Disclaimer: I own nothing except insane amounts of The Office merchandise.

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"Chloe and I started dating sophomore year of college. We met at a party my roommate Adam was throwing..." Jim exhaled deeply before continuing. "I asked her out that night and we got serious pretty quickly. I asked her to move in with me after a couple of months when Adam moved out..."

Pam repositioned herself, leaning back on her hands and crossing her ankles out in front of her.

"We were on and off for years. We probably should have learned pretty early on that we weren't good for each other, but it was like we couldn't stop ourselves from getting back together. She suffered really badly from depression, and most of the time I never really knew where I stood with her, you know? We'd wake up in the morning and she'd be so low that she'd not even want to get out of bed, then as the day progressed her mood would lighten and she'd be almost... normal again. But slowly over time those dark times got longer and longer and it was like she was some sort of caricature of herself and I couldn't... help her, I couldn't make her pain go away. And I always felt as though she resented me a little for that. I was the boyfriend, I should have been able to fix those sort of things."

He couldn't help but think how amazing Pam was being. She'd nod her head every now and then to show him she was listening, but remained silent - just letting him talk.

"I remember she was having a really bad day once, and she turned to me and said something like, 'don't you think you'd be better off without me?' I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to say to that? This wasn't the girl I fell in love with talking to me, it's like she was standing right in front of me and yet I missed her."

She uncrossed her legs and moved to sit next to Jim. Her hand softly brushed against his as she made herself comfortable. "That must have been really awful."

He looked at her and she knew just by looking at his eyes that he'd heard what she'd said, but he continued talking. "It was as though she was at the bottom of this huge rollercoaster and had no chance in hell of ever going back up. It got so bad one night, that I piled her in the car and drove her to the ER...they admitted her to the psychiatric unit for a while, but even though I knew it was for her own good I still felt like a jerk for leaving her there by herself."

She subconsciously reached over and held his hand entwining their fingers. "I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say..."

"When they released her, I stupidly thought everything would be fine and that we'd go back to how we used to be... before everything happened. But that shit doesn't just go away... This went on for years. I know you probably think I'm an idiot for staying with her, but I honestly did love her. I was so naive; I thought that I could help her. So, four years after we start dating we find out she's pregnant - she flips out, literally. I mean she goes nuts. Because of the medication she was taking, she was... uh, pretty irregular anyway and it constantly made her gain weight, so this wasn't unusual to us. We only found out because she needed a blood test every six months to make sure everything was okay with the pills she was taking. So when they told us she was already 26 weeks gone - I was so fucking excited. For a split second I thought that this could be it, this could be what she needs to get better, but Chloe... she looked at me and told me she didn't want 'it,'" he spat bitterly, "that she didn't want a baby and she definitely didn't want to be somebody's mom. She knew how much I wanted kids - she fucking knew how much this would mean to me, but she was basically saying that if she could have, she'd have gotten rid of her... it... and that made me feel sick. It was like she knew how to hurt me and she abused that. I should have realised something was up when she suddenly started telling me how excited she was about the baby a couple of days later, but I wanted to believe her. I honestly thought..." He paused and used the palm of his free hand to rub his eyes. "I thought this was it, this was what we needed to make everything okay. I look back now and I can't believe how stupid I was. All that time she was planning on leaving as soon as the baby was born...Ellie was born on June 4th but she had to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks because she was so tiny... we brought her home on the 22nd... I woke up the 23rd to a note telling me Chloe had left and that she didn't want me to contact her."

"That's awful... God, I'm so sorry, Jim..." She rubbed her thumb softly over the knuckles of his hand and squeezed it gently. He looked down at their joint hands briefly and smiled. He was sure that she was totally unaware of what she was doing and that it was just her natural way of trying to comfort him. He wanted to thank her- to tell her how much he appreciated her just being there and listening to him, but he needed to finish telling her everything else first.

He hadn't realised until now just how much he needed to talk to someone about this. It was like he couldn't control his mouth and what was pouring out of it. "I didn't listen. I contacted her later that day and she told me that we both wanted different things in life and she would appreciate it if I never contacted her again. I asked her about Ellie...I said 'what about our daughter? You're just going to leave her?' She corrected me, and she said 'she's your daughter, Jim - not mine.' That was the last I'd heard from her. Her friends apparently haven't seen her and she has changed her cell number."

She lifted their joint hand and lightly tapped it against his knee. "I can't believe she left you like that."

"She's ill, I get that...but." "I don't understand how you're defending her like that," she sighed, a hint of frustration to her voice. "You deserve SO much better than that."

He exhaled sharply. "There are times when I try and hate her, but she's sick. Deep down I know that the Chloe I first met is still there... or at least I hope she is, for her sake." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and sniffed loudly. He casually attempted to wipe away the solitary tear that slid down his cheek, but gave up when he sensed how pointless it was. "God, I'm sorry. I've totally unloaded all of my shit on to you."

She smiled, turning her head to look at him, squinting in to the bright sunshine that was shining directly in to her eyes. At noticing this, Jim casually leaned forwards blocking the light from her eyes. "Hey, don't do that. What are friends for, right?"

"Thank you," he said earnestly as he looked down at their joint hands and smiled softly. "You're holding my hand."

He saw the blush gradually creep over her cheeks as she attempted to pull her hand away. "Sorry, I didn't realise I was doing it."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," he assured her, tightening the grip on her hand.

*****

To Be Continued.

Reviews would be as awesome as waking up tomorrow to find Away We Go has already been released on DVD.

End Notes: Apologies for such a short update, but I really felt as though Jim's explanation needed to be it's own chapter. I just didn't want anything getting in the way of it, you know? I hope you'll all see what I mean. God, It was SO hard for me not having any Ellie in this, but they'll be lots of Jim, Pam and Ellie to come, so stay with me. Also, would you guys like me to provide pictures of some of the signs that I've used and will continue to use?