Alright, I've got two new requests, one from a RL friend, who asked for "Chase, anything with Chase," and one for romance on the beach, requested by Black Rose. (Speaking of which, Black Rose, any specific OC you had in mind for Omi? If not, I can easily come up with one.)

This chapter here is just some fun nonsense, because I've been a bit stressed lately and need something light and humorous to calm my nerves. That, and I love Jack.

Enjoy! Please Read and Review. On with the show!

-o-o-

Ch. 26-Jack needs brain bleach, and fast!
Genre: Humor
Pairings: Slight Chuya (Chase x Wuya)
Rating: K plus
Warnings: Slight sexual themes

Brain Bleach

"AAAAH! MY EYES!"

The other Villains looked up as Jack slammed a magazine onto the ground and began jumping vigorously up and down on it. "The PAIN! THE HORRIBLE PAIN! Die, abomination!"

"Spicer! Quit fooling around, and focus!" Katnappe snapped. The Heylin side was having a rare get-together to discuss the problem of the Xiaolin Warriors.

Elsewhere, Chase Young and Hannibal Roy Bean were busy trying to kill each other. Hannibal had destroyed something valuable of Chase's, and Chase had vowed revenge. The last anyone had heard, the two were somewhere in Africa, with Chase tracking his enemy through dozens of countries. There was bound to be a battle at some point; the Heylin side had even started a betting pool, betting on when and where the battle would occur, and who would win.

Unfortunately, Chase and Hannibal were ones who typically did all the planning. With them gone, the remaining group—Wuya, Katnappe, Le Mime, Tubbimura, and Jack—needed a more sound plan to fall back on, now that they'd lost their two hard-hitters and schemers. They were now together in Jack's basement, plotting their next move.

It seemed, however, that Jack preferred goofing off. "Jack! Stop yelling! You're making me angry!" Katnappe snapped, watching Jack as he stomped on the magazine in a panicked frenzy. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I have to kill it! I have to destroy it! Oh, the agony!" Jack exclaimed incoherently.

Annoyed, Katnappe bared her teeth at the redhead boy. "Stop messing around. You're supposed to be brainstorming. Since you're the self-proclaimed genius, after all." Katnappe mocked.

Jack stopped jumping on the magazine and turned dramatically, pointing an accusing finger at Wuya. "Don't look at me! It's HER fault!"

"…Jack, I've been sitting over here for the last half hour. How can anything be my fault when I haven't even looked at you since this morning?" Wuya pointed out.

"Don't give me that, you know what you did! This!" Jack accused, scooping up the magazine and holding up the offending piece of paper for all to see.

"…A magazine."

"YES!" Jack shouted. "Evil Overlord Monthly! It comes in the mail! I was using it to brainstorm a bit… some of the schemes they have in here are top-notch! But then I turn the page and…"

With a snap of his wrists he opened it to the centerfold, showing the group exactly what was bothering him. There, on the two-spread page was…

A picture of Wuya wearing a black leather string bikini.

"AAAAAAGH!" Tubbimura and Katnappe both screamed, recoiling from the image. "The HORROR!" the overweight samurai cried, squeezing his eyes shut. Katnappe tried scratching her eyes out.

Wuya leaned in. "Oh yes, I remember posing for that a few months ago," she said lightly.

Jack slammed it onto the desk. "That's disturbing, woman! What possessed you? You look like a dominatrix! Why on earth would you even…" Jack couldn't continue. His brain was still fried from the searing mental image.

"Well, they asked me if I would pose for it," she explained. "It would've been a shame not to. And besides, they paid well. These clothes don't buy themselves," she motioned to her dress.

"It's still nasty! Look how much skin you're showing!"

"Are you kidding? That's not even my skimpiest swimsuit."

Jack stopped. "You mean you own… more than one?"

"Oh yes," Wuya answered. She could hear the dread in Spicer's voice, and smiled wickedly. She loved patronizing him. It was therapeutic. "I own several. Some don't even have tops, if you know what I mean."

"Oh that's just gross!" Jack gagged. "Stop putting these images in my head, you wicked old hag!"

"You don't like it?" she cooed innocently. "How sad. You know, Chase likes them. He thinks they make me look sexy."

Tubbimura heaved. "I think I'm going to be sick…" he commented, and fled the room. Katnappe was right on his heels.

