I closed the lid to the bottle I was making for Phoebe, then shook it over the sink in the bathroom in the hospital room. Once it was all shaken up and no more powder was at the bottom, I set on the counter to feed to her when she woke up. I checked to make sure Phoebe was asleep one last time before clicking the 'call' button to call Emily. Only Ezra was in the room and he was asleep on the couch. I'd probably wake him up by talking, but it's ok, he'd go right back to sleep.
"Aria! Thank God, we were worried sick! Why didn't you answer us?" she asked. "We?" I asked. "Are the girls there?" I asked."Hanna slept over. Spencer didn't though." she said.
"Ok put the phone on speaker, I'm three way-ing her in." I said, then did so. "Em? Hanna?"
"yep we're here."
"Spencer?"
"Yep, Aria what's going on?" she said.
"Well.. I'm in the hospital…" I started.
"What happened?" Emily asked. Then phoebe woke up at the sound of my voice and started crying.
"That's what happened.." I said.
"Liam?" Spencer asked.
"No.. that's not Liam. Guys.. The tests were wrong.. I just had a baby.. Yesterday. At home. In my bathroom.." I didn't hear anything on the line. "You're joking right." Emily finally said.
"You can't be serious." Spencer said.
"I promise you that's what happened." I said.
"wait.. WHAT?" Emily said.
"hold on guys.." I said putting the phone on speaker and getting out of bed to get Phoebe. I picked her up out of the crib and carried her back over to my bed, where I sat Indian style and laid a pillow on my lap, then laid her one it.
"Oh my gosh you weren't kidding…" Emily said hearing Phoebe continue to cry until I stuck the bottle I had just made into her mouth. Then I filled them in. How she was born, what the doctors told me about not showing. Everything. It was tense and awkward for a bit afterwards. Everyone just kept saying "I cant believe it." or "oh my gosh this is so unreal." so finally Hanna said "What's her name anyway?" I smiled to myself and looked down at her. "Phoebe Grace." I said.
"That's such a pretty name!" Hanna said. I smiled to myself.
"Yeah.. For such a pretty girl.."

"Bye Sky." I said hanging up with my sister. My mom told her about Phoebe, she was just calling to check it and ask me to send a bunch of picture messages. So of course I did. I just can't wait for her to come back and met Phoebe. Jillian and Lilia still haven't seen my since when I actually HAD her. I still couldn't process myself what was going on, so I didn't really want anyone in my room besides Ezra, my mom and occasionally my dad and Mike.
"Aria? You can check out any time you like, just make sure you're out of the room by noon, alright sweetie?" A nurse stands in my doorway. "Great! Thanks. And thank you for all your help." I said hugging her. She had been the nurse I had the whole time I was here.
"You take care of that beautiful baby girl." she said. "And send me pictures!"
"I will. And of course. Thanks again." I said as she waved, and walked out of the room. Ezra was in the bed holding Phoebe on his chest. He was barely awake from being up every three hours feeding her with me. He slept in the bed with me last night, and this morning when I got up to feed Phoebe at six, I placed her on his chest and took a shower, ate breakfast, changed her diaper, then put her back with Ezra, packed and fell asleep on the couch for an hour until I woke up by the sound of my phone. Needless to say I've kept busy this morning. On purpose. When I'm in a tough situation, the only way to keep from stressing out is to keep moving. I laid there for another second or two before My mom walked out of the bathroom drying her hair with a towel. I don't know why she had to take a shower here since we'll all be home in about an hour, but whatever.
"Hey little mommy." she said sitting on the couch with me. "Where are you guys going?" she asked. "Your house or his?" I sighed and laid back.
"I think home would be best since you and dad and Mike can all help while I try and get my head clear long enough to remember her middle name. But I wanna be with Ezra.." I said.
"He can stay at our house, for a night or two." she offered.
"Wait.. really?" I asked.
"I think you deserve a drama free day." she said. "No Toby, no Jenna, no fights with dad, no nothing. The only thing you have to do today is spend time with your baby girl and Ezra." she said smiling. "It is Sunday after all, Ezra needs to be back at work tomorrow. Unless he can get some time off. It might be hard since you aren't married and he isn't her blood daughter. And the poor man was in a car wreck just Friday. And you, I mean you just had a baby. That you didn't even know you were pregnant with. You guys should do nothing but lay in bed all day. I'll make the bottles and bring them to you. In fact, you guys can even have the master bedroom with the tv and king size bed. The bassinet is already in there for Liam anyway." I smiled.
"You really are the best mom." I said hugging her. "I hope I'll be as good as a mom." I said.
"You will be." she said taking my hand. "Actually, you'll probably be better."

