AN: Thanks for the lovely reviews guys! I so appreciate it! I look forward to it a lot, its great motivation! I do tend to respond back to reviews as well, as I'm sure some of you have noticed, so please feel free to ask questions! This chapter is going to touch a bit on Grell's past and childhood, so I'm curious as to what opinions you all will have on that! :D
Warnings: Mentions of violence as well as dark themes this chapter.
Chapter Three: Loveless
Grell walked down the dark streets in silence, his mind full of curiosity and excitement at the sudden reappearance of a certain demon and his master. Not only had Grell been assigned to reap the young Phantomhive child, but the circumstances regarding his death had not been written down, a first in Grell's experience.
And of course, no words could describe Grell's excitement at the thought of seeing Sebastian again. Though a part of him knew that Sebastian would not accept his advances, Grell couldn't help but allow himself to hope. With the Phantomhive's death would bring an end to Sebastian's contract, and the demon would be free to choose his next move. And oh, how Grell could only hope that Sebastian would choose to accept his love.
Grell arrived at a large building. He pushed through the door and stepped into a dimly lit room, shadows cast by candle light flickering along with the flame. The room was long, doors on all sides, and housed all of the active reapers in the London branch of the Reapers Association. There was a set of stairs to the left, and Grell approached them. The red headed reaper climbed the stairs slowly, his red heels clacking the entire way. When Grell arrived at the second floor of the complex, he made his way down the hallway towards his door. Grell pulled a key out of his pocket, unlocked the door, and entered.
The dimly lit hallway barely allowed its light to seep into the dark apartment, but Grell had lived there long enough to know the exact outlay of his home. Grell moved to the stand that stood against the far wall, quickly lighting the candles he had placed there for such an occasion.
The candle light illuminated the room in a soft yellow glow, black leather furniture sparkling with the flicker of the candles. Grell shrugged of his coat and allowed it to rest of a chair before making his way back over and picking up a candle from the stand. Using the candle to light the way, Grell made his way to his bedroom.
The urge to throw himself onto the soft bed was almost overwhelming, but Grell resisted. Kicking out of his shoes, Grell slowly began to undress as he made his way over to his dresser. Opening a drawer at the top, he pulled out a long silky red nightgown. Pulling the gown over his head and letting it flutter downward over his frame, Grell couldn't help but smile at the way it seemed to fit him. It was comfortable, but still sexy, clinging in just the right places.
Finally, Grell allowed himself to collapse onto his bed, quickly shifting to get under the covers. The bed was large and cold, and although Grell was comfortable he couldn't help but feel lonely. How he longed for a family, for a husband to come home to and for children to take care of.
His heart ached at the thought, and Grell reached out and grasped the pillow next to his own, hugging it to his chest. For as long as he could remember, all he had wanted was a family. For someone to love him.
Grell thought back to his childhood. So many years ago, when he had been human, Grell had a family. A mother and father. Grell had been happy and loved. But then he had grown older, and started to realize that he was different than most of the other children.
Grell had been five when he had first experimented with dressing up in women's clothing. His mother looked so beautiful in the pretty white dress she often wore out to church, her long red hair accenting it so nicely.
Grell knew that dresses were meant for girls of course, but he just couldn't help but feel a pull to put the dress on. And when he finally had, he had felt so beautiful and the dress had felt so right. Grell continued to dress in his mother's clothing whenever he would catch her away from the house, usually when she was shopping. His father often left him on his own as a child, and had worked a lot.
It had been his secret, until the day his mother had came home early. Grell had been seven or eight, he could barely remember anymore, when his mother had caught him dressed as a woman. He had been so surprised, she had forgotten the money his father had left for groceries, and had walked into the room as he modeled a bright red dress in front of his mother's mirror.
He remembered her shrill scream as she demanded that he take the dress off. She had scolded him and called him perverse. He remembered being slapped and banished to his room. Later that night she had finally worked up the nerve to tell his father, and his punishment had been distributed. A belt to his back and a very stern talking to had convinced Grell that he would never dress as a woman again around his family.
At the age of ten, Grell had discovered a new side to himself. Many of the boys in town had started taking notice of and talking about girls. And just as puberty was starting to hit them, Grell had found himself hit with quite a different conflict. An attraction to men.
The way they walked, talked, their boyish features and their deep voices. Grell loved it all.
He kept silent out of fear, and watched the boys in his village from afar. He had often found himself wishing that he had been born a girl. Then he could have worn the dresses he so desired to wear. Then he would have been able to walk down the street holding hands with the boy he fancied.
