Hello again,
Firstly, thank you for reading. So a week really does seem to be my work rate…I will try and beat that for the next chapter but no promises.
Huge thank you to Anon, ruckallthefules, ifsomebody'sgotsoul, LoveTypeThing-SureTypeThing, phantomfundraiser, lucie, Smatch, nitaxnitro, and lilytrixxx for reviewing, it really means a lot. As always, you're input is greatly appreciated.
I hope you like the chapter. Please, please, please let me know what you think. Again, thank you for reading.
I don't own Skins or anything of the sort.
Chapter X: I reach into my pocket for some small change
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Naomi sat in the circle chair that had become her regular as of late. She was in Effy and Sophia's room hanging out with Sophia, something that had also become regular as of late.
They didn't have any classes together but with the significant amount of time they both spent on the paper and living on the same floor, a friendship of sorts had formed.
A few days after Halloween Naomi had gone off on Sophia. Not for having to take care of her Halloween night but for the relentless apologizing that had followed. Sophia was sorry for saying sorry so much and from there they got on pretty well.
Sophia was still a peculiar girl, but Naomi had fun with her. Her competitiveness rivaled Naomi's, and that was saying something. They could turn anything into a competition, which lets be honest, always made things more fun.
While Naomi had found herself spending more time in Effy and Sophia's room she ironically found herself spending less and less time with Effy. She had a new boyfriend, or something to that extent. She still went to the climbing wall with her sometimes but Effy didn't even show up to Tony's some weekends. Naomi always prided herself on forming her own opinions and not listening to others but all the comments Sophia would make were starting to make an impression.
"She's never in the room anymore. Or if she is she always brings him with her, and then it's really awkward so I leave."
"They're doing stuff. Can I hangout in here?"
"They're doing stuff again. Can I stay here tonight?"
Effy had always seemed somewhat ethereal to Naomi. How she could just own you in a look. It unnerved her. Naomi even wondered at first if Effy were gay, the looks Effy would give her. She soon realized that was just how Effy looked at everyone, read everyone, and that Effy was anything but gay. The last thing she perceived Effy as was unaware or inconsiderate.
These types of statements were having their sway. Not that Naomi would like to admit it. Naomi considered herself to be a pretty good judge of character. But what reason would Sophia have to be making any of it up? Effy had somewhat disappeared that past few weeks, hadn't been on the hall much.
Who she had seen on the floor a lot as of late was Emily. Not hanging out, just seen. Every now and again they would walk back from math together chatting along the way. But for the most part Naomi would just see her walk by her room. She swore the girl went to and from her room a thousand times a day. Always when Naomi just be happened to be looking up from her desk.
"What're you thinking about?" Sophia asked after looking over at Naomi and realizing she wasn't listening.
Naomi majoring in journalism made it ironic, but she absolutely hated being asked questions, especially questions concerning her thoughts or feelings. She liked to justify it as asking and answering questions were entirely different.
In actuality she just didn't like all the focus on herself. Though this fact seemed to always have the inverse reaction than she'd like—people asking her more questions—focusing on her more. It was like a cat always going for the lap of the one person in the room not calling for its attention. People always wanted to know what she was thinking. She'd been called closed off and mysterious. She liked to think of herself as private and reserved.
She was in control when she was asking the questions; she wasn't when she was being asked. Though in Naomi's defense she saved the questions for journalism. She didn't ask prying questions to friends or acquaintances mainly because she didn't want to be asked in turn. It wasn't her business anyway, if they wanted to share, they would.
"Nothing." She answered automatically.
Sophia gave her a frustrated look.
"I never know what you're thinking."
Here we go, Naomi thinks, again. This wasn't the first time Sophia had said something to that effect. Truth was Naomi had lied, she had been thinking about something, or someone rather. Not that it was any business of Sophia's.
Naomi shrugged. "You and me both."
Sophia huffed out a breath. "Just tell me something."
"What?" Naomi asked.
"Anything."
