Chapter 5: Begun, The Clone War Has

Star Wars:

The Clone Wars

With the declaration of war from

the Confederacy of Independent Systems,

the Galactic Republic has been thrown

into chaos.

Fighting has erupted throughout

the galaxy. War is everywhere.

Meanwhile, on Coruscant, the Senate

is also in turmoil, dealing with

the gaping hole left by

the thousands of star systems

that have left the Republic.

In the Jedi Temple, Jedi Grand Master

Yoda deals with the overwhelming strain

being imparted on the dwindling number

of Jedi available to assist the besieged

Galactic Republic.

Meanwhile, Naruto struggles with his

greatest challenge yet...puberty...

Deflecting a series of rapid strikes, Revan did several backflips to separate herself from her 'sparring partner'.

"That was rather fierce, dear. What's the ire behind those blows?"

Naruto's expression belayed no inner turmoil, but Revan knew him well enough to read the subtle signs he always gave off when he was irritated.

Sighing, he relaxed his stance, and gave her a pointed look. "You know damn well what my problem is, Rev."

She more than likely did, but that didn't stop her from asking. "The girls?"

Revan heard him groan, and she couldn't stifle a chuckle. "You knew they would reach this age, didn't you? Why act so surprised?"

"It's not that. It's the fact that I got to be the one to make such a profound discovery." He cringed at the thought.

Revan smiled. Since Anko and Haku had turned 13, the mysterious lack of estrogen the girls seemingly had was quickly rectified. Mother Nature was nothing if not punctual.

Naruto had been relaxing for a change. He'd just finished a dual spar between Obi-Wan and Mace Windu, and was somewhat sore from having to hold back against the Masters. He'd paid for it, but he was still able to beat them. Hell, he wanted a friendly spar, not a bloodbath. Obi-Wan, surprisingly, had been able to outlast the Vaapad user. Mace had worn himself out with wicked strikes and harsh blows, but Naruto had the upper hand in terms of strength, and was easily able to weather the blows, leaving the Jedi Master winded and easy pickings.

Obi-Wan had been slightly harder, as he'd taken to perfecting his Form 3 after his crushing defeat against Count Dooku. He'd been remiss to think he stood a chance against a man a decade or so his senior, and nearly paid for it with his life. Now more determined than ever to stop this war as soon as possible, he'd thrown himself into his training, and it made Naruto smile to think how similar Obi-Wan was to him in regards to training.

Regardless, after wearing down his defenses, he'd tagged Obi-Wan in the shoulder, followed by a leg sweep. By the time he'd hit the ground, he found Naruto's sparring blade at his throat. Grinning, Naruto wagged his finger mockingly at Obi-Wan, chastising him for thinking he'd get off free and clear in a spar with him.

Still, he'd gotten his workout, and was relaxing as he watched a show on the Holo-TV, when a high-pitched scream had him tearing up the carpet quicker than their new pet Nexu ever could. He'd followed the scream to the bathroom, and nearly tore the door off in his haste to open it.

What greeted him was something he could have only imagined under Itachi's Tsukuyomi, and even that seemed to pale in comparison to what his eyes were viewing.

His wife was by his side a second later, and he turned it over to her, making it as far as the kitchen sink before throwing the faucet wide open and furiously washing his eyes out.

"MAKE THE IMAGES GO AWAY! FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI, MAKE THEM GO AWAY!"

Kushina came trotting into the kitchen, and smiled up at her dad. "Whacha doin', daddy? Got something in your eyes?"

Naruto could only nod as he dried his face off with a towel. "Y-yeah, sweetie. Just had something in my eye, that's all."

Oblivious to her father's torture, she grinned and skipped off, presumably to go play with Haku.

Naruto waited until she left the kitchen, then sagged against the counter, trembling.

Revan came in a minute later and smacked him upside the head, causing him to jump.

"What the hell, Naruto?"

"I should ask you the same thing, Rev. What the hell are you hitting me for?"

Revan pointed in the direction from which she came. "Our daughter just got her first period, and you're going to act like you've seen a corpse? No, scratch that. You see corpses all the time, and it doesn't phase you one bit! You were more horrified about our daughter coming into puberty than you would have been had you decapitated a Rodian!"

Naruto whined, causing Revan to develop a tick mark. "Revan, there was so much blood, and it was coming from down there! Men don't DO that!"

She smacked him again, causing him to whine in protest. "Anko is NOT a man, you idiot! I thought you would have foreseen this coming when she was born?"

