Sorry about the long wait. I had exams and was on a writer's block for a bit. I've had a bit of trouble thinking of how this chapter would go, but I think I've solved that problem now. Good thing we have tf2wiki and SmashWiki. :D Anyways, on to the story.

Disclaimer: Valve owns Team Fortress 2 and Nintendo own the Super Smash Bros. series.

"Repeat after me: 'muhmuhmuh I'm dead!'"~The Scout dominating a Pyro.

Chapter 5: Let's burn rubber!

The scout looked at the screen, dumbfound. "A princess, a birdman, and a pyromaniac. Weirdest combo I've ever seen."

The Sniper turned to The Scout. "Just like the rest of this pack here." He tilted his hat a little, to hide his face a little more. He didn't exactly like these "Smash Bros.", nor did he trust them much.

The Pyro turned to the screen, scratching the back its mask. It turned to its friends, who all shrugged in response. The maniac then turned to the bench it sat at. Beside it was a briefcase. The Engineer lifted a hand.

"I didn't use that 'cus I had my PDA." He said, shining a smile as he lifted the calculator-like device up.

The Pyro opened the briefcase up. It looked a lot like the ones from the simulations (especially from 2Fort.), but the colors were different. Where most briefcases were a brick-red or a sky-blue, this one was a darken silver. It opened it up, and suddenly, 9 strange lights appeared. The beams shifted their shape and form until they formed the shadows of the 9 Classes. The Pyro selected, well, the Pyro naturally. The holograms changed shape, forming a HUD (Heads Up Display). It showed the Pyro, alongside a few rectangles on the side. Three displayed his current weapons, but the others were empty. The Pyro selected the Melee slot. It displayed a whole array of weapons. But there was one that caught the team's attention.

This Melee weapon looked as though it came from another time. It a pitch-black metal rode, with the top being burnt wood. Its blades were made of pure stone, lava (or what looked like lava) oozing from the edges. The Scout's mouth dropped.

"That's…." He began, and The Pyro let out a sinister chuckle.

"A Sharpened Volcano Fragment!" the Heavy shouted.

The Soldier just stared at it. "Oh my God!" He screamed, fainting after words. The Medic raised an eyebrow, bending down to expect the hardheaded maggot-eater. "Hmm, he appears to be Fine." The German doctor noted. "At zlest he wore a helvet."

The Pyro let out a snicker before turning to the teleporter. It stepped onto the large, circular device, transformed into a red spark the second he set foot on it. The picture on the screen faded to black.

"STAGE: F-Zero Grand Prix, Big Blue." The computerized voice droned.

The stage was what appeared to be a futuristic racetrack. A beautiful ocean could be seen in the far back. There were numerous hovering crafts (possibly the "racecars") speeding down the narrow highway. Above the small ones was a larger one, which looked more as though it was made for combat. It was coated in purple and gold paint. The cockpit was designed like that of an eagle, green optic-like visors.

"3…."

One of the space fighters flew above the cruiser, dropping off its bird-like pilot. Once it did so, it flew off of the stage, possibly in autopilot. All of that happened in a nanosecond.

"2…."

Out of nowhere, the elfish royalty appeared on the front, bursting from a cloud of strange, glowing powder.

"1…."

Finally, a fireball fell from the sky, crash-landing on the back (which was surprisingly unharmed). Emerging from the flames was the Pyro.

"GO!"

Falco made the first move, shooting a laser at the Pyro. Said target simply jumped to avoid the attack, while Zelda ducked. As she did so, she fired a fireball at the Pyro. While the Pyro didn't take much damage (due to its suit), it did send it forward a little bit. The madman (or woman. No one knows) took out its shotgun, firing at the alien under it.

~Falco: 7%

~Pyro: 5%

~Zelda:0%

Zelda stuck her tongue out in a childish manner, taunting the two men (or the alien and thingamajig). The Pyro turned to Falco, who just shrugged. Without warning, the birdman grabbed the mask-maniac and flung it at the princess. Zelda blocked the attempt using some sort of crystalline barrier. The Pyro bounced off like light on a mirror and was flung off the craft. Panicking, it began jumping like a rabbit, using its flames to propel itself back on. It clung on the edge, hanging for its dear life(s). Falco noticed and decided to take a look. He helped muffles up on the ship, only to sucker-punch it. The Pyro bounced (painfully) off the ground, before having a soft landing.

"Hwmp phm hmpt whs hmp fhm? (What the hell was that for!) The Pyro hissed in anger.

"Ain't fair if the enemy falls off. Besides, takes away the honor and fun of whipping your sorry be-HIIAA!" Falco said before being knocked into the air by Zelda. The birdman exploded into fireworks when he went to the edge of the screen. He respawned shortly afterwards as the Pyro took out its fire-ax and landed a couple chops on the elf-like being.

