A/N: My chapters seem to get longer and longer. Sorry if it's too stretched! I kept amending and adding and subtracting, and got kind of carried away.
(P.S. I'm not great with dialogue.)
Chapter 4 - Moonlight and Madness
The footsteps seemed to flip a switch inside Spencer's head. She hastily withdrew her hand, and the look on Emily's face could only be summed up in a single word : disappointed. Spencer backed up slowly, and looked over Emily's shoulder. Toby stood behind her, his face painted with grey shadows and a strange look glinting in his normally clear blue eyes. For some reason, Spencer felt like she'd been caught in the middle of a crime. She had no reason to feel that way, obviously. (Except that maybe she had just been about to forgive Emily for that horrible thing that she had done but which suddenly didn't seem to matter to Spencer anymore.)
"They're all wondering where you two are." Toby's voice was quiet, like he was talking to a child. (Or a mental patient.) "I think you should come to lunch before they get...curious." It was obvious that he was taking his time to choose his words, and his eyes flicked back and forth between Emily and Spencer, like he was trying to understand what had been going on before his (unwanted) arrival.
(But shouldn't Spencer be relieved that Toby had rescued her from giving into her stupid sentiments? His presence reminded her of why forgiveness was out of the question. Really. She couldn't believe she had touched Emily. But she wanted to do it again. Ugh, emotions were so useless. Nothing more than clutter in her usually organized head.)
Emily flitted past Toby without a word, not before giving Spencer a look.
Damn, the look. It was all Spencer could do not to grab her wrists again. (She'd never ever done that before, not like that anyways.) The look of pained compassion, the look filled with blazing eyes and silent appeals.
The look that scorched a white-hot image in Spencer's vision and almost made her forget about Toby's presence.
"Were you fighting with her again?", Toby asked gently, raking a hand through his soft, wavy hair.
No! They weren't.
Wait, they were, weren't they?
Spencer could have denied it. But she didn't. She simply nodded mutely.
"Shall I tell them you're sick and we have to leave? I get how hard it's for you...I don't want you to sit through this if you don't want to." Toby was so, so sweet. But it did nothing to alleviate her feelings of regret. (Regret for what? She didn't know.)
"No, they'll just think it's weird. I haven't been myself, anyways. They probably already think I'm a mean old lawyer. Let's just get this over with." Her tone was brusque, and she tried to brush this incident off as if it wasn't crippling her reason, the very essence of her soul, and she smiled unconvincingly at him.
"Oh-kay. Let's go." He took her hand in his and led her to the yard, where the guests sat around a food-laden table on a beautiful patio. If the circumstances hadn't been so, well, strange, Spencer would've stopped to admire the beautiful plants that dotted the landscaped area, would've mentally listed the (Latin) names of the different flowers, would've paused to appreciate the detailing and precision of the layout.
They both took the only two empty seats at the table, and Spencer found herself sitting next to Martha. At least she wouldn't have to make conversation with this dull-looking woman. But to her dismay, Emily was directly opposite her. For some reason, she wasn't sitting next to Arianna who was at the head of the table, but was squeezed in between Leonard and Aaron. The detective seemed to be on a mission to engage her in conversation, but Emily was just ducking her head and mumbling monosyllabic responses, and Aaron had his head bent towards Arianna, both arguing loudly about some socio-economic issue (that Spencer had very strong views about but couldn't give a damn about right now). As soon as Spencer took her seat, Emily's eyes fluttered to hers, and Spencer hastily looked away, feeling awkward.
The food was cooked impeccably, and the wine matched everything on the menu, but Spencer might as well have been eating cardboard and sawdust. She didn't pretend to be a food critic (she'd wanted to be that when she was five, right before she'd decided that being the President was way cooler) like she usually did when she attended lunches, silently commenting on the quality of the food in her head and trying to guess the ingredients that had gone into making it. She was much busier covertly watching Emily over her wineglass, and then hurriedly looking away every time Emily so much as glanced in Spencer's general direction (which she did quite often, Spencer noted). Toby kept looking at her too, but Spencer didn't notice the concerned (and then confused) looks that he sent her way. He was trying to put up a good front, and not let any of the others notice the weird dynamics between the 'sweet new swimmer in Holbrook' and 'that sulking divorce lawyer who looked like she loved breaking up marriages'. (Both were borrowed descriptions, coined by other people, of course. Toby knew better.)
