Heeey,
Apologies, apologies, apologies for taking so long with another update. I blame being social, shark week, and lack of focus. This one took a bit more effort to write than the others. BUT I am back!
Huge thank you to gayasawindow, HappyAsIAm.x, thickfreakness, yy4nmes, and LoveTypeThing-SureTypeThing for reviewing, it really does mean a lot.
Let me know what you think. Remember, it's a marathon ;) there is a method to my madness, I promise. And as always, thanks for reading.
I don't own Skins or anything of the sort.
Chapter XII: Don't look at me that way,
..
..
Naomi smiled as she held the package in her hand, she'd recognized that bold handwriting anywhere. Alex had sent her something through the post from America.
Once back in her room Naomi sat cross legged on the floor, to the left of the unidentifiable stain, and studied the outside of her package. She turned it over in her hands and laughed. Alex had drawn a stick figure scene of the world in sharpie marker on the back. Naomi's stick figure in England with a sad face and Alex's stick figure in America with a smile. She shook her head and opened it, careful not to rip the finely crafted artwork on it. Naomi had already mentally picked out a spot for it on her wall; underneath her Ani Difranco poster to the right of her Obama poster.
Naomi politely read the letter first; childhood engrained card before present etiquette at work.
N
America is fucking huge. Like, really fucking huge. People's accents are shit. And I think I am in love with New York City. I think I'm going to have to break up with London. Tragic I know.
There was a space before the letter continued, obviously written later.
Yes. I am most definitely in love with NYC. See? We're already on pet names. London is just going to have to understand…I can't even describe it. It's amazing. And it's CRAZY. And never sleeps. (Okay I know you're going to say that I just described every girl I've ever been attracted to…shut up.) But seriously. I am in love. I think I'm going to apply to Uni out here. Don't hate me.
I miss you, obviously. Here's some crap from America.
xo -A
Naomi pulled a bag of Hershey's Chocolate Hugs out of her care package. There was a post-it note stuck to it.
American Chocolate is shit. Thought you'd like some.
Naomi rolled her eyes, a persistent grin upon her face.
The next thing she pulled out was a small tube of golf balls that had NYC printed on them. What the fuck? Naomi didn't golf. It also had a note attached to it.
Incase you still haven't grown a pair. Don't think I've forgotten. I expect a full report once back across the pond.
The last two items needed no note of explanation. There was an Obama shot glass and a white t-shirt with a picture of a pig on the front with a small American flag on the back by the collar. Alex knew her too well.
Naomi hugged the t-shirt, it instantly becoming her new favorite.
She looked up to a knock on the door. Sophia was in the doorway.
"What'd you get?" she asked, walking in. She was past the awkward standing in the doorway phase from the first part of the semester. She sat down in Panda's orange fuzzy chair.
"Alex sent me a package." Naomi smiled.
Sophia noticed her hugging the shirt.
"Are pigs your favorite animal or something?" she asked.
"Nope." Naomi continued smiling. Her favorite animal was actually the wombat, because they're fucking awesome. But the picture of the animal had nothing to do with her love for the shirt, though it was a cute picture. It was the subtleness of the shirt she loved. Alex knew she wouldn't wear a cliché I heart NYC shirt, like some fucking tourist, so she got her one with a little flag on the back. It was random. And fitting. And she loved it.
Sophia just looked at her with the usual confused gaze Naomi had become accustom to. The girl didn't get her. And she was fine with that.
"Naomi!" Effy stated emerging in the doorway. She halted at the sight of Naomi sitting on the floor hugging a shirt. "What is this?" she asked.
"Alex sent Naomi a package." Sophia answered.
"Sweet." Effy said with a tilt of her head. She continued after a beat. "But you can't wear that to the formal so up you go." Snapping her fingers in emphasis.
Naomi sighed placing Alex's package on her desk. She missed her best friend. So much so that she had even caved and watched a bit of that lesbian smut show as she called it, L Words, or something like that. She even found it somewhat amusing, not that she'd ever tell Alex that. She had watched a few episodes with Sophia. It was complete rubbish. And she couldn't help but watch.
"Hellooo." Effy said waving her hand in front of Naomi's face. "Go." Effy shooed the blonde out of her own room and down the hall to Holly's room.
