Chapter 15
Life tends to hand us lemons some of us are smart enough to add some water and sugar others aren't so much. Those few, they eat the sour lemons, they let the world control them and in doing so they lose their morals and believes. They lose the core of who they are, and the more life throws at them the more they stop fighting back.
In an interview with ESPN, Nathan was asked what he lives for, and in that moment, he kept searching and searching for an answer but there was nothing. He'd lost his reason for living a long time ago.
At one point, all he lived for was basketball, but then he met Haley. She was the light at the end of his tunnel, the live boat to his sinking ship, she was his hope. His hope for something more, his hope for some one to love and to have love him back.
When he asked her to marry him, it was spontaneous and unplanned, but he'd meant every word. He saw his life with her. Them, achieving their dreams together and making the world theirs. But then Haley had done the one thing, he had never imagined her doing, she'd kissed another man. And in his teenage stupor, he gave her a choice him or her dreams. The moment he said those words he knew nothing good could come out of it. Had she chosen him, she would've forever resented him. But she made a different choice, the choice he never really considered her making. She chose her dreams.
When she came back, he in the simplest of words had given her hell. He had punished her again and again. He had but her through a cruel roller coaster. He gave her hope and then distinguished it over and over again.
But then he had forgiven her.
Had he been honest with himself back then he would've admitted, that the moment he saw her come back to him, he had immediately forgiven her. But he wasn't. It took him three month of her sticking by him through all of his ups and downs and eventually he forgave her with all his heart, he was back to being that love sick teenager that saw nothing and no one more than the woman he loved.
They had retaken their vows in front of everybody. Reaffirming their love to the most important people they knew, the people that had, had their backs when no one else would. His uncle, Brooke, Peyton, Lucas, Jake, Karen, Keith and all those who stuck by them, individually and together.
But then that day came the day he'd been waiting for his entire life. A day where he was told all that he had done and sacrificed was all worth it. That his father's cruelty towards him had paid off. That he had endured an absentee mother and an abusive father for something worth all the pain he'd gone through.
But on that same day Haley told him something that he hoped he'd never hear at seventeen, something he'd hoped he would hear ten years down the road and not on the day that his most important dream had become a reality. She told him she was pregnant.
And like an idiot he went for advice from his very own psychotic father. And Dan being Dan he told Nathan that history would either repeat it self and he becomes just like Dan towards his son/daughter or he could follow his dreams and not put his son through the resentment that Dan was sure would follow. So he listened to his father, abandoned his wife and his child.
When he got to school a year earlier than most people, all he did was concentrate on basketball and his studies which was as strange as it got for Nathan. When he wasn't studying or practicing he was getting drunk off his ass, and making sure that he had no time to remember the look on Haley's face when he neglected to share her excitement for her pregnancy, the look on her face when he ignored her for an entire week before finally leaving all together.
Six years later when his heart got so cold that he couldn't do anything genuinely anymore, he went looking for the missing pieces of his heart. His family.
So here he was, watching as his son rode up and down his bike with his training wheels on and all he could think of was whether or not he would get to teach his son how to ride the bike without the extra help. Looking at his mom he saw her deer caught in the headlights expression. Speeding up to where his mother was standing, he ignored Clay yelling his name in confusion.
"Why didn't you tell me Micca was here?" Nathan asked as soon as he got to his mother.
"Micca is here?" Clay asked, looking around but was once again completely ignored.
"Why mom?"
"I am sorry Nathan but since you came back I haven't seen Micca and the only reason he's here now is because I promised Haley I wouldn't call you." Deb answered softly.
"Nadan!" Micca exclaimed running towards Nathan and wrapping his arms around his waist.
"Hey buddy!" Nathan greeted scooting down to Micca until they were at eye level.
"You lied." Micca accused softly.
"Huh?" Nathan asked in confusion.
"You promised I'd see you again soon. Mama said dat you had to work and dat you were sorry."
"Well you're mama was right buddy! And I am sorry." Nathan said apologetically.
"Dat's okay, you're here now!" Micca said cheerfully.
"Yea I am buddy." Nathan said happily.
"Whose dat?" Micca asked looking up towards Clay, who had been silently watching the interaction along with Deb.
"Oh this is Clay, my best friend." Nathan said standing up and holding Micca up with him.
"Hey there Micca, I've heard tons about you." Clay said softly to Micca.