"Thanks Jill." I said as Jillian handed me the bottle she made for Phoebe. "Welcome." She said sitting on my bed. It was 10:00 PM on Friday night. Ezra had gone back to work today for the first time. The school gave him some time off. He just told them he was really sore and dealing with a lot of family issues, and he begged for the week off, but they gave him half a week since he didn't have to leave town for any reason and couldn't explain his 'family situation.' I'm still his student. But not for long. School ends May 25th. and today was April 24th. I don't exactly know how I'm gonna finish out the last month and a half other then just simply toughing it out. There's only a couple weeks left after all. I get a full week off, but I have homework to make up. (But only the necessary things. Not The review stuff, or anything that doesn't really matter.) Then after that they said I can come in for a half day for a week, and just leave at lunch. Then after that I just have to get through the last week. I have to go back on Monday, but it'll be ok. Skylar will be back tomorrow, so she can help watch her with my mom. My mom said until I finish school she's gonna help with the night shifts so we get a full nights sleep. Her and my dad and even Mike sometimes (since he's awake later than we are) feed her in the middle of the night. It takes a lot of stress off me, specially since I still have Ezra. He's been staying in my room. They haven't really complained about him staying here. He helps with the dishes and such, and he doesn't just lay around, ever. He's always at the school, or doing something with Phoebe or I, or cleaning up. Or sleeping. So I guess my parents don't care that he lives here as long as we don't sleep together. I mean my dad still kinda gives him a bit of the cold shoulder when he sees him, but my mom really gets along well with him. So all is well. For now. I still need to work through a lot. I have two more secrets to spill to my parents. I still need to tell Toby he's a father. Two tasks that could be very dangerous.

"You need to do it Aria." Skylar encouraged me.
"I'm too scared to.." I sighed.
"You know it needs to happen." she said. I was sitting in my room about to tell my parents my deepest darkest secret. The reason I slept with Toby, the reason I get freaked out every single time I call Mike and he doesn't answer, because I think Toby's come back to kill him or something. Ezra was at home for the night. Nothing happened, but I told him I needed the night to talk to my parents. He offered to take Phoebe with him but I don't really want her out of my site. Mike has her in his room right now. He knows what I'm telling my parents. And so do Skylar and Ezra. The only other people I told were My grandmother and Alison. But neither are here to help me tell my parents. Mike only knows because I had to tell him to make sure he watched his back. Skylar knows because I told her the night it happened. I needed SOMEONE to comfort me, and I was scared if I told my parents they would never talk to me again. "Aria, they are not going to be mad at you. They can help you, and they can keep Jenna and Toby away from you, away from Mike and away from Phoebe." She said.
"Two people died because of what we did. I will never, ever forgive myself for this." I said.
"You need to, Aria. You were young. You didn't mean to do it."
"I know that in my heart. It doesn't change the fact that Ali died because of it."
"Ali died because of an evil girl named Jenna. Not because you two …" I stopped her from talking by putting my hand on her knee as my father stood in the doorway.
"Did you need to talk to your mother and I?" he asked. Skylar nodded at me. "Yea…" I answered him. "Can you call her up here?" I asked. He nodded and left to find my mother.
"It'll be ok." Skylar told me. She gave me a hug then left the room. I sat on my bed waiting for my parents, with my heart racing so fast and hard I could hear my pulse in my head. The pound of my heartbeat seemed to match the sound of my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. My parents walked in silently and sat on my bed. They could tell I had been crying, and hopefully they would go easy on me. So I spilled it to them. All of it. I tried not to remember that horrible day, but it all seemed to come back to me.

It was back in 2009, and I was about to turn fifteen. "Ali! Aria! Come here, please!" Jenna said coming up to us holding her two month old baby brother, Alex in her arms.
"Hey Jenna.. What's wrong?" I asked by the frantic look on her face.
"My dad was taken to the ER. He had a heart attack." She said. "My mom went with him but Toby and I needed to stay home to watch Alex. But I need to be there, just in case.. You know.." she started to tear up. "I need to say goodbye to him."
"Say no more." Ali said taking Alex from her. Jenna and I were never really 'close'. But we were always friendly, and we hung out outside sometimes, if we both happened to be walking to the mail box at the same time, or she was out walking her dog and I was taking a jog around the neighborhood. So I guess you could say she trusted me with her brother. Not that she had a choice, really. And she knew Ali. I mean, Emily, Spencer, Hanna, Alison, Jenna and I had all gone to same school with each other since Sixth grade.
"Great, thank you guys." She said running back to her house, and so we followed her. I walked into her house where Toby was, scribling out phone numbers on the back of a take out menu.
"Thanks guys." He said grabbing his keys off the counter.
"I just fed him, so keep him up for another thirty or so minutes then just put him to bed." Jenna said.
"He'll be fine." Ali assured her.
"Great, thanks." Jenna said walking out the door.
"Thank you again." Toby said grabbing my chin and kissing me. Oh, yeah, did I mention that Toby and I had been dating for almost a year at this point? I smiled at him and he walked out of the door. Alison waited till she knew he couldn't hear us then said "You're gonna make me puke. don't kiss him in front of me."
"Come on Ali, you know I'm trying to break up with him. It's just every time I get the courage to, something happens. He tells me he loves me, he kisses me, he buys me earrings, he tells me how hard his life has been recently, I mean how can I break up with him after he tells me 'I'm the only good thing in his life.'" we walked over to the couch and sat down with Alex.
"I know Aria, but you have to do it." she said.
"But I love him so much.." I sighed.
"Aria. You cant do this anymore." she said. I didn't say anything.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.
"Yeah." I answered her. "But lets put Alex down first.." So we did, we laid him in his crib. But he wouldn't stop crying.
"He's uncomfortable!" Ali said. "I would be too if I had to lay on this mattress on my back. Put him on his stomach." she said.
"Hello? Ali? SIDS?"
"Relax he's old enough. My mom put my and my brother on our stomachs, we're just fine." I looked at her and rolled my eyes.
"Okay fine…" I said I turned him over and made sure he was okay. He stopped crying and seemed to be comfortable.
"Alright lets go" She said. So the two of us walked out into the living room again.