Naomi currently had a dilemma. If the stress of the formal and finding a date hadn't been enough, she now couldn't find a dress. None of the ones she had brought to university seemed right for the occasion. In all honestly she wasn't much of a dress person in general. Normally Naomi stuffed her life into her pockets when she went anywhere and dresses were usually less forgiving about this habit than pants were. Effy had overheard Naomi grumbling about dresses one day and formed a scheme with Holly down the hall. Holly was a dress kind of girl and happened to be about Naomi's size.
"Wow." Both Effy and Holly said in the same breath. Naomi had walked out of Holly's room, begrudgingly, to show the two waiting girls in the hallway. It was the fourth dress of Holly's she had tried on. It was light blue and simple. And it did wonders with Naomi's eyes.
"That's the one." Effy said with matter of fact finality.
"I knew it." Holly said instructing Naomi to turn.
"If you knew this would be the one then why did you have me try on all those other dresses first?" Naomi asked slightly annoyed.
"Oh stop pouting." Effy laughed. Naomi was indeed pouting. She crossed her arms around her midsection. She wasn't comfortable with all the attention on herself. "Oi! Put your arms down. You look amazing."
"Seriously Naomi, if I didn't love that dress so much, I'd just give it to you."
"Who knew," Effy whistled, making Naomi spin again. "Naomi Campbell had a body on her."
"Sodd off." Naomi rolled her eyes. Feeling slightly awkward resisting covering herself with her arms, keeping her them at her sides as instructed by Effy. She didn't hide her body when she dressed, but she also didn't show it off either.
"Naomi, you're fucking fit." Holly agreed. "Get over it, bitch." She added with a smile.
"Andy is going to drop dead." Effy added.
"That's not what I'm going for." Naomi said.
"Regardless," Effy said, "Everyone is going to be falling over you."
She earned another eye roll from Naomi.
..
..
Naomi walked into math class with the usual amount of enthusiasm. It was a healthy mix of and anticipation and dread, for two entirely different reasons: Emily and math. As captivating as Naomi found Emily to be, math was still boring as ever.
The class was about half full by the time Naomi arrived. Out of habit she looked up to Emily's usual spot to find that Emily was already there. Naomi smiled to herself. Emily looked up catching Naomi's gaze giving her a small smile. The blonde flushed for a moment realizing she'd been caught before her eyes widened. Emily nodded her head indicating for her to join.
"Hey." Naomi said as she sat down next to Emily in the back of the lecture hall.
"Hey." Emily returned shutting the book she had been reading. Naomi inspected its cover.
"Spain?" she asked.
"Spain." Emily repeated a small smile gracing her face.
"Planning a trip for the holiday?" Naomi asked as their professor walked into the lecture hall.
"I wish." Emily said shooting Naomi a look. "No, just doing a bit of pleasure reading."
Naomi smiled. Emily read travel books for fun. The more Naomi learned about the petite redhead, the more intrigued she found herself becoming.
The conversation ended as the professor began his lecture, both taking diligent notes.
A little while later Emily slid a piece of paper toward Naomi. She looked at Emily quickly then the page.
SO IS THIS YOUR MOST BORING CLASS AS WELL?
Naomi chuckled to herself.
There isn't even proper competition.
Emily slid the blonde a smile. The two focused again on the lecture as the professor began explaining a new formula. Naomi felt as if the air prickled with static, with electricity, like it did before a lightning strike as she sat next to Emily. Though the hairs on her arm were not standing, she was acutely aware of the small distance between them. It was distracting.
SO ANY FUN PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND?
Naomi found Emily's tendency for capitalization oddly endearing. A glance at her class notes confirmed the habit. The two had been passing notes all class. Multiple conversations intertwining haphazardly across the page Emily had torn out of her notebook at the beginning of class.
Newspaper's formal tonight. And yourself?
OH, SO DOES THAT MEAN YOURE GETTING ALL DOLLED UP? :)
I guess so.
YOU DON'T SEEM TOO EXCITED.
It just feels like a bit of a hassle just because some people want to look good while getting pissed.
INTERESTING.
Emily raised an eyebrow.
What?
NOTHING. JUST THAT THAT'S YOUR VIEW ON A FORMAL.
Not all formals, this one just doesn't really have any real purpose other than that.
I SEE. SO ARE YOU NOT PLANNING ON GETTING DRUNK THEN?