Naruto shook his head. "I may be a natural when it comes to raising kids, but I don't know the FIRST THING about a girl in puberty. The only reason I didn't Hirashin her ass to the hospital was because you've had periods-"

A resounding smack came this time, and Revan was fuming. "Do NOT talk about my time of the month in such a cavalier manner! I'll have you know that I go through HELL when it occurs, and you're happy-go-lucky attitude does NOT make me feel any better!"

Naruto rubbed his cheek, and stuck his foot further down his mouth. "...Is it that time of the month right now?"

Silence permeated the air, before a THWACK could be heard, followed by the sweet, sweet sound of an individual dropping like a stone to the floor.

Revan stormed out of the kitchen, and went back to the bathroom, entering to see a wide-eyed Anko still sitting on the toilet.

"Is dad okay?"

Revan smiled at her daughter. "He's just fine. He's...well, he's not a girl, so he can't really understand what you're going through, okay dear?"

Anko nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I was asking if he was okay because it sounded like you knocked him out."

Revan's smile only got bigger, which caused Anko to shiver. "Like I said, your father is fine."

A pitiful groan similar to the dying sounds of a cow made its' way through the air. "She...*wheeze*...hit me in the Forbidden Place...someone...someone kill me now...please just kill me now..."

Anko paled, and Revan shut the door to block out the sounds of her husband's agony. Turning to her now slightly apprehensive daughter, she grinned. "Okay! Let's teach you how to deal with this troublesome issue, shall we?"

Coincidentally, Haku had her period several days later, and when her piercing shriek filled the air, Naruto did what any self-respecting father would do:

He kept the hell out of women business, and went back to watching his show.

Sighing, Revan watched out of the corner of her eye as Obi-Wan entered the training room. "For the last time, Naruto. I said I was sorry."

Naruto snorted and turned away from her. "Yeah? Tell that to my balls."

Obi-Wan tripped on air and planted his face in the mat the two were standing on.

Revan snickered, while Naruto shook his head.

"Can I help you, Ben?"

Obi-Wan picked himself up off the ground, and glared at Naruto. "You should not talk to your wife like that, Naruto. It's not-"

He stopped and paled as Naruto turned a glare on him that could melt the entire planet of Ilum. "Don't speak of things you know nothing about, Ben. If you were using those ears of yours, you'd know that my wife tarnished my Forbidden Place."

Obi-Wan gasped, while Revan palmed her face. "For the love of God, Naruto. Saying it like that makes it sound like I violated you."

Naruto turned his head up. "Yeah, well you did. I don't hit you in your special places, so you shouldn't hit me in mine."

Obi-Wan was doing an impressive imitation of a bobble-head doll as he agreed. Revan sighed, and walked over to Naruto, who refused to look at her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was angry that you reacted the way you did, and I'd forgotten that you didn't get the same education that I'd gotten." She felt him tense at that, and it hurt her heart to think she'd caused him more pain. As if he hadn't gotten enough of that. "Look, tonight, when the kids are in bed, it's just you and me, okay? Whatever you want."

She heard him sigh, and he finally relaxed into her hold. "That's cheating, babe."

She grinned. "I know."

Clearing his throat, Obi-Wan got their attention. "Well, if you two are done working out your problems, I have been asked to summon Naruto to the Council Chambers."

This got quirked eyebrows from both Namikazes, and Obi-Wan motioned for them to follow him. Returning their practice sabers to their respective racks, they followed him out the door.

"So, Ben, what's the situation?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Well, first off, the Supreme Chancellor's Representative has been recovered. Aside from a few cuts and bruises, and slight malnourishment, Anakin will be fine. The ARC Commandos did an excellent job in rescuing him."

Naruto and Revan smiled. In all the chaos and confusion during the Battle of Geonosis, they'd had no time to go and rescue their ally, but they were glad that he had been rescued.

"As for the war, things have steadily been progressing forward, but whether that is a good thing or not, I cannot say. It appears that neither side has a definitive advantage over the other, but from what I've heard, that could very well change sooner than we think."

Naruto's interest was now piqued. "What do you mean, Ben?"

Obi-Wan grinned. "You'll find out."

Naruto deadpanned. "You're enjoying this, aren't you? You rat bastard."

Revan smirked, and patted his back. "Now, now. Just be patient. We'll find out soon enough."

Naruto gave her a look. "Yeah, but Benny-boy here is giving me the 'I-know-something-that-you-don't-know' look, and it's pissing me off."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Now you know how I feel."

