WARNINGS: CURSING

I'm done.

I'm serious. I'm not playing you. I'm just done.

Done with what, you ask.

Every fucking thing.

I should probably elaborate because, you know, every fucking thing is kind of nonspecific. Well, it started on Saturday.

I was in my bedroom, tossing a tennis ball at the ceiling, when the call came. I didn't think much of it and answered it pretty lazily.

"Yeah?" I drawled.

"Niou?" Yagyuu said, sounding surprised.

"You called my phone, who did you expect to hear?" I asked.

"Sorry, I meant to call Akaya-kun. I'm supposed to be tutoring him later and I wanted to make sure that he didn't forget."

What?

"The fuck, Yagyuu?" I asked, trying to pretend that what he said didn't really hurt. 'Cause it didn't.

Seriously.

"I'm very sorry to disturb you Niou, goodbye." He replied instead of giving an actual answer.

"Wait!" I called out quickly, not really knowing what I wanted in the first place.

"Yes?" He asked quietly.

Damn, what to ask? I could ask why he left me to the goddamn wolves. I could ask where he was when I needed him this whole time. I could ask him why the fuck he left me to die by myself. Well, I could ask him a lot of things.

But I didn't.

Instead of asking something that I wanted, I asked, "When's the first prefec tournament practice?"

Silence

"Yagyuu?"

"It's Monday right after school."

"Thanks."

"Goodbye."

"Later."

Shit.

That could've gone so much better than it did. God, why am I such a fucking coward? I can't even ask my supposed best friend something simple.

Well, it makes sense I suppose.

I am just a fuck-up. A fuck-up that no one wants to be around apparently. All of this is there problem. If they can't handle the amazingness that is Niou Masaharu, then they can suck my dick.

But then, why is it that I can only ask myself what's wrong with me?

If I'm really as awesome as I supposedly think I am, why the hell am I the one sitting alone in my room? I should be the one out there corrupting the little devil bratling that is Akaya. I should be the one leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wake. I should be the one who's so self-confident that I can do anything.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have cancer. I shouldn't be the one who's still wondering if he actually has friends.

Hell, I should be a lot of things and I shouldn't feel like a little piece of shit.

But I do.

And I can't change that.

Apparently, I think I'm just as worthless as the rest of my supposed friends.

Speaking of shit I can't change, according to my oncologist, my cancer has taken a turn for the worse.

Yeah.

Here's what happened then.

I strutted into the hospital (because I can never just walk ) Saturday afternoon when my doctor almost ran into me as he was leaving a triage room.

"Oh, Niou-san! You're early!" He exclaimed, looking more than a little haggard.

"Am I? Didn't realize." I replied, checking my checkered wrist watch.

"Don't worry about it. It's no problem really." He said smiling, "Why don't you just go wait in my office for a few minutes. I have to finish up with a patient right now."

"S'cool." I said smoothly.

"Good. I'll see you in a few minutes." Then, he turned and hurried down to what I think was the MRI room.

"Well, that was fast." I muttered to no one in particular.

Wow.

Anyway, I headed towards his office, but while I was walking down the long, posh hallway of specialty offices, I heard someone crying.

Normally, I'd ignore this, but after what happened last time, I was just wondering what else I would find out about myself. So, I followed the sound and came to a room just off of the main hallway. The only person I could see inside of it was a little girl who couldn't have been more than six years old.

I leaned in to get a closer look, but accidentally brushed against the door so that it opened up a crack more.

Her head shot up immediately, "Who's there?"

I sighed, knowing that there was no easy way to get out of this one. "I'm here." I answered back quietly, not wanting to scare her. I walked into the room and her eyes widened so much that I almost began to laugh.

"You're not the doctor." She accused.

"And you have a penchant for stating the obvious." I retorted.

"And you're funny-looking." She said.

"Funny-looking?" I asked bewildered. Jesus fuck, who does this brat think she is?

"Yeah, you've gots a lot of white hair, but you can't be any older than my bwother. Are you twying to wook old?" She asked, trying to hide her snickers behind one of her hands.

"No." I sighed, irritably, "This is my natural hair colour."

"I don't bewieve you."

"Fine, then don't." I replied. God damn, this fucking kid was annoying.

And she also didn't appear to have anything wrong with her.

"What are you doing here, onii-chan?" She asked curiosity shining through.

Must be psychic. I was just about to ask her that.

"What are you doing here, gaki?" I asked just to be irritating.

"I asked you first." She giggled as if I just entered her into her own private joke.

"Well, then I guess I'd better answer then." I said, making a big show out of bowing and sighing just to please her. Why, I have no idea. "I'm here because my blood is very sick and I've got to see the doctor who can make it all better."

"Your blood's sick." She gasped, looking surprised at the possibility.

"Yup. It's real bad too, but it should definitely be getting better the sooner I see the doctor."

"Well then go see Mr. Doctor. You've gots to go make your blood feel better." She said, getting up off of the examination table and practically pushing me out of the door.

"Wait," I interjected just as I was standing outside her door, "You never told me why you were here."

"I'm here 'cause my brain's sick. Mr. Doctor and my bwother and my mummy and daddy are trying to make it feel better, but Mr. Doctor says it's going to stay sick until I die."

Shit, the gaki has brain cancer.

And it's going to kill her.

Just like mine.

I looked back down at her, just after she had said this and hated the look I saw on her face. It was one of resignation, a look I wear everyday as I contemplate everything that I've been through and am going through right now. No child should ever have to be so understanding of the world. They should be allowed to keep their precious innocence for just as long as they can.

But maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

"Bye, Mr. I hope that your Mr. Doctor can make your blood feel better." She said, as she began to close the door behind me.

"Bye." I whispered, shocked by what I had just discovered.

And I stood by what I said before, nobody that young should have to be that strong.

"I see you've met my sister." A quiet voice said from behind me.

I turned sharply, startled and was incredibly shaken by who I saw.

It was Renji.

"Renji?" I gasped.

"Yeah. She's sweet isn't she?" He asked, his normally emotionless voice, going very soft.

"Definitely." I agreed, unable to articulate anything else.

"Her name is Amaya." He said after a moment's hesitation.

"Amaya?" I said, testing the name out on my tounge, "It's a pretty name for a pretty little girl."

Renji looked at me out of the corner of his eye and I was worried that I had said something wrong for a second before he said, "Yes, it is, isn't it?"

"Renji, how come you've never told any of us about your sister." I asked quietly, still not quite trusting my voice.

He didn't answer for several long moments, just stared through the examination room window watching his sister dance around the room.

"Because I didn't want you to pity her."

He looked up suddenly and smiled, "And I think that's your cue to go." Then, he pointed something out behind me.

I turned and saw my doctor standing at the end of the corridor.

He turned and began to walk towards his office and I followed him slowly.

He began to speak and he told me everything about my leukemia that I didn't already know.

It's been confirmed as terminal.

I am absolutely, without a doubt…

going to die.

Goodbye,

Niou Masaharu

A/N: Hey, I'm so sorry it took so long to update. I am totally begging for your forgiveness right now. Everything's just been so crazy with school and marching band and an impromptu hospital visit and a field trip or two.

Yeah, my life is insane, but I love it.

I'm going to try (note, I said try) to get the next chapter up in the next few days.

Forgive me please!

Tainted Fated Demise