Chapter 5

It seemed that Fate deemed it reasonable to wake me twice from a deep slumber by the indignant yowl of a cat. However I didn't spring immediately awake like I did before. Long minutes passed before I could properly open my eyes. The first thing that greeted me was black slit pupils surrounded by yellow clouds. They then moved away so I could see the creature that stared curiously at me with its tail flicking back and forth on my chest light enough to tickle. It judged me awake enough to give it attention so it purred loudly and rammed its head into my chin in excitement. Ouch. That hurt. My groan of pain was enough encouragement for the familiar cat to continue rubbing its head along the stubble of my jaw seeking pats.

Heavier than I ever imagined it to be, my arm lifted from underneath the blanket that covered me to stroke its black back before it succeeded in dislocating my jaw. I noticed that my gauntlets remained on my forearms. Good. I shifted around a bit on the cot I occupied to ascertain whether I was naked or not because waking up in a strange bed after one too many drinks had happened before. Thankfully I realized I was still dressed and that someone thoughtfully removed my uncomfortable armor so I could rest easier. Great.

My energy spent, I dropped my arm back down to the cot. Now that I paid my dues of affection to the feline it was satisfied to settle down to sleep curled up into a little ball on my chest. That sounded like a fine idea, my friend.

The Fade took me gently back into its embrace.

The next time I awoke I felt more grounded in reality and could think clearer. I felt the furball that radiated heat on my left side snuggled tightly between my arm and hip. Happily it purred as the little cat dreamed a little kitty dream. It was easier this time to control my muscles and I used that new found discovery to lightly run my fingers through its soft fur. Someone had given the fellow a bath as I felt no mud or snarled tangles that certainly had been there before when I first met the cheeky feline. I let my hand still. How long ago was that?

My breathing still even and my eyes closed, I heard footsteps come closer.

"I thought I told you before to leave him alone? Come; find somewhere else to sleep besides on Hawke. I'm sure your master appreciates your loyalty, but not you clawing him while he's unconscious."

Calloused fingers carefully brushed over my arm to lift up my napping companion but I stopped them by trying to grasp the person's hand. I heard a sharp indrawn breath.

"Hawke?" The question was whispered.

The hands left the cat that hadn't bothered to wake up to pick up my hand. It was squeezed gently. Carefully I opened my eyes and saw Anders' face come into focus. Ah, now I knew where I was. I must be in his clinic. How did I always wind up here after being knocked unconscious? A smile bloomed on the Healer's face.

"Why are you happy?" I asked in a voice that sounded drier than the desert. A rim of a glass pressed to my lips and the back of my head was lifted. I opened my mouth to the sweet cool taste of water that soothed my scratchy throat. I swallowed gratefully. It was taken away but my thirst was sated.

"Better?"

I nodded with a satisfied sigh as he carefully set my head back down on the pillow.

"'m tired," I mumbled.

My hand was squeezed again.

"Then sleep. Your fever is broken and the poison has passed through your system. All you need to do now is rest." His voice was soft.

Rest. Yeah, that was good.

This time I was accompanied to the Fade by a nagging question that hovered at the back of my mind. It sounded important but I slipped away before I could figure out why.

The third time I woke I remembered the question I wanted to ask. Something batted at my fingers that made me pause in my intent to rise off the sick bed I was confined to. I cocked my head to the side and saw the cat batting my leather covered fingers playfully with its paws. Its rear was in the air with its head down low as it hunted. I wiggled the black digits which made the cat pounce and roll around trying to devour them. Sharp teeth nibbled on the pads of my fingers but didn't bite down.

"Glad you listened when I told you to find Anders. I'm sure he's happy to have someone around besides sick people and crazy spirits."

My voice wasn't as harsh as it had been the last time I woke up I noticed as I played with the little warrior. Footsteps warned me of someone entering the room and I looked up to see Anders walk in leaning tiredly on his staff. He saw me watching him and he smiled thinly while he walked over to my bedside. Anders raised an eyebrow at the feline who joyfully ignored everything around it to swat my still fingers into moving again. I faithfully obliged.

