Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous

By: Susan

Disclaimer: It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

Summary: "And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

CHAPTER THREE

x x x

An indistinct noise, possibly howling, made the hair on the back of Remus' neck stand on end. He was alone in a frosty forest's darkness, looking for Fenrir Greyback and the werewolves that had become his followers. Leaves were crunching dangerously under his tired feet. His wand was out, ready. The crescent moon's tiny sliver of light was hardly enough to guide him. He was quiet for a second. Up ahead, in the clearing. He strained his eyes, squinting, trying to affirm his prediction. There they were.

There were at least fifty of them, many with lupine characteristics, even though they weren't transformed. He swallowed, and lifted his wand even higher. He'd have to send a message to Dumbledore to let him know he'd arrived. A silver swirl rocketed out of the tip of his wand and sailed above the treetops. Remus began to take steps towards the camp again, but then stopped. Hell, Nymphadora would kill him if he didn't let her know he was safe, but wouldn't be able to contact her until winter fell. Professor Dumbledore was unsure about how much magic he should use in front of the other werewolves. He allowed another silver swirl to exit his wand, this one more graceful and serene. He looked at it fondly as it too, sailed over the trees. How he wished he could follow it and be with her. He stared at the werewolf camp again, knowing full well he should wait until she received the message and had communicated back to him. He took a seat beside an enormous fallen tree and leaned his arm and head against it.

He was, as he had predicted, lonely without her. He was used to being lonely, of course, and yet, this time it was different. Perhaps it was the underlying reminder that this time, it was his choice to be alone. Each and every other time those he cared about were snatched away and he was given no say in the matter. He sighed, reminding himself he knew all too well what the dangers would be if he gave in to her. They had spoken again about their relationship, in secret messages and in person. She had stopped begging him to understand her now; he knew she would when he saw her Patronus. Her ability to transform had suffered immensely under the emotional difficulties. How he wished he could hold her close to him and make everything between them all right. He'd like to whisk himself away from these terrors right in front of him. Eerie music was trickling through the forest towards him, and he turned to look at the werewolf camp. Preparation for the upcoming full moon, no doubt. He had two moons to spend with them and then he would be coming back to report fully. A large silvery wolf sped towards him and hesitated inches from his wand arm, then disappeared into his wand. Nymphadora's Patronus. Nymphadora's wolf.

He felt a flowing feeling inside his head and he shut his eyes. He could see her face before him, could feel her calm voice echoing inside of him. Her hair was still brown and her eyes were still sad, and he was not reluctant in allowing himself to feel deeply responsible, because he deserved to feel that way.

"Please be careful, Remus. I don't want to lose you. I care about you and I care about us, and I don't care about anything else but wanting to be with you." He opened his eyes reluctantly, wanting, wishing, to have another moment with her. He shook his head and stared through the trees at the werewolves. This was why he couldn't be with her. He had his duty. It was time.

x x x

"He says on the next full moon we'll attack the nearby town," a dark-haired werewolf named Clarence whispered to Remus behind his hand. He had sallow, pale skin and a ruthless mouth that turned upward into a smile as he spoke. "Honestly, at first the idea repulsed me, and then I remembered all those times I hadn't been able to find work or I was fired because of it. Even when I wanted to rent a flat. They need to understand that if they don't push us out of their society, we'll turn to extremes."

"Agreed, completely agreed," a young woman named Gaelle commented. She too, had dark hair, and dark circles of sleepless nights under her eyes. She, along with Clarence, and two other werewolves, Amie and Neil, had invited Remus to share their cave.

"You understand," Clarence said to Remus, "The very idea of existing in wizarding society is ripped to shambles easily when someone mentions werewolf. Hell, I'd like to give that bloody Umbridge woman a bite."

Remus felt that this would be a good time to nod in agreement, although he couldn't help but feel partial actual agreement at the mention of Dolores Umbridge. Of course, he'd never do such a thing, but did hold an astounding hatred of the horrible old cow.

"I haven't seen Greyback yet," Remus said, changing the subject slightly. "Where does he stay?"

"He has his own cave," Gaelle whispered. "Him and a few absolutely loyal followers, ones who'd do anything for him. Most of us are just so used to being shunned from society that we're here looking for something better. His plans of hurting innocent people aren't fully supported by the rest of us, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. He used to preach to us about the importance of it, but lately he's stopped and is quiet most of the time, except when he speaks to his most loyal, and when they speak to the few outsiders he does communicate with."

"Outsiders?" Remus asked, trying hard not to seem overly curious. "He…er…tolerates outsiders and doesn't harm them?"

Clarence shook his head. "Invites them, actually. Seems glad to see them. He doesn't really let the rest of us in on it, but I'm confident we'll find out one day."

Remus nodded, feeling sure he'd spend the next two full moons here pondering just who Greyback was communicating with and what about.

x x x

"And so, Albus, Greyback is in contact with some of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters and they are planning to ransack nearby villages to bite unknowing victims."

