I'M BACK PEOPLE! Didja miss me~?

Uhuhu, writing this chapter was hard… Although I got it planned out already, I was too busy procrastinating… In the end, I was only able to complete this in parts, under a chocolate induced sugar rush and the high feeling sfter watching a ten minute loop of Romano saying 'Germany ah Germany' XD Which incidentally, ended up sounding like 'Germany on top of me' X3 Ahh its so delightfully wrong~

Soo anyway, I made this chapter nice and long to make up for my absence :D

CLAIM: I do not own Hetalia blah blah… Only mah OC~

So here I am, currently being dragged out of the second storey window by a guy in a panda suit. Italy's by the door screaming like a police siren but acting otherwise totally unhelpful. I myself am unable to scream or fight off the incredibly strong pedo panda that has one furry hand clamped over my mouth and the other around my waist, pinning my arms as it prepared to jump out of the window. And while all that was happening, I'm busy trying my best to sustain any amount of sanity that I might have left.

I bet you're wondering exactly how I got in this situation in the first place. Well, even if you're not I'm going to tell you anyway. Deal with it. So in order to not confuse you, let's rewind back to two days ago eh? Or more specifically, the day after my arrival in the Axis Powers base.

"Alice. Wake up."

"Nggh… Five more minutes mom…"

"… WAKE UP THIS INSTANT OR ITS FIVE LAPS AROUND THE FIELD!"

Shooting up out of my bed, I tangled myself up with the blanket and landed in a heap on the floor. As someone who looks to any form of physical activity as a sort of torture, that was blackmail I tell you.

Blushing slightly from my incredibly graceful actions, I quickly got myself untangled and stood up, trying to regain as much of my dignity as possible. Tilting my head back, I locked my dark brown eyes with Germany's icy blue ones. Just from the set of his eyebrows I could tell that he was clearly un-amused.

"Work starts early here at the base. Since you're here now, you can start by taking over Italy in the cooking department. Then finally, finally, he won't have a good excuse to get out of training."

Pppffft. Male chauvinists. Upon seeing you as female, they immediately assign you to 'feminine' jobs like cooking and sewing. Its not like I want to do things like gun practice and stuff but I hate the feeling of getting labeled.

I nodded boredly. How long am I going to be used as a maid here anyway? Well, its no use complaining. For now. I unwrapped the blanket from around me and tossed it on my bed, straightening the soft white button down shirt and dark blue boxers I was wearing.

"Mein gott, why aren't you wearing any pants?" Germany asked, his cheeks tinted slightly pink.

"Hmm? The pants I got was kinda uncomfortable to wear to sleep what with the buttons and belt and all, so I just wore this. Besides, I never wear boxers usually so they feel like shorts to me anyway~"

The day before, I was given some of Japan's clothes to wear. Seeing as I had no luggage with me and finally, someone cares. Japan offered since he was just around my height so it was most likely to fit. Still, Japan's bigger than me in the muscle and general meat department so it was lucky that the set given to me had been accidentally shrunk in the wash (courtesy of a certain bumbling Italian) and they fit me quite well actually.

With a humph and some muttered German words that I didn't catch, (not that I could understand it anyway even if I did. My German lingo stretches only to a few choice swear words.) he turned to stride out of the room.

Part of me very much wanted to climb back into bed and regain my disturbed slumber but after a brief mental debate with myself, I decided that not angering Germany further would be best. Its not that I was scared of him of course. I just don't want my eardrums to bleed. He nags worse than mom.

Sparing a short glance at my old clothes, I snatched a pure white suit from the mahogany closet and went to the bathroom to get myself changed and ready. Somehow being out of the jeans and short sleeved hoodie that I had arrived in gave me an ominous feel. Like I was taking a step forward and could never go back.

~Le small time skip~

Now I was standing in some unfamiliar hallway, clad in Japan's white navy uniform. There were two things I learnt after wandering the halls this morning. One, that Germany has a very… strict sense of style. Every hallway, every door looked exactly the same. Heck, I can't even tell which way I came from let alone find the kitchen.

Second, that he was loud. I could hear them screaming from wherever I was inside the house. I can hear Italy crying and begging too. What jolly sounds in the morning eh?

I felt like kissing the ground when I finally found the kitchen. If you had lived the majority of your life with a sense of direction as bad as mine, you'd understand my joy. I will never look down on Hansel and Gretel anymore.

The kitchen was vast and totally, disturbingly, squeaky clean. Like someone with OCD had gotten to it. Creepy. Oh well, like us messy people say, neat people are just too lazy to look for stuff.

"Now, what to cook~?" I wondered standing before the spotless stove. Oh shit. Do I even know how to cook?

I didn't get many chances to cook back home. My mother had this paranoia of me burning the house down so I was banned from the stove. At school, my friends always vehemently opposed to me cooking whenever it was my turn during home economics. I never really understood why though. I mean, I think my food tastes pretty good.

