Two and Four.
Kurama had become almost obsessed with the numbers recently. Looking down into Yusuke's haunted eyes they came flaring back into life for him.
Most people were under the misguided impression that they wanted to know their limits. That it would strengthen their drive, their abilities to know every nuance of their character. They lived in idealistic havens where it would not affect them adversely to know such things.
Even if the known quality is something others would find to be a good, admirable one there is always a price to be paid for such knowledge.
The price hung between him and Yusuke. A living, breathing thing that drew them towards one another and separated them completely.
Before the events three weeks ago Yusuke Urameshi had been a close friend, one of very few he had in this world. He treasured the unique connection they shared. He knew what a truly rare gift such a friendship represented. One without a moments hesitation, devoid of the small slivers of distrust common within even his friendship with Hiei.
To fully trust someone there had to exist the inability to foresee events that might lead to betrayal. He was no fool. There were such roads that could lead to exactly that with the fire demon no matter how close they were.
He trusted Yusuke simply because of his lack of artifice. What you saw on first glance was exactly what you got with the spirit detective. Of course his glance was a bit more insightful then the casual observer. What would have been dismissed by most was what his eye caught unerringly. Yusuke had been entirely trustworthy which had led to his initial interaction with him.
Since then he had relaxed into the developing friendship in ways he would not have if it had been offered in the demon world. He had never regretted that decision. Until recently that is.
I caused this. There is no one else who can be blamed for what has been done to the both of us.
Two and Four.
It had been irrational fear that had driven him from his bed and out into the streets. The distinct lack of the familiar presence he had grown use to and to his constant shame almost dependent on. Upon entering the park he had been relieved to see Yusuke on the park bench even as a tendril of dread slipped through him, slowing his steps.
He had known it was coming, felt it stirring in the air between them when they were together. The confrontation that would either end their friendship entirely or start their healing process. He was already resigned to the fact that it had to happen. That it had been set in motion the instant they were free of the circumstances that had so traumatized the both of them.
Knowing that did nothing to assuage the trepidation. In truth he could not imagine not having Yusuke as a friend. If anything could destroy their connection it was this.
It was with this thought in mind that he called out his name.
The silence between them lengthened, became heavy with anticipation. The kind that held both relief and venom in its diaphanous form. Finally Yusuke lowered his head, going back to staring at the ground.
"Sit down Kurama I'm to tired to look up at you."
He complied with the request, purposefully placing space between the two of them. Yusuke turned his head, his lips quirking in an unfamiliar smile as he noted the careful arrangement. For a heartbeat he thought of moving closer, of changing what could have been seen as an insult when in fact it was more self preservation then anything else.
"You sleeping okay?"
He almost laughed at the question, refraining at the last second because he knew it would have a bitter quality to it.
"No but you were already aware of that." he replied letting some of the amusement he felt show on his face, "You have a distinct energy."
"Sorry," Yusuke muttered rubbing his hands together slowly, "I'm not trying to stalk you or anything."
"I see no need for apologies Yusuke. I came looking for you because you never showed. I have no chance of sleep until after you have."
The admission was more than he had intended, a slip that would never have happened before. A hold over from the things still lurking inside of him, still pulling as they swam dark and predatory in his mind. As if it had been waiting for him to think those things it grabbed at him, yanking him from his surroundings.
...his hands were burning...he could feel the searing agony of the coals, smell the stench of his skin as it cooked...
Pressure on his arm brought him back to reality with a snap that left him momentarily dazed. Dark brown eyes searched his almost frantically. He mentally backpedaled pulling air into his lungs slowly as he regained his equilibrium.
Yusuke had a tight grip on his forearm. That had been the pressure he had reacted to. His felt it again, that shame of someone baring witness to his weakness. The warmth that flushed his cheeks, the sensation of needing to be anywhere but on this bench with Yusuke. His jaw clenched as he lowered his eyes.
"That's still happening? I thought..."
"It is not that simple to put those things aside." he interrupted firmly pulling his arm from Yusuke's now gentle grasp, "I think it's best if you just walked away Yusuke."
A strange sound came from the young man bringing his attention back to him. He was reminded yet again how volatile Yusuke actually was. How quickly he could change from one emotion to the next without blinking.
"Don't you ever fucking say something like that to me again Kurama." Yusuke ground out between clenched teeth, "You came here not the other way around."
"It was a mistake." he responded moving to rise.
He gained his feet before Yusuke's voice stopped him.
"So...that's it. You're just going to keep running away."
Running? He wished it were as simple as that. What was it that Yusuke had said that first day?
"Can't you have normal enemies?"
It almost made him laugh as it had then. The answer was simple of course. No, Youko Kurama could never have normal enemies. He had been a renowned thief of extraordinary talent that he had practiced at every opportunity he found. The more difficult the task the more delight he had found in achieving his goal. Add to that his skill in fighting, the extent of resentment from others less skilled. No, normal enemies were not something he acquired.
He had been made time and again aware of how his connections to the human world could be used against him. Shiori was a favorite threat of his enemies. Time and again he had found ways around those threats leaving behind a well known fact that threats such as those would be met with harsh retribution.
This time however he had failed. His past had come to ensnare him once again only this time there had been no way out for the one used against him. This time Yusuke had paid the price for something he had at one time felt a sense of pride in. To be hated to that degree, to be so sought after because of his skill had once been a heady experience.
He wanted more than anything for Yusuke to hate him even though he dreaded the actuality of it. If only he would hate him then maybe he could get past the experience. If Yusuke could despise him for getting him involved then maybe Yusuke could walk away without a backward glance and leave him to the desolation that threatened every time he let his guard down.
"I can't do it," Yusuke muttered darkly though his voice was roughened with other emotions, "I can't just...leave you like this. Don't think I haven't wanted to? Don't you think I would do anything not to feel this way?"
"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for..."
Yusuke was suddenly in front of him, his eyes blazing with intense emotions. He had his arm cocked back, hand fisted tightly.
Do it! I deserve this and more!
For a few tension filled moments Yusuke held that pose, ready to strike him. He made no move. He would not defend himself against Yusuke's rage. It would shatter the illusion, strike the last nail into the coffin of their friendship. If that was the price then he was willing to pay it if it gave the other young man some peace of mind.
Yusuke lowered his arm with a heavy sigh, "I feel like I cheated on her. Like I'm still cheating on her. I know that's not...it isn't the same but it is. I know it's not your fault. I know its because of...of what we went through but I...I can't always tell the difference Kurama. I can't always tell if the reason I have to check on you is because of that or because of something else. It feels like its something else sometimes and I fucking hate myself for it."
Two and Four.
That was how much it took to unravel everything they thought they knew about each other. To leave them in a state of ambiguity as to what they were to each other. To unmake and remake them into strangers that knew to much about the other.
Two days and four visits.