Hey, it's me again…It's okay to throw sharp things, I'm a bad person. Well…I'm here now and I've most definitely had enough time to think through this, so…
HeadstrongI close my dorm room door behind me, worry settling in on my chest. Jamie isn't necessarily the most together person I know, but it still freaks me out to see her cry.
I mean, I haven't seen her cry since third grade when Dad almost got hit by a car. If that Ulrich kid hurt her, I will tear him apart piece by piece. I glare at the door in front of me and push it open to go down the stairs. I knew it. I just knew that boy was going to hurt her. And now he had…I was a horrible sister. I'd seen the danger but I hadn't helped Jamie when she needed it. Some friend I am. Some sister.
I'm so mad I can feel little pins pricking my cheeks. I clench my fists and cross my arms across my chest. Boys are bad news, I always knew. Ever since first grade, when one pushed Jamie in the sand and I beat him up, I'd been protecting her from them. Was I so distracted by this William guy that I couldn't even see how my sister was feeling?
I pause in the middle of the stairway.
Maybe I shouldn't go on this date. Maybe this could lead to more.
I close my eyes.
I can't let myself be hurt again. I had made my heart like stone to anyone but my sister since I was little. Letting people in hurt you. All they ever do is let you down. My parents are a good enough example of that. My father can't remember my name half the time and my mother's nails are more important to her than her own daughters.
I don't want this life. I don't like myself. I don't like who I become when I'm angry, and I read to escape from it all.
"Oh, great, another one. You gonna yell at us, too?" someone's voice comes from behind me. I open my eyes and turn my head to see who it is. It's that jerk, Ulrich.
"What did you do to Jamie?" I spit at him. He gives me a strange look.
"We didn't do anything to Jamie. She did something to us." Oh, that liar. I see the hate in his eyes. If only I'd seen it sooner, if only…
"Liar." I reply coldly. Jamie wouldn't. I know her better than anybody. I've known her for her whole life. She's too shy to do anything to people, especially ones she'd just met.
"If you don't believe me, just ask her." He tells me coldly.
"I, unlike you, have confidence in people. I, also unlike you, have class. I'm not going to believe you because you very obviously are lying, which you would know if you knew Jamie, which, again, you very obviously don't. So go back to those people and leave us both alone; she didn't do anything to you." I'm so angry I can't feel my face. My fingernails are cutting into my palms and my whole body is rigid. He glares at me and starts to say something before I hear William's voice.
"Is there a problem here?" I grasp the railing and turn to look at him. He looks a little unsure, and a little mad.
"William, this is none of your business." Ulrich says to him.
"Leave her alone, Ulrich." William reaches the step I've stopped on and takes my hand. I feel a little shock and stare at him in surprise. Why is he touching me? He smiles at me for a second before turning back to Ulrich.
"Just go away, Stern. You've lost. Just let it go." Ulrich closes his mouth in a hard line and turns on his heel to go back up the stairs.
"You really didn't have to do that," I scold him, barely masking the shakiness in my voice. He still hasn't let go of my hand, even though we're walking down the stairs now and Ulrich isn't in sight. He just shakes his head.
"I did. I'm supposed to stand up for you." Oh, no. Please, please don't be nice to me now. This is not the best time…
"And why is that?" I try to make my voice angry. It isn't working so well. I just kind of sound happy. Like I'm flirting.
Holy crap! I'm flirting with a guy…Someone write this down, it's a historical moment…
"Because I like you." He answers, looking me right in the eyes. I stumble on the stairs in confusion and he holds me up.
"You all right?" he sounds worried, "I didn't mean to come on too strong, but I want to be honest." He sounds guilty. Say something, Genevieve!
"I, um, well…I like you, too." Oh, fabulous. Here we go again with the blushing. What is wrong with me?
"That's great." He's trying not to smile, I can tell. I guess that wouldn't seem cool. I roll my eyes, looking away from him, but the truth is that I can't stop smiling, either. I'm a ditz. Why he wants me, I have no clue.
We're outside now. The sun is starting to set, surprisingly, and it's casting everything in shadows. It's eerie, but also beautiful. I see William's bags piled on a bench, along with a rose. I pause and he lets go of my hand to pick his stuff up. My hand feels cold without his in it. I shove my hands in my pockets so he can't see them shaking.
"Did you actually want or need to study?" William asked. I shrugged.
"I think I'm good with classes, as far as studying goes."
"So tonight was just a ploy to spend time with me?" he asks, a look I don't recognize on his face. I nod hesitantly.
"Well…Yeah."
"Good. I know a place we can go." He says calmly, as though he expected this. He takes the hand I'm lifted to brush a lock of hair from my face and pulls me along after him.
"Where are we going?" I gasp out. He laughs and runs faster.
"It's a surprise." I hear him say. All right then. I hope it's not something bad…
We run past a fence I'm pretty sure marks the end of campus grounds, past the trees and past several shops. I'm beginning to wonder when we'll stop when we finally do. We're at the top of a hill. There's a great view of the setting sun, casting its final rays out across the city I can now see clearly. The clouds hanging in the sky are turning rosy pink, watered-down red and orange. The other edge of the sky is darker, midnight blue and silver stars.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asks finally.
"Yes," I whisper, "Yes, it is."
---+---
In short, the night was perfect. We stayed up late, watching the stars on the blanket he brought with him.
I guess I'm really see-through.