"You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."
"Tell me something no one else knows about you. Something you've never told anyone." She gazed at Naomi expectantly.
Naomi had become accustom to that look, as if Sophia were always waiting, expecting something from her, but for the life of her she didn't know what.
"Umm," Naomi thought aloud, as if mentally scrolling through a personal rolodex.
Naomi's phone went off in her pocket. She took it out and looked at the caller I.D.
"Who is it?" Sophia asked.
Naomi looked at her "Alex."
"Of course." Sophia said the smile on her face not reaching her eyes.
"I'm gona take it, sorry." Naomi said standing.
"Yes?" Naomi said answering her phone. Secretly she was glad her friend had called, rescuing her from an unwanted conversation, or question and answer session, with Sophia.
"Go on messenger." Alex stated.
"You called me to tell me to go on messenger?" Naomi questioned, "Really?" Naomi glanced back over at Sophia who was watching her intently.
"Just do it."
"Why?" Naomi gave Sophia a wave and walked out into the hall toward her room.
"Cause if I texted you I wouldn't know if you'd do it. And cause you need to be sitting down."
"What?"
There was no reply. Naomi looked at her phone, Alex had hung up on her.
"Ugh." Naomi huffed sitting down at her desk and opening her computer earning a confused look from Panda.
Alex: Okay ace. You sitting then?
Naomi ignored her friend's question.
Naomi: You hung up on me.
Alex ignored her friend's statement.
Alex: So I was talking to Emily on messenger earlier.
Naomi: You what?
Alex: I know, I know, just hear me out yeah?
Naomi: You promised you'd tell me if you were talking to her!
Naomi rarely used exclamation points. She found them tacky and excessive.
Naomi: !
Alex: I know, I know, stop yelling. I was bored and saw she was online…I couldn't help myself.
Naomi: Alex…
Alex: I found some things out.
Naomi: You what?
Alex: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Naomi didn't respond.
Alex: Good news it is then. She's a lezza.
Naomi eyes widened as she stared at the screen. She felt her heart in her chest. It was plausible—she wasn't just pining after some girl with a boyfriend. Emily was gay. It could happen. And that terrified her.
Naomi: And she told you this?
Alex: Yes. And I've definitely confirmed it.
Naomi: And how did you do that?
Alex: Okay bad news time…she has a girlfriend.
Naomi: Oh.
Oh.
Alex: Sorry mate. Also confirmed.
Naomi let out a sigh of disappointment and one of relief. After the initial let down she was almost glad. The thought that something could actually happen with Emily was overwhelming. She felt safer suddenly. All the places her mind had wandered weren't as tangible as they were the moment before. She took a strange comfort in that. Felt some control.
Naomi: And how did you confirm all this as you've said?
Alex: Facebook.
Naomi: What? It doesn't say she's in a relationship on Facebook.
Alex: Did you actually look through all her pictures? There are quite a few of her and a particular girl Mandy. More like Man da if you ask me…she's a bloody giant. I wouldn't worry too much bout it though if I were you, you're fit compared to her.
Naomi: Did you just call me fit?
Alex ignored Naomi's question.
Alex: And she's from back home on the other side of England so it's not like you'll have to see them together. It can't be that serious.
Naomi: They're doing long distance. That sounds somewhat serious, don't you think? How long have they been dating?
Alex: Over a year…or something like that. Not sure exactly how long... But she didn't seem too keen on her so that's got to count for something.
Naomi: Over a year? Oh yeah not serious at all…and what do you mean she didn't seem too keen on her?
Alex: If you were in a relationship with someone you were crazy about why would you entertain conversations with a secret admirer's friend? Let alone continue such conversations? The messaging goes both ways here. You know that.
Naomi: Maybe she's just bored.
Alex: Maybe? Exactly. And that's a good thing mate. Specially when there is some new and interesting secret admirer to entertain her. Speaking of which, when can we drop this whole secret part? Once she realizes it's you, she's got to make the upgrade.