At sixteen, Grell found himself heartbroken. Grell had dealt with not being able to dress as he wanted and he accepted that he had to hide his attraction to men. But fate was just too cruel, as it gave him the longing for children of his own. His male body would never give him a child though, because he was incapable of carrying one inside of him. Children would never be an option, especially since he held no attraction towards women.
Grell had cried, devastated at how unfair life had been to him. Anything Grell wanted, longed for, was simply impossible. He had felt numb, invisible, and disinterested in life.
At twenty, Grell had died.
He remembered the day as though it had just happened. His father had been livid when Grell had turned down yet another marriage proposal. The man had cornered Grell inside the house, demanding that Grell give him a reason as to why he always turned down the young women and their families who came forward with a proposal. And Grell had given him a reason. He had given many.
Grell had cried, screamed to his father that he had been born wrong. His body was meant to be female. He admitted his attraction to men, and his disinterest in women. He sobbed about how he had longed to give birth, to give life to a family of his own.
His father had stood in a stunned rage, and when he finally lashed out, he had wrapped his strong hands around Grell's slender neck. Grell remembered choking and trying to gasp as his father strangled the life out of him. He remembered hearing his father scream of how disgusting he was, of how unwanted he was.
Grell shook his head slightly and buried his face into the pillow he still held against his chest. Tears flooded his eyes, but Grell forced himself to blink them away. Life as a reaper had given him a second chance. Grell was free to dress as we wanted outside of work, he could refer to himself as a woman and oftentimes did, and Grell was free to love whomever he chose.
And oh, how Grell wished that someday someone would love him back. He would love with his whole heart, if only his knight in shining armor would appear to rescue him, to give him a taste of the love he had been missing for too long.
'Now that Sebastian is going to be free, I know that I could become a person he would love. I only need the chance.' Grell thought to himself. Emotionally exhausted, Grell drifted into a restless sleep.
"Rough night, Grell-sempai?" Ronald asked, eyeing the red head.
Grell lay with his head on his desk, exhausted. He had awoken every few hours during the night, and when morning had come Grell felt as though he hadn't slept a wink. Masking his feelings of discomfort, Grell smiled up at Ronald sheepishly.
"Just didn't sleep well is all, my dear Ronald! My mind was so preoccupied last night, and I was so overwhelmed with excitement!" Grell said happily, grabbing a paper off his desk and shoving it towards Ronald.
Ronald looked over the paper, a look of recognition appearing on his face.
"I remember him, he's the kid with the demon butler you were so fond of, right?" Ronald asked, handing the paper back to Grell.
"Yes! And I've been assigned to his death! Which means that I'll get to see Sebastian again after so many long years! Oh, what a lonely wait it has been, but what an opportunity it presents me with~! Sebastian will be free of his contract, and certainly available for a bit of passionate romance, don't you think Ronald?" Grell questioned, imagining all of the lovely things he would do with Sebastian once he had the demon alone and accepting of his love.
"Sempai, I highly doubt that his feelings regarding you will change too much. He didn't think much of you back then, and he used your feelings towards him to his advantage whenever possible." Ronald said, looking a bit uneasy at the glare he received.
"He just doesn't know me well is all Ronald. Why must you be so cruel to me? Such a heart breaker, Ronald!" Grell whined, a frown plastered to his face.
"I just don't wanna see you get hurt, Grell-sempai." Ronald said softly, studying the older man.
"No reason to be worried, Ronald-dearest! Though your concern for me is rather charming~." Grell coo'd with a wink, causing Ronald to blush slightly and roll his eyes.
"Ok Grell-sempai. So how's the kid going to die?" Ronald asked out of curiosity.
"Well," Grell began, "That's the odd thing about it all. The cause of death wasn't on the paper." Grell revealed, glancing over the information on the paper once again.
"What? Did you tell William about it?" Ronald questioned, snatching the paper back from Grell, earning him a glare from the red head.
"Of course not! He obviously didn't pay attention to who this kid was when he was assigning reapers, and if he does remember I'll be taken off the case for sure! Please don't tell him, Ronald, you'd do that for Sempai right~?" Grell pleaded as he threw his arms around the younger man, who jumped in surprise at the sudden contact.
After a moment of silence and Grell giving Ronald puppy-dog eyes, Ronald gave a sigh of defeat.
"Alright Grell-sempai, I won't tell. But please be careful? It's gotta have something to do with that demon, you know. I've never had a case where the cause of death isn't listed." Ronald said uneasily.
"Such a charmer you are, Ronald~. I can see why you're so popular with the ladies! The sweet, hero type! Not my time, but it does offer its own charm!" Grell coo'd. "Anyways, it's time for me to be heading out, I have some reaping to do you know!" Grell said, standing up and picking up a small pile of paperwork from his desk.
