AN: You may think Min's a bit of a caricature, but he's 'Pop' Ng, grandad of one of my piano students. When I said I'd put him in a story, he said I'd better make him the hero.

I Thought You Were a Lady

Chapter 2

"Ziva, calm down!" A noise like an angry female hornet came from Tim's speaker. "No, I'm sure he didn't – no, I was there. That's very unpleasant, Ziva, but it's hardly Tony's fault. Nobody said anything like that – and if anyone was listening, they shouldn't have been, and they couldn't have -"

Tony held his hand out. "Let me talk to her, McDefender, clearly I've upset her." He slowed the car right down. "Ziva. Ziva!" The Mossad officer hadn't noticed the phone being switched, as she spat, as they say, feathers.

"Tony I will kill you! Do you know what they are saying after your stupid joke?"

"No, Seriously!" The speaker was an evidence clerk, and she'd pulled her friend into a corridor, agog with excitement. Her sibilant whisper was actually loud enough to travel all the way down the deserted passageway. "Molly told me; she was walking by when he said it. Officer David is pregnant."

"Oooh, so Agent DiNozzo has -"

"No-o-o-o... Gibbs! While DiNozzo was away!"

"What?"

"Molly heard Agent DiNozzo accusing his boss; apparently he'd promised to take care of her!"

"Wow, I don't think that was quite how he meant it!" They both giggled.

"Apparently they'd been sending each other secret messages, right there in the bull pen – Agent DiNozzo said something about codes! A few minutes later, he told Agent McGee to go with him and stormed off to the elevator. He must be furious!"

"Gosh, yes... hey, if he's not with David any more, maybe Tony'd like to date me, I'd -"

A shadow fell across them; the tall, lean shadow of the new Director. They froze like the proverbial rabbits.

"The pregnant person in question is apparently a horse," he said stiffly. "Officer David, on the other hand, is not pregnant , and if you insist on spreading scurrilous rumours, you'd be wise to spread them out of earshot of the subject." He glanced up the corridor to where the Israeli assassin leaned against the wall, trimming a broken nail with a throwing knife. The two clerks fled. Once they were certain they weren't being pursued by a dagger wielding fury, however, they stopped.

"A horse?"

"That's a really rude thing to say, I'm surprised at Director Vance. So... who's the most horse-faced girl in the building? I thought DiNozzo only dated pretty girls..." A cool, lightly accented voice said from close behind them, "That is true..."

Tony was trying to hold the laughter in. "Ziva, I'm sorry you were the butt of the scuttle," he said sincerely, "it's not nice, I know. We've all been there some time over something. But I didn't mention you, neither did Vance, nor did Gibbs. And no, you were there, you know I didn't yell it all over the room. It was a private joke, that some foolish person who shouldn't have been listening got hold of. Ziva!" he said again, firmly. "Enough already with the paper clips...Look, I'd offer to deal with them, but I imagine you already have. Mmm? Well, there, then."

He handed Tim's phone back, solemnly. "Did she tell you the details?"

"She did," Tim nodded seriously.

"Shocking."

"Despicable."

They both erupted into peals of laughter at the same time.

"That..." Tim finally gasped, "was very... ungentlemanly, Tony. Shame on us."

Tony nodded angelically. "How could we." He took a deep, calming breath, and his face changed. He sighed. "We've both had worse said about us."

Tim winced. He remembered rookie... careless... cop-killer... not up to the job...

Tony was thinking serial killer...he bites them... could have got Sciuto killed...

They exchanged rueful shrugs, and Tony floored the accelerator, just as the phone buzzed again. Tim winced, but Ziva had calmed down. "It was not Tony's fault," she announced without preamble. "Your search for the missing husband has brought up a name, Reynaldo, 'Ray' Cardoza. I am sure Ms. Gunnerson will tell you that much when you speak to her, but there is more. I have the date eleven years ago when he was first reported Unexplained Absence, and details of an incident six months before that when he was questioned, inconclusively by Metro PD about a bar brawl. I am running searches for the other names mentioned in the police report, and also tracking a copy of the Navy's report on the incident."

"That's good, Ziva. Do you have anything since the UE report?"

"Twice, not long afterwards, he was almost caught, but both times he had gone before the MPs got there. He seems to have been one foot ahead, or he was tipped off."

"Er... one step, Ziva. Anything more?"

"Not yet, but although the searches are still running, I do not know what will turn up. The Navy is not actively pursuing the case any longer, merely watching. By now, they have many more important fish to shoot." Tim's silence put her back up. "In a barrel... that is right, is it not?" She sighed in exasperation. "I do not know how Americans manage to communicate at all! Well... if there is any other place I can look, let me know. I will keep you up to date."

"Thanks, Ziva. It's fish to fry, but honestly, I like your version better."

When he'd disconnected he grinned at Tony. "Didn't you buy her a book of American idioms?"