Aha, they were just afraid of me outshining them in Home Economics. Yep that must be it. There's no way my food could taste bad. I mean, I cooked it right~? So cooking now should be easy enough. Just… Find some suitable ingredients, put them together and viola, food!

While trying to recall vague recipes I witnessed while drooling at the stuff on Food Network, I wrenched open the cabinet doors and drawers, assembling a whole assortment of ingredients. It can't be so hard to cook. I'll just… mix everything together! Yeah that'll most probably work. Isn't it just common sense that good tasting ingredients would make the dish taste good?

Placing a huge pot I found on the stove, I started hurling in ingredients. Since it was breakfast, I threw in a whole carton of oatmeal and some fruits I found. I also threw in some odd short sausage thing from a bag. The instructions on the back of the plastic was in German so I spared it no glance before simply adding it and hoping it would cook properly.

Grabbing a large wooden spoon, I began to stir the mixture while singing Alex Clare's Too Close. Cos everything's just better with some musical involvement right?

Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to belt out the soulful lyrics, feeling confident that no one would be able to overhear from the field.

"You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe"

All the ingredients were gradually getting mushier and breaking up, including those sausages. Is it… Supposed to be like that?

"At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong"

Shit. Its sticking to the bottom of the pot… Just keep calm and scrape it off…

"How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're headed separate ways"

Oh right seasoning! Almost forgot… Let's see, since its breakfast, putting in some sugar should be good right? And just put the pepper for good measure. And some cayenne pepper if I can find it. Cos everything tastes better when its sweet and spicy right?

"And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more"

The-the colour… Shouldn't it be at least red or something from the strawberries I dumped in?! How'd it turn grey? B-but appearances aren't everything right? I still think it'll taste awesome…

"Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way"

You know what? That's enough. It looks cooked enough to me.

I switched off the stove and took out four plates, ready to ladle the food inside. Yes I'm calling it food despite what it may look like. Its going to taste freaking awesome I tell you!

The absence of my singing seemed to make the house feel kinda empty so I reared up my lungs to start once more and ended up shrieking slightly when I heard someone come into the kitchen.

"Gomennasai* Alice-san! Did I startle you?" Japan asked in his subdued voice. I realized he was dressed in some cute, blue sailor boy outfit, probably his training clothes. "Oh the uniform looks nice on you…" Japan commented, smiling at me. Actually, I felt relieved that he wasn't dressed in his military garb. I mean I'd most probably end up looking like a female version of him if we both were to wear it together.

"Huh? Oh thanks! It fits me well~ The food's ready by the way."

"Oh that's good. Do you need help setting up? The dining room is through those doors," Did he have to say dining room? It made this entire thing feel so unnecessarily formal. After all, I'm just passing food to three sweaty guys right?

With Japan carrying the covered pot and me the plates, we trooped into the dining room where Italy and Germany were already seated at the long mahogany table.

"Anno**.. The odor coming from the pot is rather strange Alice-san…"

"Ah, no worries, its most probably edible."

"… haik***…"

Italy looked positively happy to see me as his face broke into a blinding smile. Or maybe he's just happy to see the food. Looking at how he's watching the pot, I think it's the latter. Barely glancing in my direction, the Italian threw a "Ciao Alice~" at me and continued ravenously staring down the pot. Germany simply stuck to his usual passive expression which slowly morphed as I started to ladle out the food.

Feeling horribly like the bad tempered, grey haired lunch lady at my school, I picked up a ladle and began plopping the oatmeal mix on to each of the plates. Setting down a plate in front of the each of us, I sat down and waited for them to start eating first. (Its customary in Asia. Guests eats first~)

It was pretty interesting to watch actually. Italy took the first uncertain bite, after first casting terrified looks at me and Germany I might add. The effect was instantaneous. His body froze for about half a second before he threw down his spoon and bolted from the table screaming "NOOOOO!" with much gusto.

I confess that the mood at the table became a lot more awkward after that outburst. Tch. Its not my fault if Italy's palette is much too weak to accept my obviously delicious food. Germany watched his bowl of oatmeal apprehensively (Or as apprehensive as his facial emotions can get I suppose. That robot.) and picked up his spoon.

"What is this anyway?"

"Oatmeal. Duh."

"It doesn't look like it to me."

"Well, food is supposed to change colour after being cooked isn't it? Don't be such a wimp and just eat it."

My words seemed to snap him out of whatever he was feeling. With his manliness in question, he dove his spoon into the bowl and brought the grey sludge to his parted lips. After a few rapid shakes of his head and various looks of distress, he got through the first bite of his oatmeal mix.

"Is that wrust in here?!"

"Is that the sausage thing? Oh yeah! For… protein and taste!"