~Falco: 25%

~Pyro: 38%

~Zelda: 14%

Zelda didn't take kindly to this, and tried to kick the Pyro, but said victim blocked the attack with its fiery ax. It jumped back a little to give it more breathing space. Suddenly, the craft started going upwards, causing all of the combatants to slide down the back. Zelda fell on the track, but used some form of teleportation to get on the new stage. Falco was not so lucky and ended up sliding to his doom. An explosion occurred and he respawned above the platform. The Pyro landed face first on the new area. The stage itself was actually made of three smaller racers, speeding off of the track. Up ahead was some kind of ramp, most likely for a jump. The racers sped up, almost as if they have a death wish. The Pyro lost its balance and fell into the ocean as the speeders leapt across the stage.

~Falco: 3 lives, 0%

~Pyro: 4 lives, 0%

~Zelda: 5 lives, 14%

Now The Pyro was REALLY ticked off. So ticked, that it's about ready to smash something. As if in response, something fell from above and hit the Pyro square on the head, stunning it. The mysterious masker shock it head, clearing its vision. In front of it was a hammer of some sort. It reminded the Pyro of the Homewrecker. Upon picking it up, the Pyro felt a strange urge to run. Without control, it began running amok, swinging the hammer as if there was no tomorrow. Zelda made a break for it, but was KOed in just five hits. Falco just stood at another car, smiling. The Pyro was wary, but it just couldn't stop hammering. As it got a few feet away, Falco fired a laser at the Pyro. It hit it square in the head, causing it to drop the hammer. The metal bar snapped off of the puny handle when the tool hit the ground. The Pyro growled under its mask as the birdman picked it up. He threw it at the pyro-maniac, knocking it into the recently-reborn princess as well.

~Falco: 3, 0%

~Pyro: 4, 50%

~Zelda: 4, 50%

The damaged duo gathered their strength as they risen back up. When Zelda looked ahead, she left a cold and shocked look on her face. The Pyro, curious, looked the same way. It jumped and yelped in fright at the site: A giant loop. The Pyro grabbed onto the roof of a car, clutching for its dear life. The vehicles picked up speed and altitude. Falco lost his balance and fell, but managed to grab another car by the roof. Zelda barely managed to grab the rear end of the back car as it went up. No of them held on for long, and fell to their assured doom. Out of nowhere, though, the large ship appeared under the trio of Smashers, saving them from the seas below. Something slammed itself into the back of Falco, and it hit hard. He turned around in anger and punched the object without looking. It turned out to be a Smash Ball. Realizing what he just did, he let out a short and loud laugh. He turned to the other two fighters and grinned.

"Personally, I prefer the air!" He shouted as he leapt into the.

A large, sci-fi ground vehicle (a tank, most likely) was falling to the ground. Zelda sidestepped a few feet from the Pyro. The Pyro made a break for it, but it was already crushed under the metal monstrosity.

"Medic!" The Pyro sounded from underneath, waving its arm out. A second later, it fell and its owner respawned.

"Eeuaghafvada…" The Pyro muttered under its mask, falling on the machine's cannon.

As he landed, he spotted Falco in the cockpit. It took out its ax and started bashing. Nothing happened, and Falco let out a laugh. The Pyro tried the shotgun, but that had little, if any, effect. Even the flamethrower didn't work. Falco shrugged, and all of a sudden, the vehicle rolled over like a dog. The Pyro was flatted and spat out, slamming into Zelda. The tank charged forward, but the two leapt. The tank rolled off of the ship, falling into the ocean. Falco was screaming something at them, but the cockpit muffled the rants up.

"I thought birds were supposed to fly!" Zelda taunted as she landed. This left her wide open for a few round from the shotgun.

~Falco: 2, 0%

~Pyro: 3, 0%

~Zelda: 4, 71%

Zelda responded by kicking him in the chin, dazzling him and knocking it farther into the air. It shrugged off and took out its ax, falling toward the elfish princess. She leapt back to avoid the attack, then fired a small cloud of strange powder. It did a little bit of damage, but this didn't stop the Pyro. Before it could draw out its weapon, though, something strange happened. A large, blue crystal emerged from the ground, shielding Zelda. It split into several hundred shards, whirling around her like a tornado. Falco by this time respawned, dropping between the two. Falco leapt back to avoid getting sucked into the void. The Pyro fired a few shots at it, but they only bounced off. The attack faded, leaving her out. Falco wasted no time and swiftly began punching and kicking. This gave the maniac an idea.

It snuck up behind the two combatants and Air Blasted them. This didn't damage them very much, but it did send them flying. The Pyro then took out its Flare Gun, firing two shots at them. Zelda's magic reduced the damage done to her, but Falco wasn't so lucky. Zelda countered by summoning a large, fiery orb. The Pyro laughed, dodging it as if it a game of Dodge Ball. If there was one thing it specialized in, it was fire. It was also obvious that the princess was controlling it as well. Shot at her should do the trick. It fire it's shogun at her, knocking her back some. The ball began spiraling out of control, moving in random places. No one could avoid it, not even its maker.