Naruto resisted the urge to throttle his best friend, and followed him up the stairs to the Council Chambers.

"Here at last, you are. The scenic route, you took." quipped Yoda as the three entered the Chambers. Several chuckles were heard 'round the room, and Naruto frowned.

"What did you call us here for, Masters?" Naruto asked, immediately dispensing with the pleasantries. Yoda's smile lessened. It wasn't like Naruto to not have a comeback ready and waiting in the wings, so to speak.

"Something disturbs you, Namikaze. Please, let us help." came the voice of Senior Council Member Mace Windu. While Naruto may get on his nerves from time to time, when the man was troubled, he often decided to lend a helping hand when he could.

Sighing, Naruto kept quiet. It was his friend who spoke up. "Naruto is...well, he's still rather put out over Jango Fett's..."

Understanding shone in Yoda's eyes, as well as all of the council members in the room. Many had lost individuals they considered friends, some even lost Padawans to death or the Dark Side's unnatural lure.

Revan picked up where Obi-Wan left off. "My husband has lost many friends and family, and as much as I try to get him to think otherwise, he still believes that if he'd been better in some way, shape, or form, he could have saved them. Faster, smarter, stronger, in the right place at the right time."

Once again, everyone in the room could share that sentiment, as they'd all felt and thought the exact same thing at one time or another.

Turning to her husband, Revan placed a hand on his back. "He finally thought he'd acquired enough power to protect those precious people in his life, and Jango's death hit him hard. It was another friend that he felt he failed to protect."

Yoda hummed, "Say this to you, I will. Those who die, those who become one with the Force...lucky, they are." Naruto's eyes snapped up, and a retort was on his lips as Yoda continued. "Feel pain, they do not. Feel suffering, they do not. Released of all their worldly troubles, they are. Finally able to rest in peace, they are. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Rejoice, for one with the Force, they are. Finally, forget this, you mustn't. Once more you will meet them. Upon your death, the Force guides you to them."

Naruto's eyes shone with unbridled tears, and it tore at Revan's heart to see her husband so broken up inside. "That's the problem, Master. I can't die. I'm immor-"

"Immortal, you are not. Forever, nothing lasts. In time, all becomes one with the Force." Yoda spoke, a small smile on his face. "Positive, I am, that you will find a way to your loved ones."

Nodding, Naruto wiped his eyes as Yoda got down to business. Revan mouthed a 'Thank You' to the diminutive Jedi Master, and he nodded in return.

"Many worlds we have lost, to the Separatist threat. The loss of these worlds, cannot afford it, the Republic can. Neutrality, some have chosen. The small moon of Toydaria, one of these worlds is."

Mace continued where Yoda left off. "Master Yoda has decided to be the delegate to head to Toydaria, and he has requested Namikaze's assistance in this matter."

Naruto blinked, obviously surprised. "Me?"

Mace nodded. "He feels that this would be best, seeing as you're gunning for the rank of Master. While your strength is not to be denied, your diplomacy skills are...well, lacking."

Revan laughed. "I know. I swear, I have no idea how he managed to keep the hat for as long as he did. His handwriting is STILL atrocious!"

Naruto rounded on her. "I'll have you know the reason I was Hokage for so long was because there wasn't a single person who could match up to my power. Konohamaru STILL couldn't, but I stepped down willingly."

Revan nodded. "I know. I just like teasing you."

Naruto turned back again, grumbling as Revan smirked. Mace shook his head as Yoda chuckled.

"Now, to Toydaria, we must go. Gather your traveling supplies, you must. A long trip, we might have.

Several days later...

As the Toydarian leader looked out over the length of his kingdom, he couldn't help but feel a bit perturbed. He'd received communications from Jedi Grand Master Yoda that he and another Jedi were coming to negotiate a potential alliance against the Separatists.

Today was the supposed arrival date, yet he'd not heard from the diminutive Master in close to an hour. Several of his royal bodyguards made their way over to him, after their latest attempt to contact Master Yoda.

"There is still no signal from the Republic, Your Highness." he said, and King Katuunko frowned, raising his visor over his eyes to stare into the sky.

"I don't see anything." His frown only deepened. "It is not like the Jedi to be late."

"Greetings, King Katuunko." came a feminine voice.

His bodyguards whirled around in an instant, arms at the ready should a threat pose itself. Katuunko merely turned to gaze upon the form of Asajj Ventress, two B-1 battle droids flanking her.

