Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters.
Troll In the Dungeon
"I hate Hogwarts," Justin said.
Ernie, Hannah, Susan and Zacharias gaped at their curly-haired friend. Justin-- the boy who could be covered head to toe with glass shards, bleeding like mad, and still maintain an optimistic (if sometime deranged) smile on his face—had just said something harsh and negative.
To hear Justin make a negative comment was a rare occasion indeed.
"Why is that, Justin?" Susan asked. She was the first to come out of the shock of hearing Justin use the word "hate."
"Cuz now I can't go trick-or-treating!" Justin whined.
"Trick-or-whatting?" Zacharias asked.
"Ewww… that sounded dirty!" Hannah shrieked.
"Is this some weird thing Justin made up?" Ernie said. "Like Zacharias' 'author' theory?"
"I'm not making it up!" Zacharias yelled indignantly. "Someone is narrating our every move. I just know it… I know it! I KNOW IT!!!"
"Justin is referring to a muggle Halloween custom," Hermione Granger popped up out of nowhere.
"OMIGOD! It's Chipmunk Girl," screamed Hannah. She whipped out her Windex.
"NO HANNAH!" Ernie grabbed the Windex from Hannah's hands. He distinctly remembered how it felt to get Windex in his eyes.
"I have a name you know, and I am not a rodent!" Hermione grumbled.
"Could've fooled me with your teeth," Zacharias commented. "Aren't your parents like dentists? Couldn't they do something for that?"
"Trick-or-treating is a Halloween event where muggle children dress up in costumes and venture around there neighborhoods asking their neighbors for candy," Hermione explained.
"What kind of parent would let their child roam the neighborhood in the middle of the night," asked Ernie. "There are some sick people out there that probably live for opportunities like that."
"Then they go to strangers' houses and beg for candy that contains who-knows-what?" Zacharias gawked.
"Not to mention they're disguised in costumes, so if something were to happen to them, it would be nearly impossible to identify them!" Susan exclaimed.
"She's not a real chipmunk… she's not a real chipmunk…" Hannah muttered to herself.
Hermione Granger was surprised. She contemplated what the Hufflepuffs said. Now that she thought of it, their concerns did make a lot of sense. Who knew that Hufflepuffs could make mildly intelligent observations.
"I suppose your observations are mildly intelligent," Hermione said.
"Are you mocking us?" Zacharias asked in an angry tone.
"What?" said Hermione.
"Oh, so you think we didn't pick up on the sarcasm in that last remark?" Zacharias continued. "Nice. That's really nice, Granger. Let's make the Hufflepuffs the butt of our jokes. They won't even notice that we're laughing at them."
"Zacharias, no, I didn't mean to offend…"
"OH JUST QUIT PRETENDING TO BE NICE!" Zacharias roared. " 'Let's pick on the stupid little Hufflepuffs. They're not smart or talented.' No. Not like the almighty Gryffindors."
"Yeah, Gryffindor," Hannah added. "You know, we can't just have a nice peaceful Halloween without the chipmunk-face Gryffindors rubbing our status as Hufflepuffs in our nose, can we?"
"They're right!" Susan said. "You Gryffindors are all the same. 'Oh, we're so brave, and noble, and terrific.' That does not mean that we're unimportant!"
"No, you're getting the wrong idea," Hermione defended. "I'm not saying you're unimportant. You don't understand…"
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND," Justin chimed in. "I'm so sick of being stereotyped as DUMB just because I'm in Hufflepuff. Who was the one who figured out that wizards possess the ability to run through walls?"
Ernie, meanwhile, watched the argument erupt between his friends and Hermione Granger. He felt like he should say something.
And then, Ernie realized something. His friends all looked like idiots defending their house when Hermione hadn't really insulted them. But they were defending the Hufflepuff house with pride and passion.
And Ernie realized he wanted to be part of that.
"You know what Hermione?" Ernie said. "I don't care what Gryffindor thinks of Hufflepuff. I don't care what Slytherin or Ravenclaw thinks of us either.
"So what if Justin is dumb and has a severe case of undiagnosed ADHD?
"So what if Hannah compulsively sprays people and various non-threatening objects with Windex?
"So what if Susan has a weird fetish for crazy people?
