"I just don't even know what to do.." I said. I was now laying in the hospital bed. I had just gotten to have a second to think. I had to do the 'right after birth' medical stuff, and they took the baby off to get checked on and then I told them to take her to the nursery, NOT to bring her back here at first because I needed a minute to think.
"what do you mean? just sit here and relax, take a breath." Ezra says.
"I know it sounds crazy, but I really don't.. I don't even know anything. I know I need to see her, make sure she's alright, talk about what happened, how it happened, what's going to happen, and I need to just.. Just sit here and do nothing but be with you. But I don't want to do any of those things. Which makes me want to cry my eyes out because I'm so stressed, or sleep because I don't wanna be awake to think. But I cant do those things either! I'm just so.. So.. I don't know! See? I don't even know what I am!"
"Then maybe sleeping is a good idea." he said. "Sleep so that when you wake up maybe your head will be clear."
"Ezra I just had a baby. A baby. I'm a mother. And I didn't even know I was pregnant. I don't think I'm gonna have a clear mind for the next week or so."
"I think once you hold her your gonna think differently about all of this." I just shook my head.
"I hope. Hey Ezra, I know you're still sore from the wreck, but can you lay in bed with me?" I asked. He nodded and climbed into bed next to me and put his arm around me. a lot happened after that. Doctors came in, asked me more questions. They told me that the baby was most likely five weeks early, which is amazing since I didn't gain a pound. They said that in SOME very RARE cases the baby's in a place where she can grow to full term and you not show at all. So that's just what happened. I had a baby... I was pregnant for 35 weeks. Yet I wore a size two the whole time.
Then during that, a nurse came in and told me my parents wanted to see me. I didn't want to see my dad, I was too mad and scared. So I told her "only my mom." so she came in, and at this point I didn't want to talk to anyone and I made that clear. Even though I wanted to be alone with just my mom and Ezra, the nurses kept talking. So I closed my eyes and listened.
"But why didn't she feel sick or anything either?" my mom asked the doctors. They replied
"Well, she was one of the lucky girls who didn't have any symptoms."
"Yeah, lucky me…" I muttered. She ignored me and kept talking.
"Any other questions?"
"So, she had.. that short of a labor?" Ezra asked. The nurses looked to me.
"We didn't get the labor story from mom yet." my eyes shot open.
"But my mom wasn't even home.." I told them.
"Hun," the nurse said. "when I said mom, I meant you."
"oh…" I mutter, looking back down.
"So what did happen, Aria?" Ezra asked.
"Well…" I started. "I woke up with this pain in my stomach around nine, and I thought it was just my period or something so I ignored it. I got the kids breakfast and then laid down.. Then it got worse so I took some Tylenol around noon. Then a hour or so later I went into the bathroom… and all of the sudden it went from bad to unbearable. And I shaking and getting dizzy and pale. My brother came in, and minutes later I passed out. When I woke up, Ezra was there and only about ten seconds later I had a baby in my hands. I don't know how long I was knocked out for them to realize I was in labor…" I sighed. Then looked to Ezra for the answer.
"Mike said that you passed out at one-ten and he delivered the baby at one twenty three." he said. My eyes lightened up.
"Really?" I asked.
"1:23, April 17th, 2011." he repeated smiling.
"No, I mean.. he did that?" I asked. He nodded. I didn't know what to say. I was so grateful to him, shocked he was brave enough to, and then slightly embarrassed by that. So I just laid back down and closed my eyes again.
"Do you think it would be alright if we let Aria relax a bit before we go into detail about anything else?" my mom asked. The nurse said
"of course. Just push this button on right here if you need me and I can bring your baby into you as soon as the doctors say she's all clear." "Wait.." Ezra stopped the nurse. "I don't think its really my place to ask, but is.. Is she ok?"
"I haven't seen her." she answered. "but if anything was seriously wrong im sure someone would have told you. In the newborn unit, no news is good news."
"thank you…" Ezra said not getting the answer he was satisfied with. My moms phone buzzed and she read it.
"Oh gosh.." she said placing a hand on her chest in a shocked way.
"What is it?" I asked. "Nothing. Just.. Something about work." she said. But I knew she was lying by the way she looked at me. I looked at the clock. It was only three thirty. I wanted to see my baby. But then again I really didn't. but I also felt like the first couple hours are the best. I know Mike fed her her first bottle. I wasn't going to. No way would I. but I felt like someone should, someone besides the nurses. So I let him do it. In another room of course. But my mom said my dad hasn't left her side one single time and he's been video taping her the whole time for me so I don't feel like 'I missed out on her first couple hours.'
"You can bring her in." I said into thin air knowing Ezra or mom would call in the nurse. "I don't want to hold her. But you guys can." after that I closed my eyes again and this time, the next time I opened them, Ezra was holding his daughter. She'll never be his daughter by blood. But I know exactly who loves her. I looked at the clock. Only four. I had only been a sleep for half an hour. I laid there, just listening to Ezra and my mom talk.
"You're beautiful…" I heard him say to the baby. "Just like your mom. And grandma." he said winking at my mom.
"Wow. I am a grandma aren't I…" she said. "and I didn't even know it.." she sighed. "Did you have any idea Ezra?"
"I, uh, yeah... I mean.. when she started throwing up at school… or at my apartment.." he said trying to keep my cover. It hit me that my parents still thought the baby was Ezra's. They thought that I had lied about sleeping with him. "You know, she does look a lot like Aria. But look, she looks like you too." my mom said. "she's a perfect mix of both of you."
"I don't think so. I think she mostly looks like her mom." he said. I could tell the pain in his voice, wishing it was true. That she was half mine, and half his. Not half mine and half Toby's. Then, my mom spotted me, awake.
"Well hello there." she said.
"Hey.." Ezra said walking forwards me with the baby.
"Be careful walking with her!" I said putting my hands out to catch her even though I knew Ezra would never drop her.
"You realize how much you sound like a mom right?" my mom said also coming over to my bed. I smiled weakly. I starred at the baby in Ezra's arms.
"can I hold her?" I asked.
"uh, Of course!" he said. "You sure you want to?" I nodded.
"I think I need to hold her to pick a name for her. We cant keep calling her 'the baby.'" I smiled. I held my breath as Ezra placed her into my arms. I just looked at her. She was sound asleep.
"wow.." I said. "She, she does look like me." I said finally looking up at Ezra and my mom.
"If she ever gets lost in the store you can tell people to 'look for a mini me.'" Ezra joked.
"I wont be losing her.." I said looking back down at her. "I'm not letting her out of my sight till she's thirty." I said. I starred down at her for a minute more then said
"Can I name her 'Phoebe ' after grandma?" I asked. My mom nodded.
"I think that's a perfect idea." she said. I looked back at her.
"Phoebe Grace" I said. "since it's by the Grace of God she's here." I said.
"what about the last name?" my mom asked.
"Montgomery." I answered her. I wasn't gonna say Fitz! She wasn't his at all. Not by blood. Not by marriage. Only by love. And no way would I say Marshalls, Toby's last name.
"For now." Ezra said, smiling at me.