Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters.

Chapter Seven: Quidditch Lessons

"I can't wait for Quidditch lessons!" cried Justin. "I'm sure you all already know by now, but my running through walls trick still has a few kinks in it. But I have a theory, that if I can build up enough speed, I can run through all sorts of shit…"

No one joined him in his rejoicing.

Hannah had been convinced by her mother that once up in the air, she would be attacked by owls. Although her fear of owls did not even compare to her phobia of chipmunks, Hannah was still paranoid about the idea.

Susan simply had no interest in flying. Everyone played Quidditch. It was so ordinary; so predictable. The concept bored her.

Ernie just plain sucked at Quidditch. As it was, his friends had not problem when it came to pointing out his lack of talent. He was not overjoyed at the idea of letting his severe lack of coordination be displayed before the entire Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses.

Zacharias, however, did like Quidditch. It was flying lessons that he feared. The reason: a certain curly-haired Hufflepuff. Zacharias knew all too well that Justin Flynch-Fletchely was a danger to himself and the people around him on the ground. But give him the ability to fly… Zacharias was too afraid to even think of the damage he would inflict while in the air. He just knew that it would not be good.

"Hey, what's with the long faces, guys?" Justin asked. "Aren't you guys happy about Quidditch lessons?"

Justin received a chorus of groans in response to his question.

"The Gryffindors looked like they had fun…" Justin said. "Neville Longbottom was all like 'Whoosh… crash… OMIGOD I broke my freakin' wrist' and then Draco Malfoy was all like 'I'm gonna steal his rememberall…' and then Harry Potter was all 'Oh no he DIDN'T…"

"Yeah," Ernie spat bitterly. "And then the famous Harry Potter got made the youngest seeker in over a century. Why doesn't anything exciting like that ever happen to me."

Hannah patted his hand supportively. "It's because you're not good at anything, Ernie," she said gently, in what she most likely presumed to be a comforting statement.

"Ernie's right," Zacharias said. "The Gryffindors have Quidditch and something cool happens. But J. K. Rowling isn't going to bother to write anything interesting about us."

"I suppose we're just going to have to accept the fact that we're destined to lead boring, miserable lives…" Susan said.

"Listen to yourselves!" Justin said. "All I've been hearing from you lately are complaints. 'Oh, poor miserable me! I have to wear an ugly yellow and black tie' or 'Woe is me, I have no talent and I'm not cool.'

"Whatever happened to Hufflepuff pride?"

The group stared at Justin.

"That was unexpected…" Ernie commented.

"Justin is right, though," Susan said. "We have kinda been wallowing in self-pity a lot recently."

"Well, it does suck being a Hufflepuff," Zacharias pointed out. "Nothing cool ever happens to us…"

"Yeah, but whose fault is that?" Hannah asked. "Cool stuff doesn't fall out of the sky and hit us on the head like it does to the Gryffindors? So what!"

"What are you getting at," Ernie asked.

"We need to take initiative here," Hannah said. "Adventure doesn't come to us—so we have to seek it ourselves."

FLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYINGFLYING

The first year Hufflepuffs stood next to their brooms in a line while the Ravenclaws stood across from them.

Madame Hooch began the flying lesson.

"Now, I've decided that there will be no flying today for this first lesson," Madame Hooch said. "After the incident with Longbottom, and the other incident with Potter and Malfoy, I've come to the conclusion that first years lack the maturity and coordination necessary to handle a broomstick. So today, we will simply go over the directions and rules for flying."

Zacharias let out a yell of delight. Justin would not terrorize them on a broomstick for another week!

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Madame Hooch picked up her cell phone.

"I thought electronics weren't supposed to work at Hogwarts," Hannah said. "That's what chipmunk-girl is always yammering about."

"Class!" Madame Hooch said. "I have to go meet with the headmaster. Apparently, I'm facing a lawsuit for leaving first years unattended with broomsticks…"

Madame Hooch walked into the castle.

"But… but…" Justin said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanted to fly on the broomstick!"

"Sucks for you," Zacharias said.

"It really isn't fair of Madame Hooch," Hannah said. "She let the Gryffindors ride their broomsticks."

"Another example of favoritism at Hogwarts!" Ernie said.

"What difference does it make?" Susan asked. "Justin was the only one of us who even wanted to ride the broomsticks. The rest of us were dreading it."

"It's the principle of things!" Ernie said. "And it isn't just the broomsticks. We Hufflepuffs get cheated out of everything: we never win the House Cup, we never get to save the school, and we basically never get to do anything fun…"

"Well didn't we vow to take initiative in our lives?" Hannah said. "I think that now is our opportunity to do something adventurous."