"I did, and Ducky got her a book of English ones...and Scottish ones. Found her giggling over that a couple of times. I even bought a book of Jewish Momma sayings, to see if I could get some wrong so she could have a go at me -"

"You did that?"

"Sure, why not? Anyway, they were really funny and way too wise to mess with."

"Like?"

"Well... 'if you're bashful you'll never have children'."

"OK, pithy, wise, but not particularly funny."

Tony laughed. "Try this one then. 'A Jewish mother doesn't acknowledge the viability of her foetus until it's graduated from medical school.'"

"Like it," Tim agreed. "Mind you, maybe not a good idea -"

"To tell family jokes to Ziva." They both went quiet again. She'd probably be fine, Tony thought; he, with all his own mommy issues could still laugh at such things, but he thought it might be better to be over-sensitive than crass. Damn. All their attempts to be cheerful were going down like lead baboons, as Zi would say.

Soon afterwards, they pulled into the parking lot, and Tony remembered a small, tow-headed boy running after a blow-away map, a boy who was seven inches taller now and ten going on thirty... as he saw Simon standing on the terrace talking to Liz. As well as various squad cars there was a big black vehicle similar to their own, which they both matched up to the senior cop-looking guy who stood at the foot of the steps as two of his men came down them from the front door.

There was also an ambulance, and a small, wiry Asian man with a lined face and white hair, wearing a chef's white jacket and checked pants, sitting on a gurney. He was holding an icepack to his neck, and looking put out. A cop was writing in his notebook as a paramedic lifted the pack to check the state of the bruising underneath it.

"Min!" Tony exclaimed. "Nobody said he'd been hurt!" He nodded over towards the senior policeman. "Go get 'im, McNegotiator." He deliberately didn't watch Tim to see how he got on; he wasn't going to say out loud 'I trust you, Probie', he hoped he didn't have to, but he didn't want him to think he didn't. Liz and Simon had spotted him, but he gave them a wave and ran over to the chef first.

"Min! Hey, man, are you OK?"

"Ha! OK? That len lut idiot hit me with own wok, you know that? Where you when a friend need you?"

Tony laughed. "I'm here now, Min." He turned to the EMT, who was trying to suppress a smile. "He's gonna be all right, right?"

The young man smiled. "No concussion... nothing bruised but his temper." His partner brought a chair down from the terrace, and Min hopped off the gurney to sit on it, as Tony said airily, "Oh, that's normal, believe me."

"Ah – young whipper-snapper – how you know what I got bruised, eh? You land on ass, see how you feel, you hit yourself over head with wok, see -"

"You're fine, Min. Now let the nice medics take their ambulance away... they're scaring off customers."

"Scaring? What you mean, scaring? You think my food poison people? You think -" The two grinning EMTs loaded up their gurney and went off with a wave in the middle of Min's tirade. As soon as they'd gone he jumped to his feet.

"Wait a minute, Min, shouldn't you be resting up for a bit?"

"You take forty-eight minutes getting here, I rest. Why you don't drive like your boss, eh?"

Liz and Simon came over; neither of them was smiling. "Hi, Tony." Liz hugged him. "Thanks for coming – and Tim. Min, it's all very fine to make a joke of all this -"

"Who's joking?" Min was enjoying being a curmudgeon; he took it seriously.

"But you could have been hurt. And I don't think the police believe that I know who's behind it."

"Tell me, then," Tony urged.

Liz was terse. Things were happening just like they'd done so many years ago, before she'd got her husband out of her life, for good as she'd thought. There'd been silent phone calls; intimidating ones saying things like 'where is he? You're going to tell us sooner or later'. Cars with darkened windows had sat out in the parking lot for an hour at a time, and left, the first one of its own volition, the second when she'd gone storming out there. Subsequent times were more worrying; as soon as she called the police, they'd go.

"While you were dialling? Or a few minutes later?"

"Almost the minute I picked up the phone."

"That's good... in a way. They're reading your signal, not being tipped off. If there'd been someone in dispatch helping them that would have meant bent cop – or police employee. Nobody wants that."

"But if there were, and we'd caught them they could maybe have told us something," Simon said thoughtfully.

"If they knew anything. Someone easy to catch would have to be getting their instructions anonymously."

Simon grimaced. "So much for Special Agent Townley."

"Hey... you think like an investigator. Even Gibbs said so."

"No kidding?"

"As surely as I sit here in this canoe. Probably why you're a good journalist." Liz and Min both looked from one man to the other as the banter threatened to wind up, but it was interrupted by Tim's approach. Tony had been well aware of the police vehicles leaving, one by one, and Tim's handshake with the senior guy, and he turned with a grin. "So, McDiplomat -" he registered the look of suppressed glee on his friend's face - "or maybe I should say McDevious... our case, then. How did you do it?" The McGee glee racked up several notches, and Tony groaned. "Should I be asking?"

