I was surprised to see so many people add this story to favourites-- maybe more than 30 people-- but only 7 reviews. Come on, guys, give me one for the team! Please review, and I promise more, though I have no idea where this is going. Only time will tell. xx
They'd done it; Watched that god forsaken collector ship vanish in a cloud of fire, burning bright and true. They'd only lost Miranda, though the loss still hung heavy on her shoulders. Miranda deserved better than the life she'd had. Though, she thought bitterly, most people did. It was never about what you deserved. Otherwise, the galaxy would be a better place.
Tali had crawled through the sweltering pipe system, Garrus had lead the fire team, and both Thane and Jack had fought at her side against the human reaper. All the impossible, they had done.
Shepard shed her armour, tossing it unceremoniously outside of her quarters to be decontaminated, peeling away her under layers until she was stood in the cool of her room, enjoying the feel of air moving past her bare skin, toes chilled by metal flooring.
"EDI, don't let anyone up, unless it's important. I'm taking a long shower."
"Of course commander." The AI buzzed on momentarily only to offer her reply, before her room was left bathed only in the light from her fish tank, and the ethereal light from the stars outside.
Her shower couldn't have been any hotter, the blistering jets turning her skin red. Her muscles sagged, and she allowed her body to slide down the cool metal walls, the water beating against her back as she hugged her knees tightly. First Williams, now Miranda. Surely there must have been some way to save them! She gripped sopping hair in her fist and allowed herself to cry, because she was safe in her quarters, away from everyone, away from her duties, her responsibilities. Only then could she allow herself the luxury of regret.
She scrubbed away at her skin, washing away imaginary traces of blood, of dirt and dust from that monstrosity of a ship. She focused on the constant beat of water, the loud rushing sound it made as it hit her body, the tiles around her. Comforting white noise, like the hum of the ship's engine; not so true with the Normandy SR-2, though. Comforting sounds, like the gentle hum of another's breathing.
"EDI, call Thane. Let him in when he arrives." She called over the noise of the water, resting her head back, eyes closed, even though she had neglected to turn on the lights.
"Message sent and received, Commander."
She shut off the water, running her hands over her face briskly before wringing out her hair and wiping the mirror free of condensation. A conflicted, torn woman stared back at her. She frowned, raking fingers through her hair to bring it to some order. She pulled on something in her dresser that was anything other than Cerberus apparel. It reminded her too much of how pissed she was. Illusive Man, The Alliance, The Council… best intentions aside, they were all flawed. She chose simple white oversized shirt, and black shorts. No point in ceremony.
"You called, Siha?"
Oh, thank the galaxy for that voice. That deep rumble that promised her sanctuary, peace.
"Thane…" She seated herself heavily on the edge of her bed, and she felt his body move around her, place himself beside her.
"Am I to ease your troubles this time?" A deep chuckle, though his hands were a gentle cool comfort at her shoulders. "You can stop being a commander, for now. Come." She needed no further invitation, throwing herself into his already open arms, and inhaling his scent again. It had been one night ago, but already it was too long.
"I couldn't save her, Thane."
"Miranda knew what she was to face. We all did."
"I wanted to think I could save everyone."
"You are only human, Siha. You are not immortal, despite what certain evidence may lead some to believe." She allowed herself a gentle smile. "Miranda didn't die just for you. She died protecting her race, her people."
"And you? What did you fight for?" She sniffed, gazing up into his obsidian eyes.
"My Son. For my team. For my morals. And for you. I couldn't let you go on without me, getting all the credit."
She wiped at her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. "I'm still glad you're here, Thane. But I could use a drink."
Thane raised a brow. "I believe it has been too long a time for me to recall, since I consumed alcohol. Though I must add that Mordin passed something into my possession on my journey here to see you." It was her turn to frown, as she watched him cross her room towards her desk, where he must have set the item in question; a clear bottle filled with a colourless liquid. Thane raised it to the light, scrutinising its inauspicious contents. "I am to believe it is physiologically safe for both humans and Drell. And strong enough, by the looks of things."
"Mordin is really useful to know." She wondered out loud, taking the bottle from him, finding it already chilled. The bottle was not sealed, nor did it bear any manufacturers labelling: Mordin had most likely made this himself. "Well, his advice has been… useful so far," she hazarded a glance at Thane out of the corner of her eye. His arms were folded across his chest, lips turned up into an amused grimace.
