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Cloud didn't sleep much that night. There fantasies traipsing though his head – Riku straddling his lap, staring up at him with those entrancing eyes; the way Riku's lips would feel pressed against his own; the feeling of Riku's soft hands trailing down his spine, fingertips making a trail across his abdomen, then slowly, teasingly, sneaking lower and lower… But then that stupid voice would turn back on in his head, fighting his every desire with the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind since the very beginning.

He doesn't like you. No one could ever like a brooding, ugly, older man with weird alien-glowing eyes, who carries a sword that probably gives off the impression that he's compensating for something, and never says more than a few words to anyone except Aerith.

But getting back to the point, there was no chance in hell that Riku could actually have feelings for him. Cloud was better off trying to deny his feelings until the boy and his friends left, and then maybe he could let himself give in to his fantasies, just for a little while. His attraction to Riku was probably nothing more than lust anyway, right? It had nothing to do with the fact that the boy would go out in a blizzard to find something his friend had dropped in the snow. Or with the fact that from what Cloud had heard tonight, he had fought back someone who had possessed him in order to save his friends. And it certainly wasn't because he had selflessly locked himself in the heart of darkness, spending a year anonymously fighting along with King Mickey.

No, it was simply that shining silver hair that would feel so silky against his skin, those eyes that seemed to smile even when the boy was staring off into space. Those eyes that Riku had willingly covered for a year in order to keep back the darkness. Because even in the blackest of times, Riku could always see the light, and always maintain the hope in his heart that there was something worth fighting for.

Wait, stop it. Lust. Sex. Warm skin and sweet, sweet moans coming from between those soft lips. That was all he wanted from Riku.

Cloud wondered if Riku was a good kisser. And if his hands were smooth, or calloused, like his own. And then a new thought popped into his head. Could Riku still be a virgin? After all, he had been a mere child when he had left his home world, and Cloud had heard nothing of him having any relationships during his exploits. Who would have time for that, hopping from world to world and fighting Organization XIII, anyway? And if Riku was a virgin, that meant that Cloud would be his first. Which meant that he would give Riku his first orgasm. Which meant that Riku would moan with such ecstasy…

Okay, so lust was creating its own problems.

Why not try counting moogles?

One, two, three…

When he reached 347, Cloud gave up on sleep, instead sliding out of bed and padding his way to the kitchen for some tea. That would calm him down.

Just as it was beginning to work, however, who should appear in the doorway but Riku himself? And judging from the way he was shuffling and rubbing his eyes, he hadn't had any problem sleeping.

Cloud considered pouring his tea in the sink and returning to his real bed, but restrained himself from what was certainly a rude gesture.

As soon as Riku spotted Cloud, his eyes widened, and Cloud saw that adorable blush cover his cheeks again. He was just warm from sleeping in those blankets, Cloud reasoned. So it wasn't really a blush.

So, with no chance of escape, Cloud grudgingly tore his eyes from those gorgeous lips and turned to put some more hot water on the stove.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," said Riku, scaring Cloud out of skin despite the quiet voice.

Cloud turned back around.

"You wanted something else?"

"Oh… no, I came in here for tea, I just meant that you didn't have to bother with it. I can make it myself."

Cloud simply shrugged, tossing the box of tea bags onto the table.

Turning back to the water, Cloud heard Riku sit down at the table and slowly rifle through the teas. Thus distracted, Riku didn't notice Cloud speed up the water's progress with a small fire spell.

The water thus heated, Cloud grabbed the first mug he touched from the cupboard and filled it almost to the brim.

Turning back to Riku, he realized that he had just been asked a question.

"What was that?"

"Oh… I just asked…" Riku was definitely blushing now. "Since, you know, you're here, and… I'm kind of pathetic, and… well… Okay, so I had to ask someone, and Sora would just bombard me with his own questions, I'm still not too fond of his animal companions, Leon isn't exactly approachable, and Cid is just frightening, Merlin… well, I don't think he'd be of much help, and I definitely can't ask one of the girls – they'd just get curious and try to make me explain things."

