Chapter 3 : War Of Words

Spencer and Toby stood outside the brightly painted door of their neighbour, the wind whistling through their hair. They were laden with wine and gifts; Spencer had insisted. She was clad in a light blue and gray summer dress that came up to her knees and had picked out an aquamarine shirt with a navy cashmere sweater for Toby. She had said it brought his baby blue eyes out and made him look even more adorable, and he had blushed away the compliment like he usually did.

"We're not too late, are we?", Spencer wondered, worried as always.

"Please don't tell me you're going to stress through lunch too. Babe, relax. I wanted us to come so that you'd have some..distractions", Toby spoke in hushed tones, attempting to soothe her frayed nerves. Why exactly her nerves were frayed, he had no idea. She had just mumbled some unintelligible thing about how her 'alone time' getting disturbed.

"Like you don't distract me enough", Spencer retorted slyly, poking his stomach and then leaning in for a quick, chaste kiss before knocking on the door. Toby made her feel so..safe. And she'd had enough adventure to last a lifetime. There was nothing unexpected about him, nothing he ever did shocked her. He was like a nice bubble bath at the end of a tiring day at work. One look at his chiseled face always made her stomach swoop (a feeling she'd long associated with test results and the footsteps leading up to the stage to collect prizes). And she was grateful to have him. He was the only part of her past that she was willing to cherish.

The door swung open, interrupting Spencer's romantic (and extremely mushy, in hindsight) thoughts. And then Spencer's stomach did something it had never done before. It seemed to disappear entirely.

Standing on the threshold, partly hidden in the shadows, was her former best friend Emily Fields, wearing a mask of bafflement and shock that Spencer knew mirrored hers.

All at once, she felt transported back to the past. And the force of Emily's betrayal stung her with a new force after all these years. Her mind seemed to reject the reality and scurry back into the recesses that she tried to never frequent (at least not when she was awake).

Spencer watched Emily's retreating back with a bitter taste in her mouth. She regretted the poison she had spewed at her best friend, she hadn't been facing Emily, but she had almost heard her heart shatter as the weight of Spencer's words crushed them cruelly. But why should she care? Spencer didn't care. No, not one bit. Her feelings of horrific betrayal weren't tinged with worry about her best friend. Spencer wasn't battling with the urge to run after Emily. Spencer Hastings didn't have feelings.

"Why did you say that? Spence..look at me. Spence!" Toby had to yell to get her attention.

She was in a daze. All that replayed in her mind like a recording was that kiss. The Kiss. The one that made her insides feel like they were on fire. Why, why, why?

Spencer looked up to Toby, her eyes ablaze. "Why did she do it? I thought she was into girls. I don't understand. I don't.." she trailed off, her brow creased with the etchings of her misery.

Toby didn't say a word, but looked at her a little sadly. "I don't really think she wanted to." A pause, a trembling hand on a delicate shoulder that seemed to sag beneath the weight. The tremendous weight of a comforting hand. Oh, the weight that threatened to crush her.

Spencer backed away, her gaze murderous and accusing. "What was happening? Did you..did something..she said that she thought I was gone. What was she going to do if I hadn't come..?"

Spencer didn't want to dwell on the fact that she was more concerned about Emily's sudden interest in men rather than the fact that her best friend had just kissed her boyfriend. The act had baffled her. Why was she pretending? Why, why, why?

Why did Spencer care?

"Maybe you're an exception", Spencer continued her distraught monologue, beginning to pace up and down the ferny floor of the forest. "Maybe..maybe she realized she had feelings for you all along. But she'd never hurt me like that..I thought we were friends! Why didn't she tell me?"

"Spence. Stop. Please, you're scaring me." He hugged her, smoothing down her hair. It irritated Spencer immensely. She'd just brushed her hair an exact 137 times, and he was ruining it. She pushed him away.

"She shouldn't have done that." Her tones were clipped and even, like she was suddenly completely drained of emotion.

"Maybe she was forced into doing it. I don't know, Spencer. You girls do pretty..strange things without really..giving excuses. I don't know, it just doesn't seem like Emily. And you were really..really harsh to her. What were you thinking, attacking her like that?", Toby demanded, in a quiet voice.

"I wasn't. Thinking." She looked tired now, and she slumped down on the stump of a felled tree.

"That's strange. Spencer Hastings, not thinking? Must be a special day", Toby tried to joke, waiting to see if she smiled.

She didn't.

"Oh, they're here." A figure scurried out of the darkness inside the house, wearing a smile that seemed out of place all of a sudden. Toby looked just as shocked as Spencer, but he kept quiet.