"Well, first of all, one of the uniforms was at the filling station stand-off, and recognised me. His boss said 'oh, that NCIS'. Then I got a call from Ziva;" he looked apologetically at Liz. "Ray Cardoza was questioned about absconding from a gas station without paying, but they couldn't prove he was driving the vehicle, so he was never actually arrested. This was three weeks ago, in Greensboro, Ms. Gunnerson, so he was not so far away then. Apparently, if they'd seen the flag-up from the Navy, they'd have kept him, but they didn't until it was too late."

"And?" Tony asked, realising that there was nothing there to make the Probie so pleased with himself. There had to be more; he braced himself.

"And... the chief asked me who you were, and I said 'that's my Senior Field Agent'. He thought I meant my Senior Field Agent, and he said I must be good to have my own team so young... and I... didn't discourage him from thinking like that." He allowed himself to revel in the thunderstruck look on Tony's face. It wasn't often he could out-bamboozle the arch-bamboozler of NCIS. "Next thing I know is, he's offering me jurisdiction, with just the proviso that if it turns out not to be Navy we'll hand it back with everything we've got. I was very calm... like I was doing him a great favour. I didn't bite his hand off."

Tony was silent for so long, for him, that Tim began to fear an explosion; until the older man's mouth began to twitch in spite of himself. "Our master has taught you well, young padawan," he said finally, shaking his head.

"Don't think I learned that from the Boss, Tony... it's the sort of thing you'd have done across him."

"Hoist with my own petard, as Ducky would say," Tony agreed. "Nice work, McEffrontery..." He shook his head again, this time as if to clear it. Back to business. "So, what have we got... Let's go inside, can we grab a coffee? Good... talk it through, let Gibbs know, process the scene and see if we can give Min his kitchen back. 'Fraid your wok's going to be evidence, though, Min."

"Ha. You think I can't use frying pan?"

Three hours later, the processing done, Tony, Tim and Simon sat around a table trying to look inconspicuous as Liz , Min, and the two young waitresses on duty that evening returned the diner to its normal, busy running. The agents took the opportunity to grab a hasty bite to eat before setting off back to DC to take the evidence they had to Abby's lab.

Some things puzzled them; the fact that Min (happily) hadn't been hit harder was one; he'd been able to turn the gas off almost immediately. The incendiary device also seemed rather hit and miss; it hadn't attempted to ignite, and they needed to know why. Abby would be able to tell them its chemical composition.

They were worried about Liz; she'd had no contact with, or even sighting of her estranged husband, but the news from Ziva had only convinced her more that he was around somewhere. "And whoever these guys are, they think she knows, or soon will, so they're planning to get to him through her," Simon said anxiously. "I don't know how we can protect her twenty-four seven."

Tony nodded thoughtfully. "We'll think of something... better get going, bring the Boss up to date a bit more thoroughly."

Simon nodded. "Mmm. Look, before you go, I need to tell you something else I was saving for another day. I was going to send you all formal invites, but unless we can fix this it might all go pear-shaped anyway... Mary and I were planning to get married, twentieth of next month. We were even planning a couple of days honeymoon – Adam was going to stay with Liz. He was looking forward to being let loose in the kitchen with Min. I'd still like you all to come – if it happens then. Which it won't unless we're done with this, because apart from running the paper, I'll need to be looking out for Liz."

"Not on your own." Tony was firm on that. "Like I said, we'll think of something."

Simon walked out to the agency car with them, pausing to reach into his own Denali as they went. "Here," he said with a smile, "One each for the team." He handed them four copies of a book; a book with a picture on the dust jacket of the water foaming down the sluice on New Dam, and the title 'Four Dams: the fight to save a town.' To be released next Saturday; predicted to be a local best-seller. You're all in there."

"You wrote it," Tony said delightedly. "You said you would... We'll be famous, McStar! Of course you already are -"

Tim brought him back to earth. "I've already arranged with the local police to step up patrols in the area," he reassured the former Marine, to the accompaniment of a lot of face-pulling from Tony. "And we'll get a panic button installed under the counter as quickly as we can. I've checked out the diner's surveillance equipment and security lights, they're all good, and I've impressed on all the staff the importance of not being here alone."

"BOLOs are out for Cardoza, with description," Tony added, "And the Navy's going to take an active part in locating him. You could put a report in the News, alert everyone in the area. Now we have to see what we can learn from the intel Ziva's gathered on his previous associates."

"Damn." Tim was looking at the screen of his phone. "The cars that sat out there for hours... Liz had the sense to write the numbers down; but they were rentals, every one of them. We'll talk to the hire firms first thing in the morning, but that's probably a dead end."

Tony clapped him on the shoulder as they stood up. "Fear not, McHe'smySFA, you'll come up with something now you've been promoted."

"You'll never let me live that down, will you?"

"I won't – Probie, you'll never let me live it down. Hey, it was worth it."

Tim rolled his eyes, knowing that however proud of him Tony might be, he was still capable of extracting a terrible revenge; he'd be on his guard. He grinned. Like Tony said, it was worth it.

TBC