Chapter Seventeen: Emotional

Yong Soo curled up to Ivan's side, one hand lazily stroking his chest as the two watched some cheesy American sitcom. The movie they had been watching had long since ended and while Yong Soo had brought plenty more, both had been loath to move, so they opted instead to flip the channel to TV and just stay in each other's arms.

A shrill electronic beeping cut through the serenity of the moment. "What the heck is that, da ze?" Yong Soo asked, sitting up straight and looking around the room for the source of the offensive noise.

"Oh, is alarm," Ivan replied with a frown, pulling an expensive-looking cell phone out of his pocket. He fiddled with the touch screen for a moment and the beeping stopped. Ivan then simply slipped the phone back in his pocket and settled onto the bed, gesturing for Yong Soo to join him again.

Yong Soo cuddled back into the nook between Ivan's arm and his side. "So, what was the alarm for?" he questioned, his natural curiosity nagging at him to ask.

"Am having another class," Ivan said with a shrug. "But is okay, am not going today."

Yong Soo grinned up at him, pleased that he wasn't going to lose his source of warmth and even more pleased that he wasn't going to have to go along with him again. However, before he could voice his support of Ivan's decision, Kiku's disappointed face flashed through his mind. He tried to ignore the voice in his head (which sounded suspiciously like the Japanese man), but to no avail. He frowned and bit his lower lip. "Is that really such a good idea?"

"Vhat?"

Yong Soo looked down and fidgeted with his sleeves. "Well, you know... School's important and stuff, da ze. I wouldn't want to get you in trouble." Yong Soo didn't really feel like he was one to talk; he skipped classes all the time with Lee and he was always putting off doing his schoolwork. But the thought of Ivan failing a class because of him almost made him feel sick to his stomach. High school was one thing, but college set you up for the rest of your life!

"Is okay," Ivan said, shrugging his shoulders. "Am skipping classes all the time. Teachers are not caring."

Yong Soo frowned, somehow that didn't make him feel any better. His brothers always talked to him about how important college was and about how much work they put into their classes. Yao with his culinary arts major and Kiku with his graphic design, both worked on projects and assignments late into the night. He wasn't sure what Ivan's major was (a realization that kind of upset him), but the classes had to be important regardless. Right?

"Well, it's gotta be hard to learn stuff if you're not in class, da ze." He replied, forcing out an awkward laugh.

Ivan frowned and his brow furrowed. "You are... vanting me to go to the class?"

"Well, it's not like I really want you to go but I," he paused, looking down and playing with the fabric of Ivan's shirt. "I just want you to do well in your class, you know?" he mumbled into Ivan's side.

Ivan thought silently for a moment, trying to figure out why Yong Soo cared so much about his class and then a light bulb went off in his head. Yong Soo was worried about him! 'And maybe,' he thought, a hot blush covering his cheeks. 'vorried about our future.' He smiled and hugged Yong Soo, willing to do anything to take care of the little Korean. "Хорошо! I vill go to the class. For you!"

"Heh, well thanks," Yong Soo said, smiling back. "So, this class isn't too long, is it?" He asked in a small voice, because even though he was the one that convinced Ivan to go, he didn't really want to be away from Ivan.

"Is as long as other class," Ivan said. "Though am going to be late so vill be shorter."

"You're late?!" Yong Soo jumped up, the same frenzy coming over him as when he sleeps in on school days. "아, 아니! What do you need for the class?"

Ivan giggled as he got up from the bed. "Oh, Yong Soo. You are so full of the cuteness. All I am needing is my bag." He grabbed the book bag from beside his desk then leaned down and gave Yong Soo a gentle kiss. "I vill be being back soon."

Yong Soo threw his arms around Ivan's neck and kissed him passionately. "I'll miss you, da ze."

Ivan felt warm all over as he left the dorm, giving one last wave to Yong Soo. He's never had this warm, safe feeling before Yong Soo came into his life; this feeling of being unconditionally loved. He smiled to himself as he walked to class, knowing there was no way he'd be able to concentrate on the lecture, but finding it hard to care.