Naomi rolled her eyes at her friend. Though not as nervous about the idea of actually telling Emily, now that she had a better idea of the outcome. Whether or not Emily liked her at all, she knew the proclamation wouldn't instantly throw her into a date with a girl. Naomi wasn't sure which had scared her more, the possibility of Emily rejecting her or liking her back. In a weird way, the inevitable rejection comforted her, made her more confident, bolder.
Naomi: Maybe.
Alex: Maybe? Maybe as in maybe you'll tell her? Yes!
Something clicked in Naomi's mind.
Naomi: Wait.
Alex: You've waited long enough. Do it!
Naomi: How did you confirm all these things on Facebook? You're not friends...right?
Alex: No, course not. That'd be wicked obvious, wouldn't it?
Naomi: Alex…
Alex: Right…well I was meaning to tell you, you really should change your password. Honestly Naomi you're so predictable.
Naomi: I hate you sometimes.
Alex: You love me.
Naomi rolled her eyes. She leaned back in her chair and let all this new information sinks in. Right after she changed password.
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The next day was a Wednesday. Naomi sat down at her desk with a sigh. She was going to do it. She really was. Then in the flash flood of students that follows a lecture, she lost sight of red in the masses. She felt oddly defeated. It was anticlimactic mustering her courage to tell Emily it was she who liked her only to not run into her.
"What's got you so down?" Panda said pulling Naomi from her reverie. Naomi looked up and saw an equally tired Panda gazing back at her with a small worn smile.
"Could ask you the same." Naomi smiled back though it didn't reach her eyes.
"Shouldn't love be simple?" Panda asked with an imploring look in her eyes.
Naomi froze for a second before realizing what she was on about.
"Nothing's ever simple." Naomi replied. Thinking of Emily. Knowing Panda was thinking about Justin and probably Thomas. She knew they kissed during that stupid game of spin the bottle on Halloween. She also knew Panda hadn't come home that night.
"When did everything get so blinkin' wonky, Naomi?"
"I dunno Panda, I dunno." Naomi sighed.
"I cocked it right up, I did." Panda said putting her head in her hands. "He takes the biscuit. He's brill, ya know? Really is."
Justin was a tall brown haired blue-eyed lad. He was polite, handsome, funny, and planned on attending university in London next year.
"I know."
"It's just…" Panda sighed, "When I'm around…you know…I'm just all wobbly in the knees. Can't explain it, really."
"Sometimes you can't Panda." Naomi stated, "Usually the ones you can't explain are the ones you can't escape."
"I tried. Really did."
"It's all you can do, try an fight it, and even then that doesn't always work." Naomi gave Panda a sad smile. Not sure if she was speaking more to her roommate or herself. "And its all a bit shite but sometimes the more you fight it, the more you wrap yourself in it, ya know? Sometimes the ones you try and fight the hardest are the ones you can't fight at all."
"When did you get so good at all this relationship stuff?" Panda asked looking up.
"I'm not," Naomi said with a slight scoff, "Trust me. I'm not."
They were silent for a moment before they both looked up to a knock on the door. It was Thomas.
"Hiya Thommo." Panda smiled standing up.
"Hello," He smiled back, "You ready to go to dinner?"
"Yeppers," She said before turning to Naomi and giving her a small smile. "Want to join?"
"Not hungry, thanks." Naomi returned the smile.
"Okey dokey. Well, laters then."
They disappeared out the door and Naomi ran her hands through her hair before opening her computer.
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Alex: What? You didn't? Well that's bollocks isn't it? I thought for a moment you might actually have done.
Naomi: It wasn't for lack of effort if that's what you're insinuating.
Alex: I still don't understand why you don't sit with her. Its not like she doesn't know you exist. She sent you that message the other day yeah?
Naomi: Yeah.
Emily had in fact messaged her the other day on Facebook. Nothing revolutionary, just that she was bored so she was messaging people, so she messaged her or something to that affect. Naomi messaged her back of course, but that's where the conversation had ended.
