"...kurama..."
He was floating. He enjoyed the sensations of it. The hovering beyond everything that so readily attacked him the instant he was anywhere near consciousness. This though, this was empty of that. This place beyond the expectation, the pain, the constant watchfulness. Nothing to guard against, just floating and nothing more.
"...come on...kurama..."
A familiar voice calling him out of the grey. It should not be so full of concern. He was where he wanted to be for now. He never rested very long, there was always something calling to him. Someone demanding his attentions. Always some reason to crawl from the grey but not yet. Please just not yet...
...thin blades ripping into his fingers, the skin peeling away, blood flowing...
His eyes snapped open for a moment, a sharp breath drawing in dirt from the ground. The taste of it harsh and gritty, devoid of life.
He fell willingly into it, escaping the rush of agony. There was nothing to warrant wakefulness. Here was peaceful and if not that at least oblivion was better. He did not want to...
...the claws plunged into his back, ripping, tearing, he could feel them moving inside of him...
"Wake the hell up!"
His eyes opened again, blurred, refocused. His hand lay inches from his face.
No...blood...
His hand moved of its own volition, twitching against the dirt of the ground.
How had he ended up there?
He shifted his body, moving slowly as dual sensations hit him. The first, more powerful one interior yet more vibrant full of white hot agony. The second, dimmer yet compelling the feel of the ground beneath him small rocks cutting into his hand.
He managed to push himself up, gain a knee under him. He stared at the ground in disbelief.
There...should be blood...
He was certain of that. The ground beneath him should be soaked with it. The things Orochi had done to him could not possibly have left no mark. He could feel the wounds. Where Orochi had picked him up, digging his claws into him.
...feel them moving inside of him. And Orochi's sadistic pleasure through it all, the warped feel of his enjoyment a violation against his skin...
"Damn it look at me!"
His head turned at the sound of Yusuke's desperate anger. At the end of his shackles, standing not to far from him. Not to far but perhaps farther than he was able to move, it seemed like an impossible thing closing the distance between them.
His arms shook as a sharp tremor slipped through him. His breath caught as the imagined agony spread through the motion. He let it pass, regained his breath though it struggled against him.
...searing pain ripping through his chest as Orochi burned his skin with hot knives...
"Open your fucking eyes!"
Had he closed them?
He did as he was told because the alternative was to remain with the image of his flesh burning under Orochi's implements. He needed something to focus on, something outside of himself.
Yusuke.
He forced his body to move, to gain his feet. It cost him, the moment he was fully erect he almost went back down. The world swam with haze and bright lights, vertigo threatened to pull him back to the place he had just left. The moment passed though it did not take with it the strain of pushing past the pain he was in.
It..isn't real...
The dual sensations disagreed with him, making his progress slow as he made his way over to his team mate. His feet tangled in the last step throwing him off balance and into Yusuke who caught him up in his arms. The pressure of his arms, his chest chased the worst of the sensation back. It seemed to cause some sort of release from the heavy blanketing of the inner pressures. He allowed himself to collapse.
Yusuke maneuvered them both to the wall where he sat them down. Not once did he release the embrace. He only rearranged them so he could lean back against him. Unfortunately the continued pressure did not clear his mind completely.
Is he driving me insane as well?
"Who ever said you were light lied." Yusuke said into his ear.
"I...I'm alive."
It was shocking to him to realize that. He had been certain he would not live through the second visit. The first had brought a terrifying realization. Orochi could kill him. After all the things he had been through, all the enemies, the tournaments it would be Orochi that would be his end. There was no escaping the assassin, not without to much risk of Yusuke's life.
"Yeah but you do a great impression of a dead guy."
It was a poor joke. The way his voice shook with relieved strain spoke volumes of his state of mind. A shiver coursed through him, the arms around him tightened for a heartbeat then relaxed. He did his best to still his mind, to not think of the position he was in or of the reasons behind his own clashing thoughts. Knowing that Yusuke's normal displays did not lend to this only added to his confused mixture of emotions concerning the entire matter.
"Talk to me." Yusuke insisted jolting him from the trail of thoughts he had begun down, "Are you still...here?"
Tactfully put for the type of comments usual for Yusuke. The effort was appreciated though since he had doubts in that area himself.
"Yes...this is helping." he offered uncomfortably.
"What? This?" his arms tightened slightly, "I've been looking for a way to cop a feel off you."
His sanity was dependent on a hormonal young man who let anything and everything past his mouth without checking with his mind first.
"Coping a feel off a man is different then a female Yusuke." he returned, his voice to light even to his ears.