Meanwhile, Yong Soo sat on Ivan's bed, unsure of what to do while he waited for the Russian to return. But as he sat alone in the silent dorm room, thoughts of home, of his brothers filled his mind. "I miss Yao-hyung..." he sighed sadly. His stomach growled and he frowned. "I miss Yao-hyung's cooking; dorm food sucks." He muttered, scowling as he remembered the stale muffin and warm orange juice Ivan had brought him from the cafeteria. He laid back on the bed and folded his arms behind his head. "And I miss Kiku-hyung's rice balls. He always puts kimchi in mine." He rolled over and grabbed Ivan's pillow, hugging it to his chest. "I miss them both." He sniffled miserably.

As the silence began to close in on him Yong Soo sat up and shook his head. "What's wrong with me, da-ze? Ugh, get it together, Yong Soo!" He tossed the pillow against the headboard and jumped up. "I know, I'll play a game! That will take my mind off things until Ivan gets back."

Yong Soo played a PSP out of his bag, ignoring the pang in his chest when he remembered that the system had been a gift from Kiku and focusing instead on the animated game sprites. Trying to disregard the guilty feeling that suddenly arose in his stomach and the homesickness that washed over him, he chose to get lost in the fantasy world of the RPG instead.

Sometime later, Toris come home from work and Yong Soo jumped at the unexpected intrusion into his pixilated world. He laughed it off self-consciously. "안녕하세요."

"W-what?" Toris blinked in confusion.

"Oh, sorry," Yong Soo laughed again, sheepishly. "Welcome back."

"Oh, thanks." Toris smiled at him, taking off his jacket and sitting down at his desk. He pulled a book from the large stack beside him and began flipping through it.

Yong Soo went back to his game, but the silence in the room, broken only by the occasional sounds of animated battle from the PSP, felt heavy and awkward to him. He couldn't stand it when it got quiet like this, so pausing the game and setting it down in his lap, he decided to try and strike up a conversation with the nervous Lithuanian. "So, uh... Ivan told me you were at work?"

"Huh?" Toris looked up from his book and over at Yong Soo. "Oh, yes. I work at the bookstore here on campus."

"Oh, that sounds... fun," Yong Soo replied, sounding highly doubtful.

Toris smiled wearily. "No, not really, but it helps pay for tuition and bills and everything."

"Tuition?" Yong Soo echoed. "Don't your parents pay for that?"

Toris's face faltered for a moment then he gave the younger boy a sad smile. "Well, my parents passed away several years ago, so I'm kind of on my own."

"Oh," Yong Soo fell silent and looked down at the paused game in his lap. Suddenly the stand-still world seemed lonely, as if it were waiting forlornly for him to rejoin. "My parents are gone too," he said softly.

"...What an awful thing for us to have in common." The two were quiet for a moment, each lost in their own minds, their own memories. The Lithuanian recovered quickly, however, pulling himself out before he sank into a depression he knew he was capable of. He saw the lonely, pained look on the face of the younger boy and set out to comfort him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"응?" Yong Soo looked up from the still figures of the game sprites and shook his head. "That's okay. It happened a long time ago. Besides, I have Yao-hyung and Kiku-hyung so I- I'm alright..." He gave the answer that he always gave when someone asked him about his parents, but this time instead of bringing him comfort like it usually did, it stung and he only felt worse.

Toris hesitated to respond. The response he wanted to give seemed... inappropriate... insensitive, but he felt he needed to tell Yong Soo, both for the Korean's sake and for Yao's. "I... I saw your brother Yao at the bookstore today."

"Oh..." Yong chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip. "How-how did he look?"

Toris was silent, contemplative. "He looked... tired. And anxious."

"R-really?" Yong Soo asked softly, the guilt already gnawing quietly gnawing at him. He felt terrible. After all his brothers had done for him, how could he make them worry like that? Yao and Kiku, though especially Yao, had cared for him as he grew up, raised him ever since their parent's accident. He tried to rationalize with himself, tried to tell himself that he had to stand up against them on this matter. He repeated the words Matthew told him over and over in his mind, but it wasn't working and soon tears began to well up in his eyes and pour down his face. "I-I'm such –a- horr-horrible – little brother!" he hiccupped out, trying to wipe the tears away with his sleeves even as more streamed down his face.

Toris looked slightly panicked for a second, but swiftly made his way over to Yong Soo, sitting beside him on the narrow bed. "Oh, I'm sure that not true, Yong Soo."

