Yusuke grit his teeth as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees again. The psycho disco beat was back in full swing, hacking away at him relentlessly and was thoughtful enough to invite its ice pick friends back for his temples.

He had known it was a bad idea.

He had known it was going to knock him on his ass.

He had done it anyway.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take what that bastard was doing...

True to his word Orochi had appeared that morning in the cell, a bemused smile on his face. Kurama had actually gone towards him willingly after putting a steadying hand to his shoulder as he passed. As if he was the one who needed the support.

Neither had said a word to the other. The two had stood there facing each other, torturer and victim. That had been bad enough, watching that stand off. Knowing what was going to come next. Knowing there was nothing he could do to stop what was about to happen.

Orochi had reached out one of his hands, placed it over where Kurama's human heart would have been and tilted his head. Kurama's entire body had tense, his hands fisting at his sides as Orochi's fingers became indistinct and drifted into his chest.

Nothing he had experienced before had prepared him for dealing with any of this. The way Kurama had closed his eyes, the ripple of his jaw, the tremors that began to pass through his body making Yusuke's body ache with sympathetic reaction. He wasn't prepared for the reality of it even though Kurama had told him the previous night to do so.

But how did you prepare yourself for something like that?!

Even when Orochi had circled around Kurama embracing him from behind, his other hand sinking into the tense form that had not been the worst. That had made him surge against his shackles, disgusted and insulted for Kurama's sake, with the additional physical contact. He had roared at Orochi, demanded he let Kurama go but had been ignored.

That in itself had proven how utterly powerless he was in this situation. How devastatingly useless his presence could be. It was a humbling experience that he had never had brought so blindingly into his awareness before that moment.

And that was still not the last layer of the entire scope of the hell he had been introduced to through Orochi.

The worst, the thing that brought him to his limit, came when Kurama began to make sounds of anguish. Nothing loud, just small escapes of breath that caught and stuttered. The smallest of strained grunts. The barest whisper of something close to whimpers.

Beyond that came one of the most horrific concepts he had ever had, he began to wish Kurama would scream, shout, anything other then those pathetic, stifled utterances. It was almost like Orochi was holding it in for him, denying him that release.

He could not bear those sounds. They may have been small but to him they were overly loud, each one ripping into him. Every sound a testament to how he could do nothing to stop what was happening. That he was the reason Kurama suffered because maybe just maybe if he had not been caught to Orochi would have been more inclined to kill then torture. Maybe just maybe Kurama would have risked going through the unlocked cell door.

Thinking that only made the guilt sink deeper, allowed him to realize there was so many more layers to any one given hell then he was previously aware of.

Who thought that kind of thing? Who would wish someone would kill their friend instead of torturing them?

At least being tortured meant there was a chance he could live through it. If anyone one could it would be Kurama. He had never seen Kurama fail. He had absolute faith that if anyone could do this, could endure mental attacks it was the fox demon.

Except...maybe he didn't. Maybe it was better to die then have to live through what he was imagining Kurama was experiencing.

He hated himself for thinking that way.

He tried to block it out. He turned his back to the scene, covered his ears but even then those small sounds chased him. They clawed at his mind. He lasted longer then he thought he would. The guilt and anger building inside of him until he thought he would explode from the strength of holding them back.

Then he had turned towards Orochi and...

It was stupid. So stupid to try...

He was not exactly Mr. Thinking Things Through, no one had ever accused him of that. In fact it was a familiar joke with his friends. Only he had thought, there had been a reason behind his actions. There had been a strangling need that he had not been able to deny.

"You attempted your spirit gun."

Gentle, understanding and it broke his heart. He did not answer as he shifted into a sitting position and cradled his head in his hands. He could not look at him, not with the overwhelming guilt that was still passing through him, threatening to suffocate him. He heard Kurama shift and then strong fingers began to kneed at the back of his neck.

"What..."

"Be quiet Yusuke." Kurama half snapped from behind him, "this isn't just for you. I'm having difficulties discerning...I need something real to touch."

He risked a glance behind at Kurama's face. The red head seemed lost in thought, only the lift of his eyebrows a sign that he was in distress. He let it go at that facing forward. If he could serve a purpose he guessed being used for reality confirmation was useful.

Still he could not shake the sense that Kurama was offering comfort to him though Kurama had been the one tortured.

"You're mad at me?"

The fingers stopped for a second, "No, I should have expected it."

"Damn right you should have."

"That does not make it any less foolish. You are aware of that fact?"

"Give me a break Kurama." he growled relaxing under the steady pressure that was easing his headache, "You do realize who you're talking to right?"

It did not elicit the laugh he had hoped. Instead Kurama's fingers disappeared from his neck. He brought his head up, moving so he could look at him.

"I'm sorry you had to watch." Kurama offered staring at one of his hands for a second before fisting it lightly and letting it fall against his leg, "I'm sorry for all of this."

A tremor went through his slighter frame. One of his hands went up to grip his arm and to Yusuke it seemed as if he were trying to hug himself, hold himself in.

"Hey I'm supposed to be the reality," he insisted waving his hand out in front of Kurama who blinked as if just waking from something.

Kurama glanced at him uncomfortable, "I...Orochi's methods are much more effective then I gave him credit for."

"Yeah? Like how much more effective?" he demanded frowning, his concern growing as Kurama's hand visibly tightened on his arm, "Come on..."

"It was only an hour I think," Kurama answered another shiver going through him, "Only an hour..."

The words died away, his face gaining that far off look to it again only this time there were traces of pain. Alarmed Yusuke grabbed a hold of his hand. Kurama jerked at the sudden pressure, his eyes coming into sharp, intense focus. He kept his grip on Kurama's hand as the other tried to pull away.

Both of them froze at the same time, their eyes locking. It had been pure impulse that had caused him to act and it was pure emotion that caused him to freeze. Something he could only describe as anguished relief slipped through him from the physical contact. On the heels of that was the realization that he had just broke the Kurama barrier, that undefined space that he normally would have avoided out of respect for his friend's inclinations towards not being touched.

So what?! He growled at himself as his mind added almost as an afterthought that he was now holding hands with a guy. So what if I am?! Does it matter?! How is this any different then any other fight?!

He automatically knew there was about a dozen answers that went against that particular argument but he shoved them aside angrily. Kurama was watching him almost guardedly, as if he were expecting some kind of attack. He purposefully ignored the implications of that in favor of the original reason he had latched onto his friend. The other stuff, the thinking could wait till some other time.

"Talk. To. Me." he insisted carefully enunciating each word, "Why are you all over the place?"

"I can feel it...not like before but I can still...feel the wounds underneath everything...pulling at me. It's difficult to keep myself focused past it."

There it was again, the tremor to his voice, the words that seemed almost right but were not exactly the way Kurama normally spoke. The answer had come to quick as well. For as long as he had known Kurama there had always been a pause before he spoke, as if he formed the complete idea before he said anything at all.

"This helps? Me touching you?" he asked squeezing the hand he held.

The red head nodded solemnly, "It's outside of me."

"Guess our relationship just upped a notch." he grinned.

Now the soft laugh did come easing some of the fear collecting inside of him. Kurama even managed a smile though it did not fully touch his eyes.

Only once and he's this messed up. What's he going to be like after the second time? Didn't that bastard say most don't last past that?