"Beneath the scruffy exterior you really do have something of a soft heart, don't you?" The Healer asked. He turned around to drag a decrepit wooden stool closer to my side for him to sit on.

I shrugged. "I don't know about that. I'm merely training him to attack our enemies," I replied. "He's got quite a name to live up to."

"'He' is actually a 'She'," Anders informed me.

"Hmm?" I hummed distractedly. "Oh. Well she's no lady to be coddled. This little spitfire is a warrior."

Anders chuckled. "I can see that. I didn't know you had a cat."

"I don't. She found me when I was in Lowtown. You could say she owns me."

"Cats do have a tendency to do that," he smiled. "Can I ask what you named her?"

"Purrishok, Leader of the Catari, but since she's a girl I guess we can shorten that to just Purri so she won't intimidate gentlecat callers."

The cat paused in her game as if she recognized her name. She stood up to meow and butt her head into my side. Absently I stroked her as I watched Anders try not to laugh at the name I bestowed her with.

"What? It's a perfectly good name," I protested as I scratched a spot on her back that made the cat purr louder.

"Oh, yes of course, a strong name for such a noble beast. At least you didn't call her something ridiculous, like Frederick. A Warden I knew seemed fond of that name."

"That is ridiculous," I agreed.

It was quiet except for the content purring of Purri until Anders spoke up again while twirling the staff he used to perform his magic.

"You know, she hasn't left your side this entire time."

"You said I had a fever. I probably radiated enough heat to start a fire. She's just shamelessly using me as a blanket."

Purri knew she was being talked about because she meowed and decided she received adequate attention. With an elegant leap she landed on the floor of Anders' clinic and I followed her with my eyes as she sniffed around for something to eat.

"It's nice to have a cat around again," Anders commented.

I turned my attention back to the apostate who watched Purri. "Feel free to take her off my hands, then. Besides I think the nobles in Hightown would like me even less than they do now if I strolled around the streets with a cat on my head. Probably wouldn't invite me to any more parties. Oh wait, there's an idea," I mused.

He shook his head and looked at me. "You really aren't like the other nobles, are you?"

"Anders, you must think so little of me," I said with a mock-hurt tone but then continued normally when I saw the wry look on his face. "No, I'm not. I never saw the point in parading wealth or status. A person should be judged by their actions, their heart, and not the gold that lines their pockets. I refuse to let my bloodline dictate the kind of man I want to be."

Every word rang true. I spoke from my own experiences and not from Hawke's. My family was ancient, powerful, and held so much influence in magical and non-magical circles that we could bring devastating war with just a snap of our fingers. We couldn't even put a figure on how much our family was worth. I was given the best tutors, the best education money could buy, but I threw it all away the day my ninth birthday came around and I carved my first rune into my hand. The Tower where I was sent for regular teaching immediately expelled me when they finally found out about my little experiments. Private tutors hired expensively from my father took over my education then. By fifteen I ran in underground circles, bartering my exceptional skill in magic for less than legal opportunities.

I hadn't done it to rebel. I ran to be free. Free from the politics: the false smiles, empty promises, and bound magic. I would not die a pet mage kept in a gilded cage to sing whenever a politician snapped their fingers.

"The world needs more good men like you in it. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of those."

I left behind my brooding thoughts in exchange for a chance to throw in a witty remark. "That's why I was made so dashingly handsome otherwise I would blend in with everyone else."

Anders gave a small smile. "The Maker also made you more reckless than others. Varric told me." Uh oh. That could mean a lot of things. He narrowed his eyes, smile gone, and pointed his finger at me like I was a disobedient child caught eating a snack before dinner. "You purposely tried to start a fight with the Arishok? Have you gone mad?"

"If I'm going to be scolded can I at least defend myself sitting up?"

I held up my hand for him to grasp. He grabbed me by my forearm sheathed in my gauntlet and slowly pulled me forwards until I was in a seated position then he let go to sit back down on the stool. I took a few moments to stretch and crack my neck to work all the kinks out of it. It popped grotesquely. Just how long had I been sleeping? I asked Anders.

