Chapter 22
The sun streamed through the room gently waking Maura from her sleep. She stretched, unaccustomed to her muscles aching from the vigorous activity she had engaged in the previous night. The smile on her face spread quickly at the memories of her night with Jane; the way her touch had unraveled Jane causing her to scream in ecstasy. As if the memory of Jane's reaction wasn't enough, Maura remembered her own response to Jane's touch. The way that Jane touched her was more than Maura could ever have imagined. She hadn't expected Jane to be so sensitive; she was attentive as a lover. Her fingers were soft yet firm at the same time, the memory of how it felt when Jane's scarred palms caressed Maura's hard, sensitive nipples sent a rush of heat through Maura's body. She pushed herself up on one arm to look at Jane who, at some point during the night, had turned her back toward Maura firmly planting her body against her during the night.
"Are you going to stare at me all morning?"
"Are you pouting that I got to be the big spoon?" Maura's voice was laced with pride at not only her joke, but her demonstration of dominance over Jane.
"I always knew you'd be an annoying morning person." Jane's voice was husky when she first spoke in the morning. Maura had already known this; their two sleepovers were enough for her to deduce that Jane's voice always cracked with the first words out of her mouth.
"I'm trying to show you there are other states of the mind than grouchiness in the morning. As Lemony Snicket once said, 'Morning is an important time of day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you're going to have.'"
"Did you actually watch a Jim Carrey movie?"
"Did you actually just admit to imagining my demeanor first thing in the morning?"
"Who would name someone Lemony anyway?"
"It's a pen name, Jane." Maura brushed a piece of hair off of Jane's forehead while continuing her train of thought. "Although, in his books he does appear as a character, which means we can refer to him as both a fictional character and real person."
"I'm aware, Maura, he is most known for 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' and my own series of unfortunate events started by allowing myself to be Google mouthed about literary characters first thing in the morning."
"We can always talk about how I managed to be the big spoon?"
Jane growled under her breath but made no attempt to pull away as Maura's finger traced the curvature of her eyebrow. She rolled over onto her back and opened one eye to look at Maura. The sun caused her to squint, her eyes sensitive to the morning light, making Maura's features slightly blurry until Jane balled her fists and rubbed her eyes vigorously.
"Must we talk at all?"
"Well there are other things I could think of doing right now." Maura leaned in and ran the tip of her tongue over Jane's slightly parted lips before snuggling down into the covers to be eye to eye with her now lover.
"Thank god one of them is not talking," Jane said with a smile. "In my fantasies you're certainly doing better things with your mouth."
"So you admit to having fantasies about me?"
Jane rolled her eyes at the glorious smile that overtook Maura's features. She truly was beautiful and despite it being early in the morning and the whole Lemony Snicket debate, Jane couldn't resist Maura's disarming charm.
"Yes." Jane shut her eyes hoping the conversation could end there.
"Did I live up to your fantasies?" Maura couldn't help the insecurity that crept into her voice.
Jane's eyes flew open and she studied Maura's features. Despite being eye level with one another, Maura's eyes were focused anywhere but Jane's. Jane reached out and ran her finger over Maura's bottom lip, still slightly swollen from their passionate kissing the night before.
"You surpassed every fantasy I've ever had." Jane cleared her throat. "And I don't just mean sexually, Maura." Jane's voice held none of the patented Rizzoli sarcasm, no roughness to hide her innermost thoughts and feelings. But when Maura looked into her eyes she saw something that she quickly identified as fear.
"You're afraid."
"Well good thing I have a big spoon to keep me safe."
"What are you afraid of, Jane?" Maura was a patient woman; she could easily outlast Jane. She knew Jane would crack long before her patience would wear out, but the thought of their night together causing Jane fear was almost too much to bear. "Is this when you tell me last night was a mistake?"
"No, this is when I tell you that I wish we could stay here in the land of flannel and softball forever and not go back to real life." Jane sat up, clutching the bed sheet to her chest. "But we can't; we eventually have to face the reality that despite the fact that this is… amazing, an entirely different life waits for us in Boston."
"I know." Maura did little to hide her smirk or the sarcasm dripping in her voice, "I couldn't even imaging being in a relationship with a female in the most gay-friendly place in America."
"We don't live in Disneyland, Maura."
"Where gay marriage is not only recognized, but celebrated among the community so that couples can walk down the street hand in hand and not be ostracized," Maura continued undeterred.
"If you start singing 'It's A Small World After All' I will smoother you with a pillow."
"I have no doubt you'd try," Maura laughed at the incorrigible look on Jane's face. "I thought we agreed we were going to take it one step at a time? I haven't asked you to marry me, Jane."