Spencer suddenly found her extensive vocabulary terrible limited and had no choice but to keep quiet.

And Emily looked like was auditioning for the 'deer in the headlights' character. Well, she certainly looked like she was going to bag the role.

Arianna, to Spencer's surprise (and sudden annoyance), was a tall, dark and beautiful woman with shoulder length hair that framed her angular features. For some reason, her calm smile and inviting dark eyes managed to irk her quite a lot and she could already feel a scowl forming on her face, which she tried to restrain unsuccessfully.

"Ms. Hastings, is it? Toby's told me a lot about you. It's great to finally meet you", Arianna continued in a slight British accent, mixed with something a lot more exotic, blissfully unaware of the metaphorical blast that had just happened on the scene before her arrival. Their host grinned at them, and ushered them inside, before waving a hand towards Emily. "That's my girlfriend, Emily. She moved to Holbrook yesterday."

"Yeah, we know her-", Toby started to say, but was interrupted (wasn't he always?) by Spencer's slightly shaky voice.

"As in, from television. She's an Olympic swimmer, right? On the team for the States?", Spencer tried to keep her tone jovial and mildly curious. She knew all those Shakespeare plays she had starred in and all those acting classes her parents had forced her to take because they'd look good on a college application.

Emily flushed, her emotions clearly visible for anyone to see. That is, if they knew what to look for. She knew what Spencer was doing. Pretending not to know her. Pretending not to have any ties to the girl who used to know every secret about her. Pretending. Acting. And it hurt. After the initial numbness that had followed Spencer and Toby's unexpected arrival, a rush of emotions threatened to leave Emily shipwrecked.

And this was a touchy topic. She wished Spencer hadn't brought it up. Not the O-word. They never mentioned that word.

Arianna's jaw clenched but she continued smiling,"Eh, yeah. Not anymore though. She's the Holbrook Seals swim coach now. They're so happy to have her."

"This..is for you", Toby offered the wine and little present to her, smiling weakly. He suddenly looked like he didn't know what to do with his hands. Spencer was scaring him. Again. He could just feel the negative energy radiating off her. He was sure Emily could feel it too.

"Thanks, Toby. You're a sweetheart. I'll just put them in the kitchen. Em, could you show them to the living room? And ask Rob whether Leonard will be able to make it today." With that, Arianna sauntered off, leaving Emily feeling cold and nauseous.

"This way", Emily managed to choke out, almost stumbling over her own feet trying to guide them to the living room. It wasn't that hard. She just had to stay focused, she had to ignore the thudding of her heart, she had to ignore the strange sensation gnawing away at her. She had to stop acting like an emotional freak. Toby and Spencer had every reason to despise her, and the fact that they weren't rushing to break her neck with the vase on the hallway table or bashing her head into the wall was reassuring. But what wasn't reassuring was the ghastly look in Spencer's eyes that Emily had read all too clearly, or the uncomfortable flush that had brought colour to Toby's usually pale features. They had gaped at Emily as if she was a ghost.

Maybe that's what they thought of her. A ghost from the past that was haunting them. That was ruining their afternoon.

But she wondered how long they would be able to keep up this charade of not knowing each other. She didn't really know if she wanted to explain everything to Arianna. She probably wouldn't be able to account for her actions. She didn't like thinking about A, or all of the mistakes that she'd made in her past. It made her feel more like a failure than ever. A coward. The weakest link.

They entered the living room quietly. It was a spacious area, decorated in muted tones of beige and blue. A bored looking couple were sitting on the brown loveseat near the picture window, conversing in hushed tones. They quietened as soon as the trio entered. Spencer recognized the thickset blonde man with a ruddy complexion as Robert Wolfe. He lived in the neighbourhood, and was the Holbrook High field hockey coach. He was rude and straightforward, and Spencer liked the latter and hated the former aspect of his personality. His wife, Martha, was boring. That was all Spencer knew and she didn't want to further her knowledge.

"Mr. Cavanaugh and Ms. Hastings! We didn't know you were invited. What a wonderful surprise. I was just telling Martha how we were so happy to have Emily on the staff. She's just splendid." Rob winked at Emily, and it made Spencer's gut clench as she took the vacant seat next to Toby. Her head was reeling, and she felt sick.

There was another knock at the door and that gave Emily a good enough excuse to escape. She had noticed the nauseated look on Spencer's face. She had taken in every detail of her tensed posture; one clenched fist, another hand twitching nervously as if Spencer was counting something using it (Emily was familiar with this nervous trait and wondered what Spencer was currently cataloging in her head), the pouty bottom lip being assaulted by her perfect teeth (she stopped to wonder about the unnecessary mental adjectives), the eyes that seemed to be drawn in Emily's direction but that turned away before they could alight on her. It was honestly driving Emily crazy. In another world, Emily would crack a caffeine-related joke, and Spencer would visibly relax, but here, all she could do was stage an apologetic retreat as she went to the door and ushered in their other guest.

