A/N: I'm so sorry that I didn't post a chapter yesterday! My sister's birthday is the fourth and my father was making invitations for the family and all, but his laptop didn't work anymore so he claimed mine, hence why I couldn't do anything for an entire day.

And I know I will definitely cause you some heart attacks at the end of this chapter. Let's just see what you think of it :D.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

Cho turned around in his bed.

He liked the days more when he spent them with Jane. Sure, the blonde man annoyed him to the bones, but at least he had something to do.

At first, Cho thought that Jane was over-reacting. Why in hell would you be so depressed by one's death? It just didn't make sense.

But now, Cho understood completely. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but Lisbon's missing presence was too much, even for him.

He was used to take over the team, he had done so way too many times. But he always knew it wasn't permanent, Lisbon would be back eventually as their team-leader. Now, it was permanent. She would never come back.

He sighed, and sat up straight in his bed.

Maybe reading the Bible helped? He knew Lisbon always read the Bible when she was sad or down, or when the urge to kill Jane was too big.

He opened his second-hand Bible, and sighed at the first thing he read:

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

He dropped the Bible, and looked up, praying to a God he knew did not exist.

Why did He take Lisbon? It just didn't make any sense.

-YulianaHenderson-

Van Pelt woke up, to find the spot beside her empty.

She sighed.

Jane had fallen asleep in her arms, not being able to stop muttering how useless he was here, how much he missed Lisbon and how much he wanted to be with her now. It had pained Van Pelt. She was used to seeing Jane so sad now, but now she knew that she had to protect him, mainly from himself. No one was going to hurt him, only Jane himself was capable of doing so.

She groaned when she sat up straight – her muscles ached from lying in a wrong position all night long – and hesitantly placed her feet on the floor.

She went to look for Jane, and found him in her living room, a notebook in his hands. He seemed to be frantically writing things down.

"Jane?" Van Pelt asked softly, and she saw Jane startling, but he didn't turn towards her. "What are you doing?"

"Writing."

She sighed silently.

"I could see that."

"Then why do you ask?"

Van Pelt sat down beside Jane, but she didn't look at what he was writing. She figured, even though she now took care of him, there were still some things that were private and she didn't really want to read what he had written. She had a feeling it was about Lisbon and she already knew how Jane thought about her death.

"Jane, I want to help you. You're having a tough time. I care about you. I want you to be happy-"

"Happy," Jane repeated, then chuckled, but the sound sounded so humorless that it almost sounded scary. "You want me to be happy."

Van Pelt nodded, though Jane wasn't looking at her so he couldn't see she was nodding. "Yes."
Jane paused for a while, then put away the notebook and turned his back on Van Pelt.

"I can't be happy without Lisbon."

This was growing annoying. Van Pelt could scream at him, could tell him countless of times that he had to try and move on, but Jane was so stubborn. And Van Pelt grew tired of doing so. She just wished Jane and Lisbon were less close than they actually were.

"You wouldn't understand," Jane said, and was about to pick up the notebook he had just put away, when Van Pelt stopped him.

"I do understand, Jane," she said, her voice almost icy, and she looked intently into Jane's eyes.

She then saw the tears that had probably lingered there for minutes, but she didn't see them because Jane wasn't looking at her, and she turned around and closed her eyes.

She honestly didn't know what she should do now. She had genuinely tried everything already.

So she just got up and left the living room, trying to get some sleep again.

-YulianaHenderson-

Teresa. Teresa. Teresa.

Jane ran a hand through his hair.

Teresa.

When would the notebook be full? Teresa.

The past three hours he had been writing down her name. Just to keep thinking about her. How much she cared about people. Her beautiful smile. Her brilliant, sparkling eyes. He could get lost in them.

But why did he find out too late how much she meant to him? No, he knew how much she meant to him, but he chose to ignore it because he was so busy with Red John. He was so absolutely, utterly stupid.

Teresa.

He didn't even feel the pain anymore right now. It was a feeling he had experienced for far too long, and though it was more painful than when Angela and Charlotte had died, he could still hardly feel it anymore.

Teresa. Teresa... I love you, Teresa.

The words shocked him. Though they were true, he had never truly let them fall off his lips. Once, in her office, but that was an honest mistake. The words were true, but he hadn't wanted to tell them. Not yet. Why hadn't he told her? Sure the depression would be less.

I love you, Teresa. I love you. I love you.

"Jane," a voice behind him said, and he instinctively threw the notebook to somewhere the person couldn't see it. He should've been scared to death; as far as he knew, Van Pelt was the only other person in the classy apartment, and the voice didn't sound as Van Pelt's.