"You mentioned surviving England's cooking before right? I can now see why…"

What was that supposed to mean? My cooking is way better than England's! At least I feel that it is.

Japan inclined his head slightly, and picked up his spoon while for some reason, perspiring. Swallowing the mixture thickly, he coughed into his hand before noticing my gaze on him. Turning towards me, he gave a polite (and oddly strained) smile and said "It had such a… Unique flavour… ittatakimasu****…"

I grinned at the compliment. "Of course it tastes unique! Its awesome flavour can only have been achieved by me~!" I sang in a triumphant voice. For a moment, I thought I could hear Germany mumbling something along the lines of "She acts like bruder…" Well whatever.

Finally I started to eat. This whole process had taken an unusually long time and I was famished. I chewed the oatmeal slowly, exploring its taste. It tasted a bit burnt sure, but other than that, nothing wrong really. The sweetness of the berries, crunch of the oatmeal, salty wrust, oh and some flavour I can't really put my finger on. It tasted fine to me. Good almost.

"Tastes pretty good~" I said to Germany and Japan's facepalms.

"Anno, Alice-san," The polite nation began, "maybe we should move you to cleaning instead… I-I mean, we need more help there! Right Doitsu-san*****?"

"Oh ja! Ja I agree with Japan…"

Whaaat? Weren't they the ones who pushed this job on me? What happened to Italy's 'training' and all that crap? Tch. Maybe doitsu's just scared I'll deplete his wrust stock. Irritated nod given, I was whisked away immediately by an overly enthusiastic Japan, who paused to shout to Italy from the front door that it was safe to return.

After successfully knocking down a vase (It fell on the thick carpeted floor and survived fortunately) and Japan from his cleaning post at the top of the ladder (Not so fortunate for either of us this time), we were both feeling an understandable bit of strain.

However, Japan seemed determined despite it all to keep me as his cleaning buddy. He all but tied me to the broom when I mentioned that cooking was my preferred chore.

Well, aside from the slightly creepy determination to keep me as his fellow cleaner, it was pretty fun actually. He's pretty quiet so I could go on talking (or more like ranting) without any interruptions. Aside from the regular "Please be careful!" he sprouts almost habitually at me, of course.

Needless to say, I was pretty beat when the day had finally turned to dusk. Italy supplied the lunch (in which everyone seemed to be ravenous for.) and dinner of pasta. Big surprise there. Something tells me I'm going to be very sick of tomatoes and noodle soon.

I retreated to my room gratefully the moment the sun went down, intending to immediately plunk myself down on the bed and practice snoring. (That was a figment of speech obviously. I don't snore.) Due to my intense nuzzling of the pillows, it took me a while to notice the huge figure in the corner of my room.

When I did though, I let loose an uncharacteristically girly scream of shock and terror. In the once free corner of my room now sat a massive panda, its huge furry form taking up most of the space in that corner of the room. I stared at the bear and it stared back, unmoving.

Approaching it cautiously with my pillow for a shield, I slowly made my way over and poked its soft fur. A few more pokes and still it didn't move. Feeling slightly more confident, I grabbed its fuzzy arm and pulled to, once again, no reaction whatsoever. But boy, was it heavy! I could barely move it an inch.

All my senses are telling me that this is just a stuffed toy. A stuffed panda toy that just so happened to end up inside my room. Ah well, I'm too tired to think too much now. With a barely suppressed giggle I buried my head into its soft fur, cuddling the panda.

"OMG ITS SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!" I squealed, admittedly quite childishly, but still. Dignity can be put on hold when hugging pandas.

While I was clutching the panda, I felt the smooth surface of paper against my face. Pulling myself back, I inspected a small pink label attached to a string around the panda's neck. In very small, cursive and almost unreadable handwriting, it said 'This stuffed toy is a gift. Please enjoy it. Signed, Japan' A present? From Japan of all people? Huh. Maybe it's a thank you for the meal I cooked? After all, he seemed to appreciate it. Wow. The Japanese are really generous. This gift would be hard to beat…

Well, I'll just thank him tomorrow then. Setting myself once more on the bed, I prepared to go to sleep. Easier said than done actually, with that bear sitting there. Even though its confirmed that the panda is just a stuffed toy, it's unblinking gaze is creeping me out. Like its staring at me personally. Shaking off these unnecessary feelings, I drifted off to an uneasy slumber.

Nope. The kidnapping scene does not happen now. I did say that this happened two days ago, not one. So you'd have to wait for me to re-tell the next day to you when the crude kidnapping actually happens. Because it takes time to organize one's thoughts while hanging limp from the arms of a monster panda. Sigh.

Dun dun dun. Cliffhangers~ Oh how I love them~ Muhahaha. Review da?

Translations:

*Sorry

**Uhhh~

***Yes~ (or in this case, okkayy…)

****Thank you for the food.

*****Mr Germany