The hostess suddenly turned towards Spencer, catching her mid-bite. "So, Spencer. You've been quiet today. Work on your mind?", Arianna asked, trying to involve the forlorn looking girl in the conversations that surrounded her island of silence.
"Uhm. No..not really." Spencer tried to smile politely, but she was sure that it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm usually a quiet person." Another tight smile followed this incredibly untrue statement. Toby coughed next to her, and she thought she saw Emily's eyes flash with unguarded amusement.
Arianna smirked, like she could see through Spencer's pretense. "Emily's like that too. She's like a closed book. Written in a language I can't understand. Sometimes, I have to pry words out of her", she chuckled, glancing with affection at her girlfriend. Emily blushed, feeling uncomfortable. She was suddenly the subject of the table's scrutiny.
Oh, Spencer knew that. Emily had always been the most reserved of the group. And for that reason, the most mysterious. There'd been so many instances when Spencer had wanted to climb into her head and shuffle through her thoughts. She wanted to say how she'd known that little detail about Emily (and a lot more) before Arianna had even known of Emily's existence. But she clamped her lips shut and smiled (or more accurately, grimaced like a gargoyle) at her.
"Mystery is attractive", Aaron commented matter-of-factly, turning towards Emily for the first time that afternoon and reviewing her with a sudden admiration and curiosity. Spencer resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Did people have no shame these days? His wife was sitting less than two feet away.
"I'm not really mysterious. More like, dull. If I don't have anything valuable to contribute to a conversation, I..er, don't." Emily almost seemed apologetic, and she squirmed in her seat. Spencer snickered under her breath, then coughed to hide her amusement. Emily was anything but dull.
And Arianna seemed to share her opinion, because she was shaking her head quite emphatically. "You're hardly dull, babe. More like, we're not good enough to know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours." Her tone was playful, but her gaze had a new intensity to it.
Spencer looked away, suddenly feeling like she was witnessing a private moment, and hating it. (Why did she feel that horrible feeling in her stomach, like the one she got during plane take-offs and landings, as if the ground under her was suddenly, not there?)
Toby nudged Spencer quietly, leaning towards her to whisper, "You okay?". He'd probably noticed the tension in the taut lines of her profile, probably guessed (wrongly) at the source of it.
"Yep. Can we get out of here? I'm done eating." She was almost pleading, and she twisted her napkin between her hands, looking fixedly at the salt and pepper shakers on the table, ignoring the conversation going on at the table. Toby squeezed her arm, muttering a hurried "Wait."
Everyone was getting up. They'd finished eating too. The afternoon had seemed to stretch too long, but now that it was over, it seemed to be have encompassed nothing more than a blink of the eye.
All of them said their goodbyes, exchanged phone numbers and false (at least in Spencer's case) promises of more lunches and meetings like these, thanked their wonderful hostess for a beautiful meal and filed out of the house. Only two (and perhaps three) of them felt a little out of odds, felt like they were going through the motions, felt like the normalcy that they displayed was at a complete contrast to the underlying strangeness of the situation. And only two of them had heads whirling with confusing thoughts weighed down with guilt and regret (and anger and shame).
Emily was standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom she shared with her girlfriend. She surveyed her long frame, the slight tremble in her lips, and her eyes that gave everything away. She sighed, beginning to take off her dress, when the bedroom door opened and Arianna strode in.
Her girlfriend paused, then walked up behind Emily, placing her hands on tanned shoulders. "They loved you." A simple phrase, but filled with pride, affection. Emily smiled in response, but her reflection in the mirror looked pained. "I knew they would", Ari continued, moving waves of dark hair out of the way, and kissed the nape of Emily's neck. Usually, this made Emily shiver, but all it did now was make her twitch with discomfort. Arianna was quick to pick up on this. She pulled back, her dark, almost black eyes piercing into Emily's through the mirror in front of them.
"I saw you looking at her, you know. Were you checking her out?" A smirk curled up Arianna's full lips, making her appear a little cruel, a little smug. "I didn't know she was your type."
