un-mute yourself in order to tell me that Steve is coming? Or better still, to do something when I was getting my ass kicked by the God of Mischief and Fire!"
There was a moment of silence before the AI almost drawled, "Deeply sorry, sir, but it rather looked like you were enjoying yourself in those last few minutes…"
Tony growled up at the ceiling, already working out several adjustments he'd have to make on the robot that ran his house.
"That's enough out of you J.A.R.V.I.S, so do me a favour and shut up?" Tony grumbled, picking up scattered tools and components.
"As you wish, sir" came the, wait, was that snarky?, response.
"Getting your ass kicked? That's what this mess was? I thought you two were …" Steve blushed again as Tony shot him a look, his sentence trailing off with embarrassment. "Anyway!" he said, interrupting himself, "You engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Loki Laufeyson without your suit? Do you actually have a death wish? He could have killed you in a heartbeat!"
Tony didn't dignify that with a response, instead continuing to sort his tools, before concentrating on positioning them all perfectly parallel to one another.
"We have to tell the others, Tony" Steve said, not moving from his spot by the door. His eyes glanced down to his broken mug and he guiltily bent down to collect the shards.
"Erm, no, we don't" Tony said, his voice close to panicked. "We most certainly do not need to do that. No way. In fact, that is probably one of the worst ideas you've ever had." Finished with tidying the pile of suit parts, he proceeded to the workbench Loki had thrown him over. The same bench Loki had pinned him to and kissed him on. He shook his head, determined to avoid thinking about it until much, much later, when he could dissect his temporary lapse of sanity in complete privacy with a bottle of scotch to drown his shame. At this point Tony was semi-seriously considering throwing himself out of the window again just to avoid having to think about it, much less explain it to Steve "pure-as-the-driven-snow" Rogers.
"Tony, the last time Loki was on Earth he almost flattened New York and tried to take over the planet. We can't just let him flounce back here without telling Fury." Steve straightened up and levelled Tony with a serious look. This was the look of a Captain, full of purpose and responsibility.
"Did you just use the verb to flounce?" Tony raised an eyebrow.
"Tony! Take this seriously!" Steve snapped, "What if Thor doesn't know that his brother is missing?"
"Sir," J.A.R.V.I.S interrupted, "Director Fury is calling an urgent meeting. Attendance is compulsory."
"Fifty bucks says that means you have some explaining to do," Steve muttered, putting the broken remains of his cup in the bin and then turning back to Tony. "C'mon, once they find out he was here, they're gonna have a whole ton of questions to ask you."
"Precisely why I'm not going," Tony said, his workbench now exactly as it should have been. He didn't have time for the pirate or the team, he had equations to solve, variables to isolate, tests to run. He needed science to tell him what the fuck had just happened. And how exactly he could prevent it from ever happening again. He'd be damned if he was going to just let Loki sneak up on him like that a second time.
"Tony, so help me, I will pick you up and carry you if you don't come willingly," Steve warned, advancing on the billionaire in order to prove his point.
"Fine!" Tony retorted "but we don't tell them anything about you know…what you saw," he gestured wildly with his hands to articulate. "We tell them he broke in, we fought for a bit, you showed up, thank God, and he vanished. End of story."
Steve looked like he was going to voice his disagreement until he saw the unsettlingly panicked look on Tony's face.
"Please Steve, just let me work that one out on my own."
Steve caved, heaving a sigh, and nodded, then marched out of the workshop. Tony followed begrudgingly behind him, mind racing as he tried to conjure up a lie convincing enough to satisfy Captain Eyepatch and the Wonder Kids.
A/N: Okay so this chapter turned out to be a bit of a filler, sorry for the distinct lack of Tony/Loki but hold tight, it's coming ahaha. We needed this chapter as an excuse for a little plot development, and a way to start introducing more characters, you know, flesh it out a little.
Important: I (Trashy) shall be entering the busiest week and a half ever tomorrow, and I shall be out of the country from 24th-31st. Do not fret, I plan on writing whilst away and keeping up correspondance with npeg, so hopefully we'll get a chapter up.
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