Warnings: Language

~X~

So last time, I think we got through the mummy and daddy issues.

Now that that's out of the way, I think that we can move one. Mainly to my first cancer-related visit to the hospital, that's not a treatment appointment.

~X~

At this point, we're about four to five days after my very own tennis practice from hell.

And like all good stories that include pain and suffering, it all started in physics.

I was sitting at my desk, staring out the window. I wasn't slacking though because I had already finished all of the assignments through the next month and a half. Plus, the teacher has long since learned that you just don't question me when it comes to science and mathematics.

Yeah, people are still talking about the peanut, the microwave and the silly putty.

Ah, good memories.

Anyway, I was daydreaming, not really following anything that was going on, when I started to cough. It started out innocently enough. Then a minute or so later, I started coughing again a little harder.

Honestly, I only really noticed this was out of the ordinary when my teacher started giving me a death glare, probably for interrupting. I tried to silence my coughs, but they kept coming harder and harder. The teacher just began to ignore me for the moment.

Soon, I couldn't catch my breath in between coughing sessions. My head began to pound as the coughs reached their peak. They sounded raspy and painful and wet.

I began to get really dizzy and I barely registered the teacher crouching down next to me. When did he get there?

The last thing I saw before everything went black was red covering my hand and dripping on the floor.

~X~

I regained consciousness while I was being wheeled into the hospital.

"…Fifteen year old boy…"

The first thing I tried to figure out was what happened to physics.

"…Coughing up blood…"

Then, I tried to figure out just where the hell I was.

"…Unconscious upon paramedic's arrival…"

Unfortunately, pain decided to register with my brain at that moment.

"…Leukemia…"

Oh shit.

"…Losing him…"

Breathing got really hard all of a sudden.

"…Get me life support…"

I could hear my heart struggling along in my chest.

"…Don't give up…"

But I wanted too. Badly. The pain was becoming too much.

"…C'mon kid…You can survive this…"

Something in his voice made me want to stop the pain, but in a much different way.

"…Live…"

And so I fought.

~X~

I honestly didn't realize that I had blacked out again until I 'woke' up in a hospital bed.

I couldn't help but try to sit up. I mean, that's like the first thing anyone tries when they find themselves in the hospital. But I quickly fell back down when pain shot through my chest and head.

Damn, that hurt like a bitch.

"I wouldn't do that, Niou." Someone said from the doorway.

"Obviously, dipshit. You the doctor?" I asked suspiciously glaring at the man. He was about 6'5", 6'6". Shaggy brown hair down to just above his shoulders. Piercing brown eyes that gave off the impression that he knew everything. But even with that, his face was kind and open.

And a little bit handsome.

Not that I'm truly gay or anything.

Moving on.

"Yeah. You scared us all quite a bit." He said, throwing a cocky-ass smirk in my direction, "We were scared that you were really going to die."

Well, it certainly would have put me out of my misery.

Not that I told him that of course. Wouldn't want to risk my last few months in hell in an adolescent psych ward.

So I said, "Would it honestly have mattered?"

I nearly jumped at the intensity of emotion that suddenly shot onto his face. The only one I could identify though was anger.

"Of course it would have." He growled, "Your life is worth too much to throw away on a whim."

Like hell.

"Like hell it is." I growled right back.

"You shut up you ungrateful little dick." He said, getting all in my face to make sure that I heard him clearly, "Get some meaning, or let your cancer kill you. I could honestly not give a shit either way. The only thing that matters is what you want. Are you going to throw it all away for nothing?" Then, he turned sharply on his heel and stormed out of the room.

And all I could think was, well, that could've gone better.

But that wasn't it. Not really anyway.

His words hit me hard. Everything I've done since I figured out I had cancer was, what exactly? That's right, nothing.

I've sat about whining about every damn thing that's happened. I've never once thought about the people going through the same thing; whether they were better off or worse off than I was. I haven't tried to get back together with my old friends or even my not so good ones from Hyoutei or Seigaku (even though they really aren't friends at all).

That actually made me feel worse than when I found out that I had cancer. It felt like a strong punch to the gut.

And I hated it.

That bastard had no damn right to be so fucking accurate. So what if I want to waste the rest of my pitiful life. As long as I'm still breathing, it's still my choice. As long as I'm still struggling, I get to pick my own fights.

So why does it hurt so much?

I've always been a fighter. Since the beginning, when I used to get picked on by the bullies in elementary school, I fought back even knowing I probably wasn't going to win. I always tried to make everything right. Always.

And now, I've just resigned myself to dying of cancer. God, I'm not even trying to live!

When did I change?

When did life start to mean nothing?

When did everything start to go so horribly wrong?

Honestly, I just can't find the answers to anything anymore. Now I do know one thing, though.

I WANT to live. I don't want to die at all. I'm going to try to work through all of this shit. I'm going to start talking to my friends again. I'm going to go to nationals with my team. I'm going to win.

I'm going to fight.

Sincerely,

Niou Masaharu

~X~

A/N: I think I like this chapter a lot more than the others. Niou finally got his balls back it seems. Hope you all are just as excited to see where Niou goes from here, as I am.

Hope you liked.

Love,

Tainted Fated Demise