Emily's eyes widened and she tried to calm the frenzied beat of her heart. She was sure her girlfriend could feel (or maybe hear) the drumming that resonated within her chest. "Who, Sofia? I wasn't." The rebuttal seemed weak, the refusal, automatic. "I have eyes only for you, babe. You know that." There, that would keep her happy. Right?
"Not that airhead." Ari now looked irritated, but amusement glinted in her eyes. "No, it's the lawyer I'm talking about. Spencer. Spencer Hastings. You couldn't stop staring at her. I noticed. Did you think I wouldn't?" Was that jealousy in her voice? Or something more sinister? Emily didn't know. She felt her nerves begin to chafe under this constant emotional erosion. She turned around, putting on her best innocent look. She knew just how to do it. Big wide eyes, the upturned mouth. It always worked.
"Was she that OCD brunette? Her boyfriend was cuter, and I'm not even straight", Emily chuckled (though it sounded like canned laughter from sitcoms).
"How do you know she's OCD?", Arianna arched an eyebrow, determined to dig under Emily's obvious distraction throughout the afternoon. "I mean, you both hardly spoke. Throughout lunch. You were too busy eye-fucking each other."
"Ari!" Emily looked scandalized, flushing at the term her girlfriend had just used. "No, I was late to lunch because I found her re-arranging your little knick-knacks. If I hadn't stopped her, she would've started moving the furniture. I think she was stressed..or something. Besides, do you really think I'd find anyone more attractive than you?"
"Well, you do have bad taste." Arianna laughed, flicking Emily's nose, then leaned in and rested her forehead against Emily's. "Or why would you have fallen for me?" Her eyes suddenly looked vulnerable, full of insecurities and uncertainties.
"I love you." Emily leaned in and kissed Arianna, trying to comfort her girlfriend. She was used to this by now. Arianna was perfect in many ways. She was successful, determined, headstrong. She was witty and funny (although her wit was sometimes rather caustic.) But she was also probably the most possessive person she had met. And she constantly looked for proofs of Emily's love. Like leaving the Olympics. But Emily pushed that thought out of her head, willing herself to forget about the past and look forward to building a future with the girl she loved. She could do it if she tried. Right?
The pale moonlight filtered through the curtains of Spencer's (and Toby's) bedroom, making the room look like a grayscale photograph. Spencer's side of the bed was the one closest to the window, but at this moment, that side was empty. Instead, Toby's bare arm was draped over her pillow, while the owner of the said pillow sat next to the window, the cogs turning inside her head.
She had been unable to sleep. She had pretended, at first. Toby never fell asleep unless he was sure that Spencer had drifted off into blissful oblivion. She used to find that cute. Tonight, it was beyond irritating. It meant that she had to stop fidgeting (which was really hard to do) and regulate her breaths to simulate sleep. She had to do this for about half an hour before she could feel him falling into his dreams. She'd then carefully got up, decided that pacing wasn't an option, and was now sitting next to the window, staring at a blank piece of wall.
The day had been so...strange. In the cold stillness of night, she found herself wondering whether it had been the byproduct of her overactive imagination. But it couldn't be so. Toby had been extra careful with her after the lunch, appeasing every whim of hers, smiling even when she snapped. And she had snapped. Many times. And it wasn't her fault really. How much could a girl take before she cracked?
This was too much. She needed air. She needed to move. She needed to...get out.
Spencer got up, walked into her closet and picked out a simple black shirt and a pair of jeans. She changed quietly, hoping Toby wouldn't wake up. Thank god he wasn't a light sleeper. She carefully closed the bedroom door behind her and slowly made her way downstairs, making sure none of the stairs creaked under her weight. She picked up her keys from the table next to the door and let herself out, locking the door behind her. She got inside her car, then paused. Where was she gonna go?
A drive wouldn't help her, she decided. She almost slammed the door of her car, but stopped herself just in time and shut it softly. Better not to take the car. The sound of the engine might wake her fiancé up. She looked up and down the road. Nobody was there, obviously. The road was deserted, and the asphalt had a silvery sheen to it because of the full moon that hung above it. Spencer broke into a brisk walk, heading for a park that she knew would be deserted at this time of the night. When she passed Arianna (and Emily's) house, she increased her speed, wanting to get past it as fast as she could.