"You've been out of it for four days now. I'm actually surprised you even woke considering the state Merrill brought you in. If Fenris hadn't told me about people coming in with the symptoms you described I wouldn't have had the medicine to save you. You're very lucky to be alive, Hawke. Just what were you doing that you couldn't ask for help?"

I held up my hands to stave off any more questions. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! One question at a time, please! Like you said I just woke up and my brain hasn't caught up with fact that I'm not dead. I'm still piecing things together."

"Would you like me to..?" He held his hand up and summoned healing magic into it.

I shook my head. "No thanks. I'm not in any pain, but I wouldn't say no to a glass of water." My hands fell back into my lap as Anders stood up to fulfill my request. "So, Varric tattled on me?"

"Sang like a bird," he replied as he walked back with a full glass. I nodded my thanks and took it from him to drink. "Well to be fair he only talked after I threatened to castrate him with a nifty spell I knew."

I barely managed to swallow before I dissolved into laughter. "Really? There's a spell for…that?"

Anders blushed a bit. "I…umm, if there is I certainly don't know it, but it sounded good at the time and it was enough that he believed I could."

"Oh the look on his face must have been priceless."

"It was," he said with a mischievous smirk.

A comfortable silence settled between us as I finished sipping at my water which had a silty taste to it due to the lack of a filtration system in Kirkwall. Perhaps I could get a head-start on the whole bottled water idea? I peered insightfully at the last drops of water in the cup and it was then that I remembered what I wanted to ask when I woke up.

"Anders," I asked for his attention and he gave it fully to me. "What happened with the saar-qamek? Please tell me it wasn't used." After all my efforts to prevent the poisonous gas from being released, I couldn't bear if it was all wasted. I gripped the cup tighter in my grasp. If I couldn't even manage to succeed in this first step then what use was I?

The apostate mage gave me a considering look as he picked up my used cup to set it aside. "So it was you the rumors are all based on then?"

I had a smart comment all ready to fire, but I contained it…barely. "Rumors?"

He nodded. "It's all over Kirkwall; how the thieves returned every barrel they stole from the Qunari babbling incoherently about how a demon cloaked in fire lured them away from their hideout on a chase through the city then suddenly vanished. The mercenaries returned only to find their leader dead and the lingering scent of flames in the air. They said no amount of gold was worth the curse of the Qunari."

I really didn't know what to say to that. "Well…I've never been called a fire demon before. Demon, yes, but not one on fire."

"You've been called a demon?"

"More than once actually. I was a troublemaking child," I offered nonchalantly as an explanation. I watched him smile and shake his head. "How many barrels were returned?"

Anders tapped his chin in thought. "I'm not sure exactly. I kind of had my hands full with keeping you breathing and other important things such as that. What are you doing?" He exclaimed the last part as I tried to untangle the blanket that confined me to the cot.

I managed to free a leg but my escape attempt was foiled by a firm hand that pushed against my chest. Without even applying a lot of pressure, Anders managed to stop me from moving.

"Let me go," I growled. "I-I have to see the Arishok; have to ask him about the saar-qamek."

Anders didn't move his hand and instead pushed harder against me. "And how are you going to do that exactly? Are you going to crawl there? I'm not even sure you can do that! Lie back down before you hurt yourself!"

I struggled with all I had to get up but it looked like it took no effort on Anders' part to keep me still. He merely kept his infernal hand out and only the slightest shove made me fall flat on my back on the cot out of breath. I curled my fist and slammed it on the thin mattress in anger at my weakness. Already I could feel sweat gather at my brow and my breath came harshly from heaving lungs.

"You are the most stubborn man I have ever met," criticized Anders with a furrowed brow although I couldn't see it. The tone was there. "I knew the Hero of Ferelden and even he had the brains to take it easy for awhile when he had been about to shake hands with the Maker."

I only absently listened to Anders as my body started to shake from the exertion I put on it. "Dammit, why do I feel like this? Why am I so weak?"

Anders sighed above me and removed his hand from my chest to place the back of it on my clammy forehead. "When I said you were lucky to be alive, I meant it. You are still just a man, Hawke, no matter what tales the fishwives gossip about. Good, you're fever hasn't returned," he muttered and his touch left me, but not his words.