Jack was too busy to follow—he was trying to come up with a proper comeback at Wuya's comment. Like His hero, the Prince of Darkness, would ever look at Wuya as sexy… "Yeah right. You're so not his type."

"Oh? And what is his type?" Wuya asked. Jack faltered at that. Chase—as far as the rest of them knew—didn't exactly have a type. The Witch continued. "Anyway, I'm not lying. He's seen all my swimwear. Sometimes makes suggestions, too. His favorite is this strapless, barbed, metallic—"

"Don't finish that sentence," Jack begged.

Wuya acted hurt. "But it's really cute, in an evil sort of way. Would you like to see it?"

"What? No!" he said immediately. He was panicking now.

"Shame," she answered. "It wouldn't take long. I could put it on right now. I know this spell… All I'd have to do is snap my fingers like this—"

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

But it was too late. Wuya's fingers clicked together, making a sudden noise that seemed to echo in the lair. Jack quickly shut his eyes before he could see anything more. "I've already been traumatized enooouuughhhhh!" he cried, frantically running for the exit. He ran into the wall a few times before succeeding in finding the door—but he didn't dare look behind him. Whatever Wuya had just put on, he was not prepared to see it. He dashed out of the room and down the hallway, Wuya's wicked laughter echoing in his ears…

Once Spicer was out of the room, the Heylin Witch lowered her arm, sighing contentedly to herself. She was still wearing her usual black dress—though Spicer didn't need to know that. She grinned wickedly, and laughed. Messing with his head was so much fun…

Jack ran into Katnappe and Tubbimurra before he dared open his eyes. "Hey, watch where you're going!" the catwoman hissed when he bumped into her. Irritated, she took a scratch at him. "Why are you running around with your eyes closed, anyway?"

Jack rubbed his arm, eyeing Katnappe's claws warily. Still, he felt frantic. "You're not going to believe this, but Wuya—"

"I think my sickness has passed," Tubbimurra interrupted them, trudging out of Spicer's bathroom. "We can go back to the conference room now."

"No, we can't," Jack insisted, blocking them. "Wuya did some magic-mojo because she thought I wanted to see her in a swimsuit."

"No, I'm pretty sure she knew you didn't want to see that," Katnappe raised her eyebrow. "She's just messing with you."

"Either way, she snapped her fingers and changed into one. I didn't see it, I closed my eyes in time, but she said it was metallic, and strapless, and had spikes, and—"

"—and I'm going to be sick again," Tubbimurra declared, retreating back into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut, and the other two villains cringed.

Katnappe sighed. "Well, this meeting isn't going as planned," she mentioned, rubbing her eyes. "I come in with visions of destroying the Xiaolin brats, and leave with visions of Wuya in swim gear."

"Disturbing swim gear." Jack added. "I mean, who in the world owns a metallic suit? That's completely counter-intuitive. It would rust, and sink, and… I can't even imagine what one would look like!" he paused, his eyes drifting off into the distance. Suddenly he paled. "Or maybe I can," he said weakly. He suddenly didn't look so well. Having a creative mind wasn't always a good thing…

"Hey, don't you get sick too, one person is enough!" Katnappe cried.

Jack rubbed his eyes vigorously, trying to banish the image that had burned into his mind. "I'm going to need therapy after this," he whined. "Or at least some brain bleach."

"We all are." She agreed.

Suddenly, a nearby door opened. In walked Le Mime, who had left their conference a few minutes before to get snacks. Jack felt suddenly envious—he just realized that Le Mime had escaped the whole thing! Why was that idiot so lucky?

Le Mime looked at the three of them, clearly confused. After all, why had the conference moved from Jack's Lair to Jack's… bathroom? And why did they all look like they'd seen a ghost? And where was Wuya? He began to mime some motions, but was stopped by Katnappe.

"Don't ask," she ordered. "Don't even mime a question. We're not going to tell you."

The mime frowned, giving them a pointed look. He wanted to know.

But Jack just shook his head, and slung an arm around the entertainer's shoulders. "Trust me, buddy," he said. "There are some things in life that you're just better off not knowing."

Yes, I'm aware that many people in this fandom find Wuya very attractive. I don't blame them. But keep in mind she is an old hag witch, and the people on the show often act disgusted by her. I think it's funny. :P

Anyway, Please review. I like reviews. Both requests I recieved are coming up next. Stay tuned!

Jun 29 2012