AN: So here is another one. The first three posts (the previous one, this one and the next one) are all prologues of sorts - the real story begins at chapter four. I think it's important to get glimpses of what happened before the story starts, a recap I guess.
Anyways, this one takes place a few months after the last.
Disclaimer: I own nothing! It all belongs to Richelle Mead
Struggling:
Lissa.
It felt like an uphill battle – like every time I took a breath I had to fight for air, or every time I took a step, I had to struggle to get ground. No matter what I did it was difficult, but I think what was worse was that I had to pretend like it wasn't.
I couldn't show anyone just how weak I was, especially not with everything going on. I had been Queen for less than a year, no one could know just how hard it was to rule a kingdom.
Of course, some knew just how hard it was – Rose obviously knew. Even without the bond she knew that each day was impossible to survive. But I couldn't look to her for comfort because it was selfish for me to do so. She was struggling with her own pain, she was trying to survive her own loss.
So I struggled on my own, pretending like everything was perfect, when really I still felt as empty and as lost as I did when he left me.
Surviving:
Rose.
Some days I felt like everything was finally alright, like I was finally over him. Other days, it felt like I had just hung up the phone after hearing him tell me he loved me.
Each day was different and I think the only thing that kept me sane, was remembering his words on the phone. It seemed counterproductive – trying to get over him while still holding onto his 'I love you' – but I didn't care. I did whatever I could to get myself through the day – and this was it.
Growing:
Adrian.
I was growing and changing and evolving. You had to be blind not to see it – everyone noticed. It felt good to know that I was making a difference in the world, even if it was just an ounce. Researching Spirit's effects on everything was the least I could do – and I had been working on it tirelessly even after Belikov and Sonya left months ago.
When I was first sent to Palm Springs I looked at it as an exile, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Palm Springs was anything but exile, it was more like… an escape.
Here in the desert of California, I can finally be who I am. I have the freedom to explore whatever I want and be whoever I want. I don't have to put on a show or socialize and make nice with other royals. Here, my blood and reputation doesn't define me – I do.
I think about Pennsylvania still – it's always in the back of my mind.
I didn't know much about what was happening back there. I didn't hear from my friends back home often and they didn't hear from me – which seemed to suit both parties just fine. I missed them still, of course but my life was here now. I had a new group of people I belonged to now– everyone who had been cast out of our society – together we made our own dysfunctional family.