She bowed, and he spoke. "Who are you?"

She lifted her head and replied. "I am only a messenger, Your Majesty. My Master wishes to speak with you." Upon finishing this statement, a communicator was levitated over in front of him, and the spectral image of Count Dooku appeared.

"Katuunko, Great King of Toydaria, please forgive my hasty intrusion." he began.

"Count Dooku." he acknowledged.

"I am aware that Jedi Master Yoda hopes to convince you to allow the Republic to build a base in your system in exchange for protection, correct?" he asked.

The king scoffed. "Your spies serve you well, Count."

"I ask you this question: How can the Jedi and the Republic protect you...when they cannot even protect themselves?"

"Toydarian Royal Delegation, this is the Republic Envoy. Please repsond." came the voice of the frigate commander, his umpteenth attempt to contact the Toydarians unsuccessful.

In the back, Naruto looked at Yoda with something akin to distaste. "It's a trap."

Yoda shook his head. "Attack us, the Toydarians will not. Good friends I am, with their leader."

Naruto shook his head, and got up, heading to the cockpit. "An ambush, then."

Sighing, Yoda got up, as well, following the blonde to the control room.

The commander ceased his next transmission when both Jedi entered the cockpit. "Ah, Generals. The Toydarian beacon on the moon IS active, but all of our transmissions are being jammed."

Naruto groaned. "I told you."

Yoda hummed. He seemed ready to reply when the ship suddenly shook, violently throwing its' cargo to and fro.

"What in the blue hell is going on, commander?" shouted Naruto, having to use his chakra to stay upright.

"Two Banking Clan Comm ships have warped out of hyperspace and are bombarding us with turbolaser fire!" came the response. A string of curses was heard amongst the clatter and over the roar of the warning klaxon. "We're going to lose our shields if we keep taking this much damage!"

"Too late, it is. Sprung, is the trap." commented Yoda.

Naruto gave him a dry look. "I don't mean to say I told you so...BUT I TOLD YOU SO, GODDAMNIT!"

The consular ship weaved wildly, juking and ducking the sporadic turbolaser fire from both ships, it's cannons firing back, but doing no damage. They were not only outgunned, but outpowered and outmaneuvered, as well.

"Why does this ALWAYS happen to me on missions? I swear, I have the WORST luck." Naruto griped.

"I must get you to safety, Generals." the commander commented, his pilots still doing their best to avoid a fiery death.

"Retreat, you must." said Yoda. The commander was about to protest when Naruto clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Our mission is on Toydaria. That's where we need to go."

The commander seemed to contemplate the choices he had, before nodding. "Alright, I'll get you to the surface."

Naruto shook his head. "No need. We'll kill two birds with one kunai." At their confused looks, he palmed his face. "An escape pod."

Yoda was of the same mind, and nodded, while the commander looked as if he'd proposed they turn about and engage the Separatist frigates in mortal combat. "An ESCAPE POD, sir? The enemy will fire at ANYTHING we launch!"

Yoda turned around as Naruto was climbing into the pod. "Then launch ALL of them, you will, hmm?"

A spark of realization hit the commander's eyes, but he still didn't like the plan. "Damn it all."

"I suppose you and your droid armies could do better?" asked Katuunku.

"Without a doubt." came the Count's reply. "I sense you are someone who respects strength, Your Highness. Our droid armies outnumber the Republic's clones 100 to 1."

"Yes, perhaps." the king acquiesced. "But I have heard that a single Jedi is equal to at least a hundred droids."

"Master Yoda's powers have been GREATLY exaggerated, I'm afraid." came Dooku's response.

The king smirked. "That remains to be seen, Count."

Dooku nodded. "Indeed. But when you decide to join us, my apprentice will contact me." With a bow to the king, the image of Dooku faded, and Ventress retrieved the communicator.

King Katuunku brought his visor back to his eyes, and watched as the Republic consular ship, under heavy fire, finally shot back into hyperspace.

"My lord, Master Yoda's warship has fled the system. What further evidence do you require of the Jedi's weakness?"

A reply from the king was interrupted by a beeping sound coming from his waistband. Reaching down, he grabbed his communicator and flicked the switch. An image of Yoda and Naruto appeared, next to a downed escape pod.

"This is King Katuunku. Speak."

"A pleasure it is, to hear your voice, Your Highness. Master Yoda and Knight Namikaze of the Jedi Order, this is."

"Master Jedi, I had thought that perhaps Count Dooku had...frightened you off."

