Chapter 13

Jane ran her hand through her unruly hair in frustration. Kicking the phone onto speaker, she began to pace the length of the small room as she listened to Frost describe Patrick Doyle's house and the state of disarray it was in. Her eyes remained focused on the floor where her feet paced back and forth, she was hardly aware of Maura's reaction to the news her father was missing.

"There's no sign of forced entry," Frost looked at Korsak who nodded in agreement. "There's no blood, Jane; if someone took him there wasn't enough of a fight to draw blood. Doyle's crew wouldn't just stand by and let someone take him would they?"

"If my theory is right and it's someone in his organization, they might stand by and watch him be escorted out. I suppose it would depend on whether they were aligned with the old or the new."

"The new hasn't been defined has it?" Frost asked.

"Who knows," Jane shot back. "I wouldn't think so if they were knocking off Doyle's upper management trying to get the competition reduced."

"So if we go on the theory that it's someone on the inside," Korsak offered as he walked around the room that had been converted to Doyle's bedroom, "it would have to be someone that would be trusted enough to be let in. No forced entry."

"Agreed." Jane squinted as she batted around theories with Korsak; a habit that she swore made her think clearer. "No forced entry means someone either had a key or could just knock and be let in. It screams inside job to me, Korsak."

"They get entrance into the house and then what…..ask him to leave nicely?"

"How does a terminal patient get up from their bed?" Jane asked. "Is there a walker or wheelchair there?"

"Both." Korsak spotted them in the corner of the room.

"Look for a Shillelagh." Maura's voice was soft, barely audible causing Jane to quickly glance at her to ensure she had actually spoken.

"What?"

"Look for a Shillelagh; it's a walking stick handmade in Ireland and bearing the same name as the town that is traditionally known for making them. I remembered seeing a Shillelagh and noting that it seemed out of place, like it had been purchased long before sterile hospital supplies were needed. It bore the crest of the Doyle family," Maura said sadly as Jane stopped walking and sat down next to Maura to allow her to hear the speakerphone better.

"So we're looking for a big stick, that's all we've got?"

"You'll know if you see it," Maura assured Frost. "It's made from blackthorn. Blackthorn is the common name for Prunus spinosa, and it's considered the perfect species to make a Shillelagh from."

"Nothin' around here looks like a big stick, Jane," Korsak said after confirming the adjoining rooms didn't have a Shillelagh in them.

"So he walked out using his version of a cane, that takes care of the how" Jane concluded.

"Actually it doesn't explain the how….he was dying right?" Frost watched as Korsak shrugged his shoulders as a response.

"He didn't look good to me," Korsak agreed.

"Then how did he get his ass out of bed?" Frost surveyed the room once more trying to look beyond what he had already cataloged in his mind to find the missing clue. "Asshole should get the Oscar for best actor because he probably wasn't even sick."

"He's dying. He wasn't faking." Maura rested her head on her hands as she stared forward avoiding Jane's gaze. "It's my professional opinion that he's likely experiencing the surge of energy one gets when they are close to dying. It's common for cancer patients, or others suffering from terminal illnesses to have a burst of energy or clarity as the end nears. It's not a well explored phenomenon because most attribute it to a spiritual awakening, citing faith as the source of strength before meeting the patient's version of a higher being."

"So you're telling me that he got up, used an Irish walking stick to leave his house and, do what….go where?" Jane wasn't even attempting to hide her aggravation. "I need to get back there and find that bastard."

"You can't!" Korsak's voice startled both Jane and Maura. "She's in even more danger now that he's on the move. It escalates things, Jane. Whoever wants control over his organization is likely to get really nervous if they think he can still function."

"If the problem started with the docks, and control of the docks is at the heart of this entire mess, I'd venture to say he might head there first." Jane leaned back and closed her eyes trying to determine the whereabouts of Patrick Doyle. Every theory had holes, every instinct screamed out for Maura's safety, not Paddy's dealings. She tried hard, to no avail, to quiet her gut regarding Maura and focus on finding Doyle. "Frost check the docks; I would bet that there's some activity going on down there if this whole mess is over control of them."

"Roger that, partner."

"Korsak, check on Maura's house and the morgue. Let's face it, if they think she's next in line they aren't going to waste a lot of time with Doyle. They'll be after her in no time. When you're done with that, go through the house with a fine-toothed comb. There's something there that we're missing; I can feel it."

"I'll get Frankie to come help. Maybe a set of fresh eyes will help, just as long as they aren't yours. We'll check in later, Jane, just keep you guys safe."

Korsak hung up the phone and Jane hers onto the cushion beside her as she watched various emotions wash over Maura's face.

"Why did he do this?" Jane's voice held conviction. "Why involve his only daughter, who he claims to love, in this mess?"

"I don't think he knew he had a mess when he asked for my help."