I…had almost died. I might've never woken up and I would have no one to blame but myself and the foolish risk I took thinking I could fix the Arishok's problem without involving anyone around me. No single man had won a war without an army at his back. In my mind Flemeth's words to me before she hurtled me into this world of dragons and chaos echoed. You took one look at the reward and gave no more thought to the dangers in your path. Do not be so foolish again. Flemeth was right. I saw the goal I wanted to reach, but didn't consider the consequences of heading into danger alone. I'd never worked with a team let alone people who genuinely wanted to help me. As a renegade mage there weren't many chances to make an effort on my 'doesn't work well with others' mark that I received on report cards from the Circle teachers.

That had to change.

I whipped my arm up and buried my eyes and nose into the sleeve of my tunic. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out along with all my worries. First, I had to have the ability to move without my muscles crying then I could plan how to stop a civil war break out in the middle of Kirkwall.

Well, actually that was second. Apologizing came before that. I didn't think that Anders deserved my irritation at the world in general. "'m sorry," I mumbled.

"What? I didn't quite hear that."

I peeked out from underneath my arm and glared at the smirking mage. "You only get one of those a year. Are you sure you want to push next year's quota?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I didn't know you were quite this grumpy when you wake up."

"And I didn't know you were quite this annoying," I snapped back, but the harshness of my words were negated by my struggling smile.

"Ouch, I felt that one. Tell me, did you use your vast amount of witty repartee on the boy who tugged your pigtails when you were a child?"

"…Did you just call me a little girl?"

"I also insulted your intelligence."

"I hope you know good sir, that you've just insulted my honor. Which means that in accordance to gentlemanly rules I must challenge you in order to regain it."

"Oh? And what challenge is that?"

I grinned maniacally. "Do you have a deck of cards?"

"Tell me that my eyes are just playing tricks on me and that you two seriously aren't playing a child's card game."

"No, Varric. I'm winning in a child's card game. Go Fish, Anders, and give me those Queens you've been hoarding over there. I know you've got three of them."

Anders sighed and reluctantly handed over his three cards that I snapped up and proceeded to join it with my own Queen and made a neat little pile next to my thigh. I could only imagine what Varric was thinking when he walked into the back room of the clinic to see two grown men sitting cross-legged on a cot playing a game meant to teach children their numbers. I didn't look up when Varric snorted amusedly at our antics and instead stared at Anders' face trying to decide what else to ask for.

This was actually going on our third game, but Anders didn't seem to mind entertaining me and only took the cards to shuffle when I told him that he could do other things if he was busy. He didn't answer as he dealt the cards out for a new game. I smiled in thanks for his indulgence but didn't say anything more after that. I think he understood that I didn't want to go to sleep after four days of nothing but. He was a good friend.

"Do you have any…," I trailed off dramatically and smirked when I finally asked for what I wanted. "Sevens?"

"Andraste's sword how do you do that?" Anders muttered while rolling his eyes and handing me his pair of sevens.

Greedily I took the cards off of him and added it to my growing stash. "Did I neglect to mention that no one has ever beaten me at this game?"

"And I'm sure you're extremely proud of that."

"Damn straight I am," I responded to Anders' sarcastic comment. "Now relinquish your threes."

Varric laughed at the disgruntled look on the mage's face. "You know, Blondie, that Hawke counts the cards, right?"

In disgust, Anders threw his remaining cards at my head and I could only laugh as he muttered under his breath and stood up to stretch from his prolonged position on the cot. Still laughing as the Healer popped his back I picked up all the stray cards and began shuffling the deck again with quick hands.

"Aww, Varric why'd you have to tell him that? You've ruined my fun."

Anders turned to the snickering dwarf. "Do you know how to do that too?" Varric shrugged with a mock-innocent look on his face. "By the Maker I'm never playing Wicked Grace with any of you ever again."

The beardless dwarf chuckled at the mage's outrage. "Blondie even if you did know the tricks of the trade you still wouldn't be able to win."

"Oh? How so?"

"You can't lie to save your life," Varric said matter-of-factly.