"Pleasure to meet you." Micca greeted cheekily while holding a hand out for to clay to shake.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, little man." Clay chuckled softly.
"Hey, why don't you guys go inside while I go give Haley a call?" Deb suggested softly.
"Mom!" Nathan's voice was pleading as he glanced at his mom.
"She's not cruel Nathan!" Deb said.
"Of course not my mama is AWASOME!" Micca exclaimed.
"I know buddy, let's go inside." Nathan said and started walking away towards the house.
"Are you in da NBA too?" Micca asked looking at Clay eagerly, but Deb never heard the answer because they were already inside.
Nervously she took out here phone and dialed Haley's home number.
"Hello?" a mans voice sounded.
"Hi is Haley there?"
"Um yea she is who is this?"
"It's Deb."
"Oh hey Deb it's me… Zach!"
"Hi Zach how are you?" she asked rolling her eyes.
"I am good. Is everything okay with Micca?" he asked worriedly.
"Yea everything is fine; I just wanted to talk to Haley." Deb said irritable to the young man who was acting like he actually mattered to Micca. Okay so she knew that was a little bitter, but you can't really blame her. Every day that goes by is a day that Zach takes her sons rightful place beside her grandson. Granted, Nathan was the one who watched as that ship sailed, but still he deserves a second chance. Everyone does.
"Oh okay give me a second." He said and then she heard his faint voice as he called out to Haley.
"Hey, Deb." Haley greeted nervously.
"Hi Haley, how's it going sweetheart?"
"Good, good. Is everything okay Deb? You usually only call me when your about to put Micca to bed and its only six o'clock right now." Haley rambled.
"Yea everything is fine except that umm…" Deb trailed off nervously. She hadn't seen her grandson in over three weeks and she had missed him. When she called Haley and asked about Micca spending the night she'd practically had to beg her, and only after promising she wouldn't call Nathan had Haley finally agreed.
"Except what Deb?"
"Nathan is here!"
"DEB!" Haley exclaimed irritably.
"I promise you Haley, I didn't actually call him, he just stopped by."
"I don't know what to say." Haley finally said after a moment's silence.
"Look, I promise you Micca will be okay. I'll make sure of it, and it's not like Nathan is going to hurt him."
"…"
"I swear to you Haley, and besides I thought you wanted Micca to get to know his father."
"I did, I do."
"Then what's the problem." Deb asked veining confusion, because she knew exactly what the problem was.
"Okay fine but I swear to God, Deb-"
"You don't have to finish that sentence Haley." Deb cut her off confidently. "I love Micca and I only want what's best for him and my son."
"That's the prob-"Haley started but was once again cut off by Deb.
"As I was saying, I want what's best for my son but he got himself into this mess with you. So my priority is my grandson Haley and you know that!"
"Yes, I do know that. Okay," Haley paused a little. "Okay, just please make sure you call me before Micca goes to bed and I'll pick him up tomorrow at twelve."
"Thank you Haley." Deb said sincerely.
"Can you please just let Nathan know that when he leaves your place it'd be great if he can stop by, I think it's about time we talked things out."
"Okay, I'll let him know."
"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow and tell Micca I love him."
"Will do, bye Haley." Deb said smiling smugly and hung up quickly before Haley had a chance to change her mind.
"Everything okay babe?" Zach asked softly when Haley hadn't moved after hanging up with Deb.
"Yea everything is fine."
"Are you sure? What happened?" Zach asked curiously.
"Its nothing Nathan is just at Deb's place with Micca." Haley said as if it were nothing.
"WHAT?" Zach exclaimed angrily, making Haley flinch.
"It's not a big deal Zach!" Haley stated, trying to down play the whole thing.
"How can you be so chill about this? You're letting your five year old son around his bastard of a father alone." He sneered.
"HEY don't talk about Nathan like that!" Haley defended immediately.
"Oh why? He's father of the year all of the sudden? Lucas told me all about how horribly he treated you and here you are defending the son a bitch like ALWAYS!" He shouted heatedly.
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you don't get to talk to me this way! Who I let or don't let around my son is entirely up to me! And you and Lucas –or anybody else for that matter- don't get to decide how I raise my son. Now LEAVE!" Haley said firmly.
"Haley," he started apologetically for letting his temper get the better of him.
"I said Leave Zach." Haley said and then walked to the door, opening it, and gesturing for Zach to once again leave.