She felt like a kid passing the Radley house in To Kill a Mockingbird. It was as if the inhabitants frightened her. (Honestly, one of them did, and she had no idea why.) She needed to stop thinking about that house and that afternoon and focus on the rhythmic sound of her footsteps. Order. Control. She needed all of that now.
The rusty gate of the park groaned in protest as Spencer swung it open, piercing the veil of silence that hung on the place. The trees were swaying gently against the wind, casting dancing shadows on the grassy ground. If this was Rosewood, she would've been freaked out to be here at night. But it wasn't. She felt safe. She hurried inside, walking on a familiar path, but not really paying attention to where she was going. The destination didn't matter; the journey did. She found walking therapeutic. As well as reading. But she wasn't in the mood to read. Fictional situations tended to mimic her reality and she didn't want to deal with her mind working along those lines.
Spencer was subconsciously taking in the stark beauty of the place around her. The foliage was dense in few parts, but mostly, the park was dotted with grassy clearings, benches and small artificial rock pools. There were a few picnic tables too, and strange shapes in the grass. Spencer stopped in her tracks, her eyes pausing over an unfamiliar shape in the middle of a clearing. It was a shape that looked almost human.
A dead body? Spencer's heart hammered in her chest like a caged bird trying to break free. No, it couldn't be. Not here. But they had been talking about murders during the lunch, her brain reminded her. But this..no. She had to investigate. She walked slowly towards the dark form that was partially hidden by the long, emerald stalks of uncut grass. She wished she had a flashlight, but she hadn't brought one because the night was well-illuminated by the full moon. She wanted to call out, but she kept quiet and neared the figure.
And when she was close enough, she realized that it was alive. And it was Emily.
"Oh", Spencer cried out, unable to check her relief. The sudden noise alerted the reposing figure, and Emily sat up, her eyes widening.
"Spencer? What, are you like stalking me?" Her tone was one of disbelief. And Spencer too felt like destiny (or whatever) was playing a cruel joke with them. Two encounters in one day? It was too much.
"Oh please. You wish." Spencer wanted to turn away, she really did. But instead, she sat down next to Emily, a move which startled the tanned girl extremely. Emily almost scooted away, as if Spencer was going to pin her down and start throwing punches. Spencer tried to smother a smile at her alarmed expression, and raised her hands (as close to a white flag as she would get). "What? I don't bite."
"You say that now." Emily grinned, then stopped herself, her face freezing and her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "Why are you here?" She hoped that the other girl hadn't come over just to start another argument. She'd had enough of that for today. For ever.
"I could ask you the same question. And I'm guessing we'd have the same answers."
Spencer looked at the girl beside her. She didn't want to scare her away. She hated seeing that frightened look on Emily's face. She associated it with cruelty and this funny, grating feeling inside her that made her want to hurt something. Anyone who could frighten Emily (on purpose) had to be a monster. She surveyed her former best friend from under her lashes, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. And it was, after all those years. She hadn't had the change to notice all the changes in Emily during lunch, she'd been too shaken, too caught up in the storm of her emotions. The moonlight painted silver highlights in the beautiful waves that framed Emily's face, mirroring the dark velvet of the sky. The girl beside her looked older, obviously, and it seemed like Emily had finally traded in her shyness for a cloak of confidence. And she wore it well. She seemed self-assured, more at ease with herself and that lifted Spencer's heart. She looked comfortable in her own skin, and honestly, it made her look so much more gorgeous.
Spencer willfully sabotaged her train of thought, derailing it before it could reach dangerous destinations. She was definitely losing her mind. She should be thinking of the poison tipped words they had shot at each other, the wounds they had created, they rift (that she once thought unbridgeable) of years and wrongs between them. She shouldn't be thinking of how Emily seemed to belong to the night, how the stars brought out the light in her eyes, how the inky sky was a perfect backdrop to her soft features.
"Stop doing that", Emily's quiet voice broke into her delusion, and a new expression lined her face. She looked bashful, her eyes partly lowered, her cheeks coloured with a demure tint.