"I couldn't agree more."
She rummaged around in her desk drawers and emerged triumphant, having procured two plastic glasses. She twisted the cap off the bottle using the edge of her shirt, giving an experimental sniff before pouring two generous measures. She frowned at the steam that seemed to be rising from it. Thane took his glass hesitantly, repeating her previous inspections, before returning his attentions to her. "To Miranda."
"May Kalahira guide her, and protect her." He twitched his glass in her direction, before screwing his eyes shut and placing the glass to his lips. He drained its contents.
"Gods!" Shepard spluttered, setting her glass down haphazardly. "That packs a punch."
"The sensation, though at first unpleasant, is replaced by a desire for repetition." His gaze returned to the open bottle.
"Indeed it is. May as well enjoy it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring."
"I think you may have some theories and speculations you would benefit from sharing with me."
"Damn right I do."
She was ranting again. Bottle drained, fists waving, cheeks flushed red from exhilaration. It felt good to just get drunk because there wasn't anything else she could be doing, and most importantly, she could do it with her friends. She'd called them all up, having dressed herself more appropriately, and her room seemed a lot smaller, though by no means unwelcoming, when filled with her comrades. Jacob chinked glasses with her, his filled with a more familiar beer. Mordin seemed to be more interested in talking quietly to Thane, no doubt scrabbling for data or some kind. She caught herself smiling fondly more than once, through her drink-induced haze.
Garrus had brought wine and music, Jacob had brought up an amount of alcohol she was sure had to have been recently procured, and Kenneth had brought his pack of cards. Soon enough she was playing against Tali and the Engineers, Jacob and Mordin on her team. Mordin may be a scientist, but if he bothered to learn how to do something, he learned to do it well, and her side were soon raking back the credits she had lost.
"Damn it, Kenneth, you shouldn't bet against the Commander. You always end up losing!" Gaby groaned, tossing down her cards for the final time, turning to give her comrade a playful shove to the shoulder.
"Aye, kicking her in the daddy-bags isn' goin' ta be an easy task!"
Shepard snorted on her beer, discarding her hand onto the now-abandoned pile of cards.
Thane had been watching their game quietly, leant against her wall in the corner, and she had been aware of his silence. He wasn't an incredibly social person, she mused, and she felt warm inside at the fact that she alone had broken through his barriers, and could have him all to herself.
Mordin was the last to leave the room, mumbling to himself as hesitated at the door. "If I may Shepard, I wish to ask a question or two. As a scientist, of course."
"Go ahead." She was reclined on her couch, legs stretched across Thane's knees.
"Have you noticed any skin irritation? I do have some ointment which could help."
"Nope."
"Very good. Also, would like to ask about finding possible cure for Thane's condition." At this, she sat upright, her eyes wide open.
"Go on. If you know something, please don't keep it quiet."
"Thane has already offered to participate in a few tests. Nothing too invasive. I can map his genome, perhaps personalise a drug for him. Nothing conclusive yet, but could work. Although, it would be expensive."
"I'll wire you the credits." She answered firmly, subconsciously gripping Thane's hand tightly in hers. "I'd even speak to the Illusive man… if I was sure he would be willing to help me anymore."
"Excellent, well leave it with me. I'll update you." The Salarian shuffled away, and she could hear him mumbling to himself long after her door had hissed closed. She felt something in her chest she'd not felt in a long time: the swell of hope.
Thane looked a little sheepish, if she could read him accurately, his brow ridges creasing a little, though a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. She was always fascinated by his lips; they looked as though they would be hard to the touch, though the beautiful emerald hue of his skin faded into peach at the inner half; she could almost taste him if she tried hard enough, though she wasn't satisfied with just her imagination, pulling at his leather collar, bringing him closer. They lay together in appreciative silence amongst her sheets for a little while, before she could contain herself no longer.
"How long have you been hiding that from me?" She pouted, though her tone was far from reproachful.
"He approached me concerning my illness when I first joined your cause, I must admit. Though I impressed upon him that it shouldn't take priority, and if it should, it would be after we had defeated the collectors."