Remus was sitting beside Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks, Professor McGonagall, and Severus Snape in a pub in Hogsmeade. Though Remus was concerned that it was out in the open, Albus had assured him that it was better that way. Leaving the school was becoming increasingly risky, what with Scrimingeour's curious followers standing guard around the school and around Hogsmeade.

Dumbledore looked down at his hands, the fingertips of which were touching each other in a spire. His face was calm yet complacent, and he nodded ever so slightly.

"Lord Voldemort was always careful to, shall we say, cover all the corners. He is of course falsifying to the werewolves, and, already, no doubt, to the dementors and giants, what the Ministry has never offered."

"It's a shame that they believe he'll actually give it to them," Kingsley said, his deep voice also thoughtful.

"When people who have been oppressed for ages are offered even a hint of equality, they rush for the ways to prove themselves worthy to attain it," Dumbledore said. He looked up at Remus.

"Is it for the coming full moon, then?" Remus too, looked thoughtful.

"I doubt it, Albus. Most of the werewolves that were there hadn't a place to go over the holidays, but there were some who had families willing to take them. I took that as my opportunity to leave to report back. But I'd assume they'd want the full lot before they went on a rampage." His voice was oddly bitter, and he met eyes with Tonks from across the table. She had abandoned her Butterbeer to a sad biting of her bottom lip. Remus looked at the ground.

"Didn't he ask them to give up their families to follow him?" Tonks asked quietly.

"The funny thing about Greyback is that he hasn't asked much of any of the others, except for his most loyal followers. The most loyal seem to comprise the majority of them. The newer arrivals, such as myself, show the signs of having tried to live a normal life. They too, went home for the holidays. I've hardly seen Greyback. Only a few times…He's in his own underground cave planning for most days. I've come to think he's just grateful to have followers at all. If they weren't planning to go along with him, would they be living in caves in the forests? He knows they aren't tolerated in society." Remus sighed. "I wish I could show them there was another way. I just haven't figured out which ones I can trust yet. The good majority seem to think he's got a point, and in a way he has. I mean, attacking people, trying to make more werewolves than normal witches and wizards, of course not…But a sort of werewolf rebellion? The Ministry just needs to understand that putting through all this legislation and warning everyone that werewolves are deadly and dangerous…I mean…" Remus stopped, not meeting Tonks' eyes. This was the exact point he had argued with her and now he was sounding like he was against the dangers. "They are, but with certain precautions…" he mumbled. "They should be trying to find a cure."

Professor McGonagall put a comforting hand on Remus' back. Dumbledore removed a large watch from the pocket of his robes. "It's growing late," he said quietly. "I think it would be best if we made our way back to our posts." He looked over at Remus, whose lined face, usually tired and weak looking, now had lines of purpose.

He put a few coins on the table, and everyone else followed in putting a bit of gold on the table, except Remus who hadn't drank anything. They began to draw the seats back from the table and stand up, pulling their scarves tight around their necks and their thick woolen coats around their robes.

"Remus, I'll ask you to try your best to report back if you hear anything particularly of interest," said Dumbledore.

"Of course," Remus nodded.

"Right then," Dumbledore said briskly. "Molly has asked me to extend you the invitation of dropping by any time over Christmas. Particularly Christmas Eve. She told me to make sure you accepted because she seemed quite certain you were awfully thin." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and Remus smiled sadly.

"I will be there," he said quietly. Snape and Professor McGonagall had left the table and were walking towards the exit. Dumbledore followed them, and Kingsley turned to Tonks, who spoke.

"Thank you for taking the shift for me," she said, hugging him.

"No matter," he said. "Get a good night's sleep. You look like you need it." He too, walked away from the table and out of the pub, leaving Tonks and Remus alone. Before he could think of something to fill the impending awkward silence, Tonks had her arms wrapped around him and her lips pressed to his. He was momentarily stunned, but his cheeks turned pink with pleasure and surprise. No matter how much part of him was reminding him not to lead her on, he couldn't allow himself to pull away from her.

"I was so worried about you," Tonks whispered, when she had pulled away from him at last.

"I'm all right," he said quietly, running a hand through her hair, still brown and sad-looking. "Yourself, on the other hand…"

"I'm fine too," she said, taking his hand and leading him towards the door. Suddenly, he found himself so unbearably tired and he wanted nothing more than to apparate home to his flat.

"I got a room at the inn down the street," Tonks told him. "I've been patrolling Hogsmeade in shifts with Kingsley and some others, but he was kind enough to take my shift so I could get a good night's rest."

"I never thought I'd be so glad to see my flat again," Remus told her. Tonks looked upset for a moment, and then swallowed.