He turned around, and looked into Lisbon's clear green eyes.
"I don't want to talk to you," Jane said, and looked in front of him again.

"Why not? From what I could read in that notebook, you love me."

"You're not real."

"And do you ever really listen to yourself, Jane? Who cares if I'm not real. You can talk to me."

Jane closed his eyes. He leant back into the couch, his head falling backwards and his hands covering his eyes.

"Go away."

"I won't go away, Jane."
"Just go away," Jane hissed. Lisbon sighed, and jumped down beside him.
"What's your problem, Jane? Wait, I already know it," she said, raising her arms to stop him – not that he was going to say anything anyways. "You completely counted on me being there to save your ass. You weren't dependant, and you knew it. You knew I knew it. But you were desperate, and still are. Van Pelt looks after you now, Jane. Let her help you. She wants to help you, as do the boys. Stop waiting for me, I won't come back."

"I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do, Lisbon. I was born to lose-"

"Stop it there, Jane. You know that's not true. Angela and Charlotte's deaths were not your fault. My death was not your fault. Stop whining like a little girl and live again. You're destroying the people around you too. Maybe you think you deserve it, and maybe you really do, but the team doesn't. They really don't. Do it for them, Jane."

Jane sighed.

"I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights, just me... alone."

"Jane!" Lisbon exclaimed, and Jane almost startled. Even if she was made up, Lisbon would never scream. Not even at him, not like that.

"You're strong. I know that you know that I'm not actually here, but just try to listen to me. I love you, Patrick. I love you so much, and you know that. Did you think I would do what I did for just somebody? No."

She sighed, and moved closer, now so close that if she were real, he would be able to feel her breath. He swallowed.

"Normally, I would trust Cho, but he doesn't hallucinate about me so I can't tell him. Look after the team, Jane. They mean so much to me. And they mean everything to you, too. They're your family. I know you wanted a family with me eventually, but you couldn't and you just have to find peace with that."

The ghost of Lisbon swung her arms around Jane, and he had to fight back the urge to scream at himself. He shouldn't be thinking these things about Lisbon. She deserved much more than a not entirely in character ghost in his stupid, depressed mind.

"What's this?" Lisbon asked as she saw the notebook Jane had just thrown away. Jane wanted to stop her, but he knew how stupid it was to do since she was not real.

She knelt down next to it, and read the pages that were revealed by the way Jane had thrown it. She closed her eyes, sighed, and then looked at Jane.
"I'm serious, Jane. Either move on, or end it. You can't ask this from the team. This is insane," she said, and pointed at the notebook.

Jane closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath.

"Jane? Are you alright?" Van Pelt asked behind him. Jane shook his head.
"I... No, I'm not. Can... Can you hold me for a second?" Jane asked, his voice small. Van Pelt nodded, and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Jane rested his head on her chest.

"Were you talking with her?" Van Pelt asked, after a lot of silent minutes. Jane nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane shook his head. Van Pelt sighed.

"I know that it's weird. But when I was talking to her, I felt... happy. Really happy."

Van Pelt gently brushed Jane's cheek, like you would with a little child that just suffered a nightmare.

"You need to rest, Jane. It's not healthy to skip sleep. Even if you can't sleep, you have to rest-"

"I'll rest, Grace," Jane said, almost determined, and moved to get out of her arms.
"Do I need to cuff you to my bed to prevent you from doing stupid things?" Van Pelt asked. Though the comment could be far from innocent, it was really innocent how Van Pelt put it. Jane smiled faintly.

"No need. I'll behave like a good, depressed little boy."

Van Pelt rolled her eyes.

"Do you want tea first?" Van Pelt asked, in an attempt to bring the old Jane back. Jane looked at her, then at a spot in the room, and then at her again.
"Lisbon doesn't think that's okay."

Van Pelt suppressed her groan just in time. "Oh god, Jane... Did you hear what you just said?"

-YulianaHenderson-

"How's Jane?" Rigsby asked. Van Pelt could hear Benjamin screaming in the background, and a few crashes which clearly pointed out that Sarah was frantically trying to get things done.
"He starts acting weird."

"Jane, weird? No way," Rigsby said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ha ha. I'm serious. He was sitting in my living room, writing down things in a notebook he'd found, and he looked like he could kill himself any moment. Then I heard him talking to somebody, but I couldn't hear a reply, only Jane's voice, so I figured he was talking to Lisbon in his head. And then, he suddenly was all smiling again. And I asked him if he wanted tea and apparently "Lisbon" told him not to. I really can't follow him. But, I do think he's starting to live with her death."