"Noble." She grinned, closing her eyes as the room swayed a little before her. "Sounds like me-- putting the mission first."
"Yes, my drunk little Siha. It would have been wasteful to invest the time and effort should we have failed in our endeavour. At least now, Mordin has something to get excited about."
"He's another redemption-seeker-- Like me and you." She jabbed at Thane with her index finger. "He feels guilty about the Geno-whatsit."
"Indeed, the Geno-whatsit. Now he is curing Thingy Syndrome." She giggled at his joke. It made her happy to see him relaxed somewhat.
"Now we've bought the galaxy some more time… would you come to the Citadel with me to try and convince that goddamn council we're not lying?"
"I believe that if we take out crew along, we may have as good a chance as ever. A good cross-section of the races of this galaxy fought beside you-- to call you a liar will offend many people."
"I hadn't thought of it like that." She brushed her hair aside, staring at her metal ceiling. "Though I still firmly believe they won't believe me."
"It would be foolish of them. Imagine if they were wrong two times in a row-- people would lose faith."
"I've been thinking about it a lot recently," She admitted, head now safely nestled into the crook off his arm. "If I were to send someone from each race to their people, maybe I could get some sort of fleet going on. Like… like the Quarian migrant fleet-- except on a galactic scale. Turian, Asari, Quarian, Salarian and Krogan-- anyone else even who wants to help us. I know We have achieved a lot in this one ship, but… a fleet of reapers would tear through us. Look what happened at the Citadel."
"I have only heard of the magnitude of the destruction there-- It amazed me to think that although the council saw it first hand, they are still reluctant to believe the Reapers are still a threat."
"Coming back from the dead as spectre in more than one sense of the word, having no-one believe you… its lonely."
"You will always have me, Siha. For as long as I am alive I will remain under your command."
"I'd like to ignore the talk of death, and concentration on the being under me part--" She hoisted herself up with surprising agility for someone who'd drank as much as she had, and straddled his waist, clumsy fingers working their way to his wrists. He relaxed under her, chuckling at her antics. She truly did make him feel alive.
"Siha, as much as I enjoy being, ahem, under you, I would ask you to shift down ever so slightly-- it is restricting my breathing."
Her eyes widened with horror, and she moved off him completely. His disease made it hard enough for him to breathe-- she wanted to help him, not make things more uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I forget sometimes. You're so… strong and calm all the time. I don't think of you as dying."
He smiled gently, black eyes softening as he drank in her face. "I am glad that is so, Siha. I would not have it any other way. I wish to enjoy any time that is graced with your company. Although the saying may be redundant coming from a Drell, I am sure you will appreciate the sentiment; I will never forget you, my Siha. You have given me a reason to enjoy life."
She forced back the tears she felt surging at her tear ducts. "I've never met anyone like you. Maybe that's why I like you so much. You don't treat me like… Like the icon, Shepard. You judged me as a human, made your own opinion of me."
"Rumours and even commendations may not always be reliable. I was curious about you, I must admit." His chuckle reverberated in his chest, and she felt it in her fingertips, pressed against his smooth abdomen. "I never expected that I would be capable of… receiving your affections." She nuzzled into his neck, eliciting a gentle hum of appreciation from him.
"I've been thinking about giving everyone some shore leave-- and I was hoping you would accompany me somewhere." She ventured, trailing random shapes on his shoulder with her index finger. "I hear that Ileum has some rather striking deserts. We could go there for a little while."
"That sounds… intriguing. Of course, I would very much like to enjoy some time with you elsewhere than the Normandy."
He often enjoyed the play of different lighting on her ivory skin, in all of the different places their journey had taken them-- The red lights of Afterlife and Omega set it into synthetic flame, the blistering white sun had made it almost glow on Tuchanka-- he would immerse himself in all of these memories when he had some time apart from her, which was to say not very often. However, he wanted to make as many as he could while he still could. No doubt his death would be slow-- many days spent bedridden. at least he would have something happy to dwell on in his final moments.
"Then I'll have Joker drop us off somewhere tomorrow." She murmured against his shoulder, a smile evident in her voice.
She slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep, though Thane remained awake, mind buzzing with facts that Mordin had enlightened him to. He shouldn't be so hopeful, but still… the thought of having decades, not years with his Siha was… Nothing short of a dream.