"It is true!" the Korean insisted between racking sobs. "I'm an awful brother! I cause all kinds of problems for Yao-hyung and Kiku-hyung!"

Toris paused, knowing he shouldn't ask the question, but he seemed to be ignoring his better judgment today and he felt he needed to know the answer. "If you don't want to cause them trouble, why did you run away?"

Yong Soo's eyes shone with more tears that had yet to be shed. "I don't want to cause them problems!" he swore. "But I... I mean, they... they told me I wasn't-that I wasn't allowed to see Ivan anymore and I... I couldn't... I just..." Yong Soo trailed off, his unfinished thought hanging heavily in the air.

"I understand," Toris said gently, rubbing Yong Soo's shoulder and already feeling guilty about his questioning of the younger boy. "You don't have to explain anymore if you don't want to."

Yong Soo nodded and sniffled. "I think I'm going to take a nap," he said softly.

"That sounds like a good idea," Toris replied with a kind smile. "Do you want anything first?"

"Could you-could you get my mp3 player from my bag?" he asked in a small voice as he snuggled under the covers. "It's in the side pocket."

"Of course," Toris smiled again as he handed him a small mp3 player and a large pair of headphones from the duffle bag. The smile faded, however, as Yong Soo slipped on the headphones and began blasting loud Korean rock music. 'He's going to damage his hearing.' He thought with a concerned frown.

Toris sat back down at his desk and tried to pick up where he left off in his book, but the oddly muffled music distracted him and he couldn't focus. He read the same line four times and when it still didn't sink in, Toris realized it was about more than just the music. His head was swimming with thoughts of his parents, of Yong Soo's crying face, and of Yao.

He shook his head and set the book back down. There was no way he'd be able to concentrate on studying now. 'Maybe a walk will clear my head.' He thought with a heavy sigh. Toris scribbled a quick note in case Yong Soo woke up from his nap before he came back and, leaving it on his desk, walked out the door into the crisp autumn air.

He walked slowly around the campus grounds and though it was beautiful, full of trees, fountains, and striking old buildings, Toris's thoughts closed in on him and he was unable to appreciate the scenery. Yong Soo's crying face tormented him. 'I pushed him too hard,' he thought dejectedly. 'And for my own gain, because I felt guilty about misleading Yao. And I want to be a psychologist?'

He sighed and sat on a bench under an old oak. The afternoon sun streamed through leaves of green, orange, and red, making light spots dance on the grass beneath Toris's feet. 'I'd make a terrible psychologist. And I'm a terrible person. I say that I like Yao, but when I had the chance to help him, I was too scared. Scared of Ivan.' He leaned down and covered his face with his hands. 'What kind of person am I?'

"Still no call or text? He could at least let us know if he's okay, aru..."

Toris's head snapped up and there, only a few feet away, was Yao, looking frazzled as he checked his phone. It was almost as if fate was giving him another chance to make it up to Yao, and this time he wasn't going to let his cowardice get the better of him.

"Yao!" he called out, jumping up from the bench and running over to the older man.

Yao looked up from his phone. "Huh? Oh, Toris. I was just about to go home, aru."

"Iknowwhereyongsoois!" he blurted out, trying hard not to think of Ivan, or Ivan's pipe.

"What? Wait, did you just say 'Yong Soo'?"

Toris nodded. "I-I know where he is."

Yao looked shocked, his tired eyes wide and his jaw slack. "You do?" His face grew serious and he took a step toward the Lithuanian. "Where is he, aru?"

"He- he's at my dorm," Toris replied, his stomach churning with anxiety and guilt. "Mine and- and Ivan's."

Yao's eyes flashed and he growled, the sound vibrating deep in the back of his throat. "Ivan," he hissed out, as if the name itself was venomous. "該死! I should have known it was him, aru!" He looked to Toris, his jaw set in a scowl. "Take me to him."

-o-o-o-

A/N: Oh, my god, the drama! The drama llama is running rampant all up in here! D:

Translations:

Хорошо! - Okay! (Russian)

아, 아니! - Oh no! (Korean)

안녕하세요 – Welcome back (Korean)

응? – Huh? (Korean)

該死! – Damn it! (Chinese)