"I am sorry." He said softly as he walked out the door.
Ignoring him Haley slammed the door and walked back into the living room. She wiped an escaped tear and looked up to find Brooke staring at her in concern.
"What was that?" Brooke asked.
"That was Zach being an ass." Haley replied bitterly
"Are you okay?" Brooke asked softly.
"I am fine! Just tell your boyfriend to stay the hell out of my life." Haley said forcefully and bitterly making Brooke flinch.
Walking in Deb found herself smiling brightly at the scene before her. Nathan, Clay and Micca were sitting on the couch with Micca in the Middle. Nathan and Micca had just finished playing NBA Live while Clay watched. From what she could tell from the scene before her, Micca had won.
"You are so cheating little man!" Nathan exclaimed playfully.
"No I am not," Micca exclaimed back. "How can you even cheat playing NBA Live?"
"I don't know but with your mom's jeans you probably figured it out."
"Dat's true my mama is very smart, but she sucks at sports." Micca finished, scrunching his nose making Nathan and Clay chuckle at how adorable the little kid was.
"Stop bothering him Nathan! You just suck that's all." Clay said playfully.
"That's true." Micca said thoughtfully while nodding.
"You think you're so funny huh?" Nathan asked Micca as he started tickling him.
"Stop!" Micca demanded while giggling.
"Nope! Not until you say that da- Nathan is awesome at playing NBA Live." Nathan demanded playfully.
"But your not!" Micca exclaimed in between his fits of laughter making both Clay and Deb laugh while Nathan pouted.
Pulling away Nathan pretended to be hurt and crossed his arms while moving to the corner of the couch and sulking.
"Awww don't be sad Nadan," Micca said while patting Nathan on the head softly. "Mama says that no one can suck at everything!" he added helpfully.
"Did she now?" Nathan asked still pouting.
"Yup," Micca said popping the 'p'. "She says that were all good at something." He finished making Nathan smile fondly
"Nathan." Deb called.
"Yea mom?" he asked wincing as he finished his reply, he immediately looked towards Micca for a reaction but was spared because Micca was too busy chatting happily with Clay to notice his slip of the tongue.
"Let's talk in the kitchen." Deb said with a forced smile and headed towards the kitchen.
"I'll be right back buddy." Nathan said to Micca, catching his attention.
"Where you going?" Micca pouted.
"I am just going to go talk to Deb in the kitchen." Nathan said smiling softly.
"Deb?" Micca asked confused.
"Your grandma."
"Ohhh okay," Micca nodded.
"Everything okay ma?" Nathan asked once he got to the kitchen but instead of an answer he got hit upside the head.
"What the hell mom?" Nathan exclaimed, rubbing his head.
"What is wrong with you? You and Haley have an agreement and you almost broke it." She said angrily.
"Well, I didn't!" He exclaimed. "People in this town enjoy hitting me way too much." He mumbled making his mom's expression soften.
"I am sorry honey. My nervous are just on edge from speaking with Haley." Deb apologized.
"What did she say?" he asked nervously.
"She said its fine for you to stay." Deb said.
"That great!" Nathan exclaimed happily .
"But…" Deb interrupted his glee.
"But?" he asked nervously.
"She said and I quote just let Nathan know that when he leaves your place it'd be great if he can stop by, I think it's about time we talked things out, unquote."
"Oh shit!" Nathan said solemnly.
"That's what I thought!" Deb said amused by Nathan's reaction.
"What am I going to do mom?" Nathan asked Deb looking like a lost boy.
"Oh honey," Deb moved to Nathan and started rubbing his cheek lovingly. "Just go talk to her and be honest with her."
"Yea," Nathan started lost in thought, mentally shaking his head, he finally addressed Deb. "Yea mom, you're right. I'll go over there and we'll talk and hopefully by the end of the conversation I'll at least have my son in my life."
"Common baby lets go back to the boys." Deb said dragging Nathan back to the living room.
Hearing the door bell ring Haley ran towards the door and sung it open.
"Your late." She said as soon as she opened the door.
"I am sorry, I needed a minute –or an hour- to gather the courage to actually walk to the door." Nathan said softly making Haley's expression soften.
"Come on in." she said moving aside and gesturing for Nathan to come inside.
"You have a beautiful home." Nathan complimented once they reached the living room.
Haley thanked him and then asked whether he wanted something to drink, to which he declined.
