READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ

WARNING: Kind of depressing, well, really depressing. This one as per my changes and by request of one of my more constructing reviewers, Lissie Lupin, has some more diamond sided switches. It's going to be different because this is going to be from the other chapters because it's going to be from the rest of the Rikkai boy's perspectives. Actually, I think I'm going to give each of the Rikkai guy's chapters and see how that goes. Anyway, we'll see.

I'm really hoping that this turns out okay, so leave reviews or pm me about what you liked and didn't like. Thank you.

~X~

MARUI BUNTA

Well, this was Yukimura's idea. Niou is being forced to write in a journal to help him sort his feelings and to help him cope with his cancer.

Even though he's really not coping. And the journal really doesn't seem to be helping.

Honestly, I miss Niou and I know that he would make fun of me endlessly for it if he ever read this, but I do. He hasn't been himself lately. I mean, the day before he got into that stupid fight, he was still switching my shampoo with bleach (I ended up with white hair for a month) and teasing Sanada-fukubuchou to try to get him to flinch (and even sometimes succeeding).

Now he seems, god what's the word, subdued. He doesn't laugh, or joke, or tease, or bully Kirihara, or even pretend to bother with his classwork.

It's really starting to scare me.

What's even worse than that though is that he's starting to lose his skills. He's slowing down and not reaching balls when he should be able to and he doesn't seem to be able to pick up on the small things as easily anymore.

Who the hell am I kidding, this all fucking terrifies me. It reminds me that anything could happen at any time. To you or to anyone you care about.

Which brings me to talk about what happened today in first period.

We had a test today in our British Literature class. It wasn't the hardest test in the world, but it really wasn't easy either. It took me about fifty minutes to finish.

Niou finished in about ten minutes.

Our teacher was pissed to say the least. She was convinced that Niou had cheated and that he would have not gotten a hundred because he deliberately missed some answers to show that he wasn't cheating, a bunch of shit like that.

Kimura-san was even threatening to call the principal and get Niou suspended because she was tired of being constantly disrespected and not being taken seriously. She really didn't seem to understand that under Niou's jackass exterior, he's really smart and really not that bad.

Well, even I have to admit that there's a lot of jackass. But still, it's completely worth it to force your way down through it.

Anyway, the weird thing about this part of the incident was that Niou just sat there and took it. He didn't say a word, didn't roll his eyes, and didn't mouth profanity at the teacher when he wasn't looking. He looked for all the world like a little porcelain doll (not words that I would normally imagine using describing Niou, but really, he looks really pale and really sick from the chemo and combine that with white hair and well, you get a porcelain doll).

To tell the truth, Niou didn't even look like his mind was in the room when all of this was going on. Just, he had a really faraway look to his eyes and it was almost like one of those mini-seizures, the ones where the person just blanks out but doesn't start full on convulsing.

A few seconds later though, he seemed to snap back to reality with a jolt. Suddenly, he just shot up straight in his chair and looked terrified like he didn't know what was going on. It took me a minute to realized that this probably a symptom of his cancer.

No wonder he was so scared.

Scared the crap out of the teacher too though. She started freaking out as asking what the hell was going on and eventually the math teacher from next door came in to see what was going on and he practically dragged her out of the room and took her to the principal's office to get the entire situation sorted.

Niou seemed to sort everything out in his own head while the whole commotion was going on though, thankfully. He still looked out of it, but you could tell he was back in his own head.

Now I guess I should write down about the drastic change from this morning to this afternoon at tennis practice.

Well, he was spacy in class, but so incredibly focused in our practice match together.

He hadn't gotten to play a lot since the diagnosis, but even Yukimura had to admit that since we had prefec coming up, he needed some court time. So Yagyuu and Niou were paired up with me and Jackal for a match. From the start, you could tell he was trying to win, but not the tennis game.

He was trying to beat himself. Trying to fix every little thing that was going wrong with him. His whole profiling personality was being directed at his movements, his habits, his thoughts. He wasn't watching me or Jackal at all and that really scared me too.

Normally I could always count on him to make me feel slightly uncomfortable during a tennis game with his offhanded comments about my game. Now I could barely keep my eyes off of him muttering to himself about all of the little mistakes he's making.

I really didn't like the change in Niou. It was just too drastic. He had mentioned something about trying to actually fight the cancer instead of giving up like a coward, but it seems to be stealing all the life out of him instead of helping him fell slightly better about what's going on.

I feel like it's making him die a little faster. I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

But honestly I don't think that it is.

I'll just have to talk to Niou about it. Well, if I can get him to stop lying and give me a straight answer. Haha, I know right, but it's worth a shot.

He is a good friend after all.

And I have no idea how to end this entry thingy so I'll just say this.

Later,

Bunta

~X~

A/N: Jesus guys, sorry that took so long. I was on vacation up in New Jersey for fall break and I couldn't find a place that had wifi. I mean, even the hotels didn't have wifi. What the hell's up with that?

But yeah, just got back about two hours ago. I took a long shower and wrote this just for you guys. It's not much and it's not really good, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway.

Thanks!

Love,

Tainted Fated Demise