SPONTANEOUSSPONTANEOUSSPONTANEOUSSPONTANEOUSSPONTANEOUS

"Tell me again," Zacharias said. "Why are we on the roof?"

"It's our pathetic attempt to do something spontaneous and daring," Susan said.

"Yeah, well…" Ernie said. "We're Hufflepuffs! How can anyone expect us to come up with something original or cool?"

"Are you sure the owls won't get me?" Hannah asked nervously.

"Yes Hannah," Ernie said. "For the thirteenth time… the owls are not going to attack you."

"Aren't the Ravenclaws going to tell on us?" Susan asked.

"I took care of that," Zacharias said smugly.

RAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWS

Terry Boot, Padma Patil, Anthony Goldstein, and Lisa Turpin sat gagged and tied up. Zacharias, not wanting them to be found and questioned by the teachers, had put them on the third floor.

RAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWSRAVENCLAWS

"Wheee!" Justin was whizzing through the air above the roof.

"He's going awfully fast," noted Susan. "Do you think we should stop him?"

"Nah," Zacharias said. He was surprised that Justin maneuvered the broomstick with a moderate amount of skill. "He's better up there in the air than on the roof with us."

"So we're on the roof," Ernie said. "What should we do now?"

"Ghost stories?" Hannah suggested.

"No!" Ernie, Zacharias and Susan chorused.

"I know," Justin popped up from behind Zacharias.

"What the hell?" Zacharias said. "You were just in the…"

"TRUTH OR DARE!" Justin shouted.

"Oooh!" Hannah said. "I love that game."

"Let's play!" Susan said.

"Uhhh… okay," Ernie said.

"No," Zacharias stated.

"Too bad Zacharias," Hannah said. "Four against one. We win. You have to play!"

"You women don't control me…" Zacharias said.

"Yes we do," Susan said. "Now play!"

"Justin," Hannah said. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Justin said.

"I dare you to jump off the roof," Zacharias muttered.

"NO! It's my turn to give him the dare," Hannah said. "Justin, I dare you to… kiss Zacharias!"

"NOOO!!!"

But it was too late. Justin lunged across the roof to where Zacharias was sitting. He planted a big, wet, slobbery kiss on Zacharias' forehead.

"I'm still young enough to repress this… I'm still young enough to repress this," Zacharias repeated. "Wait! The author messed up my age when she wrote this story. I'M SCREWED!"

"Oh quit being so dramatic Zacharias," Susan said. "It's not that bad."

"YES IT IS!" Zacharias screamed. "I just got kissed by Justin!"

"Why are men so homophobic?" Hannah asked Susan.

"I think…" Justin answered. "That Zacharias is secretly insecure about his sexuality."

"What sexuality?" Zacharias asked. "I'm eleven. Well, not technically—but I'm being referred to as an eleven year old by the author for the sake of convenience…"

"I think you're right, Justin," Susan said. "Zacharias, are you secretly gay?"

"What—NO!" Zacharias said. "Justin's the one who just kissed me. Why aren't you asking him that?"

"I don't have any problems kissing a person of the same sex as me because I'm not insecure about my sexual orientation," Justin said. "That's the same reason why I am able to enjoy interior decorating."

"Fine," Zacharias said. "But I'm still not gay…"

"We know, Zacharias," Susan said. "But you know that if you were gay, none of us would have a problem with it."

"I'm not."

"We're your friends; we're not here to judge…"

"I'm not gay."

"Okay, but if you were…"

"I'm not gay!"

"Susan quit harassing him," Ernie said. "How about you take a turning being the asker-person."

"Alright," Susan agreed. "Ernie… Truth or dare?"

"Ummm…" Ernie comtemplated. "Truth."

"Pansy," coughed Zacharias.

"What was that?" Ernie said.

"He said 'pansy,'" Justin said.

"Hey!" Ernie cried.

"What? Are you surprised?" Zacharias asked. "Seriously, who says 'truth'?"

"He's right you know, Ernie," Susan said.

"Yeah," Hannah added. "Here we are, trying to be all cool and adventurous, and you go with 'truth'."

"What's wrong with 'truth'," Ernie asked.

"It's the safe answer," Susan said. "The appropriate choice would be 'dare'. 'Daring' is a synonym for 'adventurous.'"

"Don't you see the logic behind me calling you a pansy," Zacharias said.