Ali and I sat down with the baby monitor. You could hear Alex breathing loudly. "What do you always tell me?" Ali questioned me. I sighed. "If you know you're not gonna marry him, don't date him." I answered.
"Right." she said turning my own advise against me. "You can't marry him."
"I might.." I said
"Not unless things change. You can't change him. If you date him any longer he will change you. What about that Bible verse, "Bad company ruins good morals.? " I sighed knowing she was right. Toby was two years older then me. He was going away to college next year. And he wasn't exactly bad, but he wasn't exactly.. Good. I mean I met him at church, but that didn't stop him from trying to turn kiss into making out. It felt so right every time, but afterwards, I felt horrible about it. But I was determined to never let myself have sex with him. So when he tried to take my shirt off when we were making out on his couch, I yelled at him, told him if he kissed me, even once, the entire month I was breaking up with him. If he could not kiss me the whole month, we could still be together. I knew if he could keep his hands off me, then he was really in this relationship for ME, for who I was. And he did it. So we stayed together. But I knew I needed to end it with him. I was going to this weekend until I heard about his dad. "I think I might let it be for now." I said. "I won't marry him. I'm just enjoying being with him for now. And I'm to young to think about being married anyway." I said trying to talk myself into staying with Toby.
"Be careful." Ali told me.
"I will. I promise." I said. We sat in silence for a second. It was too silent. Something wasn't right. "Did.. You turn the baby monitor off?" I asked.
"No. did you?"
"We should go check on him. I cant hear him anymore." I said panicked.
"I bet he's fine." she assured me. But I still got up and went into his nursery very franticly. And laying in the crib when we walked in, was Jenna's and Toby's dead two month old baby brother.

After all the trauma settled down, it was probably an hour later, Jenna and Toby came over to my house where Ali was staying the night. We were crying, obviously. We had just killed a baby. Kinda. It wasn't our fault. But still he died on our watch. "listen we need to talk." Jenna said the second I opened the door. Mom and dad were away and Skylar was watching us. We had told her the truth, and planned to tell my mom and dad when they got home. But that plan changed drastically as Toby and Jenna stood at our door, their faces red with anger. "my parents will sue you when they find out." Jenna said.
"they'll what?" Ali said, scared.
"Oh yes ma'am they will." Toby said glaring at me. "But we're willing to make you a deal."
Ali and I looked at each other. "my dad didn't have a heart attack." Jenna said. "We lied. We went to a party."
"You keep our secret about being at that party, we'll say we were the ones who put him down too soon after eating. Ok?" Toby said. "Or else you could end up in jail."
"Deal." Ali agreed.
"Deal." I sighed.
"Oh, and Ali." Jenna started. "guess what I found?" she said, holding up her diary. "Now I know everything about you. So you had better do anything I say.." She threatened.
"And you, Aria." Toby said. "What you don't know is that you accidentally called me. Probably sat on your phone or something. I heard everything you said about wanting to break up with me. But im not gonna have it. You're not my girlfriend anymore, but you are still mine. Physically. Or else, your secret about being bulimic is out. Your secret about your brother stealing things, is out. And of course, that you killed my baby brother. But ill make it sound like it wasn't an accident. Got it?" I looked into his eyes. I loved his eyes so much. Even now I say pain in them, not anger. It was all about revenge, and about being able to control what he didn't like. He didn't like the situation, so he changed it. Made a little game out of it, because he knew he couldn't change what happened to his brother. I knew he hated having a little brother. So did Jenna. "If you let our secrets out.." Ali started. "We will tell your dad that your mom had an affair, and that Alex isn't his baby." The brother and sister looked at each other.
"if you do, I'll kill you." Toby said, then walked away, And Jenna followed him back to their house. Ali and I looked at each other. "Do we tell?" I asked her.
"No." she said. "you know how cold hearted they are. They'll do everything they threatened to do" so we didn't tell anyone. We kept our mouths shut. And slowly, Jenna started to leak Alison's secrets.. a lot of people found out things not even I knew. So one day, she did it. She told their father about their mothers affair, and that was that. Jenna pushed her into the pool, held her head down, and just like that, she was dead.