The Healer snorted his denial and crossed his arms over his chest even though Anders knew the accusation to be true. With a flourish seen only by dealers in a Las Vegas casino I tossed the cards into the air and flicked them from hand to hand to shuffle them. Once upon a time I did actually work in a casino in the City of Sin for a bounty job presented to me by my employers when I was in my 'mercenary phase' as a rebellious teenager. The senior mage, who led our little group of free mages that lived to make the Templars' lives harder, handed over to me the bounty for a card-thief who subtly used little magic tricks to cheat at the gambling tables. The problem was that no one could prove how he managed to swindle thousands of dollars. Video surveillance revealed nothing. It all looked like he won legitimately. How to deal with the rat was ultimately up to me as long as the accused understood that his tricks were not well-received. As stupid as it seemed to cheat the owners of a frickin' casino the man at least didn't stay in one place more than a few days at a time and managed to disappear into a crowd with ease. I'm sure magic could explain the last bit.

For three weeks I worked as a Blackjack dealer at the Flamingo until finally the brown-haired mouse of a man wandered in. I figured a man who managed to cheat over 200,000 dollars from various gambling establishments would at least dress nicer. Out of the corner of my eye as I dealt out various cards to the prospective winners at the table I was assigned to I watched his tattered form wander from slot machines, Craps, Roulettes, until finally he slid onto a stool before me.

Fingers with nails chewed into nubs gripped a few poker chips in exchange for me to deal him in on the next game. As soon as I scooped up his chips I immediately felt the enchantment he cast over them. A veil of cold air settled over me and I could only watch amusedly as my fingers sought out on their own winning cards to give the mage. Too bad he didn't know I was cut of the same cloth before I flicked off the cheap bracelet that held the containment glyphs that smothered my magic. With only a blink I severed the strands of magic that manipulated my hand and made sure it was strong enough of a pulse for the mage in front of me to feel. His eyes widened and he jerkily glanced up at me as sweat gathered at his brow. I smirked. He ran.

Too bad he didn't see the bulky security guards that blocked his escape.

I sauntered out of the casino with a jaunty tune whistling on my lips, a generous check issued by the owner of the casino himself, and a stern warning to never set foot on the strip of Las Vegas again. It seemed anymore mages weren't welcome in his fine establishment. I may not have been allowed back but I didn't leave without learning a few card tricks.

Fanning out the cards before me with a flick of my wrist I motioned for Anders to pick out any card he wished. Curiously he took one.

"Okay, you have it memorized?" He nodded. "Give it to me," I told him and quickly slid the card into the middle without looking at it. I then handed the entire deck to the dwarf. "Now shuffle them."

Varric raised his eyebrow at my demand but slowly began to shift the cards around.

"That's good," I said and Varric put the shuffled deck into my awaiting hand. "Now be amazed as I reveal your card." At Anders skeptic look I wiggled my fingers over the top of the deck in imitation of magic and drew the top card. "Is this one yours?"

"By the Maker," Anders gasped and plucked the card from my hand to stare at it. "How in all of Thedas did you do that?"

"Magic," I said cheekily and my smile only grew as Varric outright laughed at the mage's stunned expression.

Anders looked at me and gave the card back. "You enchant little girls by turning paper into roses, save poor defenseless kittens, and now you have the ability to work as a jester in any king's court. What else can you do?" He drawled sarcastically.

"I've been told by many a fine lady that I can dance quite well."

"Hawke can sing too if you get enough ale into him," Varric added.

"You said you'd take that secret to the grave," I hissed at the chuckling dwarf.

"You sing?" Anders asked, astonished.

"Prettier than a Chantry boy. Says he can play an instrument too; won't tell me which one, though."

"Hawke, you can sing, dance, and play. You're just full of talents. Is there anything you can't do?" Anders asked me with nothing short of surprise on his face. I couldn't help a raging blush flood my cheeks and turn the tops of my ears red.

I coughed to cover up my embarrassment and grumbled under my breath, "Apparently not pick good friends who ignore the ramblings of a drunken man."

The both of them proceeded to ignore me perfectly well now when I was completely sober as they laughed at my mortification. If there was any way to go back in time and slap the idea out of my mother's head that her son needed to learn the gentlemanly arts then I would have to find it. Nothing was worth this humiliation.