"See, now, Remus, that's the thing. Your flat's been…taken away since you haven't lived in it for a few months and…well…they found out you were a werewolf they decided not to give it back. I went down to get a few of your belongings for you and they weren't so keen on letting me in. Something about your rent…" Her own cheeks turned pink as she looked towards the floor, and it wasn't from the sudden cold pass over them as they exited the pub.

Remus turned scarlet. He had told them to take the money straight from his account at Gringotts, and if there was a problem with the rent then that meant he had nothing left. Nothing. No more gold. He stopped and looked around in frustration and embarrassment, and pulled his hand out of Tonks' grasp.

"You can stay at the inn with me for the night, Remus," Tonks said quietly. Remus shook his head almost instantly. He wasn't about to take charity from her or from anyone. If only he could still stay in Grimmauld Place…His cheeks were burning. He had no money, none. His tattered robes, even more pathetic looking from his time in the forest were all he had left.

"Er…You did or didn't manage to get anything from my flat," he said, looking down at the ground.

"I got a few sets of robes and your silverware and teacups and pots. I have an extra set of robes for you at the inn, and the rest of your things are at my own flat."

Remus nodded and looked down at the ground, still mortified. Tonks slipped her hand through his again, and he looked down at it, almost angrily.

"I haven't…I can't, Nymphadora, you know I can't. I can't give you anything. I can't even give myself anything anymore." Tonks looked at him sadly.

"I told you I didn't care about any of that, I never did. You can live with me, my salary pays for more than enough of—"

"Don't you see, though, that I don't want to be provided for? I can't give you anything at all, Nymphadora. I'm too old for you, and I'm too poor. I can't even afford the rent on a tiny flat in the middle of nowhere." He wrenched his hand out of her grasp, his voice wavering. "You deserve someone who can offer you something, anything."

"But I don't want someone else," Tonks said stiffly, and she started to walk again towards the inn. "I've told you it over and over, and you just don't listen to me."

They were silent the rest of the way to the inn and up the staircase to their room, number 21. The bedposts, dresser, tables, and desk were made of thick mahogany wood, and the drapes and blankets on the bed were a dark, foresty green. The bed. This, he told himself, was not a good idea.

"Only one bed," Tonks said in a suggestive, and to Remus, incriminating voice. He looked over at her and felt his anger at his situation melt away. She had some sort of power over him and he found himself unable to pull away from it, like a sort of strong magnetism.

"I can't help wondering if you planned that," Remus said, and Tonks gave him a look of mock surprise that plainly said "Me? Plan such a thing?" He stifled a chuckle.

"I brought you a set of pajamas," Tonks said, handing him a bundle of clothes and pushing him towards the small bathroom connected to their room. Remus nodded thankfully and walked in, locking the door behind him, and turned the shower water on. He hadn't felt hot water wash over him in over a month and it felt glorious to have the pressure of the water wash his fears and hesitations about everything away. When he finally opened the door to the bathroom almost twenty minutes later, Tonks leapt off the bed, her own nightgown in hand, and hurried inside.

"Finally!" she said exasperatedly. "I've had to pee for ages!"

Remus smiled and collapsed on the bed. It was warm and soft and the perfect upgrade from a patch of dirt in a frozen cave. He shut his eyes in pleasure, and when he opened them up again, the bathroom door had opened, and Tonks peeked out. Her hair, wet from her own shower, was still brown and mousy, but her eyes were articulate and beckoning, and he couldn't help (as was normally the case) his attraction to her. She came out of the bathroom cautiously, and he could see why as soon as her whole body had come out of the door. Her nightgown was made out of an astoundingly small piece of fabric. The flowing bit of blue material only slightly passed halfway between her hips and knees and left him quite a nice, unobstructed view of both her upper body and long, thin legs. He felt his cheeks heat up for what seemed like the thousandth time of the night, and if he was not mistaken, she too had fallen victim to a blush.

She scurried into bed with him and lay down. He was silent for a moment, attempting to turn his head ever so slightly towards her, just to peek a look at the spectacular.

"Remus?" she asked quietly. "Why won't you just let us be together?"

He sighed. He didn't want to answer that again. It hurt him too much.

"It's the same reason I said ages ago, Nymphadora. I can hardly give you everything you deserve." It was Tonks' turn to sigh. Remus turned so that he was facing her and looking into her eyes. "I apologize for continually leading you on, Nymphadora. I'm not going to just change my mind on a whim about things. I'm much too old for you, I haven't got a Knut to my name, and I'm-"

"A werewolf, yes, I know," said Tonks with disdain. "And very dangerous too, if I'm not mistaken."

Remus was silent, watching her, as tears welled up in her eyes once more. He had known this wasn't a good idea. Getting close to her like this wasn't good for either of them. And yet, he couldn't stop himself; he took her into his arms and held her. He thought he quite deserved her to feel her sad tears on his skin and convulsive sobbing against his body.

x x x

Please leave a review!

To be continued…