"How fucking selfish of him, Maura!" Jane stood up and began to pace out of anger. "He needs help in his dying days? He walked out the damn door as far as we know using a fucking stick! He's not entitled to help if he can walk out the damn door!"

"Selfishness is that detestable vice which no one will forgive in others, and no one is without in himself." Maura let her head rest fully in her hands as she struggled to maintain her composure. "Henry Ward Beecher."

"He's a selfish bastard to blackmail his own daughter," Jane glared at Maura waiting for her reaction. "Jane Rizzoli."

"We are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive." Maura lifted her head and blinked back her tears. "Lord Byron never rang more true to my own life than he does right now."

"Meaning?"

"Aren't we both being selfish?" Maura's voice raised an octave catching Jane by surprise. "I know my motive for helping him, or even finding him, has nothing to do with providing him comfort as he dies but everything to do with finding my birth mother."

"You think I'm being selfish trying to bring a known criminal to justice? No worries about his victims and bringing them some peace, it's always about me right?" Jane's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm saying I am being selfish, Jane, my motives aren't as pure as yours."

Maura rose and wiped her tears with a nearby napkin before turning to confront Jane.

"I helped him to learn about my mother." Maura's breath was coming in gasps as she fought for control of her emotions. "He'll die out there, Jane. When I first saw him, I would have given him weeks but now that he can get up and is experiencing that final burst of energy, it'll be a few days. In days I will lose my only chance at knowing my birth mother and the chance to feel like I belong somewhere."

Jane approached Maura and placed her hands on Maura's trembling shoulders. Jane's eyes could no longer hide her emotions from her best friend; Maura mentally categorized Jane's emotions.

Fear.

"We'll find him, Maura," Jane tried to offer a reassuring smile that fell dreadfully short.

You don't believe that anymore than I do, Jane.

"And you're not the same person you were before. You belong with us; you're part of a bigger family than you would ever know."

I want to belong with you, Jane, I feel safe.

"There's so much I'll never know." Maura couldn't contain her emotions any longer. Jane didn't just hear Maura's sob, she felt it resonate through her body as Maura leaned forward to embrace Jane.

"Maura…."

"Don't," Maura's voice was barely a whisper. She knew if Jane were to touch her, to take her fully into her embrace, Maura wouldn't let go.

I want to be selfish; I want to revel in her touch even if my actions show I don't deserve it.

Maura backed up, putting some distance between her and Jane. The few feet seemed like a large chasm, but Maura knew she needed to gain control over her emotions. Knowing and then doing were proving difficult for the genius doctor.

"Maura?"

Maura was trembling; she knew there was nothing she could do to stop the emotions bubbling over. Her body was exhausted and that exhaustion was testing her resolve and her mental capacity. Maura didn't know how much longer her legs could hold her weight as the severity of the situation sunk in.

Maura looked at Jane and her breath was taken away, just as it was all of the countless times after she first realized that Jane was a fixture in her life that she could not replace, she could not lose, and she couldn't live without. Jane was beautiful; standing near Maura with an unreadable expression on her face.

She probably thinks I'm losing it. I probably am.

Maura couldn't look away from Jane, could not have possibly torn her eyes away even if she had wanted to. And she did not want to, there was no question. She was afraid that if she looked away, even blinked, Jane would disappear and her life would go back to the shadow it once was.

"Jane…" Maura's voice trailed off as her tears were falling even harder now.

Jane watched as Maura's step faltered. Maura's hand reached out to steady herself, but nothing was close enough for her to touch other than Jane. Jane decided at the last moment to reach out, holding Maura steady until her footing was regained.

"You can't leave me," Maura's voice was barely a whisper and Jane fought to hear what she had said.

"What, Maura?"

"I can't lose you too." Maura's voice regained a little strength but she was not nearly the strong woman that Jane knew her to be.

Jane watched as Maura started to drop toward the ground. Jane placed her hands on Maura's waist but Maura didn't react. She appeared almost lifeless as her mind continued to process the dangerous situation she had gotten both her and Jane into. Jane fought for her to stand and ushered her to the couch, thankful when Maura sank into the cushions.

"I'm not going anywhere, Maura." Jane wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulder as Maura struggled to manage her breathing.

Jane watched as Maura turned her body toward Jane. Maura's eyes were glistening with tears, but for the first time since Jane had hung up the phone Maura seemed lucid. Maura was in complete control when her shaky hand met Jane's cheek. She knew exactly what she was doing when she used her thumb to brush Jane's cheek, intimately, more so than any other touch had been between them. Maura was in complete control of the situation when she tilted her head slowly, leaning forward into Jane's personal space. She felt all control slip away when she looked from Jane's pleading brown eyes, to her lips, and then closed her eyes and touched her gentle, soft mouth to Jane's to claim her kiss.