Naruto scoffed, getting the Toydarian's attention. "Not likely. The bastard merely laid a trap for us. Nothing we couldn't handle, I assure you."

Yoda looked positively mortified at Naruto's casual address of the king. Silence reigned for a few moments before laughter came up over the communicator.

"I've never encountered someone of your disposition before, Knight Namikaze. You have no fear of men in power, I take it?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not really. I'm not all for that formality stuff. A person's merit should be based on their personality and their actions, not on their rank or status."

The king nodded. "I see. A wise one, you are. He has a good head on his shoulders, Master Yoda."

Yoda nodded, glad that the king had a sense of humor. He was SO going to reprimand Naruto after this, but for now, he'd just smile and nod. "Indeed he does, Your Highness. Delayed have we been, as Knight Namikaze has said. But not too far away, we are now. Unaware, we were, that Count Dooku was invited to our meeting."

"The Count...invited himself. He assures me that in this time of war, his droids can offer my world greater security than your Jedi."

Naruto laughed. "That's a good one. The old man really knows how to lie to people. Those scraps of junk? They don't exactly protect, if you get what I mean."

Yoda nodded. "A matter of debate, this is."

Ventress joined in, causing Naruto to look at her, revulsion on his face as he took in her appearance. "Someone has NOT gotten out much, if the color of her skin is any indication. What, did she only go out to get groceries, or something? No one should be that white...well, aside from Orochimaru and Kabuto, that is. But they were an exception. White snake DNA will do that to a person, after all."

"Your Majesty might prefer more than just simple words."

Katuunku raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

"If Yoda and this...boy are indeed the Jedi warriors you believe they are, let them prove it. Allow me to send my best troops to capture them. If they escape, join the Republic. But should my droids defeat the Jedi, consider an alliance with the Separatists."

"I did not request the Jedi's presence here in order to test them in battle!" came the king's reply, but a laugh from Naruto got their attention once more.

"That's great! I LOVE that idea. You might as well fill out the paperwork, Your Majesty, because there's not a chance in Hell I'm going to lose to scrap metal. We can't lose if those are the terms and conditions!"

Yoda refrained from hitting the blonde, as Ventress sneered. "Then perhaps you will have no qualms about arriving by nightfall?"

Naruto shook his head, ignoring Yoda's attempt to protest. "Nah, we got this. We'll get there in time for dinner."

Yoda sighed in defeat. "As Knight Namikaze says, it is. Arrive by nightfall, we will."

Ventress couldn't surpress a grin. "Excellent."

The communicator was turned off, and the Toydarian King was in Ventress' face in an instant. "Master Yoda and Knight Naruto MUST be given a fair fight. Is this understood?"

"My dear King Katuunku, I would have it no other way."

As soon as the communicator was turned off, Naruto abruptly found himself upside down courtesy of Yoda, if the little Master's glare had anything to do with it.

"So much, I wish to say. Yet nothing I think of, any more harm will it do to you."

Naruto grinned. "Don't sweat it, Master. We're fighting DROIDS, not actual Force-users. I can get to this king's personal quarters in less time than it takes me to spar with Rev in the mornings."

Yoda shook him around, causing Naruto's eyes to spin. "Provoke the Dark Side, you should not. Answer your challenge, it most certainly will. Just because we face droids, easy this will not be. Learn to control your tongue, you should. Around royalty and political figures, even more so."

Naruto scoffed, causing Yoda's eyebrow to twitch in annoyance. "Like I told the Toydarian king, status, political influence, and royalty do not define a person. Their actions, personalities, and beliefs are what make them who they are. I'm not about to respect someone who'll kill an entire populace just because he's got the power to make my life hell. I'll respect someone when they show that they are, inherently, a good person."

Sighing, Yoda let Naruto fall on his head, and began to hobble off in the direction of the Toydarian Palace. "Keep that optimism, you should. Few possess views such as yours, indeed. However, to learn when to put on a mask of indifference, is what you should glean. For situations arise, certain views, tolerated they will not be."

Rubbing his head in annoyance and pain, Naruto got up and jogged to catch up. "Don't worry about me and masks, Master Yoda. That's something...that I know a lot about."

YEAH! Okay, all this aside, it's been a HELL of a few months, so forgive my sudden and lengthy absence. Life sucks, and so does the economy, hence why I had to focus entirely on the real world, not the one that frolics about in my skull (as awesome as that may be.)

Until next time,

Sgt. Assassin