Chapter 6

Gerard's POV

I hate him. But I love him. Why on earth did this happen to me? My life was perfect; living with the man of my dreams and in the building next to my brother and best friend. I had everything I could ever want, but now it's all torn apart. I didn't know who to blame. Ray for kissing him, or Frank for letting him kiss him. I guess I blamed them both.

How long had this been going on for? What had they done? A thousand horrible pictures of Frank and Ray together forced their way into my mind and I collapsed on the floor once more. Was Frank having an affair? Did he even want Ray to kiss him? Since WHEN was Ray gay?!

He must've wanted him to kiss him, otherwise he would've pushed him away. I clearly couldn't trust either of them anymore. As much as it hurt me more than anything, I knew that me and Frank would need to talk about this, and we would probably break up. This could ruin my friendship with Ray forever as well. I'll have to move back in with Mikey... Will I ever even want to see either of them again?

I paced my room, chewing at the skin on my thumb as I thought of the events earlier today. Mikey and I had finished getting the presents and gone to meet them at the coffee shop, but they hadn't turned up. So Mikey stayed with the coffees we ordered while I went to the park to see if they were there. When I saw them kissing it was too much to take, I burst into tears and ran as quickly as I could, as far away as possible. I made it home the quickest I ever have without even driving, and let myself in, running straight to my room and barricading the door shut. I took the photo of Frank I had on my bedside table and threw it at the wall, where the glass in the frame shattered into a million pieces. I picked up a shard of glass and dragged it across the soft flesh of my arm, before realising what I was doing and throwing the glass away in disgust. Old habits. I ran to the bathroom to get some tissue and mopped up the blood coming out of my arm, before walking back to my room, sitting against the door and holding the tissue over the cut. I hadn't felt this bad in years. And of all people... Frank did this to me.

Frank's POV

I moaned as I felt the pain surge through my fist. After what had happened with Gerard I had tried to run after him, but I wasn't fast enough. I was so mad that this had happened to us that I was punching everything in sight, shouting loudly. Ray caught up with me and gasped when he saw the blood coming from the cuts on my knuckles.

"Frank... I am so sorry" He said. I didn't respond but just stood in silence, I didn't know whether to be angry at him or not. I knew what it was like to be desperately in love with someone and feel like it could never happen, as that was how I felt about Gerard. But then again, chances are, Ray just ruined our relationship forever. I looked at Ray. He wasn't one to cry but his face clearly reflected deep sadness. He was regretting what he had done, he knew the damage he had caused. Without trying to stop myself I reached out and brought him into a hug.

"It's ok" I said, holding him for a moment before turning and walking away. I walked the way to mine and Gerard's flat. I wondered how much longer we'd be living together for. Probably not that long. I found the door was already unlocked, which meant that Gerard was in. I tiptoed through the doorway as silent as possible and walked over to Gerard's bedroom door. I could hear sobbing coming from the other side as he was sat against it. He sounded heartbroken, and I could feel a wave of guilt devour me as I knew that I had caused him this pain. I heard a shuffle as he stood and walked to somewhere else in the room, giving me an opportunity to open the door and step in.

He had his back to me and was staring down at something on the floor, but turned when he heard me step in. On the floor was the picture of me that he always kept by the side of his bed on the nights that I was working late and couldn't come home. The glass from the frame was smashed and scattered all over the place, and there was a very clear dent in the wall above it. I looked to him. He was holding a tissue over his arm... a tissue covered in blood.

When we were 16, Gerard was extremely stressed and going through depression due to the excessive bullying he and I recieved, and all the exam stress. This eventually led to him attempting to cut himself off from society... and, to harming himself. We had helped eachother get through the hard time, and eventually he had stopped. He hadn't cut since... until now.

His face was what hurt me the most though. Black lines down his face where his eyeliner had smudged, sad eyes, messy hair. He looked a wreck. I straight away ran to him to pull him into a hug, but he stepped away. Heartbroken, I stepped back again.

"Gee... please let me explain" I pleaded. He just stared back, not uttering a word, as if the ability to speak had escaped him. "Please... Ray was confused. I was just trying to help him..."

His voice first came out as a croak, but barely understandable as he muttered quietly. "I don't understand how that's helping him..." He said.

"Please Gee, you know what it's like. He wasn't sure of his sexuality and he didn't know what it felt like to kiss a guy. He was just trying it, it didn't mean anything to him and I swear it meant nothing at all to me, it's you I love" I said.

"But why you Frank? He knows we're together... It's not fair on me" He asked.

Gerard's POV

"I don't know" Frank replied. 'I don't know' wasn't really good enough though. I had caught my boyfriend kissing my best friend. How on earth would I ever be okay with this?

Part of me was telling me to forgive him though. He was making it clear that there was nothing going on between him and Ray, and that he loved me. I knew he loved me. And I loved him. But was I giving in too easily? What if there was even the smallest chance that Frank was lying to me? Should I consider that?

I realised I couldn't. Frank was my everything, I couldn't lose him. I knew it would be hard but I would let it go this time. But if anything like this was to happen again, things would go very differently. Without saying a word I walked back over to Frank, slowly putting my arms around him and letting him rest his head on my chest (he was incredibly short). I kissed the top of his head, and we stayed like that for a while. A few hours later (it must have been about 10:30pm), I heard the front door open. Ray and Mikey must be back. Footsteps echoed through the house but we stayed as we were, and watched the door. Mikey's head eventually peered round the edge.

"Oh, shit.. not here either..." He mumbled.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked Mikey. Mikey adjusted his glasses nervously as he looked at us both, dead serious.

"I don't mean to alarm you guys... but.. I can't find Ray anywhere"