"Doing what? I'm not doing anything", Spencer said hastily, wondering if this was the new start of their old fight. She didn't want to fight. She wanted to...she didn't know what she wanted. She'd come here to escape her thoughts (and Emily). But it seemed like she couldn't escape, no matter where she ran.
"You're..looking at me. Like..", Emily paused, taking a breath, looking unsure, her eyes unfocused, the stars dimming for a second, "...Like I'm a stranger. Like you're trying to recognize me."
Was that what it looked like? She had no idea.
"I'm sorry. I was just..", Spencer suddenly found herself questioning her own actions. What was she just doing? Why wasn't she fueling the rage that had lain dormant for years in her chest? Why was she kindling an entirely different kind of fire instead?
"It's okay. You don't have to explain", Emily quickly said, wanting to change the topic. (Was her heart beating just as fast as Spencer's? She suddenly found an urgent need to take her pulse.)
"It's just, you've changed. In a good way. You're still that old Emily, but you look different. More confident. You look...", she trailed off, ducking her head, feeling like she'd revealed too much of her thoughts. (Where was her anger? Where was that hurt, that rage? What were these new emotions that had her stumbling over words? Words had always been her friends, her allies.)
Emily found herself smiling and blushing, despite all her efforts (or perhaps, because of). Spencer always felt the need to explain things. Definitions, evidences, laws, they were what she was comfortable with. It wasn't like that with Emily at all. She usually let people think whatever they wanted to. Assumptions, inferences, hunches, were Emily's territory. Explanations never seemed to be worth the trouble for her. Now, she was smirking at Spencer, her eyes playful, "Confident? That must mean a lot coming from Spencer Hastings. You're like the poster girl for confidence."
Spencer gave in, letting her lips be lifted by the sudden warm feeling in her chest. She let her amusement show on her face, and she didn't deny the title Emily had just given her. The Hastings were conditioned to never be modest.
"I didn't feel very confident this afternoon", Spencer blurted out, then wondered where that came from. Why did she have to bring that up? It was going so well. This felt like some high school reunion and it was giving her a kind of a nostalgic high. It had been too long since she'd had a friend. (Someone who was not Toby. Or her alphabetized collection of historical novels and classic literature.)
"I didn't either." Emily looked down, her brow furrowing. Perhaps a confession was in order. Spencer didn't seem angry, didn't seem about to spew rage at her. Maybe now was her chance to admit to her mistakes.
"I need to tell you something. Please hear me out. Don't interrupt me. You can judge me afterwards." She felt almost guilty for adding the last line, but it had tumbled out. "I kissed Toby back then because A made me do it. A mailed my HGH reports to my mom and coach. A said they would stop it only if I kissed Toby. I didn't know you were there. I was going to explain it to you afterwards...I just needed to show it to A and I would've.." She paused, her cheeks flushed and her throat constricted. She could feel the pressure of tears behind her eyes, but she tried to be strong. "I'm so sorry, Spencer."
Spencer blinked, stunned at the revelation. (But she wasn't, really.) Her brain taunted her. You knew it was A's trick. You should have been smart enough to figure it out. It made sense. How could she ever really believe that Emily would kiss her boyfriend behind her back? Or that Emily would be interested in Toby in the first place? Stupid Spencer Hastings. Gullible Spencer Hastings. She ought to burn all her college certificates. She ought to bury her trophies. What use were they if she couldn't use her common sense?
"Oh." She opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish, feeling suddenly bared in front of Emily.
"I never, ever wanted to hurt you Spencer, and it's okay if you never forgive me. I don't expect you to. But, just...even if I did like Toby, which I don't, I would never, ever steal him or even try to seduce him like that. I am the weakest link, I guess. Like A said. I shouldn't have done what I did. I..I guess we all had our weaknesses. And A used mine to get to yours." Emily was nervously tugging at the sleeve of her v-neck lilac sweater. She had guilt etched in the contours of her face, her lips pressed down to a thin line. "I am so-"
"Shut up." Spencer suddenly murmured, and she jumped forward. Emily gasped, shrinking back, afraid of physical assault. She knew Spencer would never willingly hurt her, but maybe she was wasn't thinking right. She expected a slap, or some kind of tussle, but instead she felt slender arms wrap around her waist, and something wet on her shoulder. Tears?