Or guests.

She ushered in two couples, meeting them for the first time. The dark haired one was probably the private detective Leonard Whitworth, with his gorgeous heiress girlfriend Sofia Rivebel. Then the other couple definitely had to be Aaron Knight, journalist and Jane Knight, the local librarian. Aaron worked at the same newspaper that Arianna did, and all Emily knew was they had matching tempers. Arianna had given her brief backgrounds about their guests (she might have also mentioned Toby in passing, but how was Emily to know that this Toby would be Rosewood's Toby?) and the afternoon's events had left her feeling a little bit (maybe, a lot) muddled.

She exchanged pleasantries with them, feeling like an automaton, while her thoughts were pulled towards the brunette in the other room, the one who was attracting her attention like a powerful lodestone.

Spencer was now tapping her leg with her long, tapered fingers, her gaze fixed at the doorway. When she saw a crowd (three's a crowd, right? There were too many people here and suddenly she felt suffocated) coming through the doorway into the living room. But one figure stood out as if a spotlight traced its movements. Emily.

Her heart twisted in her chest as their gazes locked. It had been too long. The resentment and bitter rage that she had felt when she'd seen Emily kissing Toby resurfaced and she felt something like a panic attack coming on. She tore her gaze from Emily's hypnotic eyes. (Her what eyes?) Spencer felt like she was losing her mind.

She sighed and tried to focus on the conversation that had suddenly filled the room.

"Yeah, the Mayor said in a press conference yesterday that the murders were being looked into-", a dark haired, brooding young man was saying, when Rob interrupted him. "You know politicians, they say anything and everything."

"Actually, the Mayor himself was the focus of a major attempted robbery last month-", a pale-faced, guy with pointy features broke in, pushing his glasses back on his hook nose.

Spencer couldn't focus at all on such a dull conversation. Toby seemed to be quite engrossed in the conversation (or perhaps he was acting? Shouldn't Spencer be doing the same?), and when she squeezed his hand, he looked at her, offering her a small smile as if to say, It'll be over soon.

But soon wasn't now. And she needed to escape. Now.

"Guys, lunch is ready. Come out to the yard, it's a lovely day!", Arianna called out from somewhere within the house, and like robots, they terminated their conversation and filed out. Spencer sighed audibly, then froze, hoping no one had noticed her obvious relief.

"You go, I'll come", Spencer whispered to Toby as he walked out with raised eyebrows. She needed some time. Some time to figure this out.

She pulled out her wallet and arranged all her notes according to their serial numbers. She re-did it, now arranging it according to denominations. Then she decided that serial numbers was better. She pulled out all the visiting cards of her clients and alphabetized them before tucking them back in neatly. Usually, organizing made her feel better. Now, it did nothing at all.

She started working on the discarded wine glasses on the coffee table in front of her. She arranged them in a diamond pattern, then in a square, then a circle. Her hands were shaking, and her heartbeat was still elevated, but she focused on the task at hand, although it hardly required attention. She brushed the tassels on the pillows adorning the couches, so that all the threads faced one way. She arranged the coasters, even the rack of tissues. She started fiddling with the paraphernalia on shelves near the far wall (a photo of Emily and Arianna, a miniature Eiffel tower, a miniature Colosseum that Spencer knew wasn't accurate at all, a miniature British phone booth and red double-decker bus. She straightened things that didn't need straightening, she wiped some, she sighed and saw the red from the tourist souvenirs being echoed everywhere.

"Spencer?"

That voice. Too soon. Too late. Too...Emily.

"You have to come for lunch."

Spencer turned around. Emily was leaning against the door, playing with the hem of her short dress. Her hands distracted Spencer. They drew her gaze to parts of Emily that she once used to envy and which now she found irritating. Like everything about her. Her irritatingly perfect hair (why wasn't it chlorine damaged?), her irritating doe-eyed gaze that made her seem so demure and innocent, her irritatingly sweet expression. Everything annoyed her.

"Why are you here?" It sounded like an accusation. Perhaps Spencer meant it that way. She didn't know. Here did not mean the living room. Here meant here, in their lives. In her perfect world.