Jane groaned and slid down further into the covers reminding Maura of a petulant child.
"You've obviously let being the big spoon go to your head. And when did you become a person who flies by the seat of their pants? Unless blood is seeping out of a major artery in someone's chest you call it a reddish-brown stain!"
Maura was a planner; she had no way of denying that. She was proud of her ability not to jump to conclusions and be one of the few to analyze and make decisions on facts. But this was new territory, she found herself more inclined to accept feelings and act upon them when it came to Jane. Letting go felt glorious and Maura refused to let Jane pigeonhole their relationship before it even started.
"Maybe I started flying by the seat of my pants because you've somehow become cautious and fearful."
Maura's mind instantly flashed back to the previous night. She hadn't planned it at all; in fact she had assumed they would return from dinner and discuss the plan to finding her mother. But Jane's arousal couldn't be controlled anymore and Maura certainly hadn't resisted.
"I'd say flying by the seat of my pants worked well last night, wouldn't you?"
Maura couldn't contain her laughter anymore when she watched Jane yank the covers down to scowl at her. "It was actually very easy to let go last night; you were easier to read than I thought you'd be."
"We're not discussing this," Jane mumbled as she took a deep breath to calm her nerves.
"You're not particularly vocal with what you want, but an attentive lover can easily deduce what you like if they pay attention to your breathing patterns or when you lift your hips off the bed to meet…."
"Maura," Jane growled to halt the conversation.
"All I'm saying is that obviously my new approach seems to work well." Maura allowed her smile to grow when Jane looked deep into her eyes. Maura's fingertips massaged Jane's shoulder, traveled down her arm leaving a wake of goose bumps in its path, and came to rest in Jane's own hand so she could intertwine their fingers. "Given that we're here and took an intimate step in our relationship, coupled with the fact that we're on a quest to find my biological mother, perhaps there are more changes on the horizon to force me out of my comfort zone."
"You look more than comfortable, Dr. Isles." Jane arched her eyebrow as a grin spread across Maura's features like a Cheshire cat. "I'm bracing myself for the news that you're going to buy a power drill next."
"Although I'm sure you're making some sort of lesbian reference," Maura chuckled as she placed a chaste kiss on Jane's lips, "I can most certainly assure you that between you and I the bets would be on you to be more apt to wield power tools. You certainly looked comfortable walking around in P-Town yesterday."
"I was actually following up on leads to find your mother." Jane struggled to force herself to be open and share her feelings with Maura. "But I want…I need…to take it slow, Maura. I'm not surprised that things were so…." Jane struggled with the right adjective to describe her night with Maura but they all seemed to pale to the reality.
"What?" Maura laid her hand on Jane's arm encouraging her to talk.
"Amazing?" Jane's voice raised an octave as she guessed at words to best describe what had happened between them. "That seems like such a stupid word to describe what happened."
"What about miraculous?"
"My, Dr. Isles, your big brain is obviously now residing in a big head."
"Jane, you don't have to describe anything," Maura touched her hand to Jane's chest over her heart. "I knew when I kissed you that it wasn't going to go away. I knew because this was so much more and last night just confirmed my hypothesis."
"Now I'm reduced to scientific theory?"
"No." Maura paused as she stared into Jane's endless brown eyes. "Now you've managed to show me that we're different from anyone else and there's nobody else in the world I'd want to be with right now, even if this never happened and we were only searching for my mother."
Jane couldn't handle the sincerity in Maura's voice, the way her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she revealed her feelings. Jane pulled Maura to her chest, running her fingertips down Maura's naked back.
"I want to find your mother Maura," Jane said sincerely, closing her eyes relishing in Maura's leg draped casually over hers. "That's a lot of change for you in such a short time though."
Maura was touched at how concerned Jane was about her stability. It was always so important to Maura; her routine had been perfected over the years and brought her comfort. She looked at things purely. There were very few shades of grey until she met Jane Rizzoli. The strength of Jane's arms gave her the courage to voice her innermost fears.
"What if we find her and she doesn't want a relationship?"
Jane's fingers stopped her soft caress while she thought about the answer. When she had mentally chosen the words a few moments later, despite it feeling like an eternity to Maura, her fingers once again began moving and she cleared her throat to speak.
"At worst, you have the answers you've been looking for almost your entire life. You'll have a chance to ask her why she gave you up and not have it be tainted by Paddy Doyle."
"And at best?"
"You find Someone else who absolutely loves you with everything that they are and will ever be."
Maura didn't say anything as she settled in to listening to Jane's heart, oblivious of the single tear that journeyed down Jane's cheek. For in that moment, Jane knew she'd never love another; she just needed to know what to do with it now that she couldn't turn back.