"Spence..?", Emily squeaked, taken aback. She felt the skinny girl hug her as if her life depended on it, while her delicate frame trembled with choked sobs. She felt the bridge of a nose against her collarbone, and eyelashes beating like butterfly wings against her shoulder. Emily felt the barriers keeping her emotions in control crumble, and her own eyes flooded with tears. Tears that she had held in for so long. Tears that seeped into her dreams where her guard was down and washed every happy memory away with regret and pain. Only now, these tears felt like release. They were tears of relief. She felt like a big burden had been lifted off from her shoulders, and the fact that Spencer was here, Spencer wasn't mad, Spencer wasn't judging her, that Spencer was hugging her, was something that made her feel lucky to be alive.
They stayed that way, for a few minutes (or what felt like a few days), and then Spencer lifted her face, liquid silver clinging to her lashes, pooling in her brown eyes, mixed with the same relief that was pumping through Emily's veins. That's when Emily realized they had never cried in front of each other like this.
"I..er. I want to apologize", Spencer winced at the hoarse sound that came out of her lips. Her voice sounded rusty with disuse, it floundered around the words that she hardly ever used. "I'm..sorry. I've been so terrible to you." She felt truly ashamed, and she kept her eyes downcast, hoping that it would make her look apologetic enough.
The sight made Emily chuckle. "Stop, Spence. You look funny when you say sorry." She poked her friend in the stomach, trying to elicit a laugh from her, trying to erase the still repentant look on her face.
"I'm trying to figure out if that's a compliment or an insult." Spencer scrunched up her nose, wiping her tears away. "I bet I look awful now." She hated crying. It made her eyes go all red and puffy, and her nose feel all peppery, like she was going to sneeze.
"Ehm. Define awful." Another giggle, this time sounding and looking exactly like the Emily from Spencer's memories. Her eyes were lit with amusement, and her cheeks were dimpled. She always got so excited when she was happy. Like a puppy. Or a kitty. Only, a hundred times cuter than those.
"Ugh, no. Don't do that", Spencer groaned, falling back on the ground and looking up at the clear, night sky.
Emily laid down too, resting her head on her hand and looking at Spencer's highlighted profile. "Do what? I didn't do anything."
Spencer turned her face towards Emily, her gaze caressing every inch of her face. "Don't look so damn gorgeous." Her voice was scratchy, husky. It made Emily shiver, although the night wind was anything but cold. Spencer's eyes widened as she realized what she'd said. "I mean, you're so beautiful, it's not fair. I wish I looked like you." There, she'd saved that one.
Emily could feel blood rushing to her face. She hoped it wasn't clear how much that seemingly simple compliment had affected her. Damn, she was just being friendly. Emily wondered why her heart had skipped a beat at the reckless statement, why her eyelashes has fluttered, why she had inched her face closer to her best friend's. God, her brain really seemed to be malfunctioning today. The emotional roller-coaster had left her feeling wobbly, and left her reasoning impaired. That must be it.
"I'm sure Toby would disagree with that. I bet he thinks the sun rises and sets with you", Emily teased, hoping that the mention of Toby would make them both snap out of whatever this was. "You are beautiful in your own way, Spencer Hastings", she whispered in a low, unsure voice. She wondered if Spencer had even heard it.
"He liked you first." It was said simply, with an aching honesty and without a trace of resentment. "You were the one he wanted to be with, out of all of us."
"But he loves you now. And that's what matters, right?", Emily tried, almost laughing when she remembered the time when Toby and her had a 'thing'. She remembered how Spencer's eyes had silently tried to warn her at homecoming, how she could feel her best friend's eyes following her everywhere that night. It had annoyed her then, but now she knew it was only because she wanted to watch out for her best friend.
Spencer was thinking of that exact night. She was thinking of how she'd been consumed with worry about Emily. She'd even given Alex the cold shoulder because she was too concerned about her best friend. It made her feel a little mad at herself. She'd always sworn to murder anyone who hurt Emily. But suicide was certainly not an option, was it? Oh, the irony.