As Grell walked away towards the Scythe Retrieval counter, Ronald sighed to himself. Grell-sempai was a good person, as obnoxious and flamboyant as he could be at times. Ronald really didn't want to see him get hurt, though he feared that there was nothing he could do to stop it this time. Grell needed closure. He remembered when Sebastian and his Young Master had left years ago. Grell had been beside himself, unsure what to do with his time and unhappy with where he was in life. It had been obvious, and although Grell hid it much better now it was still obvious to those who paid enough attention.
Ronald could see through the act that Grell put on. He knew William could as well. In fact, Ronald would venture far enough to guess that William HAD recognized the Phantomhive boy, and had decided to give Grell that closure that he needed to figure out his next step in life.
"Mr. Knox, is there a reason that you're hovering around Mr. Sutcliff's desk?" A cold, firm voice questioned.
Ronald jumped in surprise, his gaze turning to him boss, William T. Spears who was staring at him with a slightly irritated look.
"Well? If you don't have enough of your own work to do today I'm sure I could remedy that very quickly, Mr. Knox." William said, reaching up and readjusting his glasses slightly.
"Actually, I've finished all my paperwork already William-sempai. I don't have any reaps today either." Ronald revealed. "But I've still got an hour left in my shift with nothing to do, and I know you have a lot of paperwork to do before you can leave. Do you want any help?"
William gave him a look of surprise, though it was quickly replaced by his usual stoic mask. After a moment of contemplative silence, William nodded.
"Very well. That would be much appreciated, Mr. Knox." William said as he turned and began walking down the hallway to his office.
Ronald followed along happily. It was a rare opportunity, to get any time alone with William-sempai, and Ronald intended to take advantage of the opportunity.
Grell revved his chain saw scythe, digging into the fallen body of a child. Oh how cruel life was, to kill a child so young before their life had even had a chance to really begin. The children were the worst for Grell. They had barely even begun to live, and he had no choice but to rip their lives away from them. Poor things.
In this instance, the boy had gotten away from his mother and ran out into the street, being struck by a carriage. The scene was bloody and gruesome, though Grell had seen and experienced much worse during his time as a reaper. Slicing through the cinematic record of the child, Grell sigh to himself. Time for the next reap.
Grell jumped up, landing on a street lamp, and then with another leap he made it to the top of the building that had towered over him. Grell made his way from rooftop to rooftop quickly, heading south towards the poor section of the city, the location of his next and last reap for the day.
Ten minutes later and right on time, Grell watched silently as an elderly man passed away in his sleep. The family sat with him during his last moments, sobbing quietly, but they seemed to know his passing was inevitable. As the man's chest stopped rising, Grell moved forward, unseen by the family members grieving around him. Slicing into the man, and releasing his cinematic record, Grell successfully ended the quivering heart beat that was all too ready to give out and accept its fate.
The man had lived a good, long life. He had cared for his family, worked hard to support them, stayed faithful, and helped others. Boring to watch, but most were. Collecting the record, Grell turned and left. Back out on the rooftop once again a moment later, Grell turned his attention to the sun that was beginning to set. He still had a bit of time before his shift was over, just under an hour.
Hopping along the rooftops, Grell set out without knowing his exact destination. He loved this time of the evening, as the sky was painted with reds and oranges of the setting sun, it was breathtaking. Grell ran towards the sunset, knowing he could get no closer no matter how he tried, but loving the thought of it anyways. When he finally tired though, he was surprised by where he had came to rest.
The graveyard. The same one that Madam Red had been buried in. A nostalgic feeling came over Grell as he thought back to the beautiful woman clad in red, and he wandered farther inside.
She had been so lovely and passionate when he had seen her for the very first time. Bathed in blood with a dead body at her feet and filled with a passionate hate, the night had only caused to illuminate her beauty.
He had been so captivated. She had been perfect, his soul mate, or so he thought. He was quick to offer her his services, and had very much enjoyed her during the Jack the Ripper murders. But time had proved her weak when faced with a crisis. The very child that he would be killing in just twenty four hours had destroyed her passionate hate and anger, and made her weak.
A woman who had lost so much over the course of her life, who had been emotionally ripped into as she had for years and years should NEVER lose their hate. And in the moment Grell watched her lose herself and fall back into the weak woman she had once been, he knew what he had to do. She would die for her crimes either way, so what better way to die than by his own hand?
Grell stopped walking when he reached her grave. It was lovely really, though not the correct color to describe her. Grell was tempted to paint the white stone cross blood red, though he doubted the family of the deceased would be happy to see that. It didn't matter though, as a grave was simply a tribute to the memory of a rotting corpse after all. Her soul had been removed when he had killed her with his scythe.
"Paying a visit to an old friend I see?" A deep voice asked from behind him, causing Grell to jump and spin.