Oh no I fully intend on it. If I have to put all this effort on finding a date and an outfit you bet your arse I'm getting pissed.
Emily chuckled at Naomi. Naomi felt something bubble deep in her stomach having been the cause of Emily's laughter, smirk sliding across her lips as well.
..
..
They were all at the bar now where the formal was taking place. It taking place at a bar further proving Naomi's assumptions people just wanted to dress up to get fucked up to be correct. Dinner was something you could do beforehand if you wanted, with whomever. After dinner and a few pitchers of margaritas with Sophia, Sarah, Brandt, and all of their respective dates they had headed to the actual formal. Naomi lifted up her shot and downed it along with the others. Thinking back to earlier in the evening when they had passed Emily in the hallway as they made there way out of the dorm to dinner. Naomi threw back her second shot. She didn't need to be thinking about Emily or her enthralling brown eyes. She coughed savoring the alcohol's burn.
It was one of those rare occasions where Naomi wanted to get properly drunk. She was just in one of those moods. She'd done everything she was supposed to; gotten the date, the dress, dolled up, she might as well now enjoy herself.
Sarah's date was a ginger Irish lad named Sean. Naomi had met him before, he played on the men's rugby team, though being a rookie he had yet to earn a rugby name. He was currently sporting two black eyes after breaking his nose in the latest match. Brandt's date was Sarah's roommate Katrina a charismatic girl with dirty blonde hair. She was slightly taller than him before she'd even put her heels on. They were quite the pair. Naomi didn't think she'd have made it through dinner if it weren't for those four. Sitting in between Sophia and Andy had felt weirdly awkward.
"You really do look very pretty." Andy said reappearing at her side by the bar. She smiled at him. He had been really sweet to her all night, not that he wasn't usually, but she could tell he was trying his hardest. She almost felt bad. When she'd asked him she had purposely emphasized the "as friends" part but so far that hasn't seemed to deter his hopes.
She smiled again as she clinked shot glasses with him. She barely even winced after this one. Naomi welcomed the burn. She already had a substantial buzz and was looking to extend it.
..
A considerable amount of time and alcohol later Naomi found herself crammed into a small booth. Opposite her Brandt, Katrina, Sarah, and Sean sat on top of each other. On her side Pussy sat furthest in followed by Sophia, Naomi, and Andy.
Everyone had loosened up considerably, alcohol flowing steadily behind the bar and now in their veins. The music was deafening as they sat in the boom by the bar. Scores of news enthusiast and their dates were currently tearing up the dance floor. Naomi and Sophia bantered as the attempts of conversation continued, arguing closely over some policy no one else cared about. The alcohol was making both of them bolder than usual, exaggerating their competitive natures.
"You're wrong." She repeated. There was a weird sort of tension between the two Naomi couldn't quite place. That she chose to ignore.
"Why?" Sophia questioned.
"What you're saying doesn't even make sense."
"Well sorry miss scholar." Sophia quipped getting closer to Naomi's face.
"You're excused." Naomi countered interpreting Sophia's words as succession.
"We should go sledding after this!" Andy said brightly. Naomi turned her attention back to him. He really was a bit of a puppy.
Somewhere along the way winter had overtaken fall. The crisp air had turned cold and snow replaced rain. It hadn't been a heavy winter so far, but there was an aesthetically appealing amount of snow covering the ground.
"Sure." Naomi shrugged. She was sufficiently drunk now. Andy draped a daring arm over her shoulder. Sledding would be fun. And it was innocent enough she thought. She much preferred that than him possibly inviting her back to his. "Sounds fun."
He beamed at her.
"What sounds fun?" Sophia asked leaning further into Naomi's personal space.
"Andy suggested we go sledding after." Naomi said.
"Oh," Sophia said looking between the two, pausing her gaze on his arm. "That does sound fun. Maybe Pussy will want to, we could all go, make it a double."
"Sure." Andy said genuinely.
"Yeah, whatever you wana do." Pussy shrugged. "But you gotta get up Babe, I gotta take a piss."
Everyone cleared out on his side of the booth. Naomi stood with Andy and Sophia for a moment. "I'm going to head to the toilet as well." Naomi said as she looked between the two before walking away.