"You do? From what I can hear, it only grows worse. And where is he now?" Rigsby asked. Van Pelt sighed.
"In my bedroom. Why?"

"You sure?"

Van Pelt frowned, but walked out of the living room, into the hall and into her bedroom. She almost dropped the phone when she found the bed empty.

"Shit. Jane?" she asked, checking the room if he was hiding in any niche, but no sign of him in the bedroom.

She raced down the stairs, and ran through her entire apartment, but Jane was nowhere to be seen. She cursed.
"He's gone."

"Did he leave something? Like, a note or so?"

Van Pelt looked around the room. She wanted to find him, now, goodbye notes were not important.

She saw the notebook, and her heart clenched.

"Only the notebook in which he wrote."

She almost heard the gears in Rigsby's detective brain churning. "Read what's inside."

Van Pelt put the phone on speaker and placed it on the table, and she picked up the notebook. She almost dropped it when she felt so much negative energy coming from it. She knew that was bullshit, but it was how it felt like for her.

She turned the pages to the front of the notebook. Teresa. Teresa. Teresa. Teresa.

"There's only Lisbon's first name on the first pages," she said, loud enough so that Rigsby could hear it.

"Skip to the end," Rigsby said, and Van Pelt did. As she turned the book, she saw that most pages were covered with Lisbon's first name, occasionally accompanied by 'I love you'.

When she arrived at the end of the book, she gasped. There were clear things at the top of the paper, indicating Jane took his time with writing it down.

Teresa. I love you, Teresa. I want to be with you. Only you. I miss you.

Underneath that were words that seemed to be scratched into the paper, the fabric was almost tore. She traced the paper with her fingertips.

A collision. One gun. Water, drowning. A knife. Death. Teresa. Death. Death. Death. Teresa's dead. I'm dead. Teresa.

"Rigsby," Van Pelt breathed.
"What? What does it say?"

"No, no... No...," Van Pelt whispered.

"Grace!"
"Rigsby, we have to find Jane. I think he's going to kill him. This time for real."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Jane!" Rigsby exclaimed into the forests outside the city. They had no idea where Jane could be, and honestly, he could be on the cold concrete, dead.

Van Pelt had called the doctor, and he'd sent the therapist to Van Pelt's apartment. For her, it took way too long.

Cho had also joined, and now, they were searching the woods for someone who'd rather be well dead than spend more seconds on this world.

"Patrick!"

Cho was actually just following the crowd. He knew Jane wouldn't come by them screaming, it was honestly a lost battle. Jane had tried it once already, Cho was sure he wouldn't fail this time.

Just when the entire group was about to stop the mission, Van Pelt screamed and suddenly ran off.
"Here!" she exclaimed, and the rest followed.

There was Jane, not laying in a pool of blood or a bullet through his head. He looked unconscious though, so they all just assumed he took an overdose.

Van Pelt fell down beside him.

"Jane," she whispered, gently slapping his cheeks. Jane lay still for a long moment, and they all already feared he was dead, before his eyes fluttered.

"Jane! Jane, stay with us, okay?" Van Pelt said, her voice less calm than it was a few moments ago. Jane slowly opened his eyes, and looked into Van Pelt's eyes.
"Ter... Teresa?" he asked, his voice so small that it was almost inaudible. Van Pelt shook her head.
"It's me, Jane. It's me, Grace. You're gonna get through this, Jane," Van Pelt whispered, her face inches away from Jane's. The therapist was calling the doctor, while Cho simply called 9-1-1.

Van Pelt grabbed Jane's hand.
"Am I dead?" Jane asked. Van Pelt saw a tear falling on Jane's cheek, but it wasn't his. She quickly wiped her face.

"You're not, Jane. And you're not going to. You're gonna stay with us, you hear me? Hold on, Jane."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Well, this is beginning to form a tradition, isn't it?" the doctor said as he casually walked into the waiting room. They could see he was slightly annoyed at the fact that Jane again tried to kill himself. He wasn't the only annoyed person. This was starting to get too much.

At least Jane could say he was bad with something.

"Is he still alive?" Van Pelt asked. The doctor sighed, and nodded.
"He is. He actually took too less to really die, but it could've damaged vital organs."
"Did it-"

"No, it didn't. He should be fine, theoretically. Look, we might consider taking him here. This was the kind of trouble I was talking about. We have your permission to do any psychological tests?"

