Left behind

Edwards POV:

I imagined the worst scenarios what could have happened to my mate. I saw him arrested in a small compartment, alone in the darkness. I saw him tortured by red-eyed vampires. I saw him cuffed on a wall with them sucking his powerful blood.

Alice told me again and again that he is fine but I couldn´t believe that he won´t talk to me on his own motivation.

For a long time I went on with my daily phone calls but when he didn´t react I gave up sometime – Don´t get me wrong, not on him, only on calling.

I hated to be alone, I still couldn´t stand the feeling of loneliness, I missed my Jacob but I knew he wanted me to go on.

It took month until I started to leave the house on another purpose then go hunting. I didn´t want to go back to school, even I could have because I missed the last year. So I did not know what to do with all my time, somehow I began to visit Jacobs dad and found a great conversations partner in him.

As I spent so much time down in the Reservation I also get closer to the wolf-pack, especial with Seth. To my shame I have to confess that we get real close. He was so much like Jake, always smiling and honest and lovely.

Someday when we sat in my room and listened to some new CDs it got late and there was a blizzard out there. Seth asked if he could stay for the night, he almost managed to suppress the shaking of his body. I realized that he was really scared from the storm.

I wanted to calm him down, took him into my arms and patted his spine. Suddenly he raised his head and kissed me and I was too hungry for love to refuse his advantages. When he runs his tongue over my lips I opened them willingly to let him in.

What should I say? One thing leaded to another!

It was a very sensual and patient experience; Seth let me forget my sorrows – at least for that night. Afterwards I regretted it bitterly.

"I´m sorry Seth, we shouldn´t have done this!" I said

He shook his head in frustration and replied "Why? I wanted to. I´m old enough to make my own decisions and it´s not like I have never done this before"

I tipped at my temple and he blushed when I said "Mind reader, you remember? I knew it was your first time. You should have waited for someone you love and not spend it with me."

He buried his red face on my chest and murmured "I had a crush on Jake for years and I wanted him to be the one, but he would never touch me in another way then as a friend or brother should do. Look, I spent so many nights in his bed, he held me in his arms and I was allowed to cling to him but never more.

When I tried to kiss him he shoved me away immediately. So don´t be mad at me when I tell you you´re only second chose. Even if I don´t love you it felt right, no more than right, it felt perfect."

He lifted his head to look at my face, he smiled but the smile didn´t reach his eyes "I guess you were thinking on Jake, but that´s okay. Don´t be sorry Ed, everything is just fine."

It was hard for me to admit that I had not thought of Jake and I would never say that out loud even if it was the truth.

We agreed that we weren´t in love,

That we still would be friends,

That we shouldn´t have done this.

But we also agreed that it had felt too good not to do it again.

I knew it would be over when he´ll find his soul mate and he knew I´ll never touch him again as soon as my Jake was back in my arms.