"Okay…"

"Well… I know it's a weird and kind of personal question, but… Well, I just wanted to know how it feels to really like someone. I mean, there's someone who I think I like, but I've never really felt this way before, so… I mean, Sora and Kairi like each other, but they've also known each other since we were seven. I don't know. I just feel like… like I'm doing something wrong. Like maybe I shouldn't be feeling this way about them."

Riku, who had been fiddling with his tea bag during his whole speech, finally rested his eyes on Cloud's.

Drawn in by the aqua glow in the dim light, Cloud pulled out a chair, swung it around, and sat on it backwards. To keep you from reaching out and holding Riku's hand, a little voice said in his head, and was quickly berated by the negative one he'd been hearing so often.

Shit, how many voices did his head possess?

Silencing them both, he responded, "Well, I guess I haven't really felt it that often. There was one time that it was just an infatuation, and when I found out that they didn't reciprocate those feelings, I realized that I hadn't actually liked them, I just looked up to them. Then there was another time when someone else was infatuated with me, so I tried to convince myself that I liked them back. That never works, by the way. Plus they turned out to be really creepy."

Riku cocked his head at this, and opened his mouth as if to ask a question, but Cloud cut him off.

"Don't ask. Seriously." Cloud did not want to even think about Marluxia. The color pink still made him ill. It was a wonder that he hadn't thrown up after spending so much time around Kairi in her admittedly cute, but far too pink, dress.

"Anyway, so I guess you could say that there's only one person that I've ever truly liked. And, well, it's sort of scary. Because I'm almost positive that they don't return my feelings, but I just can't stop thinking about them. No matter what I'm doing, they're always on my mind, and even though I wish that I could control my thoughts, I also never want to stop thinking about them. I always want to feel their presence, even when I can't be around them physically. And every time I see this person, I feel as though I'm drowning in their eyes, and I would do anything for just one glance, one smile directed at me.

"And even though liking someone gives you this compressing, crippling ache of longing in your chest, it's all worth it. Because you always have that hope that maybe, one day, they'll turn around and say 'Of course. Of course it was you all along.' And that hope is, I guess, the true essence of attraction. I think it is for me, anyway. Then again, I try not to think about it too much."

When Cloud had finished, he just stared at the chocobo adorning the half-empty yellow mug in his hands. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, but he guessed that the tea was no longer hot enough to be worth drinking.

After contemplating this for a while, and taking a moment to wonder why a chocobo mug would be yellow (shouldn't it be a contrasting color? Without the outline, it would just be eyes, feet, and a beak. And that would just be creepy.), he realized that Riku hadn't said anything in a long time.

When he looked across the table, he found Riku staring at him. This time, the boy didn't look away, instead studying Cloud's face.

Cloud was more than a little unnerved.

"What? Did my hair go flat, or something?" he joked, trying to relieve some of the pressure.

Finally, Riku spoke, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"I know I haven't known you for a while, but I think that's most I've ever heard you speak."

Now it was Cloud's turn to blush. He averted his eyes awkwardly, and cleared his throat, determined to regain control of his vocal chords, as well as the mind connected to them.

When Riku spoke again, Cloud was snapped out of his thoughts about a chocobo with no beak, and imagining how weird that would look on a mug, and instead returned his gaze to Riku.

"You used the present tense."

"Huh?"

"When you were speaking just now. About the last person you'd liked. You were speaking in the present tense."

Cloud replied with a blank stare.

"That means you still like them."

Cloud's blush deepened.

"I know this is probably really inappropriate, seeing as I don't know you that well and all, but from what I've heard about you from all of your friends, and Sora, of course, I think you should go for it."

Was Cloud imagining that disheartened tone to Riku's voice?

Yep. Definitely,

"What I mean is, you seem pretty awesome, and it's not like you're unattractive or anything. Far from it, actually." Riku cleared his throat. "I mean, the girl you like is really lucky, and she'd have to be insane to turn you down."

The spark that had flared in his chest at Riku's words was immediately extinguished. 'She.'

He had said 'she.'

So Riku really wasn't gay. Any hope that Aerith had given him was stomped on mercilessly. Cloud made a mental note to never listen to Aerith again.

Well, I might as well set the boy straight.

"Actually, I'm gay."

Riku stared.