The Pyro was knocked off the ship, falling to its doom. Zelda was launched into the air, screaming. She hit the screen in a comical way. Zelda respawned, a look of fury on her face. Falco had deep burns on him, his clothes scorched. Zelda stood up, still banged from the fire. She took a deep breath, clasping her hands together. The Pyro already repsawned by this time, but it was too late. In Zelda's place was someone else. He (or she, it couldn't really tell.) was dressed like an assassin, wearing a cloth over her mouth. On her torso was an insignia shaped like an eye. She was lean strongly built, much like a warrior and tank combined. The Pyro had bad feeling about this person.

~Falco: 2, 78%

~Pyro: 2, 0%

~Sheik: 3, 0%

A Smash Ball appeared behind her, and she made a break for it. Falco fired a shot at the ball, but it didn't break it. Sheik kicked upwards, shattering the ball like glass. An aura of rainbows clouded her form. Sheik drew out a massive bow, followed by a small light. The light positioned itself where the arrow should be, and she fire. The Pyro honked under its mask, jumping to avoid the attack. Falco was ducked, but it only headshot him.

"AH COME ON!" The birdman shouted as he was KOed.

Meanwhile, in the audience….

The Scout turned to The Medic. "What was with the rocks and fireballs earlier?" The Scout asked.

The Medic adjusted his glasses before speaking. "Zhat vas a Special move."

The Scout raised an eyebrow. "That like a Final Smash?"

"Somewhat," The Spy butted in. "But not as powerful, and it comes in variety. Each Smasher has 4 different Special Moves, including us."

"Zit vould seem that ze Pyro's avre his Flamethrower and Vlare gun." The good (or bad) doc added.

"Huh, guess my Buildings count as Specials too." The Engineer replied, rubbing the back of his head .

The Scout left a mischievous grin on his face. "Wonder what my moves are?" He snickered.

The Medic went back to looking after The Soldier, only to be knocked back by an unseen person. It turned to be the latter, now awake and on high alert. The Medic growled under his breath, glaring at the Soldeir.

"What?" The hardheaded driller asked.

Meanwhile…

Falco: Defeated.

Pyro: 1, 20%

Sheik: 2, 25%

As Falco fell down the track for one last time, The Pyro glared at Sheik. Things weren't looking good. The ship just dropped them off atop the racers again, and Sheik managed to trip Falco off of it just a minute ago. Now it was just the two of them. A yellow sphere fell down from the sky, landing right in front of the ninja. She grabbed it and flung it at the madman, dealing a small amount of damage to it. A small jingle was set off, and then the sphere opened. Inside were some foods, a small bomb-like creature, a sheet of paper, and a…. Smash Ball! The Pyro laughed as it broke the prize, a rainbow of colorful auras surrounding it. The Pyro positioned its arms back a little, almost as if it were the pitcher in a baseball, but downwards instead of up. A small spark appeared in one of its palms.

"Hudda….."The Pyro began, the small spark evolving into a flame. "OOoh la ruuh!"

A small, fast flare was flung across the stage. Sheik tried to jump over it, but the flame was faster than her. She was launched into the air off-screen, exploding in a beautiful display of fireworks. The Pyro took out its Flamethrower and taunted, screeching in victory. However, the vehicles began moving upwards as they came across another ramp. The Pyro, who was taunting at the time, lost its balance as the track ascended. It stumbled backwards toward the edge, wailing its arms in alarm. It fell of the racer, tumbling down the track until it was off-screen, exploding into light.

The scene changed to the wasteland again. The camera zoomed out on Sheik as she performed a kick, then got into a battle stance. In the background, The Pyro's stands in a stunned state, grumbling under its mask while Falco's clapping his hands.

"The winner is… Sheik!"

Back the arena, the teleporter activated, receiving all three compartments. Falco apparently got a black eye from the fight, and the Pyro was grabbing its head as if it were in danger of splitting.

"This is embarrassing…" Falco muttered under his breath. The Pyro nodded, but flinched at the pain of moving its head. Sheik transformed back into Zelda, and walked past the group. The Soldier growled as The Pyro walked up to the team.

"Are you trying out for a Section 8!" The Soldier screamed at the maniac. The Pyro responded by giving him 'the finger', muttering something at him. "How the hell did you lose to a girl! What, you're afraid of breaking your nails or something!"

The Pyro had it. It took out The Fragment, and chopped at the Soldier, setting him ablaze.

"Fire fire FIRE!" The American maggot crusher screamed, running around the room in frenzy. The Scout, Heavy, and Demoman partially laughed their heads off, especially when the Soldier started rolling around on the floor. While this was happening, the screen was bust selecting more players. The first 'wheel' already landed. It showed a thin, cowardly Italian man, who wore green clothing.

"Luigi…." The speaker-vice shouted.

The next 'wheel' stopped, showing a certain German doctor.

"…And the Medic!"

The third 'wheel' stopped, showing a short, round armored being.

"VS Meta Knight…"

The last 'wheel' stopped, showing a man wearing an eye patch.

"…and the Demoman!"

The Medic and Demoman jumped in surprise, then exchanged confused looks at each other.

"Aye, what just happened?"