The three nodded.

"Now that that is sorted; you can go visit Mr. Jane, but one at a time. Also, he is still depressive, so don't bother with cheering him up."

And with that, the doctor left the waiting room, off to another patient that had most likely been on the edge of dying.

The three looked at each other, then shrugged and entered the room together.

Jane was now staring at the door. The team sighed, and sat down beside his bed.
"You're gonna make a habit out of this? Because I'll be gone then," Cho deadpanned. Jane didn't pay attention. He motioned for Van Pelt to come closer, which she reluctantly did.

"Did you read my notebook?" Jane asked, his voice still small. Van Pelt nodded. Jane sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, which took more energy than he'd wanted to.

"Sorry, Grace," he whispered. Van Pelt swallowed. "You've been really great. It wasn't you. It's never been you."

Van Pelt could see Cho leaving the room, and she sighed.
"This is what you do to us, Jane. You happy?" Rigsby asked, and Van Pelt shot him a look. Rigsby raised his hands in surrender, then sat back in his chair.

"It was my last chance to see her again, Grace. Now I guess I'd have to live with the fact that she's not coming back."

Van Pelt nodded, squeezed Jane's hand a bit too hard, and Jane cringed.
"Sorry," Van Pelt murmured. Jane just shook his head.

"My punishment."

"Guys?" started Cho, and the three turned to look at him.

"You're not going to believe this."

Van Pelt frowned. "What is it?"

Cho approached the bed.

"You know how they have these rooms where people lay from who they don't know who they are? They can't contact any family, they are too damaged-"

"Yes?" interrupted Jane, now getting extremely impatient. He didn't want to hope, but he had a feeling of what Cho was about to say.

"Thought I'd drop by. Didn't have anything else to do anyway. Guess who lays there."

The trio's eyes widened.

"No. Freaking. Way," said Rigsby.

Jane jumped up, ignoring both the machine's as Van Pelt's protests. He pulled the IV's out of his arms, and ran to the hall.

"Where?" he asked Cho. Though Van Pelt was screaming after Jane, Cho just pointed at where he'd found her.

Jane ran down the hall, checking every room until he saw her.

His Lisbon.

He almost collapsed, though he ran inside the room, crashing over her bed almost immediately. He heard a heart rate, he heard her breathing, and that was it.

He had learned to accept the fact that she was dead. That he was never going to see her ever again, not even her lifeless body. He had wanted nothing more than to see her one more time, dead or alive.

He noticed she was unconscious, and that opened the gates called his eyes. He pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck, and only cried harder when he found her body motionless – which, of course, was not a surprise since she was unconscious.

When Rigsby and Van Pelt had finally found him, their hearts jumped to the moon and back. But they needed to control Jane first, before they would admit their tears.

Van Pelt gently grabbed his shoulder, and with Rigsby she pulled him away from Lisbon. Cho went to place her back onto the bed.

"Teresa," Jane whimpered, while he was pulled only further away from her. He tried to fight the two agents, having them letting him go so he could hold Lisbon again, but he knew it was of no use. They were much stronger than him, even if one of them was a woman – which was mean to say, because he knew how strong women could be. In fact, he even assumed that Lisbon was twice as strong as him; and Van Pelt was not so weak either.

Jane didn't look away from her, crying when he saw she was not dead, like they had expected and thought for a week, but living. Not very much, but living nonetheless.

All this commotion could be heard and seen from the hall, and the nurses that apparently looked after Lisbon came and entered the room.

"What is going on here?" asked one. The team looked at her. They were speechless. For one week, they had all thought their boss was dead. She was laying somewhere in the forests, or in a morgue. But they hadn't thought of the possibility that she was in this very hospital, breathing, and not dead.

Jane was crying fully now, still moving to get out the two pair of strong arms, to get to Lisbon and hold her.

"Let him go," one of the nurses ordered, and Van Pelt and Rigsby did, looking helplessly as Jane ran over to Lisbon again, not holding her like he had done before, but brushing her cheek and holding her hand.

"Teresa," Jane whispered, tracing her lips, "Teresa..."

"Are you the family?" asked the same nurse. All three of them shook their heads.

"Her family is in New York. We... thought she was dead."

This was going to be harder to explain than they'd thought.

A/N: Yes, Lisbon! Well, her body, she's not really conscious... But she will be, eventually, I hope. We'll see :D.

So: How do you like this story up until now? Excited what happened to Lisbon? Let me know in a REVIEW, thank you!