AN: Guys, I really appreciate your reviews and encouraging words! I read all of them :](and I'm putting this first because I don't want to ruin the mood at the end of this chapter). This is the longest chapter I've written so far (no long, but still the longest) and I plan on updating soon (like by the end of the week). Anyways, keep reading! I think I want this to have maybe 2-3 chapters left? We'll see.
Nick nursed a beer as he watched a football game, although if asked, he couldn't tell who was winning. He wouldn't even be able to mention the very poor calls against the bears or the missed field goal that would have tied the game.
He was lost in his thoughts. He was thinking about Jess and his conversation with Winston. Was Winston right? Should he talk to Jess? How much did Winston actually know about this subject? And how much did CeCe know for that matter? She knew Jess better than anyone and if she didn't threaten him, she must have been secretly rooting for them right?
Winston and CeCe must have been picking up on something that Nick couldn't see. Nick tried to recall his interactions with Jess. He needed to know she was ready to hear the information he needed to tell her. He remembered the wedding they went to and the night he thought he might have cancer. He recalled them fighting about Caroline and Paul. He recalled how hurt she was that he was leaving and how happy she was when he came back. He remembered how happy he was when he saw her that evening.
Nick realized something at that moment. She might not want him, but he needed her. She made him happy and she pushed him to be the best Nick he could be. She wanted him to succeed in everything and she was supportive in everything he chose to do, or she would push him in the right direction. Nick needed her. Nick loved her, and she might not return those feelings. That alone scared the shit out of him.
Nick's mind was swimming with so many thoughts that he didn't hear the door slam. He was therefore surprised when Jess plopped onto the couch next to him. He was trying to muster up the courage to say something about their relationship, so he continued staring blankly at the football game in front of him, lost in thought.
"Nick, I saw Caroline today at the store" She said finally.
Nick looked at her then, and noticed her eyes were red, puffy, and watery.
"Jess, what happened?" He asked her, not even bothering trying to hide his concern for her.
"She told me she hated me and that I was a home wrecking whore. Then she shoved me. Nick, I don't even know what I did."
"God Jess. I'm sorry; you shouldn't be involved in the crap going on between Caroline and me!" Nick said, now angry.
"What is going on between you two Nick? You told me you broke up because you didn't want to move in with her and you were moving too fast! Is that really what happened?"
Nick was now in the kitchen. His defenses were up. There was no way he was going to tell Jess what was going on while she was this upset, especially when he had no idea what to say.
"Jess, I really don't want to talk about it."
"Well I do Nick! I need to know before this lady comes to kill me in my sleep! She knows where I live, it wouldn't be that hard" She said, her voice starting to increase in volume. She was now in the kitchen too, getting in Nick's face, poking his chest with her finger.
"Jess, do we have to do this right now? I think Winston and Schmidt are going to be home soon. Why don't we pretend that you never saw Caroline today?" Nick almost smacked himself, what a stupid thing to say!
"What! Nick, why are you defending her?" Jess' feelings were unmistakable. She was seriously hurt, it was written all over her face, especially her big blue eyes that were, once again, filling with tears.
"I'm not defending her Jess, I just can't talk about this right now. You need to understand that I had my reasons for coming back, and I just can't tell you about them yet." Nick said. She had him backed up against the refrigerator and he felt trapped. He was slowly losing control of a situation which he had little control over anyways.
Jess sighed, exhausted. Tears had started spilling over her cheeks and Nick could tell she was extremely frustrated with his silence. She looked devastated, all because of him. It made Nick angry that he did this to her.
"Whatever, Nick. I'm going to bed." She began to walk away, towards her room.
"Jess!" He grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him. The little control he had over the situation vanished as he looked down into her tear-filled eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her. She gasped as Nick pushed her against the island and continued to kiss her, moving his lips against hers.
And just as quickly as it happened he pulled away.
"Shit!" He muttered under his breath. He had royally screwed up everything in his life and he cursed himself continuously as he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.