That was easier than trying to think, following Yusuke's line of thought was always easier.
"Yeah I know but I can't reach your ass." Yusuke replied with humor in his voice.
It amazed him how quickly he could slip from one emotion to the other without pause. From fear and anxiety to playful banter in the blink of an eye. He should have expected this reaction as well. Yusuke was predictable in these things.
His breath caught as another shiver ripped through him. Again the arms around him tightened, as if Yusuke was trying to hold him together. When it subsided, he concentrated on regaining his focus. The arms around him did not relax as they had before. He could feel Yusuke's breath on the side of his neck. He was no longer being simply held, this had turned into a sort of hug.
He put his hands lightly on Yusuke's wrists concerned, "Yusuke?"
"They aren't coming are they Kurama?"
His fingers curled as he stared at the wall opposite of them. Should he lie? They had discussed it last night. The possibility of Hiei and Kuwabara finding them before Orochi's plans could be played out fully.
"No I fear we are on our own." He answered truthfully for both of them, it filled him with dark resignation, "Orochi is to skilled to leave anything for Hiei or Kuwabara to follow. Though if they do won't it be interesting for them to find us this way?"
The arms relaxed as he had intended, a soft laugh coming from Yusuke. His face remained at the side of his neck.
"I'll have to make up some wild stories about you." Yusuke murmured.
"Not as if you could tarnish my reputation." he returned leaning back more fully.
The movement caused Yusuke to do the same, his face finally moving away. It helped to ease the small amount of tension that intimate breath was causing in him.
"Oh please you have no reputation."
"I'm more...discreet now." he replied closing his eyes, lulled by the warmth around him.
"Discreet huh?"
It should have alerted him, brought his attention to a focus. This strange circling of the same subject but his mind was elsewhere. He was exhausted, falling asleep without trying to. The feeling of being sheltered pulling him along without resistance.
"You wouldn't be the first to want to cop a feel," he found himself murmuring, "just one I trust not to..."
The warmth overcame him mid sentence and he sank willingly into it, safe where he was for the moment.
He said what?!
He felt Kurama's body relax in sleep still stunned by what he had said. He had not meant for the subject to keep going the way it had. It was just what popped into his mind. It was not his fault that holding him like he was caused that sort of thought process.
He leaned his head back against the wall. He had been so terrified when Orochi had let Kurama fall to the ground. For a full minute he was sure he was not breathing until his panicked mind had recognized that dirt was moving near his mouth. Then it had taken him screaming at Kurama for five minutes before he finally got a response.
He had never been so relieved as he had been when he wrapped his arms around Kurama. It was as if that was the only thing that could convince him he was still there, still alive.
Yusuke let his eyes wander to the side of Kurama's face he could see, the last comment replaying in his head. It might not have registered before with him, the turn of phrase. He supposed he should have known this type of intimacy, being held by someone else was uncomfortable for Kurama.
Strangely enough it did not bother Yusuke at all. He saw it as something Kurama required from him. The truth of the matter was he might need it as well. Holding the fox demon while he slept seemed more intimate than anything he had ever done before and he could not deny a certain amount of possessiveness mixed in with the overwhelming protectiveness stealing through him.
It should feel wrong. That mix of possessiveness towards Kurama. It wasn't something he had felt previously towards him. Protective yes, that went along with being friends with him. For some reason Orochi came to mind, his arms wrapped around the tortured form of Kurama causing that mix to flare heatedly in his chest.
Yeah he understood the trust involved with being held, the trust Kurama himself would be giving for anyone to be doing it. It was to easy in this position to be harmed, to be taken advantage of.
And maybe that was why his mind had started assigning possessive to this feeling. Maybe seeing Orochi holding Kurama, hurting him and not being able to kill the bastard had made him feel that way. As if Orochi were doing something only someone Kurama truly trusted should be doing and he had decided that meant him.
Maybe that was also why he felt such a strong need to touch Kurama. Trying in his own way to show that it did not always mean harm, that it could mean something else something closer to its real meaning.
But what did that mean? Why was it all of a sudden important to him that Kurama feel that way?
There was more to it. More that had everything to do with the agony in his head that was only just beginning to subside. That had to do with the acidic anger boiling inside of him that he did not want to think about but was anyway. That something made him feel as if he should not be touching Kurama, that he should be the very last person the fox demon trusted.
My brain is seriously fucked up...
He closed his eyes.
He had wanted Kurama to reassure him Hiei and Kuwabara were going to get to them. He had wanted all of this to stop moving towards the end he was beginning to imagine with an immense sense of horrified loss. He had wanted more than anything to stop feeling so horrendously useless.