"Ah! Stop sneaking up on me, you horrid man!" Grell cried out, swatting the Undertaker lightly as the man laughed at the startled reaper. "What, what are you doing here?"
The Undertaker chuckled a little before settling down enough to hold a conversation. Smiling, he gestured to the graves surrounding him.
"I work here on occasion." Undertaker said lightly, grinning at the look of annoyance he received.
"Well obviously! But what brings you here today? I don't see any people morning, nor do I hear the church ringing the bells for a funeral." Grell explained.
"That body that I was tending to during your visit is being buried tomorrow." Undertaker revealed, and Grell couldn't help but feel a bit foolish for not putting the facts together. "I had some last minute business to deal with regarding the funeral. The family wanted to move one of its already buried members, and switch the order of the graves. Of course, I refused. Such disrespect to the dead." Undertaker scoffed, turning to look at Madam Red's grave stone.
"Yes, because stealing their organs for experimentation and turning their bodies into reanimated corpses is completely respectful after all." Grell teased, causing the Undertaker to giggle. "But back to your original question, yes I am visiting an old friend. I was considering painting her grave red, as white seems too bland and dispassionate for her. Your thoughts?"
"White certainly does not suit her, even in death. Though I doubt her family would share your passionate feelings regarding the matter, hehe." Undertaker stated.
"I figured as much." Grell said with a dramatic sigh, "Her family never did like the color red, she told me. Obviously they didn't see the beauty of passion! What fools! But you see how passionate the color red is, don't you Undertaker~?" Grell asked, wrapping his thin arms around one of the Undertaker's and snuggling up closely, batting his eyelashes flirtatiously up at the Undertaker.
Undertaker looked surprised at the sudden contact for a moment, the large smile he usually wore falling into a neutral and curious look before the grin returned.
"I certainly do, hehe." Undertaker said, meeting Grell's eyes from under his long hair as he gave a charming smile.
Grell felt his heart speed up at the smile and flirty statement. He knew the silver haired man was just teasing him, trying to get a reaction. It almost made his heart ache, because he found himself easily charmed by the untrue words. He would almost have preferred that the Undertaker push him away or hit him. Shaking off that uneasy feeling he had been left with, Grell smiled.
"Oh, such charm! I bet that's how you stay in business, charming the soul's right out of the dead! An Undertaker to die for~!" Grell squealed, grinning as he threw out his trademarked phrase and stance.
Undertaker laughed heartily.
"Alas, if I did that William and the Reaper Association would catch me for sure, wouldn't they?" The Undertaker asked, smiling wryly at Grell.
"Probably. Oh how tragic would that be? Where would I go for my tea?" Grell teased, shrugging dramatically.
"You would have to make your own, hehe." Undertaker stated.
"I wouldn't have any tea then," Grell said with a light laugh, "I could barely make tea as Madam Red's butler, and I'm sure I haven't improved! But sadly, dear Undertaker, I must take my leave. William will yell at me if I stay out too long~! He needs my paperwork before he can go home!" Grell said with a smile, giving a small wave as he turned to leave.
"Shall I be seeing you soon, M'dear?" Undertaker questioned suddenly, causing Grell to pause and look back.
"Of course," Grell said after a moment, "How could I resist?" Grell teased, giving another wave as he kept walking, leaving a grinning Undertaker in his wake.
Grell walked through the Reaper Library, the tap of his heels clacking on the tiled floor. Most of the other reapers had left or were working, leaving the building silent and empty. Making his way upstairs towards the offices, Grell sighed to himself.
'William is going to kill me. I'm much later than I thought!' Grell thought, 'I better not get demoted for this! Last time I got demoted I had to reap with scissors, what this time, a stapler?' Grell whined mentally, wincing at the thought.
Hoping William was in a good mood, Grell made his way to William's office. As he approached the door, Grell plastered his standard smile onto his face before knocking lightly and throwing the door open to William's office.
"Will~, so sorry I'm la-" Grell froze mid sentence, taking in the scene before him with shock.
William was in his office as expected, sitting in his seat. But what surprised Grell was Ronald, now standing and trying to fix his clothing, who moments before had been straddling William. Grell took in the sight. Messy hair, flushed faces, necks marred with red love bites, and disheveled clothing.
The hallway was filled with Grell's hysterical laughter and rushed explanations from both parties, and Grell was certainly not worried about being late any longer.
AN: I tried to make this chapter a bit longer for you guys! I hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter, Sebastian and Ciel appear on scene! I know some of you are quite curious about Ciel's death, as well as how Grell will handle Sebastian's return, though some of you have your predictions I'm sure ;) But anyways, as per the usual I love reviews, feedback, and to know about any corrections I need to make!