"It is a pretty pansy-ish answer," Justin said. "You actually expected to be in Gryffindor?"

"Fine!" Ernie said, Justin's comment about Gryffindor striking a chord. "I change my answer. 'Dare.'"

"That's cheating," Hannah said. "You can't change answers!"

"Hannah…" Susan said. "I think we should bend the rules just this once. Ernie needs us, his friends, to support him in his struggle to become less of a pansy."

"Thank you!" Ernie said.

"Alright," Susan said. "I dare you to… make out with Hannah."

"Make out with Hannah?" Ernie asked nervously.

"Yay!" Hannah squealed.

The four looked at her.

"I mean, uhhh…" Hannah said. "Damnit! I have to kiss a pansy."

"Nice save, Hannah," Ernie said. "But gosh Susan! I have to kiss her!"

"I thought you guys secretly liked each other…" Susan said.

"Why would you think That?!" Ernie and Hannah asked nervously.

"The Sorting Hat told me," Susan said.

"But I'm an eleven-year-old boy!" Ernie said. "And while I think Hannah is a nice person and all… she's a girl and she's icky!"

"Hey!"

"Nothing personal," Ernie added.

"Fine," Susan said. "…pansy."

Ernie groaned. "Fine, I'll do it."

He leaned across to Hannah. Slowly, their faces neared each other.

SMACK!

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

"Ernie, you idiot," Hannah said. "You broke my freaking nose!"

"You broke my nose!" Ernie argued.

"It's your fault for having a gigantic nose," Hannah said.

"You have a gigantic nose!"

"No, you do," Hannah said. "And you're a lousy kisser."

"Quit arguing like such an old married couple," Justin said. "Hannah and Ernie sittin' in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N…"

Hannah punched Justin in the eye.

HANNAHERNIEHANNAHERNIEHANNAHERNIEHANNAHERNIEHANNAHERNIE

"Zacharias," Justin said. "Truth or dare."

"Dare," Zacharias said. "And this better not involve kissing."

"I dare you to do the chicken dance," Justin said.

"The chicken dance?" Zacharias said. "That's all? It's a little bit random, but it's not really a dare."

"…While standing on a broomstick," Justin added.

Zacharias was certainly surprised by the actual daringness of the dare. However, to avoid looking like a chicken, he decided to do the chicken dance dare.

"Hit the music!"

A large boom box appeared playing the chicken dance music.

"What's with the boom box?" Zacharias asked. "Why don't you just use an iPOD? They're much more convenient."

"It's the nineties," Susan said. "They aren't invented yet."

"Chipmunk girl is crazy," Hannah said. "These electronics work fine at Hogwarts."

"Get on the freakin' broom and dance, Zacharias," Ernie said.

Zacharias stood on the broom, the da-da-dada-da-da-da of the chicken dance blaring.

He cupped his hands.

He waved arms like wings.

He shook his butt back and forth.

He clapped his hands and…

"AHHH!" Zacharias screamed, falling backwards off his broom. Unfortunately, his broom was hovering above the roof. Subsequently, he fell off the roof of the castle… which was, unfortunately, like seven stories high.

CHICKENDANCECHICKENDANCECHICKENDANCECHICKENDANCECHICKENDANCE

"Now how did he break his neck?" Madame Pomfrey questioned the Hufflepuffs.

"Uhhh…" Ernie said. "Unicorn… incident."

"And how did you and Miss Abbot manage to break your noses," Madame Pomfrey asked. "And what about Mr. Flynch-Fletchely's black eye?"

"…It was a really pissed off unicorn," Hannah said.

"And would any of you happen to know why the four Ravenclaw first years were found gagged and bound on the third floor, being attacked by a three headed dog?"

Ernie, Hannah, Susan and Justin looked at Zacharias. "No!" he said quickly.

Madame Pomfrey stared at the five Hufflepuffs. "Well, no one bothers to discipline the Hufflepuffs anyway," she said to herself.

AUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTEAUTHOR'SNOTE

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm not sure if this one came out as good as I hoped it would.

I'm concerned about the responses I received from my last chapter. Mainly the fact that… THERE WEREN'T ANY! Guys, I need reviews to know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.

Please tell me what you think of the chapter. I don't care if you write the meanest review in the world, telling me that I've written the stupidest story in the history of fanfiction. Also, right now I am looking for ideas to base a chapter on. If I use an idea you give me, I will create a small Hufflepuff character after you (yes this is bribery; I am desperate). Any reviews are appreciated.

L.lulu