After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, Cloud decided it was best if he left now. He poured his now un-drinkable tea down the sink drain, and was about to leave when Riku's voice stopped him in the doorway.

"What if… what if the person you liked didn't know you were gay?"

Cloud turned around reluctantly, but figured there was no use trying to escape. Riku didn't seem the type to just let a question go, so he sighed and leaned against the doorway before answering.

"Well, it would suck. But quite frankly, it would suck even more if they did know, because if they were straight, they'd likely just avoid me because they were freaked out by it."

Another pause.

"What if they were gay, too? But you didn't know it."

"I guess then it would be worth it to tell them I'm gay, because, you know, if I were to tell them that I liked them, then there's always the chance that they might like me back. Which I guess goes against my previous statement, because if I didn't know they were gay, I'd still avoid telling them."

Shiva, why couldn't he think straight around this boy? Riku probably thought he was an idiot by now.

"So, if you're gay, and you know that they're gay, what would you do?"

Cloud thought for a moment.

"I guess that if I knew he was gay, I would just go for it. What's there to lose, right?"

"Oh."

Riku got up from the table and slowly poured the tea from his mug. He placed it on the counter, and Cloud tried to avoid eye contact, as that awkward silence had settled in again, moving aside so that Riku could leave ahead of him. The whole footsteps thing, and all. Definitely not because he wanted to watch Riku as he walked away.

So of course, when he was interrupted from these conflicted feelings by a hand lightly touching his cheek, it took him a while to register the contact. His brain was still catching up as his head was gently turned by said hand. But as soon as Riku's lips touched his, it was as if all of his synapses had fired off at once.

Riku's kissing me.

So startled was he by that thought, that he didn't even think to return the kiss.

Riku pulled back slightly and muttered a broken "I'm sorry," before Cloud reclaimed his lips fiercely. He pulled the boy closer, pressing against him. His hands ran through Riku's hair, across his back, on his cheek, as if to reassure himself that this wasn't yet another dream.

When he felt arms tentatively wrap around his neck, a hand grasping his hair, Cloud could no longer hold back. He slid his tongue past Riku's lips, trying to be as gentle as he could given the circumstances, and heard Riku gasp. The boy willingly let Cloud dominate the kiss, and damn if this wasn't ten times better than any of his fantasies. Cloud's brain had completely shut down, and all that existed was Riku. Turning the boy around, Cloud pressed him up against the door, never once breaking the kiss. He was vividly aware of Riku's body against his, heat building rapidly at every point where they were melded together, and yet still he strove for more contact.

That was when Riku began experimenting with his tongue.

Cloud moaned into the kiss. He had thought this couldn't get any better, but Riku kept proving him wrong.

Riku was obviously inexperienced, and Cloud wondered if maybe this was his first kiss, the thought immediately shoved aside by the sensation of delicate fingers gliding lightly down his spine, barely touching his skin. To say it felt wonderful would have been a severe understatement. After a few moments (minutes? hours?) of this ecstasy, Cloud realized that Riku might be a bit overwhelmed and was probably in need of air, so he reluctantly pulled back, keeping a tight hold on Riku's waist. Riku looked up at him, barely two inches away and breathing heavily. His next statement was quite possibly the most obvious thing that Cloud had ever heard.

"I like you."

Still, Cloud couldn't help the shivers that ran down his spine, or the way that his heart was still trying to jumpstart itself back into its regular beating.

Riku was still talking.

"If you don't like me back, I understand. I know I kind of forced myself on you, but I overheard you and Aerith a few hours ago, and the things you were saying just now…"

Cloud then did something that it seemed could only be caused by Riku. He smiled. Just slightly, but it was there. Deciding Riku had done enough rambling for one night, Cloud stilled his mouth with a soft kiss, tender and sweet.

For Riku's benefit, he added, "Generally, when someone kisses you back like that, it means they reciprocate your feelings."

There was that cute blush again. "Will you kiss me like that again?"

Cloud's smile widened, and he leaned down once again, lips meeting Riku's in a kiss even more passionate than the one before.

No, Cloud wasn't going to be getting much sleep at all tonight. And he found that he didn't give a damn.