"So what if Zacharias is overly sarcastic and negative, and basically acts like Harry Potter in his fifth year?
"SO WHAT IF I HAVE NO TALENT!
"I am proud to be a Hufflepuff. I'm proud to wear this ugly yellow and black tie. I'm proud to salute to a badger. Because I have friends within this house. Nothing anyone can do or say is going to change that.
"Not you sort-of, kind-of, not-really implying that we're not very smart.
"Not fighting with the Ravenclaws.
"Not even my parents strangling me with my large intestines.
"I AM PROUD TO BE A HUFFLEPUFF!"
"That's very moving and all Ernie," Hermione said. "But I wasn't trying to call you unintelligent."
"Shouldn't you be crying in a bathroom somewhere?!" Zacharias snapped.
Hermione stormed away from the Hufflepuff table.
"Wow Ernie," Susan said. "That was beautiful."
"Oh, Ernie!" squealed Hannah. "I knew you would someday learn to appreciate your inner Hufflepuff."
"Does this mean your not gonna be all whiny and needy from now on?" Zacharias asked hopefully.
"I guess so," Ernie said. "I suppose it takes the spirit of Halloween to make me realize how lucky I am. I have four awesome friends, and we live in a castle, and it's Halloween."
"That's good," Justin added. "Too bad your still not talented, and your parents still hate you, and they plan to rip out your intestines and strangle you with them…"
And as quickly as it began, Ernie's moment of cheerfulness disappeared, and he once again dissolved into tears.
The others, who were well accustomed to Ernie's emotional outbursts, decided to enjoy their feast. It was Halloween, and nothing could bring them down tonight…
HALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEEN
"Troll – in the dungeons – thought you ought to know."
Even after Professor Quirrel dropped to the floor, the students continued to calmly eat their Halloween feast.
"Guys, that's our cue," Susan said.
Zacharias sighed, "I don't know why everyone always expects the Hufflepuffs to be the first ones who panic when these things happen. Honestly, the Gryffindor's are much more melodramatic."
"Yeah, but that would compromise the 'brave and noble' thing they've got going on," Ernie said.
"What do we do?" Justin asked.
"Justin don't talk with your mouth full," Susan said.
"Just run and scream and stuff," Zacharias said. "Hannah, you're good at that. Would you do the honors?"
"I'd love to," Hannah said. She then erupted into hysterics; screaming, running, foaming at the mouth…
Soon, it caught on, and the entire Great Hall was in an uproar.
"Silence!" Dumbledore yelled. He then ordered the prefects to lead the first years to their dormitories.
"Hey guys, which ones are the Hufflepuff prefects?" Ernie asked.
"That's easy. Uhhh…" Zacharias soon realized that he also had no idea. "Cedric Diggory?"
"No, he's only three years older than us," Susan said. "Do we know of any other Hufflepuffs?"
"J. K. Rowling didn't bother writing about them," Zacharias said.
"You know Zacharias," Justin said. "I went to a psychiatrist once, and a little while after I started talking to him he had a nervous breakdown. So after the men in white suits carried him off, I looked through his crazy-peoples book and learned all the different ways you can go nuts—and I think you suffer from paranoid delusions…"
"WHERE DO WE GO?!?!" Hannah panicked.
"I know!" Justin cried.
"You know?" Susan asked.
"Yep!" Justin said. "Follow me."
"When in doubt," Zacharias said. "DO NOT FOLLOW JUSTIN! Guys, he'll probably lead us to the troll, or the Forbidden Forest, or the Sorting Hat…"
Hannah, Susan, and Ernie shuddered at the thought.
"We don't have any other place to go, Zacharias," Susan pointed out.
By now, all the other students had filed out of the Great Hall. Even the teachers had left, paying no attention to the first year Hufflepuffs sitting alone; scared and confused.
"What the hell are the prefects doing?" Zacharias demanded. "Shouldn't they have, like, collected us or something?"
"Stupid Dumbledore probably didn't even bother assigning Hufflepuff prefects!" Ernie said.
"It's J. K. Rowling who didn't assign Hufflepuff prefects. Or it's the other author writing about us who didn't bother to find out if there were prefects…" Zacharias went into a ramble about authors and fan fiction websites.
"Let's just follow Justin!!!" Hannah ordered.