After a minute of silence, Nathan finally spoke up. "I am sorry." He apologized.
"I am sorry, too. I was angry at Lucas for telling you about Zach before I could and I took it out on you. And you didn't deserve that."
"I deserve way worse Haley. What I did I'll never forgive myself for that, for just walking away." He said sincerely.
"Why did you?" she asked needing to know.
"I was a stupid kid Haley." He answered.
"That's not good enough I need a better answer." Haley said feeling her tears starting to surface.
"I don't have one," Nathan started feeling his own tears starting to surface. "I was scared. I didn't want to wake up one day and resent you. I knew that I would, had I stayed I would've resented you and it would've killed me."
"What about me? Did you think of me? What you leaving did to me?"
"I was scared Haley and I took the easy way out and there hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't regretted leaving." Nathan said brokenly as a tear fell down his face. "Walking away from you and staying away it tore at me until it left me this shadow of a man with no real purpose, with no one."
"That was your choice!" Haley sneered.
"I know, I know."
"We were having twins." Haley said her voice barely above a whisper as a tear fell down her face at the memory of her lost child.
"What?" Nathan choked out, dreading the answer.
"When I read your note I lost it," Haley started, tears now flowing down her face freely. "I was so hysterical, somehow I managed to call Brooke and by the time she got to the apartment I was so hysterical and panicked. I remember feeling so alone, so lost, everything was collapsing around me and I had no way out. Next thing I know I am being woken up in a hospital bed being told that I was having twins and that I lost one of them."
"Oh god Haley I am so sorry." Nathan said as he openly cried.
"I didn't tell you to make you feel guilty." Haley said taking a deep breath, willing her tears to stop falling.
"I am so sorry." Nathan repeated over and over again as he got on his knees in front of Haley and rested his forehead on top of her knees.
"Nathan," Haley started softly as she stroked his hair lovingly. "It wasn't your fault, I mean I blamed you for a really long time sure but eventually I realized that it just wasn't meant to be."
"I am so sorry" he said again looking up into her eyes.
Extending her hand, Haley gently wiped his tears away. She felt herself getting lost in them, as she relived her memories. The good and the bad.
Fifteen minutes later when they had both got a handle on their tears and Nathan was sitting next to Haley again she finally continued their conversation.
"I didn't tell you to make you feel bad." Haley said again.
"Then why did you?" He asked softly.
"You deserved to know."
"Thank you... for telling me, i mean."
Haley walked up not acknowledging his apology and went towards the kitchen. After a minute she came back with two water bottles and large envelope. After handing Nathan a water bottle and taking a sip of her own she finally handed him the envelope.
"Divorce papers?" He asked softly.
"Yes."
"I won't sign them." He whispered softly.
"Nathan-" Haley started but was cut off when Nathan spoke again.
"I get that I hurt you Haley I really do and hearing about the miscarriage it only confirms that I hurt you. it makes me feel like walking in front of a bus." he chuckled humoresly. "But signing those papers would be killing everything that I believe in and I just can't do that."
"If you're worried about Micca, you don't have to. You'll be able to see him whenever you want and at one point he can even spend weekends with you. I've decided that when he turns six I'll tell him who you are to him. That's only three month away Nathan." She said taking a new approach.
"That's all good and well, but Haley don't we owe it to him? Don't we owe him giving our marriage a chance before giving up?"
"NOW THAT'S NOT FAIR, I gave you six years of chances, six years of missed birthdays, of missed anniversaries, six years of waiting and waiting and you never came Nathan! You Never Came!" Haley said getting angrier and angrier with every word.
"I know that Haley! But I am here now. I am willing to get on my knees and beg you if that's what it takes." Nathan said getting on his knees in front of Haley.
"Get up Nathan!" She demanded.
"No Haley, not until you give a chance." He deadpanned.
"I won't do that Nathan." She said stubbornly
"Okay! Just give me untill Micca's Birthday, like really give me a chance, going out together with Micca and alone, the whole works, and if I haven't won you back by then I'll sign the papers, no courts, no lawyers."
"Nathan!" Haley warned.
"No! Please just consider it, okay? Just consider it!" He begged.
"Okay… I'll think about it!"
"Great! That's great you won't regret this Haley." He promised.
"I haven't agreed yet Nathan." Haley said firmly.
"Like you said; you haven't agreed yet." He said smiling smugly.
AN: I hope you guys liked it like always PLEASE REVIEW