WARNINGS:

…

It's been two days since my visit to the hospital.

Two days since I found out that one of my teammates little sister has brain cancer.

Two days since I figured out that there was no hope.

That I was going to die, no matter what happened. No matter what I did, nothing could change that. And it pisses me off beyond belief.

Not that I'd admit that out loud. This is why I'm hiding in a tree writing my in damn diary instead of in the locker rooms with the rest of the guys getting changed for practice. I'm scared.

And it scares me that I'm to the point where I can admit that.

More than anything, I don't want the rest of them to see how emaciated I look now. The chemotherapy treatments really are taking more out of me than I would care to admit. My skin is even whiter than my hair (which is already starting to fall out), I'm dropping weight by at least 2-3 pounds a day, and you can already count my ribs and my spinal vertebrae through my shirt.

God, I look like a fucking walking skeleton.

I look weak.

So I'm hiding because I don't want my friends to think I'm weak, even though they probably already do.

I glanced up at the clock through the leaves of my tree a second ago and saw that if I don't run my ass off, I'm going to be so late for practice that Yuki's going to kill me.

Shit.

I'll finish you after practice.

….

Now I'm just about ready to start bawling my own damn eyes out.

Practice was a disaster.

No, no, I hit every ball perfectly. Every single fucking one of them hit exactly where I wanted them to. No ball strayed from its intended course, none that shouldn't have been returned were returned, and there were no balls that I couldn't hit.

And it was so fucking wrong.

None of that was because of my skills at tennis.

It was all because they were treating me like a broken, little, sick brat!

How do they expect me to get anything done, anything accomplished, if they insist on babying me?!

I'M NOT FUCKING FRAGILE!

I told them that too. Well, not so much told them as screamed it in their faces, but either way I still got the message across.

And do you know what they said next?

"Whether you like it or not, Niou, you are."

Kuwahara told me that to my face.

The fuck?

"No I'm not. You lot know that more than any of the rest of the people I know. Why are you babying me all of a sudden?" I asked then my voice dropping down to little more than a whisper, rage building itself up inside of me.

"We're treating you gently because we don't want to see you hurt." Yagyuu interjected.

"You're hurting me by not playing me." I growled.

"Niou, if something so much as touches you in the wrong way, you could get internal bleeding from it. You could die from something that would only leave a small bruise on us, if that." Yuki replied calmly.

I was anything but calm.

"That's still no reason for you to treat me like I'm not capable of hitting the damn ball!"

"If we can stand between you and a hospital visit, or even your death," Yuki seethed, "We will, no matter what the cost."

They just didn't understand any of the shit going on.

"I'm dying anyway!" I screamed, my frustration finally exploding out of me in one big burst.

All was silent for a few moments. The only one who didn't look confused out of his own damn mind was Renji and that was because he had been at the hospital the day I found out the news.

I instantly regretted what I just said, but I made no move to do damage control. If they wanted to not let me play right while I had cancer, I was just as curious to see if they kicked me off the team completely if they knew that I was dying.

"You have cancer, of course you're dying, but you're going to get better aren't you?" Akaya asked, sadness lacing his voice.

I froze at that, all of my anger melted away. I stared at Aka-chan and tried to comprehend what he had just said.

When my wits finally came back to me, the only thing I could think to say was, "No, Akaya. Not this time." I gulped, this really was a conversation that I didn't want to have, "This time I can't get better.

"But you have too. You're Niou-senpai." He pouted, not quite following what I was saying.

"Not even I can get out of this one, buddy. I'm sorry." I apologized even though I was the one dying, not him. Funny how I could handle the news fairly well (if nearly having a nervous breakdown and killing yourself right then and there, well), but my team stood in front of me with their legs shaking and tears gathering in the corners of their eyes, threatening to fall.

Renji was the first one to recover, well to be honest, the only one too.

"When's your next chemo appointment." He asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Public or private."

"Public."

"Do you mind if Amaya comes and visits you?" He asked quietly.

I jerked my head up in shock, "Amaya?"

"She's been begging me to see you ever since she found out exactly who you were. She wants to meet her white-haired-not-Mr.-Doctor again." Renji chuckled.

"Yeah, she really was adamant about that wasn't she?" I said, finding my voice and laughing along with him.

"Amaya kept arguing that white was a hair colour that only old people were allowed and that seeing as you swore to her that you weren't old, you had to have dyed it."

"Hmm." I hummed, pleased that she remembered me, when I had barely tried to make an impression.

"So, can she? She has her appointment tomorrow too, so she'll be there anyway."

"Absolutely." I smiled, "I'd love to have the support."

"Sorry to interrupt." Marui…well, interrupted, "but who is Amaya?"

I glanced sharply at Renji. This really wasn't my secret to tell, but if he gave me permission I would tell the team for him.

He shook his head ever so slightly. No.

"Sorry. I'm not allowed to say." I answered Marui, "I'm under explicit orders not to."

"Why?" Akaya asked.

"It's not my secret to tell." I replied.

"Then who's is it?" Jackal asked.

"Mine." Renji answered after a moment of awkward silence.

Every head turned towards him immediately. Apparently every single fucking one of them was too dense to figure out the correct implication behind those words.

"The hell?" Marui asked after a moment of even more confused silence.

"Amaya is my little sister." He said strongly and without the hesitation that I thought would be there for sure.

"You have a sister?" Yuki stretched, obviously surprised.

"Yes and she has brain cancer." He said sadly.

Everyone was shocked at that, but no more surprised as they looked when I told them my cancer was terminal a few minutes ago.

Anyway, back to the present.

Like I was sitting in the tree at school earlier, now I've migrated to the roof of my house, where I am avoiding my mother. As per usual, she's drunk of her ass, angry as fuck and too lazy to do anything about it except for bitch at me about my medical expenses.

Apparently she can't even manage to feel a little sorry for her son, even when he's going to die sometime in the near future. Hey, at least she's been off of the heroin for a couple months. If she was still shooting that up, I'd probably be back in the hospital right now (and I couldn't even blame the cancer) with several broken bones, lacerations and maybe even a few missing teeth.

At least her jackass of an abusive boyfriend (to my older sister and me just as much as he is to the old hag) wasn't hanging around on the couch.

Honestly, he's just about as thrilled as mom is that my medical bills are cutting into their drinking/drug funds. Because god knows that their dirty little habits are much more important than my life.

(Not that I'd argue that fact very much, but if I said that to the right people, I'd get slapped)

Ah, the joys of growing up in a broken household where love is a taboo and has never existed.

At least my little bro's dad has stuck around for the past couple of years providing money for him, me, and our sister to at least eat. If it wasn't for his oh-so-kind heart, we'd have all starved by now.

Not that I'm complaining, I'm very thankful for everything that he's given us.

I just wish it had all come from my mum and dad.

Is that really too much to have asked for?

Later losers,

Niou Masaharu

…

A/N: That actually turned out to be a better chapter than I thought it was going to be. I probably only wrote it this easily because my brain was fried from my chemistry homework though.

Damn, that stuff is better than drugs.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

With lots of love,

Tainted Fated Demise