Marceline snapped out of her near drunken state at Princess Bubblegum's question. "Wait, what?"

The Princess crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. "You heard me. When was the last time you had sex?"

Finn tilted his head. "What are you guys talking about?" Jake quickly covered the nubs on Finn's hat with his paws.

Marceline rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, gee, I don't know, Bonnie. I haven't gotten any real action ever since Ash left. I haven't even been to the bar lately. I haven't felt motivated. I think that the last time I went was with you, about half a year ago. You know, when Finn turned 21."

Princess Bubblegum stared at her. "Marceline, you don't suppose…"

Marceline stared back. "What?" The Princess' eyes darted to Finn, who was trying to push Jake's paws off his ears. Marceline managed to turn even paler than the average vampire. "Oh, no, no way that happened."

Princess Bubblegum looked troubled. "You did wake up next to him in a bed at a bar."

Marceline scoffed nervously. "Come on, Bonnie. Do you not remember that we also woke up fully clothed, on opposite sides of the bed?"

The Princess nodded slowly. "That's true. It's all very peculiar indeed." She smacked a fist into her palm. "Well, it's settled then. In order to solve this dilemma, we'll have to slice you open, extract the contents of your gut, and do a genetic analysis. I'll get my scapula." She started towards her lab.

Marceline jumped in front of her. "Whoa Doctor Frankenstein, I don't need all that." She sighed and ran a hand over her scalp. "Look, I never told you this, but when I woke up that morning…there was a camera set up next to you." Princess Bubblegum raised an eyebrow. Marceline continued, "I still have the tape. I guess we should use that."

Marceline led the way back to her house in the cave. They walked through the door single file. Finn was the last one in line. Before he could enter, Jake pushed him and slammed the door. Finn protested loudly, yelling and banging on the door. Jake locked the door and put a chair against it. "We'd better hurry. It won't be too long before he breaks a window."

Marceline got the tape from a small box under her bed. Jake and the Princess sat on the floor as she put the tape into the television. What they saw was quite disturbing.

Jake stared wide-eyed at the screen, his mouth slightly agape. Princess Bubblegum looked as though she might throw up all over Marceline's carpet. Marceline ate from a bowl of popcorn.

"You guys want some?" she asked, offering them a handful. They shook their heads without looking at her.

When their movie was over, they sat in silence for a moment. Then, the Princess said in disbelief, "I've never seen anything like that. You had sex with him. Three times. Then, you and Finn took a shower, got dressed, changed the sheets, and lied down at opposite ends of the bed. I know that you two were stoned beyond comprehension, but seriously, who does that?!"

Marceline shrugged and ate another handful of popcorn. There was a loud crash. They whipped around to see Finn standing on the broken door. He charged into the room, yelling, "Did I miss it?! What were you guys watching?"

Princess Bubblegum stood up and put a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Finn, Marceline is pregnant. She's going to have a baby very soon."

Finn smiled and looked over the Princess' shoulder at Marceline. "Cool, congratulations Marcy!"

Jake approached them. "Finn, you're going to be the baby's father."

Finn's smile changed into a confused expression. "Really? Why?"

Marceline joined the group. "Finn, has anyone given you 'the talk' yet?"

Finn looked insulted. "Of course I have. I'm not a little kid. Yeah, Jake used to tell me this crazy story about how babies are found under cabbages, but then he told me the real story."

Princess Bubblegum and Marceline stared at Jake. His eyes shifted, and he visibly got sweaty. "Uh, Finn, about that…"

"Not now, Jake. Anyway, Jake explained that the 'sex elf' travels around the world and plants 'baby seed' with his 'magic sword' in the guts of women. Then, the 'baby seed' grows into a 'baby flower,' and when it blooms, the baby pops out of the chick's gut." Finn smiled proudly. "Ah, the miracle of life is pretty awesome."

The Princess clicked her tongue in disapproval. "Oh, Finn, the miracle of life is so much more glorious than that. Here, allow me to explain with the help of science." She pulled her portable chalkboard out of her pocket as the group sat on the floor behind her. "We'll start with basic anatomy."

~Two hours later~

"And in conclusion, the AIDS virus was completely wiped out in the Mushroom War, making it safe to reproduce once again." She turned around to face the group. Jake was staring into space, Marceline was twiddling her thumbs, and Finn was fast asleep.

She growled in annoyance. She leaned over Finn and shook his shoulder. Finn moaned and sat up, yawning and stretching his arms over his head. "Oh, right, uh, thanks a lot for that, Peebles. But it still doesn't explain why I'm going to the kid's dad. I mean, Jake said that the sex elf only visits married women, except rainicorns, because they're an exception."

Jake said, "Oh, ah, vampires are another exception."

The Princess gave up on trying educating Finn. "Right, sure, and you are the child's father because you're the only male who can tolerate Marceline enough to help raise it."

Finn shrugged. "Well, all right, I guess that makes sense."

Marceline nodded without looking up. "Uh huh, that's right Finn." Then she realized what Princess Bubblegum had said. "Hey!"