"Fine…" grumbled Zacharias and Ernie.
TROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLLTROLL
"Follow the leader… Follow the leader… Follow the leader…" Justin sang.
"Shut up!" Zacharias said. "Have we been going around in circles?"
"Yes," Justin said.
"You said you knew where to go!" Hannah accused him.
Suddenly, Justin turned around.
"Are you following me?"
"What?!"
"You've been following me, haven't you," Justin said. "What kind of sickos are you? Seriously, who follows eleven year olds around? YOU STALKERS!"
"You told us to follow you!"
"Oh, sorry, short term memory loss," Justin said.
Suddenly, he stopped in front of a door.
"We're here!" Justin sang.
"What are you talking about?" Zacharias said. "I've never seen this door before. We're not supposed to be here."
"You're gonna get us eaten by the troll!" Hannah yelled.
Justin started to cry at his friends' lack of faith in him.
"Guys," Susan scolded. "Be nice to poor Justin. Give him a chance."
"Fine," Ernie said. "What's with this room, Justin.
"It's my secret hideout room," Justin said, perking up.
"Since when do you have a secret hideout room?" Hannah asked. "It's October; we haven't even been at Hogwarts for three months."
"I found it," Justin said. "Where do you guys think I go when I'm not with you?"
"When are you not with us?" Zacharias asked. "You're always there. Every time I look over my shoulder: 'there's Justin!' You're like some freaky parasite. When do you find the time to come here?"
"Where do you think I go at night?" Justin asked.
"To sleep?" said Ernie. "Like a normal person."
Justin laughed. "Ernie, you know I'm not normal—you're my friend; I'm surprised you don't know that about me already—anywho, I don't sleep."
"Ever?" Susan asked.
"Nope. Not ever," Justin confirmed.
"Huh," Ernie said. "That explains some things."
"Some things," Zacharias muttered.
"How do we get in?" Hannah asked.
Justin turned the door knob.
"That was simple," Susan said. "I was expecting it to be harder—it being a 'secret' hideout and everything."
"That's what makes it so genius," Justin said. "You expect it to be hard to get in, but it's not. It messes with people's heads."
"Okay," Ernie said. "So what's inside?"
They walked into the room. There were: five chairs, and a refrigerator.
"Nice hideout," Zacharias said.
"Thanks," Justin said, immune to the sarcasm.
The five sat in the chairs.
"What's in the refrigerator?" Hannah asked.
"MILKSHAKES!" Justin exclaimed.
"Yay!" the five chorused. It didn't matter that their was a killer troll loose in the building, there was no lock on their door, or that they had just had a gigantic feast—they were eleven year olds, and they had milkshakes. Life could not be better for the five Hufflepuffs.
"So…" Ernie said. "What do we do now?"
"Well," Susan said. "It is Halloween. We could do something Halloween-ish."
"Ghost stories!" Zacharias said. To him, there was nothing more comical than frightening his fellow Hufflepuffs.
"We're all alone in the middle of a one thousand year old castle," Hannah said thoughtfully. "There is a killer troll on the loose, who could come in and eat us at any moment. Hmmm… Ghost stories sound great!"
"MY TURN FIRST! MY TURN FIRST!" Justin yelled. "Okay. Knock. Knock."
"Who's there?" answered Hannah.
"Those are knock-knock jokes," Zacharias said. "Justin isn't doing it right. I'm going first!"
"No fair!" Justin cried. "It's my hideout!"
"Justin has a point," Susan said.
"Just let him go first Zacharias, and then you can have your turn," Ernie suggested, trying desperately to preserve the peace between his friends.
"Fine," Zacharias grumbled.
"Okay, so this girl was babysitting, and she got a phone call. She picked up the phone and a voice said 'Have you checked the children?'
"What's a phone?" Hannah asked.
"A thingy-ma-bob that when you pick it up, and put it near your ear, voices talk to you," Justin explained, feeling very important as the only one who understood muggle devices.
"And I thought Zacharias was crazy," Hannah whispered to Ernie.
"Hey! Enough with the calling me crazy!"
"Anyway the girl hung up the phone, cuz she thought it was some crazy pervert on the other end. Then the weirdo called again…"
"Justin! You wouldn't be copying this from a muggle movie, would you?" Susan asked suspiciously.
