No one is waiting

Edwards POV:

Where is that damned mutt?

He has previously never been late! Usually he is waiting here for my arrival. Maybe I shouldn´t let him lie here last night? He is fine But finally I waited until I was sure he wakes up soon. Why isn´t he here?

Bella was furious because I wasn´t there when she woke up – usually I´m there every morning. So she thinks I still spend the night at her room, watching her sleep, like I have done month ago. Why are you lying? I told her, that I was on a hunting trip and that I needed more time than planned. Damned dog

I waited for hours until I went back to Bella's, I watched her sleeping which has always been a way to calm me down. Normally it was a pleasant feeling when she called out my name in her dreams and said things like "I love you"

But now, I tried to remind myself what´s so special to her.

First, her awesome scent, like vanilla and strawberries The dogs is even more appetizing – no, no, no think about Bella

Her beautiful, sparkling eyes Those of the mutt glowing in a softer brown

Her pink lips that always want to kiss me Not nearly as seductive as Jacobs – Stop I told myself, he is only a mongrel, do not think about him, and do not call him by his first name!

I looked back at Bella and was shocked, for the first time I felt nothing for her. Of course, I liked her, but what had happened to our eternal love? Gone!

My thoughts wandered to that special day three month ago, when I picked up Bella from the borderline I watched angrily as she cuddled that dog. When he saw me, he took an immediate step back from her – he usually held her closer when I am around. Neither he gave any comment about me being too early nor begged her to stay a little bit longer – like he had done every time before. I was really curious about what´s different today and then he looked in my eyes and I knew it. I could hear his thought loud and clearly I want you so much, Edward

He had turned and was gone without saying a word. I was confused.

On our way back to Bella's house I thought about this one thing I have heard in his mind. He cannot seriously think that way! Bella babbled about Jacobs strange behavior and told me that she is worried about him. I listened to her only with half an ear.

That night I caught him in the woods. He tried to fight me down but because he was imprinted on me, he couldn´t hurt me.

Seriously, I only wanted to talk to him, but he looked at me in a way that – I can´t describe it. For the first time I recognized his delicious scent Had he always smelled like wood and earth and something sweet? "What the hell do you think about me?" I hissed at him.

He only kept on staring at me "You know it! You are the mind reader!" He allowed me to see what went on in his mind. It was incredible. I heard descriptions of pale skin, bronze hair, perfect body and all the time he thought about touching me, kissing and holding me in his arms. He was so excited with me standing next to him. Want you Edward

His scent was overwhelming. I couldn´t stand it – years of vegetarianism gone in a few moments! I never, really never wanted someone more than him in this moment. I wanted to feel him, I wanted to taste him – and I did.

Somehow I managed not to think about his feelings, his longings, I knew this wasn´t the way he wanted it, neither did I. What´s wrong with me? How could I act like this? I have never felt so wicked before. Only taking, no giving I told myself. I fucked him; I fed on him because I wanted to – never thought about consequences. Afterwards he wanted me still near, just holding him, maybe kiss him goodbye, he didn´t ask for more – but I couldn´t give it. I hated me for what I have just done Never again "Come back here tomorrow night" I ordered and left the meadow where I caught him.

Why wasn´t he there last night? Bella woke up, we went to school, we had a "nice" day and evening and as soon as she fell asleep I slipped out of the window and made my way down to the little clearing in record time – hoping to find Jacob there.

I smelled him, but he was no longer here. I found his message pinned on one of the trees and cried out in pure anger when I finished reading his "love letter" I´m such an asshole

Dear Edward,

You know, how I feel about you, how much I love you. You know, I would do everything for you – but I found out, I can`t.

Last night, you nearly killed me and I´m sure, even if you did it, you wouldn´t care. No matter what I do, I mean nothing to you, only good enough for being used as a sex toy or some kind of midnight snack.

Don´t get me wrong, I will ever love you, but I can´t take this no more, I just can´t.

See, I dreamed about you and me together – laughing, cuddling, kissing, loving each other, but as said it was just a dream.

Writing this letter was the hardest decision I´ve ever made in my life but there is no way to say this to your face. I think without you live will be lonely and never joyful again, but perhaps a sad life is better than death.

I wish the best for Bella and you and hope you´ll have a grateful eternity. I´ll never bother you again.

Still love you

Jacob

He means nothing to me? Right, he is just a dog Wrong, he is everything

I do not care about him? Every time I´ve gone too far I´ve been waiting for that he wakes up. You´ve kept it secret

Did I really hurt him so much? You knew all the time

I have to talk to him! How?

Bella!

I headed back to Bella, finding her still asleep.

I tried to convince me that I don´t need the mutt, that I´m doing fine without him and furthermore he will come back sooner or later! I hope sooner