Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous

By: Susan

Disclaimer: It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

Summary: "And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

CHAPTER TWO

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Remus awoke the next morning early, his body in what he had years ago deemed pre-transformational pain. His arms and legs were rigid and his neck stiff. He wedged a curled up, innocent-looking Tonks out of the crevice of his chest to keep from waking her and walked quietly into the kitchen, where he busied himself making some morning tea and eggs. His robes, the same ones from last night, as neither had felt like getting up to change into something more comfortable, felt sweaty and clung to him oddly, and he knew it wasn't because he had slept beside a beautiful woman last night. Even before the full moon, Remus had begun to feel the changes inside him.

"Morning Remus," Tonks greeted him quietly as she entered the kitchen.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Remus said.

"Nope, it was time to get up. I have to work."

The conversation seemed oddly formal and Remus silently hoped there would be nothing awkward between the two of them. What were they exactly now? A couple? He swallowed hard as Tonks settled herself at the kitchen table, levitated the teapot towards her and poured herself a cup.

"Remus, I don't know why you're so bloody quiet," Tonks said conversationally.

"I…er…" He looked out the window. The rain had gone, leaving the grass behind the house wet and shiny and the trees to match. There was a shadow of the moon in the early morning sky, even closer to full than the night before. He sighed and looked back over at Tonks, whose purple spiky hair had suddenly begun to droop.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" she asked knowingly.

"I can't break up with you if we haven't started dating," Remus said quietly. "Can we start?" Tonks whispered. Remus didn't look at her, but instead looked down at his hands, clammy with trepidation about the coming full moon and his robes, ripped and threadbare. Last night, and any other night before this one he would have given anything to do this…to be with her. Just holding her calmly in his arms after kissing was too far from meeting his appetite for her. He wanted to run his arms over her body and kiss her passionately and make love to her and see her smile. He'd always wanted that.

And yet, here he was, questioning himself. Not the feelings he had for her, of course. He knew exactly what those were and what they meant. But he found his mind which had taken a backseat last night, suddenly reminding him that he was a werewolf. He was dangerous. He was not the sort of man that any woman as astounding as Nymphadora Tonks should be with.

"Hell, Remus, I don't care." Tonks' words were said quietly, but there was an urgent pleading in her voice that Remus took note of. "About you being a werewolf, I mean.""

He shook his head wordlessly. "Nymphadora-"

"Tonks," she countered, and Remus met her eye for the first time.

"Last night was wonderful, and you know how I feel about you, but the dangers of this, of us, outweigh everything enormously. You know that."

"Remus-" Tonks started, but she shook her head and he could see her blink back tears of anger.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered. He looked down at his clammy, aching hands. Tonight they would be covered in thick grey fur and his lips, so lovingly pressed to Tonks' body last night, would elongate to hide pointed fangs. One night of forgetting to take the Wolfsbane, and Tonks would be a victim of his own terrible fate.

"But what if I don't care?"

"I care," Remus said quietly. "I've already had everyone I've ever cared about taken from me by Voldemort. I've learned it well enough. I couldn't bear to hurt you too."

"I have to go," Tonks said suddenly, her voice unnaturally shrill. She picked her robes from the night before off the kitchen floor and began walking toward the front door of Remus' flat. He was torn between letting her go and running after her, throwing his arms around her, and declaring undying devotion. The latter, of course, seemed somewhat ludicrous, and he settled for a middle-ground.

"You know how much you mean to me," Remus said quietly as he followed. "Maybe someday…" he left the statement floating in midair.

Tonks turned on her heel, biting her lip to keep from shouting. "Someday when, Remus? When we're bloody dead? Look at the life we're living right now. Harry's just a kid, and he has to destroy the most evil man the wizarding world has ever seen! Don't you understand how important being with someone is at this point? You've always been alone! We can't fight this alone." Her voice was shaking now, and involuntary tears were scuttling down her heart-shaped face.

Remus hadn't realized he had bit his own lip, but he could taste the blood in his mouth. "I'm sorry," he said tonelessly. "You'll understand one day."

"How many more days left do I have to learn to understand, Remus? Or am I just too young to understand?" Tonks asked savagely. Remus shook his head.

"You're not too young," he said quietly. "You're perfect, and you understand, you're just denying it because you want to be with me. Hell, Nymphadora, I want to be with you too, but look at us. Look at this." His hands were shaking as he held them up. "Do you know what these hands are going to be when the moon comes out tonight?"

"I already told you I don't care about that!" She shook her head in frustration and turned away from him again, walking briskly but almost cautiously towards the door, as if hoping for him to tell her to stop and come back.