Naomi: The semester is more than half done. To just start sitting by her now, would be a bit weird.
Alex: I was hoping the reason you hadn't reported back yet was due to you being too busy off snogging. Let. Down.
Naomi rolled her eyes.
Naomi: Sod off.
Naomi looked up to see Emily walk by laundry hamper in hand. She was going to do laundry.
Naomi sat still for a few moments before abruptly standing up. Quickly she grabbed the few offending articles of clothing of hers off the floor and threw them into her hamper with the rest of her laundry. Searching for her detergent it joined her clothes in the hamper a few minutes later.
Naomi turned back to her computer.
Naomi: She just walked by. She's gone to do laundry. I'm grabbing mine now.
Alex: .yes.
Naomi stood back up steeling her nerves. What's the worst that could happen? Actually, it was better not to think bout that. Now or never. She slipped a handful of change off into her pocket, picked up her laundry and headed for the stairs.
She walked the short way from her dorm to the building with the laundry. It was less than a stone's throw away and also housed the dining hall on the second floor. Walking down the hall the laundry was located on her heart rate increased. She took a deep breath and exhaled before entering. The door to the laundry room was in the corner. Along the left wall by the door was a table for folding. In the middle of the room there was two rows of washers facing back to back. Stacked dryers lined the right wall. The room was empty, save herself.
Naomi felt deflated. Maybe this just wasn't going to happen; maybe this was a sign she shouldn't. With shoulders slumped more than usual Naomi put her clothes in the wash. She was being ridiculous she told herself, why should she feel so disappointed? But she did. She had this feeling that somehow what was never there was gone.
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In her room Naomi leaned back in her chair. She didn't open her computer. She didn't want to talk to Alex about Emily and another failed attempt. She contemplated doing some work, but knew she wouldn't be getting anything done. So she sat. And she waited. She sighed. This was her giving up.
She walked back down to the laundry room forty-five minutes later to switch her wash over to a dryer. Again the room was empty, save herself. The little involuntary flutter of her heart that occurred when she opened the door subsided. She had missed her again. She moved her wash into the bottom dryer farthest to the right on the wall, closest to the door. As she grabbed her last handful of clothes the door opened.
Emily walked in. Naomi froze for a beat before continuing moving her wash, her heart rate increasing instantaneously with the redhead's appearance.
Emily walked by her and began moving her wash to the top dryer next to Naomi's. The silence in the air was palpable.
"Hey." Emily said as Naomi reached into her pocket for some change.
"Hey," Naomi returned dropping the coins into her machine. She told herself to do it, over and over again. Her heart was beating so hard she felt as if her whole body was tingling. "So my friend messaged you yesterday again?" She felt her face flush as she concentrated on the change falling from her fingertips into the coin slot.
"Yeah…" she heard her say.
"Yeah." Naomi returned chancing a glance at Emily, returning an awkward smile.
Emily continued to switch her wash over.
"So did she tell you?" Emily asked closing her dryer. Referring to Alex telling her she had a girlfriend.
"Yeah." Naomi answered with a slight nod of her head, turning her machine on. Naomi told herself to say more, but nothing came. The two girls smiled awkwardly at each other before Naomi headed for the door. She swore she could hear her own pulse.
Naomi stopped with her hand on the door and turned. "So she said you guessed?" she asked.
Emily gave her a smile that caused the feeling in Naomi's chest to compound itself. "I had a hunch."
The two exchanged awkward smiles again.
"Don't worry I won't tell anyone." The redhead added.
"Right," Naomi said nodding her head with a smile as headed out the door, "Later." She was shaking.
She shook the whole walk back and for a bit after that sat in her chair at her desk. She also couldn't stop smiling. She had done it. She had told a girl she liked her, had told Emily she liked her. And once the shaking stopped she felt something lift off of herself. She didn't know what but it felt good. And what it all meant she didn't know, but she was okay with that.