Naomi entered the small, dirty bathroom. It had only two low stalls to the right with an off coloured sink straight across from the door. There was less than a meter of room between the stall doors and the wall where she currently stood. Everything had lost its sharpness she realized as she looked around the filthy bathroom. Usually pristine lines of vision blurred. She was definitely feeling the alcohol. She heard the door open and turned to see Sophia walk in.
"Hey." She said as Sophia stepped right into her personal space. She had a serious look on her face. It silenced Naomi's ever-ready sarcasm. Sophia leaned forward and crashed her lips onto Naomi's. She was surprised and she wasn't. The action itself had taken her off guard, but even she wasn't dense enough to miss all the signals leading up to it. Acknowledging them was a different story. But that required thinking which was currently the last thing she was doing.
The kiss was unsure and insistent. Naomi's feet were rooted to the spot. There was a flush from the first stall. The two girls jumped apart. Sophia opened her mouth to say something. Naomi sped out of the bathroom before the girl could even undo the latch of the stall.
"There you are." Andy said, she'd nearly run straight into him. "Thought you'd gotten lost in there for a moment."
"No, no just a line." Naomi lied. "You know, girls bathroom, always a line."
"Right." Andy said. "Well I'm glad you're back."
Naomi gave him a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She felt guilty, even though she had clearly stated they were here as friends, the guilt arrived regardless.
The bass of the last song ended and a slower one started up. "Dance?" he asked.
She relented placing her arms around his neck as his found her hips. Naomi saw Sophia come into view burning her with her gaze. She looked away. Instead looking at the pleasant boy she was there with. She returned his smile. She didn't know what to think of that kiss. She didn't want to think about it. What it meant, if it meant anything. She focused on Andy. She watched Sophia down more shots at the bar with Pussy as Andy whispered again how pretty she was into her ear. She shifted her focus to his face again as Sophia looked up.
"You don't look so bad yourself." She returned. Andy looked chuffed. He leaned in kissing her. She kissed him back letting the alcohol course through her veins. Hoping maybe this would be enough—because this was simple. His goatee itching against her face she allowed his tongue to seek out hers as they danced closer.
"Ow Ow!" Naomi heard Sarah cat call from across the bar. She laughed and took a step back from Andy. They exchanged a sheepish look.
"How bout another drink?" He asked after they were silent for a moment.
"Yes." Naomi said gratefully.
"Another whiskey sour?" He asked. She had a predilection for whiskey.
"Please."
"Be right back." She said dutifully and walked to the bar where Sophia was.
..
A slow snow fell now as they left the formal. It was a beautiful winter's night.
Naomi was drunk. Sufficiently, properly, drunk. Sophia was completely pissed. Or at least that's how she appeared. She was stumbling slightly and kept leaning on Naomi for support, ignoring her date or Andy's attempts to help her. The group of eight had walked, or stumbled, back to campus together merrily, parting as they continued on to their respective housing.
Naomi stood outside her dorm, a drunk Sophia clutching her arm with a less drunk Andy standing in front of her shaping an awkward sort of triangle.
"So you still up for sledding?" Andy asked hopefully. Looking skeptically between Naomi and Sophia.
Andy or Sophia. At this moment those were her options. She could go sledding with Andy and have a presumably lovely time and potentially a snog in the snow. Or she could help put Sophia to bed. One seemed to carry more weight than the other, though she wasn't sure which. Sophia was playing with the invisible hairs on her arm.
"I'm sorry," Naomi said, "I think I'm going to have to take a rain check." She gave an apologetic look. "Make sure this one gets to bed."
Andy looked dejected slightly before smiling. "Rain check it is."
..
"Do you want to come in?" Sophia asked once they had made it to her door and Andy had left. Looking at Naomi in a way that if sober would sent her running, "Effy's not here. Probably at some blokes place." But she wasn't sober.
Naomi took the step forward. Shut the door. Sophia was suddenly in her personal space and leaning forward.
It was the kind of kiss that was too much. Too fast, too much tongue, it was just too much. Naomi always imagined girls to be better kissers than boys, a stereotype proving not to be true in this particular case. Though for some reason she assumed this case to be an exception to the rule. Not that she had the proper research to back up her hypothesis. She thought of Emily. She thought of sitting next to Emily in class today and the charge in the air between them. She felt Sophia's hot breath on her ear. Dispelling thoughts of the day.
From the door they made their way to Sophia's desk. Naomi sat in the chair, Sophia perched on the desk slightly, leaning down slightly to kiss Naomi again.