Remus' irrational side, which very infrequently made its way to the forefront, was screaming for him to shout something, anything, at her, but he didn't say a word.

x x x

"Oh, bugger, Molly, it was horrible. It was perfection, absolute perfection. He held me and we kissed and we went to sleep in each others' arms and he smiled. Molly, he hasn't really smiled since June. It was absolutely horrible."

Tonks was sitting at the kitchen table in the Burrow, her head in her arms, her eyes tearful. Her hair was lank and an awful shade of mousy brown. Molly Weasley, wearing a green dressing gown, had been bustling around making a pot of tea, had stopped suddenly in the middle of her kitchen, looking like she had forgotten the way to the teapot.

"But then," she ventured, "you kissed. So he feels the same way about you?"

Tonks nodded tearfully. "But he said he couldn't bear to hurt me and he was dangerous and all this other nonsense. Nonsense. He's got air for brains, that one, Molly."

"He's doing this to protect you then, Tonks, dear?" Molly handed her a mug of steaming liquid, which Tonks took and leaned her chin on. She nodded again, wiping her eyes with her napkin.

"He's so sensible," she said savagely. "Sensible Remus in his plain robes and reading his books. He doesn't need to make a place for love, surely."

Molly sighed. Tonks was just as inexperienced in the world of emotion as Remus was.

"Tonks, dear, do you know just how hard it was for Remus to have lived these past sixteen years? He lost Sirius and James both in one night, and then he lost Sirius again in June. Getting too close to people puts him at risk for losing them, and he's so used to being alone that he doesn't let it hurt the way it would hurt a normal person to push people away."

"Are you saying he's not normal?" Tonks demanded, knowing she sounded ridiculous. "I'll have you know he's perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn't care in the slightest that he's a werewolf and he knows that. He thinks he's too old, I think he's bloody better than all the men my age, and loads more mature and he's brilliantly good-looking. He thinks he's too poor; money is the last thing on my mind these days. He thinks he's too dangerous…" She started to sob loudly for a moment, and then realized where she was and what time it was and stopped just as quickly as she started. "I think he's perfect."

Molly was silent. Remus was being a bit of an idiot; if he would only look at the way Tonks felt about him. Yet she understood he was afraid to lose yet another person he cared about. This time it would be more than a best friend. She sighed, and put a hand on Tonk's robed back and rubbed it slowly to calm her.

Tonks was quiet after a moment. "Thanks, Molly." She lifted the mug Molly had offered her before and sipped. "I'm just so worried about him now. I heard from Dumbledore he's going underground to tail Greyback. Soon, he's leaving. I just couldn't bear it if-"

"Tonks, dear, I have a feeling he'll come around," Molly said comfortingly.

"But what if he's hurt or-"

"Remus is quite the able man, you said so yourself. He's more than he thinks of himself, surely. He'll be fine, Tonks. And maybe when he sees Greyback and the horrible…Well, maybe he'll realize something, dear."

Tonks looked around sadly. Her hair was drooping and her eyes were pink with tears. "I'm so worried."

"Of course you are," Molly said soothingly, and gave Tonks a motherly hug. They were quiet for a moment, but their silence was interrupted by three knocks on the back door. Tonks looked up, startled, and quickly wiped her eyes once more, this time on the sleeve of her robes.

"Who's there?" Molly asked in a shaky sort of voice.

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry." Molly quickly opened the door, a relieved expression on her lined face.

"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me such a fright, you said not to expect you before morning."

Tonks sighed. She seemed to be completely devoid of all energy and stayed sitting motionless at the table while Molly greeted Harry and Dumbledore and spoke about Slughorn, his new pick for a teacher at Hogwarts.

"Ah, hello, Nymphadora!" Dumbledore said kindly. Harry appeared at Dumbledore's side, and Tonks forced a smile, although she knew any idiot could tell there was something wrong with her.

"Hello, Professor. Wotcher, Harry."

"Hi, Tonks," Harry said quietly.

Tonks, realizing that he was ever so slightly trying to conceal a stare, took this as her opportunity to leave. "I'd better be off," she said, rising from the seat and putting her cloak on. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account," Dumbledore said. "I cannot stay, I have urget matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," said Tonks. She looked down at the perfectly clean floor, remembering how she had left her soaking robes on Remus' floor and laughed about how Molly would hate it. "'Night-"

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming-?" Molly asked kindly. Tonks had seen Remus occasionally in the past few weeks since that night, and they acted stiff and formal towards one another as if their bout of kissing had been an imagined occurrence. She didn't know how easy it would be to see Remus and act as if nothing was the matter in front of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, who knew nothing of what had happened, except for what they overheard of the hushed conversations about Sirius just after his death, so she graciously declined and headed outside. She apparated, feeling the familiar sudden jerk from behind her navel, which let her know she was leaving the Burrow, but unfortunately, taking all her feelings of misery along with her.

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To be continued…