"Yeah, that's what matters", she replied, a beat too late, with too much of a sigh and unsaid messages in between her words. Her eyes pierced into Emily's, and her hand reached out in the space between them, slowly knocking against Emily's knuckles, her fingers slipping (with surprising familiarity) into the spaces between Emily's fingers. "And what also matters if that my best friend is here, right now." She said the words slowly, the syllables rolling on her tongue, sliding between her lips and lazily escaping into the cool midnight air. She packed them with all the emotions she could, trying to convey what she couldn't say. (The words that escaped even her.)
Emily felt her heartbeat elevate once again, but she mumbled some unintelligible response, her mind suddenly shifting back to Arianna's words. Were you checking her out? It was funny. Really. Why would she check Spencer out? Spencer was her friend. Her best friend. She didn't need to. She had already known every curve, every bend beneath the dress she'd worn that afternoon. (They'd changed in front of each other innumerable times. It's not like she had looked. It's just something her subconscious absorbed. You know, like something she didn't really look at but remembered. She would never check Spencer Hastings out!) Stop. Why was she thinking of that now? It was silly.
"We, we need to go. Home, I mean. I mean, I need to go. Arianna will wake up, it's really late", Emily broke the silence of their thoughts, mixing up her words in her hurry to get them out. "I..we should do this again sometime. I mean, not like this. At midnight. Unless you want it to be...at midnight." The sudden stutter of her words made Spencer chuckle, and drew a sheepish grim from Emily. She took a deep breath, trying to calm all her whirling thoughts and sudden dread, and sat up straight and disentangled her fingers from Spencer's.
"Yeah, you're right. I hope Toby didn't notice I was gone." It was more of an automatic response. Spencer wasn't really worried. Toby never questioned her actions, never asked for explanations. It was kind of convenient, really. "Come on, let's walk back together", she offered, reaching for Emily's hand again with a smile on her lips.
"No!", Emily protested quickly, thinking of Arianna catching them, thinking of her jealousy, her curious questions, then tried to relax. "I mean, no need." Spencer quirked an eyebrow at that. It wasn't as if she was going out of her way to walk Emily home. They lived on the same street. Emily noticed her confusion, and let out a breath. "Actually, the thing is, Ari kind of saw us looking at each other. She wondered if we were flirting or something. Stupid, really. I couldn't tell her the truth, of course...", she paused, cheeks scarlet with embarrassment, "It's funny...er..her thinking that..you know. So if she saw us coming back home at this hour, she'll put two and two together and come up with five."
Spencer paused, withdrawing her hand suddenly as if she'd touched something hot. Arianna thought what? How absurd. Really. The thought was hilarious. (Then why wasn't she feeling the urge to laugh?) Emily's girlfriend was irritating Spencer more and more, and she hadn't even spoken more than a few stock phrases to her. But she understood the jealousy. If Emily were her girlfriend, she'd be doing everything to keep her away from others with wandering eyes. But Emily wasn't. So she shouldn't even be thinking along those lines.
"You know what? I'll even give you a ten minute head start", Spencer grinned, trying to display her amusement at Arianna's misplaced jealousy. "I'll just enjoy the night a little more. Or the early morning." She stepped forward and kissed Emily's cheek, and felt the other girl stiffen and then melt (not melt, why would she be melting?) under her touch. "Good night, Em", she whispered, and stepped back.
"Good night, Spence." Emily looked giddy with ecstasy, and almost tripped on a stray branch as she turned around. Stupid, stupid runaway emotions. She knew feeling happy over getting her best friend back wasn't abnormal. But it was hindering her movements (and straying her thoughts down unknown lanes). She glanced back once more, waved at the small form of the brunette, and quickly made her way home.
A/N: Let me know if I'm not completely terrible with resolutions. Haha.
LaughLoveLiveXx: No break up, as of yet. But I hope you liked the (short-ish) talk? x) Spencer's intelligence is probably my favourite aspect of her character. (I'm a lot like her, minus the OCD and the gorgeousness, of course.) She does heavily rely on literature to convey her emotions as she's not really comfortable with them as much as the others.
dmpanda5 : Thanks a lot! I'll try to update as much as possible. x)
x-sugarfree-x : Spencer isn't cruel, more like callous. She speaks her words before understanding the effect they'll have on the other person. Grief seems to bring out the darker side of her for sure.