The two continued to snog, whenever Sophia's hands would venture Naomi would deftly place them back safely on her hips or the arms of the chair.
"We could move to my bed?" Sophia asked, breaking away to look Naomi in the eye.
"I like it here." Naomi stated firmly gripping the arms of the chair. The thought of lying down with Sophia was terrifying. Naomi wasn't sure if she wanted to be doing this but she knew she didn't want to do that.
"Okay." Sophia said kissing her again.
"Have you liked any girls before?" Sophia asked suddenly. Drunk or not, Naomi wasn't a fan of questions. Though a spectacular mix of tequila and whiskey obliging her words to meet the air.
"I like Emily—" Naomi admitted"—used to…I used to like Emily." Naomi rushed out in addition seeing Sophia's reaction. It was a partial truth. Even that, she immediately regretted as the words hung in the air.
"Oh." Sophia stated.
"Have you liked other girls before?" Naomi returned the question, shifting the focus off herself.
"Yeah…" Sophia said. That didn't surprise Naomi.
"I actually dated a girl in college, we were even engaged." Sophia added. That surprised Naomi. After all the discussions Naomi had had with her, where Sophia would come off almost homophobic in her comments, her unrelenting need to show affirmation of her straightness, she had been engaged—to a girl.
"Really?" Naomi asked.
"Yeah…though no one knew." Sophia said, "We hid it. Kept it a secret. Our parents could never know. We didn't even tell our friends."
"What happened?"
"We broke up this summer." Sophia admitted. "Said she couldn't."
"Oh." Naomi said dumbfounded.
"So how long did you like Emily?"
"What?"
"Emily." Sophia continued, "Why did you like her?"
Naomi felt uncomfortable. Alcohol or none, she didn't want to discuss this with Sophia. Especially considering the past tense of Sophia's question was grammatically incorrect in reference to Naomi's feelings toward Emily. Sophia was the last person she wanted to talk to about Emily. That was private. A betraying smile played across her lips as she thought of the redhead.
"I dunno." Naomi answered.
"You don't know?" Sophia pushed.
"I can't explain it." Naomi said, truthfully. "There is just something about her. She intrigues me—intrigued me."
"Right." Sophia said. "Well I like you."
Why did Naomi always know what people wanted to hear? Well, almost always. She could never decide if it was a gift or a curse. But she couldn't bear to return the actual words. So she vaguely placated. "Yeah?"
"And I like kissing you."
"Yeah?" Naomi's panic hit her like an unattended pot's water boiling over. That little voice in her head percolated as the night wore on and the alcohol wore off, until it had suddenly taken her over. She shot up.
"What's wrong?" Sophia asked reaching for Naomi's hand.
Naomi flinched but allowed it. She needed out. Dismaying Sophia would only delay that.
"Nothing." Naomi stated. Her eyes were on the door. "I've got to go."
"Why?" Sophia asked.
"Tired."
"You could stay?" Sophia offered hopefully.
"No." Naomi said using her capture hand to keep Sophia at an arms length distance. "I'm going to go back to mine."
"Oh," Sophia replied dejectedly, "Okay."
"Well, erm, goodnight." Naomi stated, the remaining alcohol in her system preventing an awkwardness to be realized between the two.
"Naomi," Sophia said pulling the blonde into her. "I'm really happy this happened." She smiled and kissed Naomi on the lips. Naomi allowed it. Pulling away before it was no longer chaste.
"Yeah." Naomi stated giving a smile that did not reach her eyes. She detached her hand from Sophia's. Opening the door she closed it quickly behind her, not stopping until she heard the click of her own door shut. Safe. She leaned against it. Letting her head thud back into the wood. She would have a bump tomorrow. The weight of what had just happened was overwhelming. She reached her hand out to her wardrobe, clutching it.
Naomi stumbled to her desk. She opened her laptop. "No, no, no." Naomi repeated as what she was looking for what was not there. Alex wasn't home yet. "Alex where are you?" she said to the empty air. She was freaking out. And she knew it. But she also didn't know what to do about it. And the one person who always did know what to do was three thousand miles away.
..
..
** author's note**
I know…I know.
*Ducks down for cover. Don't hate me. I promise there is a method to the madness. If you don't disown me I promise the aftermath of a chapter will be up sooner. Have some faith and please don't tomato my house.