"How'd you know?" Justin asked sheepishly.
"My parents are nuts about those things," Susan explained.
"You're parents enjoy muggle entertainment!" Zacharias laughed. "Are they crazy?"
"Yes," Susan answered.
"Oh," Zacharias said. "Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Well, this is awkward," Hannah giggled nervously.
"Oh don't worry about it," Susan said. "I'm actually happy about it. Sane people aren't very interesting."
"That would explain your choice in friends," Zacharias said.
"Since Justin was plagiarizing, can I tell a story?" Hannah asked.
"Hey, I was gonna go next!" Zacharias whined.
"Oh, let her go Zacharias," Ernie said, knowing that Hannah would make a big deal about it if they did not comply with her wishes.
"Fine. I'll throw a dog a bone," muttered Zacharias.
"Did you just call me a dog?" Hannah asked.
"What was that about boners?" Ernie asked.
"Dogs and boners?" Justin said. "Zacharias, gosh, I know you're like two years older than us, but COME ON! Keep the conversation appropriate for eleven year olds."
"But I didn't say…" For once, Zacharias was at loss for words.
"Zacharias, please," Susan said. "I'm in to some freaky shit. But even I don't want to know what your sick mind has conjured up."
Zacharias sulked in his chair, faintly wondering if the author planned that whole outburst just to get him to shut up. Terrific… now he would have to listen to Hannah's story.
"Once upon the time there was a beautiful princess named Hannah. Hannah lived in a beautiful house, by a beautiful meadow, full of beautiful flowers, that overlooked a beautiful kingdom…"
"This isn't scary," Justin interrupted. "Although the scenery you described was gorgeous…"
"Shut up!" Hannah snapped. "No interrupting when I tell my story. I'm getting to the scary part."
"One day, Princess Hannah decided to take a stroll through the beautiful meadow, full of beautiful flowers, overlooking the beautiful kingdom. However, along her walk, she became lost, and found herself in a not-so-beautiful forest. All of a sudden, it popped out: a horrible, bloodthirtsty, gruesome creature; a chipmunk…"
"AHHH CHIPMUNK!" Hannah screamed. "Kill it, kill it, kill it!"
"Hannah," Ernie said. "It was just a story."
"That you were telling, you crazy person," Zacharias added.
"You know, Zacharias," Susan scolded. "I'm not comfortable with people using 'crazy' as a derogatory term."
"I say it with affection," Zacharias said venomously.
In Susan's mind, she registered the comment as meaning that Zacharias felt affectionately towards Hannah, causing her to feel instantly jealous.
"What? So now you like Hannah better than me Zacharias?" Susan demanded. "Is that it? I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"
"What?" Zacharias asked.
"What?"
"Did you just say…?"
"No!"
"Are you sure you didn't say…?"
"No!"
"Can we get back to the issue at hand?" Ernie pleaded. Hannah had proceeded to spray every inch of Justin's hideout with Windex.
Suddenly, the door to their hideout swung open. In the doorway stood, none other than, Professor Dumbledore.
The first-year Hufflepuffs stared at Dumbledore.
Dumbledore stared at the Hufflepuffs.
Dumbledore finally broke the silence, "So, ummm… they caught the troll."
"JUSTIN MADE US HIDE HERE!" Hannah shrieked.
"What?" Dumbledore said, dumbfounded.
"Punish Justin! Not me," Hannah said. So much for Hufflepuff loyalty.
"Hey, look," Dumbledore said awkwardly. "I was just looking for the bathroom. Besides, no one really bothers to discipline the Hufflepuffs…"
"Does that mean we're free to go?" Ernie asked.
"Sure…?" Dumbledore said.
The five ran out of the hideout.
"Oooh…!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Milkshakes!"
HALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEENHALLOWEEN
Thanks for reading my latest chapter of The Secret Lives of Hufflepuffs. This one was very fun to write. Thank you oh.so.sirius., chakka09, Cadence Black, and NickyFox13 for your reviews.
As I've said before, any reviews sent to me would be greatly appreciated. I could use any feedback (negative or positive) for my story. I'm hoping this chapter will bring me more reviews.
Thanks again for reading.
L.lulu