Well, it was amazing. I think for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Just happy, no thoughts holding me back, nothing. He makes me the person I would be in a fairer world. Wish that we didn't have to go back, but we did. School and all, you know.
He left me at the door with the rose and a kiss on the cheek. That was around 1 in the morning.
I'd forgotten completely about Jamie and whatever her drama was. But it all came back to me when I opened the door.
"Hey," Jamie says. Her eyes are puffy and red, and her hair is sticking up in random directions like she's been pulling at it. She looks genuinely distressed.
"Hey…" I trail off. Our fight was simple, and small. It's such a stupid thing to hang between us. We're so bonded we're practically joined at the hip. But there it is…And it hangs in the air between us like a rain-filled cloud the sun can't make go away.
"So, are you going to tell me about your date?" I half-smile to myself at the memory.
"I…" I glance at her, at her dirty clothes, bloodshot eyes, tear streaked cheeks, "Not until you tell me what happened to you." She bites her lip and her eyes fill with tears again. She blinks them away.
"I guess I'll never know, then." She lies back down on the bed and rolls over, facing the wall. I close my eyes.
We never fight. We're all we have. So we can't fight. There has to be some way to fix this…
"Jamie, I…" I can't think of anything to say. My vision is blurring, and the numbers on the clock mock me, reminding me of how tired I'm going to be in the morning. I shake my head in the darkness, lie down and try to sleep. How ever well that's going to work…
---+---
Today is already worse than yesterday, and it's only 8.
Jamie was gone when I got up. She made the bed, and it was like she'd never been there. The water was cold by the time I got to the showers and there wasn't any coffee left in the coffee machine when I got downstairs. I couldn't find Jamie anywhere when I looked, and I feel like I slept on rocks. I feel like the world is conspiring against me.
I'm about to head back to my room and go back to sleep when William walks up and wraps his arms around my waist.
"Hey," he says, and my day brightens just a little bit. I move his hands, only letting go of one and smile just a little.
"Hi." I reply. He frowns.
"You all right?" I shrug. I don't feel like unloading all my emotional baggage onto him right now.
"Is it Jamie?" he asks, frowning a little.
"She…Yeah." I say, staring at the ground. I shuffle my feet a little, making imprints of my boots on the ground.
"Hey," he says, squeezing my hand a little, "It's gonna be all right." I look at him. Yeah, right. What does he know?
He seems to hear disbelief in my silence.
"I'm serious. You two are closer than anyone I know. I'm sure you'll work it out." He believes in himself so much, it's hard not to believe him, too. I look him in the eyes.
"We've never really fought before…" I sigh, "I wish I just knew what was going on with her…I know it has something to do with that Ulrich kid…" I spit out his name like a curse. There's something wrong with that boy, I just know it. Whatever he did to Jamie, he will pay for it. But I don't tell Will this-he would worry. I'm not sure how I know this, but I do.
"Well, maybe you guys just need some time to talk. Some alone time. You know?" I shrug, looking back down at the swirls I've made in the dirt.
"Hey, I was wondering if you're doing anything tonight." I look up at him in surprise. He wants to go out again? So soon?
"I'm not sure," I say slowly, "If Jamie doesn't need me…" He nods understandingly.
"Yeah, I figured. Well, if she doesn't need you…Do you want to go out?" he looks so nervous. It makes me want to laugh.
"Of course. Are we going back to the hill?" I ask. He shakes his head and smiles so brilliantly at me that it makes me catch my breath.
"Nope. I want to show you something else." I grin back at him and he pulls me close and tips my chin upward. I lean closer to him and close my eyes…
"Gen? Could I talk to you for a second?" I pull back from Will so fast, I trip and fall flat on the ground, hitting my head on a rock.
"Gen, are you all right? Can you hear me?" Jamie and Will's worried faces swim into focus. I blink a few times.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I reply shakily. I feel someone grasp my hand and pull me up. I stand carefully, and my head starts to pound. I lift my free hand up and press it against my forehead.
"Gen, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault." Jamie's whispers sadly. I shake my head. Bad idea.
"Ouch. No, it was my fault. You know me, can't walk over a flat surface without finding something to fall over." She smiles at me.
"That's not true." I smile back.
"You're right. It isn't." she laughs a little. Will lets go of my hand.
"Are you sure you're going to be all right?" he asks, worry still in his voice. I nod. Again, bad idea.
"yeah. Just give us a few minutes, okay?" I ask him gently, letting go of his hand. He nods.
"Yeah, all right." He walks off and leans against a wall, like he was when I first saw him. As I watch, Yumi walks up and starts talking to him. I grit my teeth and glare at her back.
"I'm sorry." Jamie says again. I look at her.
"I told you it wasn't your fault." She shakes her head. I notice that she took a shower, and looks much better than last night.
"Not that. Everything. Avoiding you, keeping things from you. I'd be willing to bet I ruined your night last night." I sigh. She has this habit of blaming everything on herself that I hate.
"It was great. And I was too pushy. You should be allowed to have your own life. Just because I'm overprotective doesn't mean you should live under a rock, Jamie. Really, it's fine. I'm sorry for being so horrible." She smiles a little.
"Guess it just gets to be a habit, huh?" she teases, I smack her arm a lightly.
"Hey, just cus I forgive you doesn't mean you can get away with that." I laugh. She grins.
"Yes, it does." We stand there and smile at each other like idiots for a second before I spot something in the distance. I frown.
"Hey,what is…" is all I can get out before it hits.