Emily rolled her eyes. The feelings of guilt had left her speechless before, but now she just couldn't stop herself. "I stalked you because I am obsessed with Toby and I'm trying to steal him from you because I am an idiot and I haven't noticed how sickeningly in love with you he is." Her bitterness and sharp-edged sarcasm surprised even her. She didn't know where this was coming from. (She did know. It was coming from the hole that Spencer had made inside her when she'd said those things after Emily had done that thing that she shouldn't have done. Things, things that hurt both of them.)

Spencer gasped involuntarily, taken aback by this new side of Emily. Had she just used the term 'sickening' for Toby? It enraged her so much. What gave her the right to walk back in her life after trying to destroy it? No. Spencer wouldn't let her get away with it.

"Sickening? I'll tell you what was sickening. When I walked in on you slobbering over him. That was sickening. You are sickening." She threateningly approached Emily, and she felt victorious when she saw the taller girl flinch and almost cower. Almost.

Strike one.

"For someone so smart, Spencer, you can really be thick. You think I wanted your boyfriend? No, let me rephrase. You think I still want your boyfriend? You should really consider retaking an IQ test." It was a weak effort, Emily knew. But she didn't have it in her. She didn't want to hurt Spencer. And she was a little scared of Spencer. Just a little.

"My fiancé", Spencer corrected, wondering why she felt the sudden urge to stress the difference. She stepped right up to Emily, and grinned inwardly when she saw her shrink in front of her. Oh yes. "But you wouldn't know the difference, would you? I see things still haven't changed. Is your relationship with Arianna a sham too?" She had no idea why her words were laced with such poison, why she consciously decorated her words with barbs. All she knew that for some reason, the poison was rushing through her veins, and the barbs were scraping against her throat.

Strike two.

"You don't know me." There was a distinct quaver in Emily's voice. She had never truly faced Spencer's wrath before and it made her want to hide in a corner and hug the bitterness out of Spencer at the same time. She had often seen Spencer angry, but her rage had always been directed at someone else. Never Emily. Never like this. "You never did. If you had, you wouldn't have jumped to conclusions. You would've understood." She knew she was being cryptic and she knew puzzles drove Spencer mad, but she didn't care. If Spencer couldn't figure out the truth, then perhaps she didn't deserve the truth.

"I know what you did to me. And I'll never, ever forget. You stabbed me in the back. I never expected it from you. But I guess you're really good at hiding stuff, eh?", Spencer growled, feeling light-headed from all the emotions that she was feeling. She didn't want to do this, not really. But this new side of her was enjoying this immensely. It was like she had transformed into someone else. It was like all those years of bottled emotion had just been uncorked. She felt like she was going to explode. "I guess every Julius Ceaser must have a Brutus."

Strike three.

Emily's eyes instantly became glassy with unshed tears, but she did not let them roll down her cheeks. She blinked once, twice, then three times, slowly, as if she were falling asleep, and then brushed them away with the back of her hand. She wouldn't let herself fall apart under Spencer's scrutiny. No matter how hurtful Spencer's words were, no matter how accurate they were at finding her weak spots, she tried to tell herself that the rage was what she deserved for being such a coward all those years ago. She felt so weak under the constant fire of Spencer's words, and her armour of indifference was now riddled with holes through which her vulnerability showed. She felt her knees go weak and she went limp, glad that she had the wall against her back for support.

The silent show of forced strength was Spencer's undoing. The little creases of worry and controlled dismay around Emily's eyes stood out to Spencer, suddenly bathed in the stark light of compassion. She had seen this expression on Emily so many times before. When Emily had been the victim of A's cruel tricks, when she had to struggle with her sexuality. When Spencer had looked out of her car on her final journey out of Rosewood and seen Emily standing there, a static figure. The misery painted in Emily's teary eyes slowly coiled its tendrils around the monster inside Spencer, lulling it to sleep.

Was she really hurting this beautiful, fragile person in front of her? What had she turned into?

"Em." A simple syllable, but it forced Emily's eyes open, it made them widen with surprise as the intonation registered in her clouded mind. It wasn't an angry sound. It was a broken one. It was fractured, like Spencer's eyes, the crooked curve of her lips, and her slender, long (shaking) fingers that reached for her wrists and held them clinically, like she was measuring her stuttering heartbeat.

That's when they both heard footsteps echoing down the corridor.

A/N: I really am not proud of this one. Meh.

spinoza-off : Toby is perhaps too perfect for Spencer, and we'll see that later. And Emily's clash of love life and career are what will make her question her life and choices in future chapters.

LaughLoveLiveXx: I absolutely adore dramatic irony, so I try to include lots of it. Glad you liked the chapter. x) And I hope the flashback solves a little of the mystery surrounding Spencer's actions.

anon: Thanks a lot! And it might change! You'll just have to stay tuned. x)